Disclaimer:
I do not own Mobile Suit Gundam Wing. Though I have claimed it to be my Bible, worshiped in the temple of Heero and sacrificed small animals and roommates to him in hopes of making him come to life. So that he could be mine and Hajime Yatate and Yoshiyuki Tomino couldn't say anything to me other than perhaps, "Congratulations on your wedding. ;-)"
Okay… This story is called A Day at the Zoo… if you've noticed that the first lines are in Spanish… you are a genius and should be given a cookie. If this scares you because you don't speak a lick of Spanish don't be afraid neither did the people I wrote this for which is why in about eight lines Heero, the love of my life, translates it all for you. So please just read through it… and test your self to see how much you understand and then you can check yourself in less than a paragraph… or you can dismiss the humor in the whole thing and just scan down to where Heero starts to speak… you'll recognize it because it's in English.
*To understand my insanity… read the AN at the end. ;-)
"Un Día al Zoológico"
Hace un día verano típico, Duo hace la furgoneta y arrastra sus compañeros al zoológico.
"¿El Zoológico? ¿Nos da al ZOOLÓGICO?" se queja Wufei
"El zoológico no es malo." dice Trowa
"Mirando a muchos animales in jaulas no es mí ídea de un tiempo divértido."
"Aye, piensa. Puede ser tú en la jaula." muestra Quatre
"EXACTAMIENTO! ESTO ES INJUSTICIA! Ellos deben ser libre."
"Uh, Wufei, no es como ellos están en una jaula pequnita y apretada para la gente les mira tonto a los animales. Todos los animales grandes tiene partes grandes como sus habitates naturals," dice Duo.
"Y Como sabes...?"
"Wufei, drop it." dice Heero antes de Wufei puede dicer algo que el lamenta. "Uh, why are we speaking in Spanish? I know this day was for Mina's homework assignment, but really guys do we have to speak in Spanish for all those poor people reading this who took Russian or French in High School. Or those who can't pronounce English words let alone anything in Spanish, then of course there are the people who took Spanish and all they can remember is, "Where is the bathroom? It is on the right." It's not fair to them."
"Las personas estúpidas me importa un rabano!" dice Wufei.
"Uh okay I won't translate that one, but for those of you who have been trying to follow along this is what was said:
It was a typical summer day; Duo packed the van and dragged the others to the zoo.
"The zoo? You brought us to the zoo?" Wufei complained.
"The zoo's not so bad." said Trowa
"Looking at a bunch of animals in cages is not my idea of a fun time."
"Hey just think it could be you in the cage." Quatre pointed out
"Exactly, it's such an injustice! They should be free."
"Uh, Wufei it's not like they are in tiny cramped cages to be gawked at. All the bigger animals have big plots of land much like their natural habitat," said Duo
"And how would you..."
"Wufei, drop it." I warned before he could say something he'd regret.
Now we'll continue in English only, got it."
"What's first?" Quatre asked
"I say we see the lions just for Trowa." Duo teased.
"Yeah and we can visit your relatives in the monkey house." Heero commented.
"Hey I never... Well maybe we'll be able to figure out what species you are."
"Did you think that one up on your own, Maxwell?" Wufei chided
"Hey guys look it's a baby bear." Quatre pointed to one of the habitats.
"That's a panda, Quatre. They aren't bears." Wufei corrected.
"Well he sure looks like a bear to me."
"No he's right, they're more closely related to raccoons," commented Heero.
"Now THAT'S a bear!" Duo pointed to a large Kodiak in the next habitat.
"Yes. Yes, it is." Trowa commented absent-mindedly. Looking at the map he continued, "The bigger animals are this way." he pointed and began heading in that direction. The others followed.
"Oh look giraffes." Wufei said with a bit too much enthusiasm
"My Grandma what a big long neck you have," Duo called up to it.
"Hey it says here that a giraffe only has 7 bones in its neck just like humans." Quatre read off the information sign.
"That's impossible!" Wufei exclaimed.
"No they're just bigger bones. Uh, Wufei you shouldn't be climbing on that." Quatre began to stare warily.
"Why? It's a giraffe it's not going to hurt me," he said as he stood on the fence looking up at the VERY close giraffe. When the giraffe looked as though it might try to eat Wufei's hair, Trowa and Heero pulled him off the fence.
"Why'd you do that?"
"So it wouldn't eat you."
"It was almost close enough for me to touch it," Wufei whined uncharacteristically.
"Oh, sorry next time we'll ignore all the signs and let you climb in and get trampled," Heero said with a sarcastic air, motioning and walking away from the group.
"Or clawed," Duo added sticking his tongue out at a sour-faced Wufei.
"You know… if it had claws," Trowa said almost as an afterthought to Duo's comment before following Heero onward.
"Or eaten," Quatre finished and walked off after the others.
"Oh then we'd really be in trouble for feeding the animals," Duo said through his last obscene face-gesture and turned abruptly to walk away almost smacking Wufei with his braid.
"IT WAS A GIRAFFE! IT WASN'T GOING TO EAT ME!!!" Wufei called out after them.
"Let's move on shall we?" Duo said as he paused to look back at Wufei as if he were in kindergarten.
They walked past the elephants, tapirs, and hippos.
"Duo quit making faces at the animals." Heero scolded
"Making faces? You mean that wide-hippo-mouth look wasn't his usual face?" Wufei commented more to himself than to anyone else.
"I'll stop making faces at them, if you can get your girlfriend to stop, uh, whatever it is she's doing to them."
"Huh?" Heero stopped in his tracks and walked back over to Duo.
"Maxwell, are you on crack?" Wufei snidely replied.
"Possibly heat stroke," Trowa added to the list pf things wrong with Duo.
Duo pointed into the habitat, "Uh, hello. I can't be the only one who sees her." Duo grabbed Heero's head and directed his attention to the habitat.
"Ooo, you better run Duo, hallucinating about Relena. He's gonna... ......." Wufei began
"Oh my God." Heero said looking into the Rhino cage
"....kill you?" Wufei concluded
"Tell me how is it, do you think, that she got up there?" Duo pondered out loud, mostly to Heero.
"I don't think how is the question running through my mind," Heero said staring in disbelief.
"What are you two looking at?" Trowa asked as he finally began to show interest in something at the zoo other than the map… and saving his idiot companions.
"Trowa man, run away don't ask questions, If Duo can drag HIM into his delusion than I suggest we get the hell out of here," Wufei proposed rather seriously.
"See the rhino?"
Nods
"See the cute little dainty shoes hanging over its tail?"
Stares of disbelief and yet more nods
"I bought those for her for Christmas last year."
"Wow, and she wore those to the zoo?" Quatre questioned Relena's fashion/gift care reasonings.
Trowa, Duo, and Wufei looked at him incredulously as Heero vaulted the fence.
"RELENA!"
"Huh?" the girl on the rhino's back sat straight up. "H-H-Heero, what are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here? What are you doing up there?"
"W-Well it started out as a day of pictures, a-an-and then..." she shrugged and smiled giving the best innocent look a person resting on a rhino could.
To this Heero laughed softly yet whole-heartedly.
"What?" Relena asked coyly, playing with her feet.
Heero helped her down, "You know, I've always had this problem, I don't know whether to find this incredibly cute or stupid."
Relena smiled and removed her hat putting it on his head and then took his arm and walked back to the inner gates with her head on his shoulder. "Hmmm." Relena sighed happily, almost giggling.
"What?"
"When I can do incredibly stupid things and you find them incredibly cute, then I just know you're not..."
"...going anywhere." he finished with her.
Inside the pachyderm house Heero found Pagan asleep on a bench, and a whole photo crew. After waking them, Relena changed clothes and was now wearing a white dress with a blue bow. "Well now, that's an interesting dress." Heero smiled to hide his embarrassment.
Relena frowned, "You haven't seen hat that goes with it."
Heero tried not to laugh. "If you don't like them, then why do you do these shoots?"
"Oh, I don't know, I'm sure they have some political purpose, when I figure out what it is, I will let you know."
Heero smiled, "Where are you of to now?"
"I believe landscapes, I have no idea where."
"Okay. I'll see you later?" he asked softly and sincerely.
"Absolutely, only maybe when I don't smell like rhino." :) Relena joked although making a mental note to shower before going anywhere else.
Heero leaned in until their noses were touching, "I hadn't even noticed." he leaned in...
"HEEEEERROOOO!!" the others had gone around and entered the house the correct way.
sigh "Later"
nods
"Hey, 'Lena what's happenin'?" Duo said coming up behind them.
"Photo shoot at the zoo?" Quatre asked earnestly
"At the zoo, in someone's backyard, and now we're off to... oh I don't even remember." Relena threw her hands up in defeat.
"If you ask me these pansy-ass pictures make you look weak." Wufei commented honestly and arrogantly.
"Tell that to my PR-rep, I hate smiling this much."
"Do you even own a big fluffy dog?" Trowa asked flipping through a book of possible shoot sites and scenes.
"No, I believe he belongs to the Foreign Minister's third son's oldest daughter."
"Eew, that is such an ugly dress. Why are you wearing it?" Duo spun her around with a look of distain on his face.
"Because you're not my "fashion" designer. Apparently white makes me appear innocent."
"And weak," Wufei interjected just incase she didn't know how he felt.
"And prissy, and extremely bored, and when they allow me to wear actual colors and styles that aren't out of the pre-war era, I'll let you guys pick out my wardrobe if you like," Relena agreed.
"Uh, hon. Look at our clothes we can barely dress ourselves, you'd trust us to pick out clothes you'd wear in actual pictures that the public might see?"
"Okay, I agree if I were dressed in an Arabian-Circus-Warrior-Nun outfit made entirely out of spandex then I'd probably be laughing too hard to ever get a picture taken. batting her eyes But you guys wouldn't do that to me, would you?"
"That all depends on how into the idea Heero is?" Duo said too seriously.
From all the weird looks he continued, "Well if he didn't mind that we made you look stupider than usual and we didn't have to worry about our lives being in jeopardy then we could really go all out."
Smiles and laughter "Thanks Duo, love you too." Relena said half hugging half pushing her friend.
"Miss Relena we should be going." Pagan said from the background.
"Well guys that's my cue," Relena said giving Duo one last hug, "You better get him back to me in one piece." Duo simply nodded. Relena turned towards Wufei, "Weak, huh?" He nodded with arms crossed. "I'll keep that in mind." She turned to Trowa, "Tell Catherine if she ever needs target practice, I know a good dog." Trowa nodded. "Then again, if you ever want to use it for target practice I wouldn't mind that either." To this he smiled. To Quatre she said, "Keep them out of trouble."
"Oh don't worry; I want to be able to come back to the zoo before I'm fifty," Quatre reassured her.
Then finally she turned back to Heero, "Well I really should get going." Heero nodded. With her back to the others she mouthed, "I love you." To which he took her by the arm and walked past everyone else towards the photographers, "I know," he whispered sending her on her way.
When Relena was gone, Heero turned back to the others, "Well... Are we going to just stand here all day?"
Duo was the first to speak, "She was riding a rhino. You are dating a freak."
"No the part that scares me is that she fell asleep up there." Trowa raised an eyebrow towards Heero.
"I wonder how many other animals they let her molest?" Wufei shuddered.
"Wufei, that wasn't very nice. Relena wouldn't molest anything." Quatre said slightly dismayed that Wufei could think such a thing let alone say it out loud.
"Other than maybe Heero," Duo commented.
"Molest can mean bother and annoy as well as what they do to each other," Wufei said peeved.
"Hey Trowa, do you guys have a spot for another animal riding clown in the circus?"
"No, but I'm sure they'd let her chase the pigs," he said commenting on an inside joke.
After they laughed over this a little more, "Are you guys finished? Can we move on now? You know to see other animals besides yourselves."
"Oh come on Heero we were just teasing."
"Hyenas." Heero turned to leave the pachyderm house.
"Oh, hyenas, what a great idea, can we go see them?" Quatre jumped at the idea not remotely getting that Heero was talking about them and not the animals.
"Hyenas are weak," Wufei put in his usual two cents.
"They're over by the big cats." Trowa looked at the map.
"Nah, we've seen hyenas, lions, and other big cats in the wild, I wanna see something we don't get to see often."
"Like what?"
"Oh, I got it let's go to the Australian House."
Trowa looked at the map, "Well the cats are back by the bears, so we can see them on the way out, Australia is this way." he indicated and they went "this" way.
Walking past the Tropical Rainforest House:
"Hey Duo, you sure you don't want to stop by home while we're here?"
"Bite me, Wufei."
They continued until they came to the outdoor habitat with Okapis, and Zebras. "Oh look they're so cute."
"Quatre, they're donkeys with striped butts," Wufei drawled bitterly.
"They are not, they're related to your precious giraffes. Why don't you go molest them too?"
"Guys, stop it, we've all ready seen the other side of this Savannah habitat. We're going to see Australia remember." Duo pulled them on.
"What's so special about Australia anyway?" Trowa asked
"The kangaroo rats," Heero stated.
"Why?" Wufei asked what most of the others were thinking but wouldn't have bothered to say.
"They're Mina's favorite."
Duo blushed, "How do you know about that?"
"You live in my house. That and you're not the quietest people."
"I don't get it what's so special about rats," Quatre asked in confusion.
"Quatre, you probably don't want to know," Wufei assured him.
"That can't be the only reason we're going Australian," Trowa said looking up map in hand.
"It's not." Duo grinned.
The others gave him a little look as to say, go on...
"The nocturnal house is part of the Australian house."
"Oh yes and we all know what Duo wants to see there," Heero rolled his eyes.
"The Tasmanian Devil?" Quatre shot out still completely lost.
"The Naked Moles?" Wufei added finding himself funny.
"I think the nocturnal flying squirrels are pretty awesome myself, but I believe they are hinting at the bat caves," Trowa clarified.
"Oh," Quatre and Wufei said in mock-realization.
"Kangaroos!" Duo screamed before running on ahead.
Heero almost laughed, Trowa shook his head, Quatre shrugged and ran after him, while Wufei simply called out, "Baka!"
"I want a dingo. They're so cute," Quatre said with sparkling eyes as he looked out into the habitat.
"Uh, Wild Dogs..." Wufei began.
"So?"
"Tear you to shreds..."
"So?"
"And you still think they're cute," Wufei threw up his arms in defeat. This was definitely not his day. Then again, with these four, what was is day?
"Maybe that's what he likes about them, they'd chase you off his property." Heero commented dryly.
"They would not!" Wufei began to shout as an injustice had been done to him.
"He's right they wouldn't. Wufei's too stupid to run." Duo chided.
"I am not!"
"Oh I've got it, he'd run, just not off the property." Trowa added actually finding Wufei's anger to be fascinating and slightly humorous.
"It's only fitting, my dingoes would need the exercise," Quatre said nonchalantly
"Oh shut up." Wufei glowered.
"Oh look a crocodile wrestling demonstration." Duo pointed in excitement.
"I could do that," Wufei said smugly.
"You would think so," Quatre said looking away.
"Wufei and a Crocodile, now I'd pay to watch that," Trowa commented non-too-seriously.
"Would you Circus Boy?" Wufei said taking the challenge that had not quite been set before him.
"Uh, Wufei? Where are you...?" Trowa called out after him.
"I'd like to try and wrestle the croc." Wufei said as he arrived at a burly man with a clipboard and a really cancerous-looking tan.
"Are you Australian?"
"No."
"Are any of your ancestors Australian?"
"No."
"Have you ever been to Australia?"
"No."
"Have you ever dated an Australian?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I've never met one."
"Hmm... If I introduced you to one would you?"
"How the hell should I know?"
"Were you born with superhuman strength?"
"No."
"Were you born with fast reflexes?"
"Define fast."
The man punched at Wufei and Wufei eluded the punch easily.
"Moderate. Were you born with any impurities in your system?"
"Watch what you imply about my mother!"
"Were you born with homosexual tendencies?"
"I hope not."
"Were you born on a Tuesday?"
"Tuesday, is that the day that honors the god of War?"
"In some cultures."
"Then, no."
"What makes you think we should let you wrestle then?"
"I'm Chang Wufei, Gundam Pilot. And I can beat anything."
"Oh I see, so you're a cocky Chinese boy who's been given to much power in the past."
"So can I wrestle?"
"Get out of here kid!"
"What's the matter Wufei, the big bad man wouldn't let you give it a try?" Trowa mocked as if they were in elementary school.
"It wouldn't have been a try. I would have won," Wufei said with honor.
"It's hot out here can we take a break?" pleaded Duo
"Hot? It's barely 90 degrees." Quatre questioned
"Well excuse me for not growing up in a desert!" Duo argued back.
"Duo's cranky." Quatre relayed his information to the person next to him.
"Children if you don't stop fighting I'm going to pull this car over," Heero said sarcastically leading the way.
"What car? I'm the one who drove anyway," whined Duo, getting confused. "Told you," Quatre said taking a step away from Duo.
"Okay, there's some shade and refreshments back by the monkeys we'll head there." Trowa pointed out.
After they got some drinks, they sat down on benches near an outside monkey cage. Duo was slurping his drink and staring at a monkey mocking his every move. The monkey took notice of Duo and began to stare back having fun watching to see just what kind of gestures this human would follow. When Duo didn't copy the monkey as it grabbed itself and flung its dung the monkey got bored. Their mocking turned into a staring contest. Duo got bored of this after a few minutes sitting on the rail he turned around to face his friends.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Duo screamed as he was pulled backward off the railing.
"DUO!" Heero dropped his drink and ran to the cage. Quatre and Trowa were close behind. Wufei sat back and watched.
"Ow. Ow. Ow, Make it let go!" Duo screamed. The monkey had reached out and grabbed a hold of Duo's extremely long hair. "Make it let go." Duo was on the verge of tears, his feet on the rail, his head whacked on the bottom of the cage, and the monkey chewing and tugging on his hair.
Trowa looked the monkey straight in the eyes and began sticking his hand into the cage, "Come on little fella, give us Duo's hair," he coaxed.
Quatre moved Duo's feet so he wasn't so awkward.
"Ow.. Please make him stop." Duo had tears of pain streaming down his face. Heero tried to help by grabbing a hold of Duo's hair close to his head to release the pressure the monkey was putting on his now bleeding head.
"Come on little monkey... OOOOWWWW!" Trowa withdrew his hand as two other monkeys swooped down taking bites out of Trowa's hand and arm. "Eennnnn." Trowa grunted clutching his bleeding forearm.
"That's not very fair, teaming up on him like that," Quatre shook his fingers scolding the monkeys.
Now the three monkeys were taking turns pulling on his braid. When all three of them yanked together and Duo's head whacked hard against the bars, Heero's hand got caught in between. "That's it." He gave one hard pull and yanked all the monkeys forward off their perches. When they didn't let go, they flew into the bars and dropped to the ground. Heero removed Duo's hair from their fallen clutches and he and Quatre picked him up and moved him away from the cage.
"Trowa, Duo, You guys really need to get those looked at." Quatre said indicating the blood dripping from Trowa's arm and Duo's head.
As they started to head towards the medical unit, Wufei turned to Trowa, "Can't charm the monkeys like the lions, huh Circus Boy."
"Well I guess those damn things really, really wanted Duo's hair."
After they had been bandaged Quatre asked, "Can we go home now?"
"No. I didn't get to see the bats," Duo whined.
"Duo. You are not shingami, and the bats are not creatures of the night just waiting for you to summon them."
"Heero. You're no fun," Duo pouted following everyone to the van.
--------------------------------------------;-)------------------------------------------
Author's Notes:
Okay this little random story began as an assignment for my Conversation Spanish class. We had to write about "A Day at the Zoo" and have lots of conversation happening and use up most of our zoo vocab words in the 3 page assignment.
Well… I had just been to the zoo with my then 1 and a half year old nephew, but that wasn't all that interesting to write about. Then I thought about making up a story about two of my fellow Spanish Minors (Disco and Lumber as they're known around campus) knowing that my teacher would get a huge kick out of it. I could just see it… attacking the animals, hitting on some pretty llama, disco dancing with a grizzly bear, all the things that normal people could never get away with…
But… I wasn't really sure if I wanted to take that route… so at the encouragement of my roommates I decided to write the story about the Gundam Guys… So… uh… you basically just read a class assignment that I wrote about Anime characters :-)
After writing three pages about them going to the zoo in English… I managed to get about five pages of Spanish out of it… eee… long… hand written… pain. And then I decided to write it out and e-mail it to my roommates and friends… That's where the story begins… I actually began writing it in Spanish… as I typed it instead of writing it in English as it was written IN FRONT OF ME!
When you've gotten that far before you realize that you've made a huge mistake… you're not about to go back and erase everything you have…. No…you're going to take it and run with it to make it look like that's what you meant to happen. ;-)
Well that explains the story and the Spanish. Now my question is… when I started adding stuff to it… should I have continued to stop there at my "perfect ending" or should I have continued with the day at the zoo?
If with this updated and better copied version anyone out there finds it remotely interesting please let me know… and perhaps… I'll write the many versions of croc wrestling questionnaire we had for each pilot. Or who knows… :-)