In the distant future. On a desert planet. There's a legendary gunman. Vash the Stampede.

The $$60 Billion Dollar Man

High in the sky, the two suns of the planet Gunsmoke shined. In a bar, about two hundred iles from Dankin Town, two men were in for a surprise.

"Vash the Stampede??" The big man asked. He had short brown hair, and a scar along his cheek from a battle he had been in years earlier. " Yea, he's the man with the sixty billion double dollar bounty on his head. They say he showed up in Dankin, made quite a mess I hear." He didn't look like the big mans partner, being so small. The two men sat in a dark, secluded corner of the old run-down bar. They played cards, and drank, waiting for time to pass them by. In front of them sat a clumped figure in red. He sat on a stool, drinking some liquor. Behind the bar, the bartender was moving some barrels of beer. Throughout the small building, a small tune from the record player could be heard, a quiet jazz percussion with no real meaning. " Well, what happened?" asked the big man. "They say he killed 'em all! Woman, children, he didn't leave a single one standing. The coffin maker got so rich; he made himself a mansion of wood! I think it'd be wise for us stay clear, messin' with Vash is like messin' with death! He leaves a trail of destruction wherever he goes! They call him, the Humanoid Typhoon." The chubby, old bartender opened the front door and took a barrel of beer out to the front porch. The small, white haired man continued, " The guys caused so much destruction, they put a $$60 billion bounty on his head! But if ya ask me, I don't think anyone can stop his maniacal rage!!" All of a sudden, a scream was heard from the front of the bar could be heard. The men inside could see the old bartender through the door. He dropped the barrel, and looked out towards the endless sand in horror while making muffled screams, and then, with a final scream, he ran away. The two confused men inside shared a glance with each other, then put their attention to the door. The light from the two suns shined with a blinding glare, and the men had to shield their eyes. Through the glaring window, a shadow could be seen. It was dim, and small at first, but then it grew larger, and darker. It was in the shape of a flying V, and it was turning in circles. As it got closer, the two men's eyes grew larger in bewilderment. The shape got bigger as it veered towards the bar. The man in red didn't move. SLICE!!!! It was a giant metal boomerang, on a long winding cable. The metal object sliced through the bar, chopping it into two equal halves. Debris flew everywhere. The top half of the bar went shooting across the desert sand. The two men stood in the middle of the destroyed building in shock. They both held long, black pistols, waiting to shoot at anything. But as they looked out towards the distance, their arms dropped slowly, and they stood in utter fear. Out about a third of an ile from the destroyed building, stood fifteen or so men, all armed with high caliber machine guns, aimed at the bar. The two men stood there in shock, seeing their lives flash before their eyes. Then, in a moment, all fifteen guns simultaneously went off, shooting round after round of bullets at the half a bar. Each bullet seemed to find its mark, as every inch of the remaining building seemed to go up in smokes, or get blown away. The two men in the bar were long gone with everything else, yet the steady stream of bullets continued. The bar couldn't even be recognized anymore as every inch of it had a bullet hole forever engraved into it. The shooting continued, it went on and on, and even after smoke filled the area that the bar had stood on, it still continued. The men shooting continued to re-load their weapons. Smoke hazed the men's visions and nothing could be seen. Finally, the shooting stopped. The smiling faces of the men who destroyed the building smiled. They looked on, admiring their own work. The smoke cleared, and a figure was seen. A lone figure, clad in red. He sat alone, in a partially destroyed bar seat, holding his glass. The men with the guns looked on with confused faces. Then, he moved. He wore brown combat boots and a body long red trench coat. His hands were gloved in black, leather gloves. He had a frown on his face. His slender nose supported his yellow, opaque sunglasses that covered his cold eyes. He had spiky, blond hair that stood a foot off his head. Behind him, the planets suns stood high in the sky. They cast a shadow on him, making him look emotionless. He raised his arm towards his face, and with his two middle fingers, propped up his sunglasses. The boomerang came flying back over the mans head, towards a raised hand which belonged to a man ten feet tall. The boomerang, which attached to his arm, was operated by a metal pulley on his upper arm, which also kept the cable hidden. The man wore a red muscle shirt and black pants. Both his ears were pierced with gold rings and he had a green Mohawk. "Ha, I finally found you." The man in the trench coat looked on, un-fazed. A stare down commenced, until finally the man in red reached for a hidden, leather holster on his right hip. He pulled out a silver Colt .45 revolver, custom made, and aimed ahead. The men across him raised their guns towards him as well. The suns overhead seemed to burn even more, while down below, bullets filled the air.

Dankin Town

Dankin, a once prosperous city, now lay in shambles. Buildings that once stood tall were now nothing but bits and pieces of rocks. People, once rich, lay in the streets, trying to find shade from the sun. Inside the sheriff's office, the situation was discussed. " One night! And just look at this place!! I didn't believe the rumors, but this guy really is a typhoon! The sheriff sat his fat physique down behind his desk. " That's a shame, but the Undertakers must be happy," the man wore a typical cowboy outfit, with a ten-gallon hat to match," so how many did he get? One hundred, two hundred?" " Actually, zero! There's a whole lot of injuries, but no fatalities at all! Looks like we had a miracle, without God's help." The sheriff was beginning to sweat, either from the sun, or from fear of the man in front of him. " So what was he like?" the blonde cowboy asked. " Well, I didn't exactly get a good look at him, he was gone as quick as he arrived. We did, however, get some witnesses. They said he wore red, and had earrings, a giant man with short legs." The cowboy sighed, and then turned to the door, " Thanks sheriff." " Hey, whatever you do, stay away from him! It's for your own good!" "Red? Pfff."

Ten iles off Felnarl exit

The smell of alcohol and cigarettes filled the murky room. The regulars sat at their tables and talked, drank, smoked, and played with knives. A reporter on the radio played in the background. " The are of Dankin is mostly demolished. All residents go to you're designated shelter areas. The next update will be at four thirty PM. Until then, please enjoy our musical selection." The doors to the bar creaked open, and the light from outside blinded the regulars on the inside. The regulars looked on, as two figures, curvy ones at that, stepped into the bar. Two women, short and tall, looked on with concerned faces. The short one wore a white top and tight skirt with purple leggings underneath. Her hair was worn short and messy, and she had a long earring on each ear. The other wore a tan trench coat with a white shirt and red tie underneath. Her hair had long bangs and went all the way down her back. Her teal eyes moved back and forth, scanning the room. The two walked through the bar, attracting stares and suspicious smiles from all the regulars. They carefully walked up too the muscle inundated bartender wearing a white chiefs cap, and stopped. " What'll you have?" he asked. The short ones fist slammed against the table, and she leaned nearer. " A banana sundae!" The tall one raised a finger and happily added: " And I will have a Gato Milfoil with Ceylon tea!" The regulars fell to the floor with the dim-witted orders. An old man, well in need of a shave jumped up to a table in front of them and smiled slyly. " Listen missies, I'm afraid you'd better order milk with that or that gag aint gonna work!" " Yeah! Cause if you did, we'd give you all the milk you could want, although I hate to tell you it wouldn't be free! HAHAHA." The man licked his knife slowly and smiled. The tall one looked on confused while the short one gave the men nothing but a glance. " But I didn't order milk, I ordered Ceylon tea-" She was cut off as a giant, round mini gun fell from beneath her coat! The gun crushed the table, which in turn flipped up and drilled the man in the neck, sending his head and body airborne. "Oops," the tall one bent down and picked the gun up, " that stupid slip broke again." She grabbed the gun by its handle, and almost jokingly flipped it over her shoulder! The short one looked at her, " You have a spare, don't you? You should be more careful Milly." The man with the knife watched, petrified. " I know." Two horrified men carried the man, who was shellacked earlier, out of the bar. " What the heck is she?" one asked. " She's a monster." The other replied.

Now that that was over with, the short one turned to the bartender. " Excuse me, but I heard Vash the Stampede showed up near here. Can you tell me anything about that?" The man looked at her curiously, then said: " Wait, don't tell me you two innocent, little things are after that sixty billion double dollar bounty." " No, of course not. Were here for work." " Work, huh? Well I didn't exactly see him myself, but they say he's a giant with a Mohawk. He carries a large gun, has a lot of men, and they say he's the worst kind of womanizer." Milly leaned over to the short one, " Did you hear that Meryle, womanizer!" "I hear, big gun and a Mohawk," Meryle said, " That's our man!"

Felnarl Town

" Where is he? Where the heck did he go?" The colossal man with the boomerang walked along a high cliff, scouting out the city below. One of the mans henchman sat on a rock, lighting a cigarette. He looked tired. " Oh, come on boss. What are we waistin our time out here for. There's no way that dorky guy was Vash. We're waistin our time here, we should just-" He was cut off by a massive hand, gripping down over his head and pulling him straight off the ground. He was pulled up in front of the boss's grinning face. " Oh, so do you want to be the boss now? Should we listen to you? NO! I'm callin' the shots here! I want you to find him, and kill him!" "Yes boss."
Along the desert, an old man with a gun walked. He looked around nervously, uneasy. Then, with his next step, a gloved hand grabbed his leg, and he was pulled to the ground. The hand soon turned into an arm, and then a familiar face with spiky, flaxen hair. His fore head was wishy-washy blue and a straw (to breath under the sand) hung from his mouth. His hair was pushed down in the center and he looked brainless. "AWWWW! I thought I was gonna die under there!" The old man looked at him and started to move, but Broomhead quickly shut him up.
He jumped out of the sand completely, and hop scotched over to the un- conscious man's ammunition box.
"Sorry friend, but that last little skirmish was a little scary."

He pulled out a long, silver revolver, custom made, and aimed ahead. The men across him raised their guns towards him as well. He pulled the trigger. CLICK He pulled it again. CLICK Broomhead opened up the gun, and grimaced. No bullets. He started laughing hysterically, and then raised his gun. He slowly shifted his legs to the side, smiling from ear to ear. A shot from the men rang right by his cardboard looking body. "AGGGGGGGG!!" Broomhead screamed like a moron, and turned head over heels away from the men, still screaming like a woman.

" I thought for sure I was done for. Oh wel- "Boss, I found him!" A man from atop a nearby cliff yelled out. Broomhead screamed, like a woman again, then threw the old man's gun at the man who screamed. The gun clocked the man right in the forehead. Broomhead pumped a fist. "YEAH!" But at that moment, two other men appeared, and started shooting at him. "WOW!" Broomhead avoided the shots, and crawled, like a scared four-legged spider, behind a rock formation. He rested behind the rock, out of breath. " Ahhh, so, ahhh, hungry, ahhh." "Where'd you go?" a voice from around the rock asked. "Hey, I'm over here!" Broomhead yelled, making it seem like his voice was in the reverse direction. The man turned and shot at the voice, unaware, that his gun was being guided by a crouching, puff faced, dim-witt. The mans gun shot at a nearby rock, and was forced into shooting a self portrait of Broomhead, giving a peace sign, and smiling like a mad man. The man with the gun stopped shooting, and swallowed, as he felt a gun to his back. "Now drop the gun and no one has to get hurt." Broomhead called. "No." "Come on now." " Boss, I found him!" " Easy now. Think about you' wife and kids." "I don't got no kids and most woman find me pretty despicable." "I'm sorry. That sounds pretty bad." " I'm used to it." He turned around and aimed his gun at Broomhead. "You need to die. It would sure help us all if you did." Broomhead looked shocked, then smiled and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, I can't." His serene face turned frightened, and his head turned. He kneeled quickly.

"Get down!" he yelled. But it was to late. The rock beside them exploded into two equal pieces and the other man was sliced in half, and went flying. Out of the smoke came the tall man with the boomerang. "Ah, I thought I was done for," Broomhead grasped his shoulder in pain (he was almost crying like a girl), and then looked towards the tall man, " don't you feel any remorse for your friend?" The big man smiled evilly, " We are not friends. We are simply men with the same goal. When I'm happy, he's happy." "How sweet." " Boss.help me." the man from before crawled up to the big man, hurt but not dead. " You know what would make me happy? If you went over there and held him down!" the big man kicked the other one towards Broomhead. When he landed on him, Broomhead closed his eyes and shivered. " What's wrong?" the big man asked, " can't stand a little blood?" Broomhead opened his eyes, " Actually, I can't."

Broomhead was pushed to the ground, tied up and captured. " Can't you be a little gentler brother?" The big mans henchman raised there guns to the air and cheered. " Alright! The sixty billion double dollar reward is ours! We finally caught Vash the Stampede." Then, out in the distance they appeared. Riding animals with faces like masks, they stopped, watching with fearless faces. Milly and Meryle, fully clad with courage, stepped of their steeds and started to walk towards the men. Milly's body, however, slowly retreated behind Meryle, whose face had wriggled into a face of sheer terror. "Meryle..I'm scared."