This is a strange but hopefully amusing little one shot that came about because of my daughter's musing when we went out to the eat last week.

I don't own Peacemaker Kurogane, Rurouni Kenshin or anything else that this may resemble. I know I have the names written in American order but it fits better to me.

Hajikata-san,Your Goose is Cooked

by

Barbara Sheridan

Tatsunosuke Ichimura shifted his weight from one knee to the other as he waited for Chief Kondou and Vice-Chiefs Hijikata and Yamanami to finish going over his report. To his dismay Hijikata was the first to finish and the demon commander skewered him with one of his feared looks.

"You double-checked your figures?"

"Triple-checked, them, Hijikata-san and I asked Yamanami-san to look over them as well in case I missed something."  He swallowed hard as Hijikata's look swept over to his colleague.  Tatsu prayed the two men wouldn't comes to blows with swords at long last, not in front of him. His stomach couldn't take it.

Yamanami looked to Kondou. "When do you expect to hear from Matsudaira-sama?"

His usual good cheer long gone, Kondou took the letter from his kimono sleeve and showed it to his seconds in command. "He regrets not informing us sooner of his temporary lack of funds for the organization and said that he requested assistance from Edo."

"Which will never come in time," Hijikata growled.

Keisuke Yamanami breathed a quiet sigh, and rubbed his eyes then looked at Tatsu.  "You said that you had a suggestion to help us meet the company payroll if there was a problem with Matsudaira-sama?"

Tatsu cleared his throat and tried not to let Hijikata's fierce countenance make him stutter .He tried instead to keep his gaze on his two kinder superiors. "It's only a suggestion of course, but there is a Western-style restaurant on the eastern side of the marketplace. I spoke with the owners and they said they would welcome a temporary staff of reliable men to work there during Festival Week as they expect to be quite busy."

Tatsu felt his already aching stomach twist itself into an even bigger knot when Hijikata growled his displeasure.

"So you're suggesting that we work in order to earn the money to pay the men?"

"Well, um, yes, Hijikata-san, but only temporarily and I'm sure the Captains would help. I believe Yamanami-san has already mentioned the possibility to Okita-san."

"I did, and he's agreed. I'm certain the others will follow suit."

#######

"Must you wear an apron Souji?" Hijikata asked.

Okita smiled brightly. "I like the little pockets and it will keep my kimono cleaner. You know how much trouble we have keeping laundresses."

"Fine. Fine. Where are Harada and Nagakura?" he asked eyeing the third comedian Heisuke Toudou who was flirting with one of the regular restaurant waitresses.

"They went into the kitchen to see if they could help----" Okita broke off and his eyes grew wide as did Hijikata's. They tore off towards the rear of the restaurant where their worst fears were confirmed.

The terrified kitchen staff cowered in a corner as Sano Harada and Shinpachi Nagakura plowed through pots and pans of soups and vegetables, meats and sauces.

"Enough!" Hijikata belowed, shaking the windows.

The guilty captains jumped back, wide noodles hanging formt he mouth of Harada, Nagakura's chin smeared with a red sauce.

"Ahhhh, Hijikata-san," Shinpachi said, wiping the sauce from his chin. "We were ahhhh....." He looked to Sano who sucked the noodles into hsi mouth.

"Testing," Harada offered as he wiped his chin with his sleeve. "We were testing to see what this tastes like."

"Yes," Shinpachi added. "We wanted to know what to recommend to the customers."

Hijikata growled. "Get to work."

* * * * * * *

Hajime Saitou looked coolly at the group young Ichimura sat in his section. He stood quietly as they studied their menus then approached when it appeared they had decided on their choices.

"I'll try the vegetable soup and a chicken sandwich," the young American man said in halting Japanese.

"One bowl of plain hot soba," Saitou said writing then looking to the next man.

"No, no. Not soba. a bowl of vegetable soup and a chicken sandwich."

Saitou stared his amber eyes narrowing. "Plain hot soba," he repeated crossing out and rewriting the order.

"No, not soba," the man said tersely. "Vegetable soup and a chicken sandwich."

Saitou ignored him and looked to the second man. "You?"

"I'll try the meatloaf special."

"Another plain hot soba," Saitou said writing quickly.

"No," the first man said loudly as he and his companions shared angry glances. "I want soup and a sandwich and my friend wants meatloaf."

The men jumped when Saitou whipped out his katana and glared them. "Fine. I shall first have to resharpen my pencil."

The men began to shake much like a stack of dominoes ready to topple. "You know, soba sounds pretty good after all. I'll have that."

"Me too, " the second man said.

"Soba sounds good," the remaining men said in shaky unison.

Saitou smirked and resheathed his sword. "Four bowls of plain hot soba it is "

# # # # # #

Souji Okita chatted and laughed with his group of customers and eagerly welcomed two new additions, a pompous pear-shaped woman and her equally portly husband. 

"Hello and welcome to the Lotus Lunchroom. May I take your order?"

"Yes", the man said. "I will have the ham steak and my wife will have a bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich."

"No," Okita said, his voice a few octaves deeper than before.

"I beg your pardon, young lady, er, young man," the man said. "We want ham and bacon."

The couple's jaws sagged open when Okita's eyes narrowed and began to take on an unearthly demonic light. 

"I do not serve pork products, " he hissed.

"But we saw a pig outside----"

"I do not serve pork products. Ever."

"May I suggest the plain, hot soba?" Hajime Saitou said, heading back towards his table.

# # # # #

Sano and Shinpachi had what they thought was the great good fortune to be serving in the banquet room at a business lunch for some foreign importers---until Toshizo Hijikata bellowed their names from the main dining room.

"Eh, eh Sano we better go before he gets really mad."

"Oh all right," Harada replied, dragging himself out behind Shinpachi.

Hijikata was standing by fuming silently while Yamanami tried to pacify one of the customers from the banquet room who was complaining vigorously about the tiny portions his group had received in comparison to what the other patrons were receiving.

"What do you two know about this?" Hijikata demanded.

Shinpachi and Sano shared a guilty, frightened look.

"Ahhh," Harada began.

"We were testing the food," Shinpachi offered. "We needed to make sure it was cooked through. You know how strange some of that gaijin stuff looks."

"Yeah, yeah that was it. We were testing."

# # # # # #

A/N -----If you feel the need to throw tomatoes and such toss them in the direction of Harada and Shinpachi. * grin *