Title: All That I've Ever Known
Rating: Pg-13 for now
Feedback: hell yes! Either on the kitten or to laura_isaac@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: All characters in this story belong to Joss, I just play with them for a bit. The lyrics at the beginning are from "Addicted" by Enrique Iglasias (sp?)
Distribution: Anyone who wants it but let me know so my ego can be massaged!
Spoilers: S6 but not so much ep specific.
Summary: A letter from Willow - but will it help bring our girls back together?
Dedication: To Alice, you are my life - love always
"Maybe I'm addicted, I'm outta control,
But you're the drug that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar, but all I really know is,
You're the only reason I'm trying"
Willow lay on her stomach, her eyes screwed up, hands clutching the sheets until her knuckles turned white - trying to keep some kind of grip on reality. Withdrawal attack - one of the worse ones. Shakes rolled in waves over her frail but determined body as she tried to fight the darkness that threatened to consume her fully. Cold turkey - something she didn't think in a million months of Sundays she would ever have to experience. She was always 'Good ol' reliable Willow' - the one who was always good, down-to- earth, walking the straight and narrow. But all this had changed almost overnight and now here she was in the throes of another attack like a common junkie.
Then suddenly as it had begun it ended and Willow lay there, exhausted, drained both mentally and physically, and utterly alone. Tears began falling down her pale cheeks, slowly at first but then as great torrents as she brought her knees up to her chest and curled up into a ball. She couldn't take this anymore. She didn't know how much power she had left in her before she let everything that was inside her catch up and take over. Her only life-line lay in the letter she had managed to write in one of her moments of utter clarity, which were few and far between now days. The times when she felt herself again - when she felt completely invincible.
She didn't even know whether Tara had even gotten it. She had given it to Buffy, but who knew if she had even given it to her, despite Willow's pleading requests. The Scoobies, whilst not being openly hostile towards her, had their suspicions, mistrust and most of all fear - Willow could sense it - the way they acted when they were around her. Civil, that's what it was, they were being civil.
Willow had not left her room, their room, in almost 2 weeks. The magic withdrawals had gotten worse and had left her without the energy, nor motivation to move. She lay there thin, pale and withdrawn. The various Scoobies had brought up food methodically but most lay untouched on the floor and few words were exchanged between the once close-knit family. But she had to keep hope, the one thing she still had left to believe in. Hope that she could somehow win back the trust of her friends and her lover - ex lover - and all would be well again and she would finally know some peace once more.
Having gained some measure of composure back, Willow's thoughts turned to her again. Tara. The only thing that was keeping Willow treading the right side of the thin line between sanity and madness. Thousands of thoughts whizzed around the redheads brain but all centred around the blonde Wiccan who was her lover, best friend and soul mate. All the times they had kissed, made love or just existed in the same space, a part of each other, provided much needed comfort, if only for a short while. She knew that she had hurt Tara badly, that no matter how bad she felt that her lover was feeling 100 times worse. Writing that letter was a way of getting everything down into words, trying to make sense of everything and a prayer to anyone that would listen that they would be together again.
Without warning, Willow felt that all too familiar tension start to build in her stomach, the slight pain in her temples that signalled the beginnings of another attack. Bracing herself, she took several deep breaths and prepared for the inevitable to happen. Jolting forward violently, Willow was aware of something not quite right, something different to what usually happened, something more powerful was coming to the fore. It was as if she had been in the eye of the storm and everything before was nothing in comparison of what was coming next.
Searing pain tore itself through Willow's already weakened body; from head to toe and sweat began to break out on her forehead. Her mind was reeling from the attack as she desperately tried to keep consciousness, to keep her aware of her surroundings, to keep herself focused. Fighting like a woman possessed she took hold of the sheets once more, willing herself to stay awake. Voices screamed inside her head, to give in and let it take over, but the basic human instinct of survival kicked in, her own stubbornness kicked in, as determination etched her features. But at the back of her mind, she knew she was fighting a losing battle, she wasn't going to win this one. A huge groan escaped her lips and she opened her eyes slightly. Emerald green met sky blue...
"Tara" she managed to get out before unconsciousness came rushing towards her...
Rating: Pg-13 for now
Feedback: hell yes! Either on the kitten or to laura_isaac@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: All characters in this story belong to Joss, I just play with them for a bit. The lyrics at the beginning are from "Addicted" by Enrique Iglasias (sp?)
Distribution: Anyone who wants it but let me know so my ego can be massaged!
Spoilers: S6 but not so much ep specific.
Summary: A letter from Willow - but will it help bring our girls back together?
Dedication: To Alice, you are my life - love always
"Maybe I'm addicted, I'm outta control,
But you're the drug that keeps me from dying.
Maybe I'm a liar, but all I really know is,
You're the only reason I'm trying"
Willow lay on her stomach, her eyes screwed up, hands clutching the sheets until her knuckles turned white - trying to keep some kind of grip on reality. Withdrawal attack - one of the worse ones. Shakes rolled in waves over her frail but determined body as she tried to fight the darkness that threatened to consume her fully. Cold turkey - something she didn't think in a million months of Sundays she would ever have to experience. She was always 'Good ol' reliable Willow' - the one who was always good, down-to- earth, walking the straight and narrow. But all this had changed almost overnight and now here she was in the throes of another attack like a common junkie.
Then suddenly as it had begun it ended and Willow lay there, exhausted, drained both mentally and physically, and utterly alone. Tears began falling down her pale cheeks, slowly at first but then as great torrents as she brought her knees up to her chest and curled up into a ball. She couldn't take this anymore. She didn't know how much power she had left in her before she let everything that was inside her catch up and take over. Her only life-line lay in the letter she had managed to write in one of her moments of utter clarity, which were few and far between now days. The times when she felt herself again - when she felt completely invincible.
She didn't even know whether Tara had even gotten it. She had given it to Buffy, but who knew if she had even given it to her, despite Willow's pleading requests. The Scoobies, whilst not being openly hostile towards her, had their suspicions, mistrust and most of all fear - Willow could sense it - the way they acted when they were around her. Civil, that's what it was, they were being civil.
Willow had not left her room, their room, in almost 2 weeks. The magic withdrawals had gotten worse and had left her without the energy, nor motivation to move. She lay there thin, pale and withdrawn. The various Scoobies had brought up food methodically but most lay untouched on the floor and few words were exchanged between the once close-knit family. But she had to keep hope, the one thing she still had left to believe in. Hope that she could somehow win back the trust of her friends and her lover - ex lover - and all would be well again and she would finally know some peace once more.
Having gained some measure of composure back, Willow's thoughts turned to her again. Tara. The only thing that was keeping Willow treading the right side of the thin line between sanity and madness. Thousands of thoughts whizzed around the redheads brain but all centred around the blonde Wiccan who was her lover, best friend and soul mate. All the times they had kissed, made love or just existed in the same space, a part of each other, provided much needed comfort, if only for a short while. She knew that she had hurt Tara badly, that no matter how bad she felt that her lover was feeling 100 times worse. Writing that letter was a way of getting everything down into words, trying to make sense of everything and a prayer to anyone that would listen that they would be together again.
Without warning, Willow felt that all too familiar tension start to build in her stomach, the slight pain in her temples that signalled the beginnings of another attack. Bracing herself, she took several deep breaths and prepared for the inevitable to happen. Jolting forward violently, Willow was aware of something not quite right, something different to what usually happened, something more powerful was coming to the fore. It was as if she had been in the eye of the storm and everything before was nothing in comparison of what was coming next.
Searing pain tore itself through Willow's already weakened body; from head to toe and sweat began to break out on her forehead. Her mind was reeling from the attack as she desperately tried to keep consciousness, to keep her aware of her surroundings, to keep herself focused. Fighting like a woman possessed she took hold of the sheets once more, willing herself to stay awake. Voices screamed inside her head, to give in and let it take over, but the basic human instinct of survival kicked in, her own stubbornness kicked in, as determination etched her features. But at the back of her mind, she knew she was fighting a losing battle, she wasn't going to win this one. A huge groan escaped her lips and she opened her eyes slightly. Emerald green met sky blue...
"Tara" she managed to get out before unconsciousness came rushing towards her...