Disclaimer: Evangelion doesn't belong to me
Note: Hmm, I have no clue with what to do. I am totally writing this on the fly. BTW, I have no idea why I took the creative license to make Kowaru good at martial arts, I just needed someone to fill that role and I doubted that Misato would beat him up ;)
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Part 11: Somebody to love
Two souls. Moments ago they were one but with a few words they have drifted further apart then they ever were. The disappointed and disheartened Shinji Ikari stares at his pillow, his eyes are fixated on it as his ears tune out all that is around him. Asuka Langley Sohryu stood despite some minor injuries to address her actions to he whom she loved. Her pleas and justifications, however, fell on deaf ears as Shinji had learned quite well how to tune her out. The one-sided conversation dragged on until one Misato Katsuragi had come to visit her injured charges.
"Hey, how're you feeling?"
"I'm fine Misato" she pronounced her name slowly, as she always had
"What about you Shinji?" her voice held worry at the 3rd child's silence
"I-I'm fine" his voice was choked as his eyes fought hard to hold back tears
"You both did well, it was because of you two that the Oni was destroyed" she had sat on the foot of Asuka's bed, her tone had reflected that of a commander more then that of a friend
"Of course, without me we couldn't have destroyed the Oni!" Asuka beamed with pride, deciding not to show her weakness to Misato
"Heh, that may very well be true Asuka. Anyway, I've spoken with your doctors and they both are willing to released you into my custody"
"Your custody? B-but I live with Ayanami" this was the first time Shinji turned his head, it had greatly surprised him
Misato placed her hand on the back of her head, nervously laughing "Well, ya see...Commander Ikari wasn't really, uh, informed of you and Rei living together and all, soooo he has ordered that you come back to live with Asuka and me"
Shinji lay there; a grin crept on his mouth as he recalled various times he had at that place. He would miss Ayanami but she wasn't exactly the best roommate "That's great Misato!"
'Eh? Maybe, perhaps...' Asuka put a sort of thoughtful look on her face as she digested the fact that he was okay with living with them
"Wonderful, well when you two are released we're all going to dinner"
"All? Who else is coming?" Asuka wanted the dinner to be the three of them so that she could continue talking with Shinji when Misato went to the washroom
"Rei, Kowaru, Toji, Hikari. Oh, and Kaji" she said her lover's name softly, hoping that Asuka wouldn't catch it
Asuka inhaled deeply, her face growing very excited at the mention of Kaji's name "Kaji's coming!"
"Yes..." their guardian seemed rather reluctant to confirm this information
***
Dinner had been nothing special. They all arrived there in due time and smiled smiles at one another. The others took turns congratulating Shinji on taking out two Evangelions and Asuka on managing to resist the Oni's commands. Afterwards Shinji had gone to Rei's place for the last time while it was his home, the two said nothing but Rei smiled at him. Upon his arrival back his stuff was dropped when Misato grasped him tightly in her arms. Asuka looked at him with hoping eyes but he only looked at her with kindness, nothing more.
Asuka had turned his old room into a storage closet of sorts. She offered to help him with it but Shinji declined, not wanting to see her right now. The boxes cleared, Shinji brought in the small container holding his life. His room was his again.
"This...this is home"
His two roommates had come back into his room to talk it would seem. Not many words were said, as it was clear that Misato appreciated his presence and that Asuka was glad they at least lived together again. Upon their exit into their own rooms for sleep Shinji sat on his bed.
His lip was held in place by his teeth as his hands were forced on his lap. Soon silent tears dropped from his face down onto his hands. His head found it's way to the pillow as his hands gripped it tightly. Tears stained everything as they flowed freely now.
***
A single train car is almost empty. Only 2 passengers reside in it; Misato Katsuragi and her charge, Shinji Ikari. The 2 sit across form one another, Shinji with his head in his hands and Misato ready to begin her usual intruding questions.
"What's wrong Shinji?"
"Y-you, your all...so, so mean to me"
"What do you mean?"
"Y-you hurt me all the time, playing with me like I'm just a toy. W-why can't you be nice to me?"
"But we are nice to you"
"N-no, your not, you j-just hide behind your kind smiles, toying around with me"
"We smile, because we love you"
"Liar!" his head jets up; his mouth is curled in a snarl as his tears flow from his eyes "None of you love me! Nobody loves me!"
Misato smiles at him before continuing "You are the one who is lying. You are lying to yourself. You are the one who loves, us" at her words Rei appears beside her and Asuka materializes in his face
"Yeah Shinji, you're the one who loves us. We know about your little fantasies, and you wonder why we're not nice to you?" Asuka stares him deep in the eyes, as his face of anger slowly recoils into one of calamity
"You're the worst of them all. Constantly playing around with my feelings"
"But Pilot Ikari, you're the one playing with her feelings" Rei had perked up, but her voice was still gentle neither defensive nor accusing
"No! No! You, you lead me on with your kind words and your coy smiles and you lured me in" he coils his back into somewhat of a defensive posture before continuing "before you took it away. You hurt me, you hurt me more then I could ever hurt you"
"But Shinji, it was you who ended it" Rei still sat, her posture remained unchanged
"Because I was afraid of her! I was afraid of what she would do to me!"
"You were afraid of being loved" the visage of the 17th angel appears at the end of the car, his complacent features were warm towards the boy
"B-but why would I be afraid of something like that? It doesn't make any sense"
"All your life you were alone. You never had anyone to hold onto, anyone to hold onto you. When you did finally have someone you were afraid, afraid of losing her, afraid of being vulnerable to someone. You got used to being alone, and you became overwhelmed with feelings of love. You were only using her attack as a medium to justify you ending it"
"B-but that doesn't make any sense, humans are meant to live alone. Not to depend on other people"
"That is only self-deception" the speaker was Rei, she had appeared beside Kowaru now "humans yearn to be with others. This is why you make friends, to be alone is unbearable and to be unloved is horrible"
"But love is nothing more then a false feeling. It can't possible last forever"
"The beauty of love is that it is between two people, who become infinitely happy. Love is nothing more then 2 variables; undeterminable, placed together to make something. If the variables are high enough then love can last forever" these words of wisdom originated from Kowaru
"That's wrong though, humans aren't meant to be with only one person their whole lives, it's impossible"
Again, Kowaru had the answer to this thought "You are only fooling yourself. When in love the needs of one are met to appease the needs of the other. Example; when you were in love with Asuka you would have done anything for her without question"
"B-but that was only because I was afraid of her"
Rei perked up from her perpetual silence now "No. This is because you wanted her to be happy, because this made you happy and happiness is an emotion you have had to little of in your life"
"But, I don't need to be happy, just so long as I exist"
"Again you are only deceiving yourself. Through Eva you have ensured your existence but through it you have surrounded yourself with others. Through this company you now fear being alone" Rei's gentle voice partly soothed Shinji but also caused him to rise up in anger
"But I am alone. You all just play with my feelings. You hide behind those coy smiles and kind words but your all just making fun of me!"
"You say this to yourself over and over again but in reality this is not true as you know"
"I-I love them all but...they cause me pain...it isn't their fault, it's mine..."
"And what is Misato to your heart?"
"She...is what I lost..."
"And Ayanami?"
"She...is what I never had..."
"And what of Asuka?"
"She is...my future"
Kowaru smiles his smile at Shinji, which warms up the boy's heart before he is left alone in that train.
***
"I didn't mean to hurt you Shinji..." the 2nd child hugs her pillow, her words are only audible to herself
***
His eyes open slowly, had he been crying? It would seem so; his pillow is soaked in his tears. Wiping away the remnants Shinji contemplates his dream, dechipering it's meaning.
"M-my future..."
He thinks only for a few moments before getting up. She was his future, someone who loved him and someone he loved back. To him, it no longer mattered what he did in her past. He neared her room, slowly sliding back the door. Asuka's head swerved around to see Shinji.
"..." As if on cue Shinji's voice went dry, and his head garbled
'C'mon dammit. This isn't the time to get scared' his mind cursed this pathetic speaker, as he fumbled around to make his mouth move in accordance with his mind
"I..."
"Yeah?" There was a hoping tone in her voice, but it was a small hope
"I..."
He fell silent once more, his words would not leave his mouth...She, however, would not speak instead desiring him to say whatever it was he was going to say.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Let's be friends Asuka"
"Alright" she smiled somewhat, not a mean hateful smile he usually got but a friendly smile
He walked off back to his room, his head swimming. 'In the end, I can't forgive her'
***
Note: Hmm, I think I made up a few words for this chapter...If that were in animated form the last few silences there would be like a minute long. Just like they did with Kowaru :)
Note: Hmm, I have no clue with what to do. I am totally writing this on the fly. BTW, I have no idea why I took the creative license to make Kowaru good at martial arts, I just needed someone to fill that role and I doubted that Misato would beat him up ;)
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Part 11: Somebody to love
Two souls. Moments ago they were one but with a few words they have drifted further apart then they ever were. The disappointed and disheartened Shinji Ikari stares at his pillow, his eyes are fixated on it as his ears tune out all that is around him. Asuka Langley Sohryu stood despite some minor injuries to address her actions to he whom she loved. Her pleas and justifications, however, fell on deaf ears as Shinji had learned quite well how to tune her out. The one-sided conversation dragged on until one Misato Katsuragi had come to visit her injured charges.
"Hey, how're you feeling?"
"I'm fine Misato" she pronounced her name slowly, as she always had
"What about you Shinji?" her voice held worry at the 3rd child's silence
"I-I'm fine" his voice was choked as his eyes fought hard to hold back tears
"You both did well, it was because of you two that the Oni was destroyed" she had sat on the foot of Asuka's bed, her tone had reflected that of a commander more then that of a friend
"Of course, without me we couldn't have destroyed the Oni!" Asuka beamed with pride, deciding not to show her weakness to Misato
"Heh, that may very well be true Asuka. Anyway, I've spoken with your doctors and they both are willing to released you into my custody"
"Your custody? B-but I live with Ayanami" this was the first time Shinji turned his head, it had greatly surprised him
Misato placed her hand on the back of her head, nervously laughing "Well, ya see...Commander Ikari wasn't really, uh, informed of you and Rei living together and all, soooo he has ordered that you come back to live with Asuka and me"
Shinji lay there; a grin crept on his mouth as he recalled various times he had at that place. He would miss Ayanami but she wasn't exactly the best roommate "That's great Misato!"
'Eh? Maybe, perhaps...' Asuka put a sort of thoughtful look on her face as she digested the fact that he was okay with living with them
"Wonderful, well when you two are released we're all going to dinner"
"All? Who else is coming?" Asuka wanted the dinner to be the three of them so that she could continue talking with Shinji when Misato went to the washroom
"Rei, Kowaru, Toji, Hikari. Oh, and Kaji" she said her lover's name softly, hoping that Asuka wouldn't catch it
Asuka inhaled deeply, her face growing very excited at the mention of Kaji's name "Kaji's coming!"
"Yes..." their guardian seemed rather reluctant to confirm this information
***
Dinner had been nothing special. They all arrived there in due time and smiled smiles at one another. The others took turns congratulating Shinji on taking out two Evangelions and Asuka on managing to resist the Oni's commands. Afterwards Shinji had gone to Rei's place for the last time while it was his home, the two said nothing but Rei smiled at him. Upon his arrival back his stuff was dropped when Misato grasped him tightly in her arms. Asuka looked at him with hoping eyes but he only looked at her with kindness, nothing more.
Asuka had turned his old room into a storage closet of sorts. She offered to help him with it but Shinji declined, not wanting to see her right now. The boxes cleared, Shinji brought in the small container holding his life. His room was his again.
"This...this is home"
His two roommates had come back into his room to talk it would seem. Not many words were said, as it was clear that Misato appreciated his presence and that Asuka was glad they at least lived together again. Upon their exit into their own rooms for sleep Shinji sat on his bed.
His lip was held in place by his teeth as his hands were forced on his lap. Soon silent tears dropped from his face down onto his hands. His head found it's way to the pillow as his hands gripped it tightly. Tears stained everything as they flowed freely now.
***
A single train car is almost empty. Only 2 passengers reside in it; Misato Katsuragi and her charge, Shinji Ikari. The 2 sit across form one another, Shinji with his head in his hands and Misato ready to begin her usual intruding questions.
"What's wrong Shinji?"
"Y-you, your all...so, so mean to me"
"What do you mean?"
"Y-you hurt me all the time, playing with me like I'm just a toy. W-why can't you be nice to me?"
"But we are nice to you"
"N-no, your not, you j-just hide behind your kind smiles, toying around with me"
"We smile, because we love you"
"Liar!" his head jets up; his mouth is curled in a snarl as his tears flow from his eyes "None of you love me! Nobody loves me!"
Misato smiles at him before continuing "You are the one who is lying. You are lying to yourself. You are the one who loves, us" at her words Rei appears beside her and Asuka materializes in his face
"Yeah Shinji, you're the one who loves us. We know about your little fantasies, and you wonder why we're not nice to you?" Asuka stares him deep in the eyes, as his face of anger slowly recoils into one of calamity
"You're the worst of them all. Constantly playing around with my feelings"
"But Pilot Ikari, you're the one playing with her feelings" Rei had perked up, but her voice was still gentle neither defensive nor accusing
"No! No! You, you lead me on with your kind words and your coy smiles and you lured me in" he coils his back into somewhat of a defensive posture before continuing "before you took it away. You hurt me, you hurt me more then I could ever hurt you"
"But Shinji, it was you who ended it" Rei still sat, her posture remained unchanged
"Because I was afraid of her! I was afraid of what she would do to me!"
"You were afraid of being loved" the visage of the 17th angel appears at the end of the car, his complacent features were warm towards the boy
"B-but why would I be afraid of something like that? It doesn't make any sense"
"All your life you were alone. You never had anyone to hold onto, anyone to hold onto you. When you did finally have someone you were afraid, afraid of losing her, afraid of being vulnerable to someone. You got used to being alone, and you became overwhelmed with feelings of love. You were only using her attack as a medium to justify you ending it"
"B-but that doesn't make any sense, humans are meant to live alone. Not to depend on other people"
"That is only self-deception" the speaker was Rei, she had appeared beside Kowaru now "humans yearn to be with others. This is why you make friends, to be alone is unbearable and to be unloved is horrible"
"But love is nothing more then a false feeling. It can't possible last forever"
"The beauty of love is that it is between two people, who become infinitely happy. Love is nothing more then 2 variables; undeterminable, placed together to make something. If the variables are high enough then love can last forever" these words of wisdom originated from Kowaru
"That's wrong though, humans aren't meant to be with only one person their whole lives, it's impossible"
Again, Kowaru had the answer to this thought "You are only fooling yourself. When in love the needs of one are met to appease the needs of the other. Example; when you were in love with Asuka you would have done anything for her without question"
"B-but that was only because I was afraid of her"
Rei perked up from her perpetual silence now "No. This is because you wanted her to be happy, because this made you happy and happiness is an emotion you have had to little of in your life"
"But, I don't need to be happy, just so long as I exist"
"Again you are only deceiving yourself. Through Eva you have ensured your existence but through it you have surrounded yourself with others. Through this company you now fear being alone" Rei's gentle voice partly soothed Shinji but also caused him to rise up in anger
"But I am alone. You all just play with my feelings. You hide behind those coy smiles and kind words but your all just making fun of me!"
"You say this to yourself over and over again but in reality this is not true as you know"
"I-I love them all but...they cause me pain...it isn't their fault, it's mine..."
"And what is Misato to your heart?"
"She...is what I lost..."
"And Ayanami?"
"She...is what I never had..."
"And what of Asuka?"
"She is...my future"
Kowaru smiles his smile at Shinji, which warms up the boy's heart before he is left alone in that train.
***
"I didn't mean to hurt you Shinji..." the 2nd child hugs her pillow, her words are only audible to herself
***
His eyes open slowly, had he been crying? It would seem so; his pillow is soaked in his tears. Wiping away the remnants Shinji contemplates his dream, dechipering it's meaning.
"M-my future..."
He thinks only for a few moments before getting up. She was his future, someone who loved him and someone he loved back. To him, it no longer mattered what he did in her past. He neared her room, slowly sliding back the door. Asuka's head swerved around to see Shinji.
"..." As if on cue Shinji's voice went dry, and his head garbled
'C'mon dammit. This isn't the time to get scared' his mind cursed this pathetic speaker, as he fumbled around to make his mouth move in accordance with his mind
"I..."
"Yeah?" There was a hoping tone in her voice, but it was a small hope
"I..."
He fell silent once more, his words would not leave his mouth...She, however, would not speak instead desiring him to say whatever it was he was going to say.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Let's be friends Asuka"
"Alright" she smiled somewhat, not a mean hateful smile he usually got but a friendly smile
He walked off back to his room, his head swimming. 'In the end, I can't forgive her'
***
Note: Hmm, I think I made up a few words for this chapter...If that were in animated form the last few silences there would be like a minute long. Just like they did with Kowaru :)