Summary: The author is thrown into the thick of things.
Category: Self Insertion
Disclaimer: I own nothing but myself! And I!
Feedback: Only positive!
Crossovers: Ah! My Goddess, the real world, some tinges of Hellsing.
Pre-fic Comments:
I toned down the violence a shade from the Hellsing norm.
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The Paladin kicked the door in, storming through to the back room.
Xander... well, he was kinda in shock. I was cheering the good Father on.
"We are the ministers of God," Paladin Anderson said, producing two long blades that had been blessed, and dipped in holy water. "In flaming fire we take vengeance on them that know not God, and obey not the Catholic gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ; who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power - this honour have all his saints. Amen!"
Ethan Rayne looked up. He was in a black robe, with blood painted across his face. Lit candles were placed around the room, with a two faced statue in the center.
"Beautiful night tonight, no?," the Paladin asked. "Abomination."
"Who do you think you are?," Rayne asked. "This is beautiful, the embodiment of 'be careful what you ask for'."
"*Get him to turn the children back,*" I reminded the priest.
Father Anderson threw the two blades at Rayne, pinning him to the wall of the small room by his hands. He produced two more blades from under his coat, then moved over to the pagan.
"I want to enjoy this," Anderson said. "But I can't wait, because the childrens' souls suffer."
He blew out all the candles, turning on the electric light.
"Ma-maybe we can come to some arrangement?," Ethan asked, hoping to get out of this alive.
"The Vatican has no money to give to pagans and heretics," Father Anderson said.
He systematically began ripping down all the wall hangings, throwing them into the center of the room. Next was the plaster bust with two faces. He picked it up, and threw it hard onto the ground, shattering it.
And then Paladin Alexander Anderson disappeared, leaving only myself and Xander. Ethan Rayne found the blades that went through his hands and into the wall were now plastic.
Xander looked around. "That was /not/ fun."
"*I enjoyed it,*" I said. "*And we got some skills from it.*"
Xander made a face. "*I could have lived without having perfect recall of the scriptures, hundreds of hymns, and thousands of essays, Voice."
"*The knives, Xander,*" I said. "*You now know how to fight the darkness.*"
"I guess," Xander said. "Now, to tie up... hey! Where'd he go?"
Ethan Rayne had managed to make himself scarce, leaving only a pair of plastic blades impaled in the wall with blood dripping from them.
* * *
When we caught up with the others, we found that their evening, while exciting, had been very lacking in blood and terror. Father Anderson's intervention had occured soon enough that Buffy, Willow and the rest had reverted to themselves while still in the 'run screaming' phase.
We were all in the Library, having rounded up the kids and delivered them back to their parents.
"Ah, Xander, I believe it would be best if you were to explain about the Voice to the others," Giles said.
"Voice?," Willow asked.
"There's a voice in my head," Xander said. "He warned me to expect the worst tonight, and suggested my costume as this priest."
Buffy looked over Xander. "Doesn't look intimidating."
I took over the body, drawing the two plastic blades. I jumped up from the seat, standing side on to the Slayer, blades directed at her.
"Grace be with you all, amen," I said.
"Okay, it's got that creep factor," Willow said. "Especially with the fake blood on those big knives."
Xander took the body back. "That's real, Will. Paladin Alexander Anderson really doesn't like pagans, and hates people who hurt children even more. Ethan Rayne is now sadder, wiser, and a few pints of blood short."
Giles' head shot up. "Ethan Rayne? Ethan was behind this?"
"Yeah," Xander said, looking at the blade in his left hand. "The costumes changed into reality when he did his little spell."
"Is... is he still alive?," Willow asked.
"Yeah," Xander confirmed. "Father Anderson pinned him to the wall by his hands, and he escaped when the blades turned back to plastic."
"Gruesome," Buffy said. "Can we talk to the voice now?"
"My name is Alan," I complained as I took control. "Surely even you can remember that."
"Fine, Alan, whatever. How do we get you out of Xander?"
Giles opened a book he'd had ready. "I've got, um, a spell to shift him to another body, but we need a soulless body for it to work."
"And if you think I'm going vampire, you can think again," I said. "About tonight, I should have probably got you and Willow to dress up as Takagi Yumiko and Heinkel."
Giles thought out loud. "Father Anderson... Yumiko... Heinkel... this would be the Hellsing manga from Japan?"
I looked surprised. "You read manga?"
Giles readjusted his glasses' placement. "A friend in college read them. I merely looked for nothing better to do. Ah, I feel that Yumie and Heinkel would be a very bad idea, given the average American's religious affiliations, or lack thereof."
* * *
Post-Fic Comments:
Yumie and Heinkel are from the 'xtra' thingies in Hellsing. Manga only. Yumie rocks.