~~Warning/Disclaimers~~
I don't make money off this fic, sadly. It's one of my first Naruto fic-attempts, and it's going rather fast. It's also yaoi if you couldn't tell by the first chapter's warning, and yes, there will be explicit love. *cough*
Anyhoo. This chapter takes place about five years after Naruto ran away…and yes, Naruto's messed up. Sasuke's messed up. (everyone's messed up, hee) This is, hopefully, something you will enjoy!
**Content rated R for swearing, a smidge of violence, and portents of doom.
Have a nice day!!
Out from Inside
(ch. one)
A fire flashed sparks into the brittle air and illuminated brief flashes of gray-green grass, stone and earth. This high into the mountains there was little sound save the snap and crackling sticks of wood. Every so often the wind swished through the sparse trees and moaned over the pitted craggy stones, cold and unfeeling before falling back to a fitful brush of air.
"God, what I wouldn't give for some ramen," a low voice murmured just beyond the firelight.
A man seated just within the light rolled his eyes and scooted closer. He reached out and carefully turned the spitted rabbits roasting over the flames. "It's all we have, so stop complaining."
The other groaned. "But—ramen—"
"You're the one who wanted to leave that little village yesterday, Naruto."
"Your point?"
Jiraiya bounced a pebble off the forehead, and his voice dropped into a despairing whine. "So it's all your fault. I could be in a nice local village, surrounded by young beautiful women, where they could be—"
"Ugh," the young blond groaned dramatically, effectively cutting him off before he could fall into a monologue about the virtues of the other gender. "Shut up already, you dirty old pervert. Is the food done, yet? I'm hungry!"
"Just about. Sit up, brat, and pass me the sake."
Naruto promptly sat up, grinning, and fished out a small gray bottle. "So, what else are you gonna preach about?" he asked, taking a swig before capping it, and tossing it over the fire. Jiraiya caught it deftly in one hand, frowning at him, as Naruto continued, "I mean, hurry up cuz I wanna eat."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jiraiya said primly. But he popped the cap with a thumb and tossed back a healthy swallow.
"Oh, please. We've traveled for five years, pervert." Naruto grinned at him affably, brushing back a hand through his fire-tinted hair. After a moment he scooted his way near the fire and curled his legs under him. "I know you've got something up your sleeve—or whatever—because you're always drinking sake when you're trying to think!" he finished by shaking a finger in the older man's direction.
"Ah, is that so?" Jiraiya kept his face blandly neutral. "That's about right, over five years now…" he trailed off, and absently turned the spits. That makes Naruto nearly eighteen now…Then he sighed, and fixed the blond with a suddenly serious stare.
"We're going back," he stated simply.
Naruto froze in place, fixing him through the light of the fire with a wide-eyed gaze that was more afraid than angry, even though the tone was cold. "You better mean to the village back down the pass…"
"We're going back."
"No…No," the young man said after a second. "I'm not—not there—"
"You are. You have to, Naruto. It's time, and you have to…" he paused, sighing a second time. "Don't you think it's about time you made amends?"
Naruto clenched his fists and wrenched his gaze from the pity in the old man's eyes and stared into the fire. "I won't—you can't make me!" he spat, and thought, Not now…not after all this time…He ignored the trembling in his stomach and pushed away the pain.
The white-haired sennin set out his last tactic, hating to resort to such a cowardly measure. "No one has to know you've returned. You know that. Tsunade needs to check out your…infection, Naruto. You need to go back, and you know it."
The blond flinched, despair and fear rippling like shadows across his face. He fidgeted with the edges of his tan cloak, tracing buckles, and wrapped it securely. Go back. So what if it might be time to go back—he couldn't…
"I can't," Naruto whispered finally, shaking his head.
"You have to," Jiraiya repeated in soft steely tones. "I know how you feel and what you're thinking…but you have to go back. Here," he said and offered a spitted rabbit. "Eat it before it gets cold."
Naruto took it numbly, speaking bitterly. "I don't have to do anything…"
"Yes, you do. You have to do this, for the sake of others if not your own."
Because of me…because of those bastards in the Mountain Snow village…Naruto felt a sick sense of disgust and pushed it aside. Better to eat; he had to conserve strength. He nibbled at the tasteless meat and tried hard to ignore the dull burn in the back of his left eye, the tightness in his belly. "Damn you," he said softly. "I don't want to do this."
But a small tiny part of him suddenly fired into excitement, and he knew it was time. He was going home, and to his irritation that little part of him whispered I'm coming back…Sasuke…
~@~
A little less than a week later Naruto crouched in the shadows of the scrawny trees on the bluffs overlooking the hidden Konoha village, fighting with himself. His chakra was pushed deep down inside where even Jiraiya claimed he couldn't tell who he was without knowing it was Naruto. He waited, silently and tense and shaking, for the sennin to appear and watched the far-away village with a burning throat.
Nothing had changed.
I can't do this. I...I can't go back…
Naruto shifted on numb feet, and was quietly grateful that his poncho-like cloak kept out most of the wind. The straps and belts across the open sides and front were the only things that kept the fabric from being something resembling a weird blanket, as it rested over the shoulders and hid the torso from view; even concealed the shapes of possible weapons. Naruto was quietly glad he had decided to buy it.
It's so different from what I was like…nothing bright and bold and 'Look at me!' shit…I'm so different now…
I can't do this…the thought returned, echoed and bounced off his skull. He didn't want to go—he had left everything behind him, everything and everyone—
But he did, at the same time. It didn't even bother him that there would be people down there who had been happy he had left; he wanted…
I want to see Sakura and Iruka and Kakashi again…I want to see all of them…Tsunade-hag and…
…and Sasuke…
But I can't…I can't I can't—They don't want me here!
Jiraiya stepped into view, breaking him from his thoughts as the bushy white hair moved past his position. He spoke without looking around, without emphasis. "I'll meet you at Tsunade's private room. Top floor, just before her private chambers. Don't be late and if you don't want people to know…don't be seen."
Then he was gone.
"Hai," Naruto whispered to himself. Don't be seen. Great, thanks a lot, you sick old man. Then he sighed. He had known for a while now that Jiraiya's appearance in the village would be nothing unusual. He had known that Jiraiya made regular trips to the Konoha, that it was an effort to keep the people from suspecting a sennin of his rank harboring a demon-boy. He knew, with a pang of guilty amusement, that everyone thought that he, Naruto, was rumored to be high in the mountain country to the north, over the seas and past the shinobi clans.
Naruto knew that the people who searched for him believed that Jiraiya did the same thing, searching for his pupil—that no one suspected that he had gone to Jiraiya for some method of escape.
No one knows you're here, either.
Naruto let out a soft breath with his heart thumping, denied himself the anticipation, and vanished.
~@~
Tsunade, the fifth Hokage of the Konoha, sat serenely as a woman of her age should on a cushion. She relished the quiet little room just behind her 'official' office, the prelude to her private rooms. It was reserved for equally private conferences, and in the last five years, only three people had been within the walls. She was confidant that not even her enemies knew of the room, with concealed entrances and guards.
She sipped at the tea in a simple green-glazed cup. It was still quite early, but she was never more aware.
I wonder, she mused. If Jiraiya managed to convince that little shit to come home…
A knock on the paneled door caught her attention.
"Yes?"
A kneeling dark-haired Anbu with a simple white mask slid the door aside. He dipped his head respectfully. "Hokage-sama, there is someone who wishes audience."
She smiled faintly, and brushed at tendrils of hair. "Jiraiya's here already?" Such stiff behavior, she watched the Anbu nod. Even after two years… Tsunade sipped at her tea again. "I am expecting him. Allow him entrance, please."
The Anbu bowed again, the mask disappearing behind a flow of dark hair. Then the door shut, and she heard a muffled 'poof.'
A door—the 'public' door in the northern wall clicked, then slid open. A tall man in half-open robs and wild white hair, and an equally wild grin stood balanced on a pair of wooden geta. (1)
"Tsunade-chan!" the man called, sounding ecstatic to see her. "Oh, you look a vision of voluptuous beauty—a heavenly sight of womanhood—"
"Oh shut up, Jiraiya…" she said, and smiled.
~@~
Fuck, I'm late, the pervert will kill me! Naruto growled to himself as he crouched on the outcropping of a tiled roof, all but invisible. He paused to make sure the chakra was pushed deep inside; it didn't matter that it made roof-travel difficult without chakra to grip at the slick tiles, but at least no one had noticed him. He sighed, and flashed along the peak of a different building, as light as the breeze.
He didn't know, yet, how he was going to make it into the tower—he didn't dare just walk in because of the daily influx of crowds. And he couldn't just get to the top of the tower, either, since the last two tiers were heavily covered with trespassing jutsus and all kinds of guards. Anbu or sennin or jounin—he wasn't sure how many would be watching the tower.
So many are running around the village—Naruto watched the unexpected presence of three masked Anbu patrolling the streets, thanked whatever gods were watching that they hadn't noticed him, and slipped off again.
Five jumps and a scramble for purchase later, Naruto landed catlike on the third tier below the Hokage's chambers. He could sense (in a blurred way) that Jiraiya was inside. A nose in the breeze confirmed it, and gave him the knowledge that the hag was there too. Maybe they were even talking about him already—
And I can't get up there, too much against me without using chakra. Crap.
Naruto craned his neck, the brown cloak fluttering under the constraining belts, his face shielded by the low-brimmed hat that threatened to blow away.
I have to be up there, he thought. She'll help me and then I'm the hell out of here.
"Fuck," he muttered aloud, and worked his way east. At least the third tier was somewhat accessible, if one was careful, and if he could just get inside—
As long as there's no Hyuuga inside to see through my Ordinary jutsu.
Naruto pried open a window, silent as a shadow, and slipped inside.
~@~
"So what brings you here, Jiraiya?"
The man grinned lecherously, tipping a generous amount of the sake he carried into his tea. "Oh, the usual. How's the ruler-life going? Get any lately?"
Tsunade raised a brow, and debated pounding his head to the floor. Instead, she smiled sweetly—the smile that said "go ahead and say it—" and made most men shake.
Jiraiya grinned back. "Really, though, if you ever need anyone…" The sennin sipped at his tea delicately, and winked over the rim. "I could show you right now, if we're alo~one together…"
"As if I'd choose to be alone with you," the older woman remarked blandly. "You've got information, Jiraiya, and I haven't got the time to waste. Either tell me or go back to your little journey."
Jiraiya set his cup down with a loud snickt and frowned. "Man, such attitude. Well. There's been…a problem I need you look at. If I'm right…then we have a very bad situation on our hands."
~@~
He wasn't sure what made him glance into the hallway as he walked past. A glimmer in the corner of his eye, something…not quite right…
So the Anbu in charge of watching over the Hokage looked, and nothing seemed out of place—
Too normal, his instincts whispered, so he looked harder.
He watched the small groups of shinobi pass as they talked about what kind of mission they wanted, young and old alike, watched the lone shinobi female direct the different ranks into the respective mission rooms. He heard nothing but low voices and respectful tones, saw nothing but casual movements and a small brown figure walking calmly along the hall towards the stairs, and decided nothing was wrong.
Wait a minute—!!
Blinking disbelievingly, the Anbu focused on the figure, unable to tell if it was male or female. A simple brown cloak reached mid-shin, with slits for arms and the front clasped together by numerous belts. A low floppy hat kept the face from view. Intruder? the Anbu thought, and squinted through his mask. The edges of the figure were odd and blurry, as if his eyes didn't want to watch him. A jutsu? I don't sense any strong chakra from a jutsu in use…How can he just walk straight in?
No one else seemed to notice him, or if they did, there was no recognition…and no alarm.
Assassin! his instincts whispered—long tuned and somewhat wound tighter than normal.
Eyes fixated on the brown wavering cloak, Sasuke slipped down the hall and followed him. He ignored the sensation of something different, something finally happening in this boring, yet oh so important duty, and relished the opportunity to lash out.
~@~
Naruto bounded up the stairs, and felt a niggling prickle on the back of his neck. Dammit—don't tell me I'm being followed?! He swished down the hall of the second level—one level below the Hokage's chambers—and paused.
A nearly silent scrape, the sound of a finger lightly tracing wood…and Naruto cursed violently in his head. How?! Fuck, how the hell did they notice me? He drew in a cautious breath, slinking back behind the edge of a pillar—and—
No. Oh no way.
He sniffed again…and felt his stomach drop the thirty stories to the earth. Oh no way—how the hell—of all the people to run into!!
Try running from, idiot! a more sensible part of him snapped. If he's spotted you, you won't get anywhere near that old hag Tsunade.
Shit!
Naruto peered as carefully as he could in the direction of the sound, the stairs, and waited. Queasy anticipation, fear, even a breathless (and slightly squashed) sense of happiness choked up through his throat.
A masked Anbu stepped into view, head swiveling back and forth. The mask was a simple white oval, unpainted and unmarked except for the two slits for vision. The hair was a silky blue-black color nearly to the shoulder in length. White chest-plate and black body suit, wrappings for the arms and legs—
And an unmistakable scent.
Holy shit! a small voice yelped. He's Anbu! Of course he's Anbu—Sasuke—damn you!
The other male turned his head away a fraction. Naruto hoped that there was a blind spot because of the mask—and bolted. Up the stairs, gotta get up the stairs and into that damn room and—DAMMIT!
His reflexes were the only thing that saved him as Sasuke appeared before him. Twisting, Naruto ducked his head and skidded around him, ducking the outstretched hand and shooting off the wall as fast as he could.
"Hey!" Sasuke yelled behind him, voice lower than his memories credited.
Naruto smirked inspite of the jumpy nerves that screamed this was Sasuke and he was Anbu and Naruto was not even close to him now—he waved as he disappeared down the corner, and prayed to any gods within hearing that Sasuke wouldn't figure out who he was.
The chase was on.
~@~
He's fast, Sasuke thought, eyes narrow behind his bland mask. He had caught a flash of a grin on the hidden face, mocking and somewhat tense, and the jaunty wave—He had meant to ask the stranger his purpose, confidant in his skills of preventing any attempt on the Hokage—
And now that—whoever—was running down the halls almost faster than he could see.
Very fast. Sasuke sprinted off after him, surprised and somewhat–dare he say it—happy to have even a remote challenge like this. He dashed around the corner, dodged by reflex the three shuriken flung in his direction.
His aim is off, he noted when he easily out-maneuvered them. He flung a kunai in response, watched it quiver in the wall where the stranger had been a moment before, and leapt off after him as they rounded another corner.
The stranger doubled back without him knowing it, and as Sasuke veered, the other kicked at his head. He easily dodged it and traded back a punch of his own. They began to dance around each other, striking air and shadows and the brush of clothing. Never flesh, and strangely, Sasuke had the impression that the other…knew his fighting style.
He ducked and slammed a fist to the ground, pivoting and spinning out his feet. The other jumped like a grasshopper with his legs pulled tight. An arm disappeared beneath the brown cloak, grasping. Sasuke pushed up, sensing this, spinning in midair and blocking the small thumb-sized kunai from striking his vital areas.
So fast, Sasuke thought again, almost smiling behind his mask in appreciation.
The stranger snorted, unsurprised, and landed yards away in a fighting stance with legs apart and arms invisible beneath the fabric. Sasuke frowned, on guard from the way it hung from the shoulders; it was impossible to discern movement.
"You're good," Sasuke ventured cautiously. "Assassin? Or some kid on a dare?"
The stranger didn't speak, drawing his body down and balanced.
"What are you after, then?" Sasuke replied to the silence and settled down into a stance of his own. "Who are you? We should have a name to bury you with…"
Instead of answering, the stranger darted towards a door.
Cursing, Sasuke moved to head him off. This isn't right—no talking, no boasting—silent and fucking fast and heading for the stairs—
Damn this is irritating—
He blocked the entrance to the possible exit, darting his hands out in an attempt to grab hold of the material, felt it slip through his fingers. He didn't understand how the stranger could see him move with his eyes blocked by the brim of the oversized hat and swung a fist towards the face.
The stranger ducked under and spun away out of reach, moving fast enough to leave Sasuke's sight for a moment—
"Shit!" the dark-haired male cursed under his breath, hearing a door slam and a patter of steps. He at the stairs—dammit he's to fast!
~@~
That was too close, Naruto panted for breath, running full out without a care for whoever saw him. The only one able to stop him anyway was Sasuke, or maybe Kakashi because of the sharingan—Too close too close—I didn't expect this! He wasn't supposed to be Anbu! He—
…was kinda fun, he thought bitterly. Like…it used to be…but there's no way he knew it was me. He would have said something, right?
Well, it won't take him long to catch up, came the resolute thought. Get a move on.
~@~
"What kind of situation?" Tsunade said after a moment, staring hard and trying to decide if the man was serious or not.
"It's hard to explain. I was hoping he'd actually make it here this time, but I guess he chickened out," Jiraiya replied and rubbed a hand across his face.
"You mean…" Tsunade replied slowly. "He was going to come back?"
"We made it to the village…I told him to meet me here, so he could speak to you—" Jiraiya swallowed his disappointment with the rest of his tea and set the empty vessel on the low table. "Tsunade-chan," he began.
Running footsteps in the outer hall, and then a door collapsed as something blurred by speed came crashing through. It landed, rolling as Tsunade crouched on her feet on the defensive; she barely noticed the hilts of five kunai in her hand as it hit the wall and stopped, exposing feet and a single hand and a strange cape with buckles and a weird lumpy hat—
What the hell is that— she had time to think.
"Dammit!" the thing—person—hissed, and rolled to its feet.
"You're late!" Jiraiya thundered suddenly, pointing. "You inconsiderate little shit!"
"Not now I'm busy-yiipe!" the speaker yelped as a black blur slammed into him and knocked him back into the wall. She caught a flash of yellow hair, a grimace, before a fist came up and punched the attacker away while the other kept the hat over his face.
Her Anbu hit the opposite wall, cracking it and landed on his feet, whipping out a dozen shuriken.
"Hey, isn't that—?" Jiraiya mused.
"That's enough!" Tsunade yelled with the force of her years and experience, slamming her fist onto the table. "Uchiha—control yourself! I am expecting this one!"
Sasuke skidded to a stop, one hand clenched around the weapons. The other hand had thrown the rest into the wall as the newcomer in brown dashed out of the way. Then there was nothing but heavy breathing and the slight 'twing' of the shaking blades.
"Hokage-sama?" Uchiha began, low and controlled.
"Hmm…looks like he's grown a bit," Jiraiya laughed to himself. "Such strength, such grace…"
"You fuckin' bastard," the cloaked figure snarled, rounding on the white-haired sennin with unexpected fury. "Did you know? Did you know he was going to be here?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jiraiya responded, eyeing his cup as if it should have been full, and was verging on disappointment.
"Damn you!" the other shrieked. "I didn't need this!"
"Calm down," Jiraiya said.
"Fuck you!"
Tsunade sighed, and sat back down. "Both of you shut up!" she snapped and poured herself a cup of hot tea with angry jerking movements. "And sit down, dammit!" She glanced over the rim of her cup at Sasuke. He still stood where he had skidded to a stop, the slight movements of his head indicating he was looking back and forth. She could almost see his confusion through the mask.
And the cloaked one, Naruto, hadn't moved from his position. She gave an irritated glare in his direction, then kicked at Jiraiya under the table. "What were you saying, before?"
"Hmm?" Jiraiya looked up, discreetly tipping his sake bottle over the cup. "Oh, you'll see."
"Bastard," she muttered. "Uchiha, if you would, explain the actions that resulted in my broken door and damaged wall?" She crossed her arms and watched the Anbu turn in her direction and sat on folded legs. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Naruto flinch, and assumed that Uchiha wouldn't realize that it was Naruto—even she couldn't even sense the distinctive chakra Naruto usually radiated.
"I spotted him in the second tier and didn't recognize him, so I followed him. He entered the stairs and I stopped him to question—but he ran. I assumed he was an assassin, so I gave chase, and we ended up here. Forgive the intrusion, Hokage-sama, I had no idea you were expecting him," Uchiha's low monotone was remotely curious. "If I may ask a question?"
"Go ahead," she waved a hand.
"What's going on, Hokage-sama?" Uchiha bowed his head. "I assume you know that one and trust him, but—"
She watched how his fingers folded over themselves and tightened, saw the muscles clench in his shoulders. 'But can you trust him?' she could read in his posture. 'Can you be sure that this stranger isn't out to hurt you?' and the irritated 'Why was I not informed?'
"I trust him because I trust Jiraiya, even if he is a dirty-minded peeping pervert. And because I trust you, Sasuke, I'm going permit you to stay."
"What?!" the other boy yelped, strangled. "No way! No fucking way! This wasn't part of the deal, bitch!"
Tsunade smiled faintly and nodded to Uchiha. "Because you will have questions, no doubt, but keep them inside until my conference is finished."
"Hai."
She set her cup down quietly, and motioned for the cloaked boy to sit in front of her. "Come here and let me look at you."
"Not…" Naruto cleared his throat. "Not in front of him…"
"Don't be stupid," she waved his worry off. "He won't see anything."
Twitchy, the young man slipped over to sit across from her with a flourish of brown cloak. This close she could see white teeth fastened on the lower lip and the clenched jaw. She sighed, a stab of painful affection—motherly affection—twisting her insides.
Behind him, she noticed Uchiha's attention focus on the back, curious and alert and apprehensive. Stop worrying about his reaction and focus on the task at hand. "Lift," she said, reaching out over the small table and touching his chin. Naruto obediently raised his chin, slowly.
Whisker-scarred cheeks appeared from behind the fabric collar, the face small and cunning, fox-like with pointed chin and a wide generous mouth. The brim of the hat raised enough to reveal the eyes, a single sky-blue orb watching her with fury and hurt in its depths. The left was hidden behind strands of golden hair.
Naruto watched her silently, furiously, as she frowned and touched the skin just below the left eye.
"Why is this one covered?" she murmured.
"My infection," Naruto muttered bitterly, closing his eyes as she brushed back the hair. "It's spreading."
When he opened his eyes, she gasped, drawing back inspite of herself. She looked at him, heart pounding with fear and despair, looking at the sorrow in the sky-blue right eye…
…and the rage in the crimson left eye.
"Naruto," she whispered unthinking, "What have you done?"
The room went still, Jiraiya blinking over his cup and sipping. Naruto made a curious strangled sound, drawing back and tense…
"…dobe?" Uchiha whispered, the sound so soft and pained it could have shattered glass.
"Dammit," Naruto choked out. The window shattered almost before the afterimage disappeared, setting off five different alarms.
Tsunade sighed, dropped her hand to her lap, staring through the spot where Naruto was sitting. Uchiha had risen halfway to his feet, conflicting thoughts or feelings keeping him frozen, his face turned in the direction Naruto had so speedily exited.
"Go after him," she said after a moment. "I need to analyze this further."
The Anbu didn't hesitate before he vanished as well.
~TBC~
~a/n~ Things a little clearer now? Well…no love in this chapter…but the beginnings in the next!! You know I had envisioned Naruto as a totally different character, somewhat happy and bitter and all that—and here he is, half-broken and hurting and scarred…hmm…*grin*
Plus, Sasuke's an emotional amputee, which should mix well with his self-inflicted guilt spree and Naruto's self-digust…
Ah, well. Oh—geta are those weird platform sandals that Jiraiya wears. Hope you enjoyed! Comments, if you could!