00Snape
Sev the Nuovo Genitore
Lord Severus Snape was in a foul mood. It was the third day in December, and Albus had just finished putting all the bloody misteltoe up over the school. Two of his male Slytherin sixth years had been caught in the misteltoe and had been late for his NEWT level lesson, meaning he had had to stay in over break and supervise the ends of their potion brewing. On top of that, he had had the new first years before lunch for a double period and had to assign four detentions and three new cauldrons in the first twenty minutes.
He had just settled down with his Seventh Year Slytherin and Ravenclaws after a lunch of tuna salad and oatmeal (Hermione had been lying down apparantly asleep, and that was all he could find in the fridge…) who were brewing fame in small amounts. In fact, it was just an attraction potion, but it turned an interesting shade of orange and had been dubbed 'fame' after the Chudley Canons. Pretending to be surveying his class over the rim of a third year essay, he settled down into his leather chair and sighed.
This teaching lark was a bummer, there was no doubt. If it wasn't students under fifth year screaming in terror as he savayed down the hallways, it was his fifth year asking about the war, or his seventh years asking about his sexy wife. And if he could teach them the love potion he must have used.
He murmphed under his breath, threw down the essay and scrawled an A for Abyssmal across the top. Anyone would think these children didn't listen at all, especially this lot in front of his desk who were staring at the window.
"Get back to work!" he barked, but their eyes soon wondered away again. Sighing, he stood up to recommence his pacing when a large explosion went off in front of his desk, covering both himself and all the essays with violet gloop.
"Mr Ferdango!" he snapped, and the seventh year Slytherin smiled disarmingly at him. "What did you do!"
"I added the parselwrought three nano-seconds too early sir." He answered confidently, reminding Severus of Draco Malfoy when he had been that age.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGH!" Came an earsplitting yell from somewhere just outside the classroom and Severus jumped.
"Damn you, you stupid boy!" he snarled, "Clean this up, detention at –Sssssssh, baby-baby!" he cooed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGH!"
"Sssssh, and daddy will buy you a new racing broom!" said Severus desperately, almost running out of the classroom.
The newest Snape was almost eight months old today, and had the 'perfectly evil' combination, as his godfather, Harry Potter, put it, of being able to scream like Hermione and scowl like his father. No-one could tell whether the baby was actually evil or just sweet, but Severus Snape was determined he was just sweet.
He was the perfect combination of the two of them, with Severus' baby curls in ebony, and Hermione's stuck up nose. His eyes were a glittering obsian black and currently misted up with tears. He was also a mini-Houdini, and could escape from anywhere as easily as his father brewed a sleeping potion, and was particulary fond of appearing outside his father's classroom and screaming when an explosion happened.
"Dadth!" he lisped in joy when he saw his father bear down on him and scoop him up, although the tears had now merged with spit and were dripping down his chin.
"Augustus!" scolded Snape, but stopped as soon as his son screwed up his face and began to wail again. "Ssssh, daddy'll look after baby." He soothed, and Augustus stopped crying and hiccuped.
Waving his wand impatiently, Severus cleaned the baby up and towed him back to the classroom. There was the one advantage of having such a distinctive offspring, Augustus being at least eleven years younger than veryone else in the school, he was always returned to the potions classroom from wherever he turned up.
"Mr Ferdango, I thought I asked to clean up." Said Snape icily, placing the baby on the teaching platform where he shuffled around on his bottom quite happily, distracting all of the girls in the class and half the boys.
"Yes sir." Answered the curly haired boy, grinning.
"Well, why haven't you?"
"You ran off without telling me when to!"
"Now. And be quiet about it! Detention at eight with professor Macgonogall tonight. And no, I don't care if you have social arrangements, you disturbed my son and you will be punished accordingly."
Anthony Ferdango looked resonably dressed down and began to clear up the mess. Severus sighed when he noticed his class staring in fascination at the baby.
"Get back to work, all of you! Augustus isn't coated in attraction potion!"
"Actually sir," piped up a Ravnclaw timidly, "He's eating it."
"WHAT?" bellowed Severus, almost falling off his chair.
It was true, Augustus Snape, or Gus as his mother called him, was swallowing handfuls of the violet goo happily, waving it around as he did so. Severus almost had an apoleptic fit, and seized the baby and his wand.
"Repelus!" he shouted frantically, and all the goo flew out of the baby's mouth, along with his mid-day meal, landing all over his father. The baby gurgled happily, and waved his chubby hands around from his vantage point in the air.
"Obscuratus!" said Snape tiredly, and all the repelused goo vanished into thin air, along with his son's lunch. "Right Gus, Stay! Stay!"
He said this slowly while allowing the baby to continue shuffling around and beaming lopsidedly at the class of funny people his beloved dadth was playing with. Gus grinned happily when dadth put a springy mattress around the bottom of the platform and began marching around the room, pointing at bubbling things in big bowls and shouting.
Ronald Weasley, or Uncie Ron as he insisted Hermione call him so Gus would get used to it, would have said Gus was evil, through and through. He disrupted almost every teacher except Trelawny (who he couldn't get to) by shuffling along their corridor and then wailing when someone shouted. Having infiltrated the classroom, he would smile winningly, all would be alright, and he was allowed to stay.
He had life easy. His mother adored him as she should, and fed him and cleaned him and sang to him rather nicely. His father he already had wrapped around his plump fingers, and was duely carried around, played with and given so many new toys that his playroom was over flowing (it was his fifth playroom of course) and his mother sighed every time she saw a bag embroidered with 'Good Baby!'.
His uncie Ron threw him up and down, and was rebuked by his father every time he came to visit, and uncie Harry always managed to slip him a lollipop which he got tangled in his silkly baby hair. Ginny Weasley adored him and insisted on painting his toenails black much to the disgust of his father, but Gus liked the taste and wailed when it was removed. Every teacher in the school loved him to bits, and Albus Dumbeldore didn't even mind when he destroyed an expensive sneakscope or pulled Fawque's tail.
Severus Snape, in case you hadn't noticed, was whipped by this baby. It had been a March when his wife burst into his office, screaming his name and threatening to make him eat muslie in the morning unless he did something, right then.
"What's wrong?" he had screamed, terrified, and had been hauled out of the office by his ear. Luckily it had been the seventh years, he had got rid of them that August and so was spared the embarassment of seeing them drag each other around by the ear whenever he passed.
He had been hauled upto Albus' office and they hd flooed over to St. Mungos, delived the baby, and flooed out.
Yeah, in his dreams. In fact, what followed was fifty two hours of being threatened with castration, divorce papers, being beaten up by Harry and Ron, being beaten up by Draco and Blaise and finally being made to promise he would never demand any more children.
He left, sixty hours later, with a purple hand, two black eyes as she punched him desperately, a split lip, and a baby in hospital who he had fallen in love with, from the very firt moment of seeing it's mucus covered head. Oh, and without his wife, who was asleep. He had flooed Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley and Draco Malfoy, and soon the entire Weasley and Potter clan, the Malfoys and the Zabinis and all the teaching staff at Hogwarts had turned up.
He had then fainted, and been put in a bed next to his wife, who had torn up the newly arrived divorce papers but not the contract of no more children.
Three days later he was allowed out, only to find his wife and baby, who they had agreed to call Augustus (that was a lie. Severus had sneakily snatched the birth certificate and named the baby while his wife was still screaming and being stitched up – as if Hermione would agree to call him Augustus!)
"Severus, muffin, you haven't seen Gus have you?"
Torn out of his reminiscing he saw his pretty wife's head peering around the door.
"Hello Hermione." He greeted. "He's here." He motioned to his beloved son with a quill.
"Gus-Gus-Gus!" called Hermione, ignoring Severus once she had what she came from. Gus held out his arms to be picked up, and grinned delightedly.
"You didn't let him near the potions, did you muffin?" asked Hermione, once she had the baby in her arms and pulling on her hair.
"Of course not!" Snape said smoothly, warning his class into silence with a grimace.
"Good muffin." She kissed him on his forehead. "Would you like to stay with daddy, Gus-Gus?"
"Dadth!" Augustus let out a wail, and then, quite suddenly, fell asleep. He had inherited this trick from his father, who had fallen asleep instantly throughout his childhood, and Hermione was led to understood it was a Snape thing.
"Right, bed for you mister." Said Hermione, and then lent down to kiss Severus, whispering in his ear softly, "And bed for you too, mister…"
"Anything, Hermione, anything!" swore Severus, kissing her on the cheek. "Class dismissed!"
The class, sighing over the adorable Gus, left the classroom reluctantly to go to the library or their common rooms. Severus gathered Gus into his arms and kissed the baby.
"Dadth…" whispered Gus quietly, in his sleep, and Severus Snape felt his heart break again.
This was his baby, his adorbale, sweet, innocent child that he had never thought he would have, and never thought he would have with the beautiful witch by his side. After all, what had he done to deserve this child? Zilch. Well, maybe he had almost single handedly beaten the deatheaters, graduated hundreds of students through Hogwarts, fooled the entire world into thinking he had no heart and fucked the living daylights out of Hermione. But still, this baby was his, and he would always spoil his child.
Severus Snape knew he was whipped, and he knew he always would be, even if his son dated some horribly unsuitable girl (or boy), or ran away to sea, or demanded anything. But he was a Snape, and he deserved that. He was also a Granger, and Severus knew Hermione would stop him being spoilt.
"Dadth…"
00Snape smiled softly to himself, stroked the soft down of his baby's head and took his wife's hand in his own.
What more could a spy want?
Well, except a good shag…
Author's Note: Wooo-hoo! I know this is the last chapter, but review anyway pleeeeeease. I'm starting a new story called The Founder's Folly which is another Snape/Hermione one, and about five times as confusing as this one!
Urm, Please, please can someone tell me why this is so confusing? I don't understand, and I don't want to make your heads implode or anything, so do tell me.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that, and, havingfallen head over heels for Gus-Gus, may write some more…. Isn't he cute? Of course, that's only if you beg on bended knee!
Thankyou all so much for all your lovely reviews, and the continual nagging of my lovely Carabunni, which * encouraged * me to put thischapter up. I hate finishing stories!
Sleeping Dragons Die