A/N: Next chapter is up! Yeah... that's about it really. Read on.
Chapter 5: Back to the Order
I hear the thunder in the distance
See a vision of a cross
I feel the pain that was given
On that sad day of loss
-Creed
Deciding after the attack that he had better get a better idea what occurred in the world at the moment, Harry thought he should probably sit in on one of the Order of the Phoenix meetings. That is, he should probably secretly eavesdrop. He had thought Bellatrix Lestrange long dead.
Finding his way to number twelve Grimwald place proved easier than expected. He had always had to get around the barriers in his time, but he found he could simply walk up to it and walk in. He had been invited in, after all, with Dumbledore as secret keeper. In his reality, when Dumbledore died, no one had bothered to invite him back.
The completely deserted house disappointed him. He actually felt the smallest of empty holes inside at the sight of this. He had half hoped that in this time, his godfather had not yet died.
Harry wasn't put off though. He knew for a fact that that Order of the Phoenix still used the house for meetings. He vaguely remembered his outrage at the idea of holding the meetings in Sirius's old house. He had felt it had dishonored his memory. But that didn't matter now. Nothing like that mattered now.
He stood completely still in the corner, hidden in shadows under a disillusionment charm. He lost track of time, waiting there without moving. He only knew that, by the time someone finally entered, it did not hold the record for the very longest he had ever waited.
Molly Weasley entered the room in her usual manner, with a smile on her face and a plate of snacks in one hand. Harry felt a small twang inside him again. He frowned. He hadn't felt anything like that for so many years that it seemed to be even more uncomfortable than he remembered. He hadn't expected to be effected like this.
He pushed his feelings away as usual. He frowned more than before. He did not fully appreciate the thing happening at all.
"Good evening," said a quiet voice. Remus Lupin entered the room. Harry glared, willing that uncomfortable feeling to come back. He received small satisfaction in the fact that he had effectively pushed it away.
"Good evening, Remus," Molly said. "Would you like something to eat? I've made plenty."
"Yes, please," Remus said, seating himself at the table. "Has anyone else arrived as of yet?"
"Only you," Molly said pleasantly. "Arthur went to Hogsmeade today to watch over everything. This weekend the group went to Hogsmeade, you know."
"Yes," Remus said. He smiled a little. "Harry wouldn't be too pleased to know we're still following him."
Harry smirked. He hadn't been.
"I don't see why not," Molly said, frowning. "It's for his own good."
"He knows that as well as you do, Molly," Remus said. "He just isn't used to people looking after him. He can take perfectly good care of himself in normal conditions. He just doesn't know what he's up against yet."
Harry frowned. No, he had had no idea what he was up against.
The door opened. Snape walked in. He didn't look happy. "Is Dumbledore here yet?" he snapped.
"No," Remus said amiably. "He isn't. Would you like something to eat? Molly has prepared-"
"No," Snape said flatly. "I have something important to say. I need Dumbledore here. He had better not be late. He always is. I can't believe him. You would think he would learn what time the meeting start."
"Wow," said a gruff voice from the doorway. "You just sucked the fun out of the room." Tonks had arrived.
"If you had important information every once in a while, then perhaps you too would appreciate promptness," Snape said silkily. Tonks frowned but said nothing.
People slowly started to arrive. Harry never made any move from where he stood concealed in the corner. The room had very nearly filled by the time Dumbledore arrived. Snape made a move to speak but Dumbledore held up a hand. "In a moment, Severus. At least let me sit down."
Snape frowned but returned to his chair. When every last chair was full, Dumbledore called order. "I see we're all here. Let us begin with Severus. He seems to have something on his mind."
Snape stood up. "An attack at Diagon Alley."
"Death Eaters?" Mad-Eye Moody asked.
"The attack involved them, certainly," Snape said. "But it would seem that they got the short end of the stick this time."
"Indeed?" Dumbledore asked, but he didn't look surprised.
"I would hope that everyone in the room knows what the Nundu is," Snape said. When no one said otherwise, he continued. "One, Bellatrix Lestrange, had been knocked unconscious previously. They described her condition as, 'It appears that she stuck her finger in a Muggle electrical socket'. The other three, however, achieved an unconscious state by 'a kind of, as yet, unidentified poisonous gas that not only knocked them out, but infected them with a fast acting disease that they were quickly being eating alive from the inside'."
"And you suspect the Nundu did it?" Tonks asked. "But they're native to East Africa."
"The symptoms are the same," Snape said coldly. "And considering the fact that one person did not have the disease, but undoubtedly belonged to the group attacked, I believe a wizard controlled the creature."
"It would require powerful spells for something like that," Remus said skeptically.
"They're very dangerous," Snape said. "But there have been reports of the African people taming them. It might not have been a spell at all."
"It sounds like they're on our side," Arthur Weasley said. "I mean to say, better to have them on our side then against us."
"This is an unknown person or persons," Snape said. "We don't know who it is. The person could possibly be picking randomly. We can't assume anything."
They continued to argue, but Harry watched Dumbledore. He hadn't said a word as of yet. He looked deep in thought. When the arguing finally died down, all heads turned to Dumbledore to see what he thought.
No wonder they quickly became lost without him, Harry found himself thinking. Look at them. Pathetic.
"We can't assume anything yet," Dumbledore said at last. "This person may have been attacked and the Death Eaters' conditions due to self-defense only. Severus, has Voldemort been up to anything lately?"
"He has been," Severus said. "But he's really not talking about it. I think he suspects there might be a spy among his troops."
"What are your thoughts?" Moody asked.
"There is too little information to make any reasonable assumptions yet," Dumbledore said simply. Harry's eyes narrowed. Dumbledore hid something that he didn't want to share with the others. "Tell me if you hear anything else. Is there any other order of business?"
The meeting continued. "Harry's weekend proved uneventful," Arthur said.
"Ah, yes," Snape said silkily. "How is our favorite little boy?"
Molly frowned but said nothing. Arthur continued as if he had never been interrupted. "Nothing of interest happened. He went to the Shrieking Shack, The Three Broomsticks, and Zonko's."
"Perfect," Snape said acidly. "He probably picked up a few more fireworks to throw into random cauldrons during class."
"That's enough, Severus," Dumbledore said quietly. "Excellent. Now, how are things at the Ministry?"
Harry only vaguely heard the response. He concentrated hard to remember that weekend. He remembered almost everything that happened during the year before his fight with Voldemort and he didn't really remember a Hogsmeade weekend in which nothing occurred.
Figuring its importance minimal, he turned his attention back to the meeting. Assignments had been distributed. Snape groaned when he heard his.
"Who wrote the assignments this week?" he snapped. "Why would anyone possibly put me on babysitting?"
"I thought perhaps you needed to spend a little more time with 'our favorite little boy'," Dumbledore said, his beard twitching.
"Oh, but Dumbledore!" Snape said. "What could I possibly do? You know I can't be in the same room as him! Look what happened last time you did this to me! Occlemency didn't exactly turn out to be his favorite class."
"The assignments are made," Dumbledore said firmly. "This meeting is adjourned."
As everyone got up to leave, Harry found himself even more confused. Snape had never been assigned to him. He could understand not remembering an uneventful Hogsmeade trip, but he knew that he would remember a week with Snape.
Dumbledore didn't move from his seat as the others left the room. Snape glared at him before exiting, but Dumbledore didn't seem to notice. When the last person left, Dumbledore got up and walked over to the door. Pulling out his wand and waving it once, the door locked and a spell covered the room, making anyone on the outside unable to hear what happened within.
"I know you're there," Dumbledore said calmly when he had resumed his seat. "No one can come in. I suggest you come out."
Harry lifted the charms he had placed over himself. "How did you know?" he asked, though he thought he knew the answer.
"You can make yourself invisible, Harry," Dumbledore said calmly, "But by doing so you leave an obvious trace of magic in the air that can easily be tracked if one looks for it."
"Indeed," Harry said simply.
"I suppose you caught the Death Eaters in Diagon Alley today," Dumbledore said conversationally.
"They bothered me. I attacked in self defense. They seem more feeble than I remember."
"Perhaps you are simply more powerful," Dumbledore said.
"Don't play your mind tricks with me, Dumbledore," Harry said shortly. "I already know I'm more powerful. Contrary to the Harry you know, I don't need to be told everything before I know it to be true."
"Then why haven't you figured it out yet?" Dumbledore asked, his face expressionless.
"Figured what out?" Harry asked.
"That you being here is not an accident. You have the ability to change the past if you wish to do so."
"What would I change?" Harry asked shortly. "When the final battle comes, it will not be I who stands there. It will be the Harry you know. And without the events that occur here, he would not have the ability to do what he did."
"Is that so?" Dumbledore asked, searching his robes for something. "Then perhaps you have once again underestimated yourself."
"I don't need this from you," Harry said shortly. "I have my own life now, and I'm going to get back."
"Back to what?" Dumbledore said, pausing in his search to look at Harry with those piercing blue eyes. "From what I can tell, you have nothing left."
"I have everything I need!" Harry said coldly. "And that's more than I ever had here!"
"Ah, you know that to be untrue," Dumbledore said. "Ah!" He pulled something from his robes and popped it into his mouth. He held another one out to Harry who frowned. "Sherbet Lemon?"
"No," Harry said coldly. "And what are you talking about? I have nothing here. Everything I thought I had will be gone within the month; at the end of this year, I'm going to be left on the ground, forgotten, for three days, drifting in and out of consciousness until I am found by Muggles. Don't say I have everything I need."
A flicker of emotion flashed over Dumbledore's face when he heard this. Harry scowled but did not look away. "I'm not asking for your pity. I've gotten over it. That should be good enough for you."
"I might have been," Dumbledore said softly. "Had I not known this to be a lie."
"You know nothing," Harry said shortly. "You don't have any idea about what is to come."
"I know that is has forced you to push away your very humanity," Dumbledore said quietly, surveying Harry over his half moon spectacles. "I can therefore assume that you lost everything you held dear to you. This is war, Harry, but even in war, such a thing should not happen."
"But it did. It will happen. It has happened; it's too late to stop it. Everyone 'that I hold dear' is dead. I killed them." He hadn't meant to say the last line. It had sort of slipped out. Dumbledore seemed to realize this.
"You did not kill them," Dumbledore said fiercely. "Voldemort did."
"And I suppose that by holding my wand to their heart and yelling, 'Avada Kedavra', it doesn't mean I killed them," Harry said coldly. "You don't have any idea what you're talking about."
"But I know you," Dumbledore said. He hadn't even flinched at Harry's last line. "And I know that you would never do such a thing."
"You don't know me. You never will."
"But I do know the you that belongs in this time, and it's that Harry; that less capable Harry, if you please, that must suffer through it all. I know him. I know that he always follows his heart."
"And just look at all the people I've killed already," Harry said with a smirk that took some effort to place on his face. "I suppose Cedric is dead. Sirius is too. The Weasley family should come next. I'm surprised they haven't already. Oh, and let me guess, Hermione's parents died this summer in an attack. I saw the whole thing."
"You're simply telling me your past," Dumbledore said, but Harry could tell he had mentally stored the information about the Weasleys. "It is your future for which I am concerned."
"Don't be," Harry said. "It's not as if you have any say in it."
"I will never turn my back on you, Harry," Dumbledore said. "You know that."
"Yeah?" Harry asked. His temper that had no outlet in so long was getting the better of him. He was shouting now. "Your death forced me to fight Voldemort in the first place!"
Silence filled the room.
"I thought that might be the case," Dumbledore said heavily.
"That's not my fault," Harry said coldly. "Now if you'll excuse, me, I have some time more important to be."
"Just a moment," Dumbledore said. Harry would have ignored the comment had Dumbledore not said it as a question instead of a command.
"How many people that you love have died in this battle?" Dumbledore asked.
Harry said nothing for so long Dumbledore did not expect an answer, but then Harry said, "All of them." The next second he had gone.
A/N: Well, slowly we're learning a little more about Harry's past. Originally I had written a prequel to this telling about Harry's struggles, but I didn't like it very much and it was scraped.
Gilthas: That's fascinating. Please go on.
Me: Shut up...
Chapter 5: Back to the Order
I hear the thunder in the distance
See a vision of a cross
I feel the pain that was given
On that sad day of loss
-Creed
Deciding after the attack that he had better get a better idea what occurred in the world at the moment, Harry thought he should probably sit in on one of the Order of the Phoenix meetings. That is, he should probably secretly eavesdrop. He had thought Bellatrix Lestrange long dead.
Finding his way to number twelve Grimwald place proved easier than expected. He had always had to get around the barriers in his time, but he found he could simply walk up to it and walk in. He had been invited in, after all, with Dumbledore as secret keeper. In his reality, when Dumbledore died, no one had bothered to invite him back.
The completely deserted house disappointed him. He actually felt the smallest of empty holes inside at the sight of this. He had half hoped that in this time, his godfather had not yet died.
Harry wasn't put off though. He knew for a fact that that Order of the Phoenix still used the house for meetings. He vaguely remembered his outrage at the idea of holding the meetings in Sirius's old house. He had felt it had dishonored his memory. But that didn't matter now. Nothing like that mattered now.
He stood completely still in the corner, hidden in shadows under a disillusionment charm. He lost track of time, waiting there without moving. He only knew that, by the time someone finally entered, it did not hold the record for the very longest he had ever waited.
Molly Weasley entered the room in her usual manner, with a smile on her face and a plate of snacks in one hand. Harry felt a small twang inside him again. He frowned. He hadn't felt anything like that for so many years that it seemed to be even more uncomfortable than he remembered. He hadn't expected to be effected like this.
He pushed his feelings away as usual. He frowned more than before. He did not fully appreciate the thing happening at all.
"Good evening," said a quiet voice. Remus Lupin entered the room. Harry glared, willing that uncomfortable feeling to come back. He received small satisfaction in the fact that he had effectively pushed it away.
"Good evening, Remus," Molly said. "Would you like something to eat? I've made plenty."
"Yes, please," Remus said, seating himself at the table. "Has anyone else arrived as of yet?"
"Only you," Molly said pleasantly. "Arthur went to Hogsmeade today to watch over everything. This weekend the group went to Hogsmeade, you know."
"Yes," Remus said. He smiled a little. "Harry wouldn't be too pleased to know we're still following him."
Harry smirked. He hadn't been.
"I don't see why not," Molly said, frowning. "It's for his own good."
"He knows that as well as you do, Molly," Remus said. "He just isn't used to people looking after him. He can take perfectly good care of himself in normal conditions. He just doesn't know what he's up against yet."
Harry frowned. No, he had had no idea what he was up against.
The door opened. Snape walked in. He didn't look happy. "Is Dumbledore here yet?" he snapped.
"No," Remus said amiably. "He isn't. Would you like something to eat? Molly has prepared-"
"No," Snape said flatly. "I have something important to say. I need Dumbledore here. He had better not be late. He always is. I can't believe him. You would think he would learn what time the meeting start."
"Wow," said a gruff voice from the doorway. "You just sucked the fun out of the room." Tonks had arrived.
"If you had important information every once in a while, then perhaps you too would appreciate promptness," Snape said silkily. Tonks frowned but said nothing.
People slowly started to arrive. Harry never made any move from where he stood concealed in the corner. The room had very nearly filled by the time Dumbledore arrived. Snape made a move to speak but Dumbledore held up a hand. "In a moment, Severus. At least let me sit down."
Snape frowned but returned to his chair. When every last chair was full, Dumbledore called order. "I see we're all here. Let us begin with Severus. He seems to have something on his mind."
Snape stood up. "An attack at Diagon Alley."
"Death Eaters?" Mad-Eye Moody asked.
"The attack involved them, certainly," Snape said. "But it would seem that they got the short end of the stick this time."
"Indeed?" Dumbledore asked, but he didn't look surprised.
"I would hope that everyone in the room knows what the Nundu is," Snape said. When no one said otherwise, he continued. "One, Bellatrix Lestrange, had been knocked unconscious previously. They described her condition as, 'It appears that she stuck her finger in a Muggle electrical socket'. The other three, however, achieved an unconscious state by 'a kind of, as yet, unidentified poisonous gas that not only knocked them out, but infected them with a fast acting disease that they were quickly being eating alive from the inside'."
"And you suspect the Nundu did it?" Tonks asked. "But they're native to East Africa."
"The symptoms are the same," Snape said coldly. "And considering the fact that one person did not have the disease, but undoubtedly belonged to the group attacked, I believe a wizard controlled the creature."
"It would require powerful spells for something like that," Remus said skeptically.
"They're very dangerous," Snape said. "But there have been reports of the African people taming them. It might not have been a spell at all."
"It sounds like they're on our side," Arthur Weasley said. "I mean to say, better to have them on our side then against us."
"This is an unknown person or persons," Snape said. "We don't know who it is. The person could possibly be picking randomly. We can't assume anything."
They continued to argue, but Harry watched Dumbledore. He hadn't said a word as of yet. He looked deep in thought. When the arguing finally died down, all heads turned to Dumbledore to see what he thought.
No wonder they quickly became lost without him, Harry found himself thinking. Look at them. Pathetic.
"We can't assume anything yet," Dumbledore said at last. "This person may have been attacked and the Death Eaters' conditions due to self-defense only. Severus, has Voldemort been up to anything lately?"
"He has been," Severus said. "But he's really not talking about it. I think he suspects there might be a spy among his troops."
"What are your thoughts?" Moody asked.
"There is too little information to make any reasonable assumptions yet," Dumbledore said simply. Harry's eyes narrowed. Dumbledore hid something that he didn't want to share with the others. "Tell me if you hear anything else. Is there any other order of business?"
The meeting continued. "Harry's weekend proved uneventful," Arthur said.
"Ah, yes," Snape said silkily. "How is our favorite little boy?"
Molly frowned but said nothing. Arthur continued as if he had never been interrupted. "Nothing of interest happened. He went to the Shrieking Shack, The Three Broomsticks, and Zonko's."
"Perfect," Snape said acidly. "He probably picked up a few more fireworks to throw into random cauldrons during class."
"That's enough, Severus," Dumbledore said quietly. "Excellent. Now, how are things at the Ministry?"
Harry only vaguely heard the response. He concentrated hard to remember that weekend. He remembered almost everything that happened during the year before his fight with Voldemort and he didn't really remember a Hogsmeade weekend in which nothing occurred.
Figuring its importance minimal, he turned his attention back to the meeting. Assignments had been distributed. Snape groaned when he heard his.
"Who wrote the assignments this week?" he snapped. "Why would anyone possibly put me on babysitting?"
"I thought perhaps you needed to spend a little more time with 'our favorite little boy'," Dumbledore said, his beard twitching.
"Oh, but Dumbledore!" Snape said. "What could I possibly do? You know I can't be in the same room as him! Look what happened last time you did this to me! Occlemency didn't exactly turn out to be his favorite class."
"The assignments are made," Dumbledore said firmly. "This meeting is adjourned."
As everyone got up to leave, Harry found himself even more confused. Snape had never been assigned to him. He could understand not remembering an uneventful Hogsmeade trip, but he knew that he would remember a week with Snape.
Dumbledore didn't move from his seat as the others left the room. Snape glared at him before exiting, but Dumbledore didn't seem to notice. When the last person left, Dumbledore got up and walked over to the door. Pulling out his wand and waving it once, the door locked and a spell covered the room, making anyone on the outside unable to hear what happened within.
"I know you're there," Dumbledore said calmly when he had resumed his seat. "No one can come in. I suggest you come out."
Harry lifted the charms he had placed over himself. "How did you know?" he asked, though he thought he knew the answer.
"You can make yourself invisible, Harry," Dumbledore said calmly, "But by doing so you leave an obvious trace of magic in the air that can easily be tracked if one looks for it."
"Indeed," Harry said simply.
"I suppose you caught the Death Eaters in Diagon Alley today," Dumbledore said conversationally.
"They bothered me. I attacked in self defense. They seem more feeble than I remember."
"Perhaps you are simply more powerful," Dumbledore said.
"Don't play your mind tricks with me, Dumbledore," Harry said shortly. "I already know I'm more powerful. Contrary to the Harry you know, I don't need to be told everything before I know it to be true."
"Then why haven't you figured it out yet?" Dumbledore asked, his face expressionless.
"Figured what out?" Harry asked.
"That you being here is not an accident. You have the ability to change the past if you wish to do so."
"What would I change?" Harry asked shortly. "When the final battle comes, it will not be I who stands there. It will be the Harry you know. And without the events that occur here, he would not have the ability to do what he did."
"Is that so?" Dumbledore asked, searching his robes for something. "Then perhaps you have once again underestimated yourself."
"I don't need this from you," Harry said shortly. "I have my own life now, and I'm going to get back."
"Back to what?" Dumbledore said, pausing in his search to look at Harry with those piercing blue eyes. "From what I can tell, you have nothing left."
"I have everything I need!" Harry said coldly. "And that's more than I ever had here!"
"Ah, you know that to be untrue," Dumbledore said. "Ah!" He pulled something from his robes and popped it into his mouth. He held another one out to Harry who frowned. "Sherbet Lemon?"
"No," Harry said coldly. "And what are you talking about? I have nothing here. Everything I thought I had will be gone within the month; at the end of this year, I'm going to be left on the ground, forgotten, for three days, drifting in and out of consciousness until I am found by Muggles. Don't say I have everything I need."
A flicker of emotion flashed over Dumbledore's face when he heard this. Harry scowled but did not look away. "I'm not asking for your pity. I've gotten over it. That should be good enough for you."
"I might have been," Dumbledore said softly. "Had I not known this to be a lie."
"You know nothing," Harry said shortly. "You don't have any idea about what is to come."
"I know that is has forced you to push away your very humanity," Dumbledore said quietly, surveying Harry over his half moon spectacles. "I can therefore assume that you lost everything you held dear to you. This is war, Harry, but even in war, such a thing should not happen."
"But it did. It will happen. It has happened; it's too late to stop it. Everyone 'that I hold dear' is dead. I killed them." He hadn't meant to say the last line. It had sort of slipped out. Dumbledore seemed to realize this.
"You did not kill them," Dumbledore said fiercely. "Voldemort did."
"And I suppose that by holding my wand to their heart and yelling, 'Avada Kedavra', it doesn't mean I killed them," Harry said coldly. "You don't have any idea what you're talking about."
"But I know you," Dumbledore said. He hadn't even flinched at Harry's last line. "And I know that you would never do such a thing."
"You don't know me. You never will."
"But I do know the you that belongs in this time, and it's that Harry; that less capable Harry, if you please, that must suffer through it all. I know him. I know that he always follows his heart."
"And just look at all the people I've killed already," Harry said with a smirk that took some effort to place on his face. "I suppose Cedric is dead. Sirius is too. The Weasley family should come next. I'm surprised they haven't already. Oh, and let me guess, Hermione's parents died this summer in an attack. I saw the whole thing."
"You're simply telling me your past," Dumbledore said, but Harry could tell he had mentally stored the information about the Weasleys. "It is your future for which I am concerned."
"Don't be," Harry said. "It's not as if you have any say in it."
"I will never turn my back on you, Harry," Dumbledore said. "You know that."
"Yeah?" Harry asked. His temper that had no outlet in so long was getting the better of him. He was shouting now. "Your death forced me to fight Voldemort in the first place!"
Silence filled the room.
"I thought that might be the case," Dumbledore said heavily.
"That's not my fault," Harry said coldly. "Now if you'll excuse, me, I have some time more important to be."
"Just a moment," Dumbledore said. Harry would have ignored the comment had Dumbledore not said it as a question instead of a command.
"How many people that you love have died in this battle?" Dumbledore asked.
Harry said nothing for so long Dumbledore did not expect an answer, but then Harry said, "All of them." The next second he had gone.
A/N: Well, slowly we're learning a little more about Harry's past. Originally I had written a prequel to this telling about Harry's struggles, but I didn't like it very much and it was scraped.
Gilthas: That's fascinating. Please go on.
Me: Shut up...