Disclaimer: Mobile Suit Gundam Wing is owned by Hajime Yadate and Yoshiyuki Tomino. Minako was borrowed from Naoko Takeuchi's Sailor Moon characters. But the zoo, and the crazy croc wrestling competition are all property of this Mina. Well…at least as much as one can claim ownership to any of this weirdness.
"Más Tarde ese Día al Zoológico"
Duo's fingers released their grip on the wall. He was falling out of sight; "DUOOOOO!!!!" Minako couldn't help but scream as he left her sight.
Hearing screaming Relena began to run hot in pursuit of Heero and Trowa who took off without warning just moments before. Wufei looked to where Quatre would normally be standing. Having forgotten that Quatre was not with them Wufei sighed, and then realizing this meant he was alone he shrugged to himself and joined in the race.
"VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!!!!" Minako screamed throwing out her arm in some weird gesture. She leant over the edge of the railing hoping to magically grab on to Duo. When nothing happened she almost seemed shocked.
"What are you doing?" Heero asked as he and Trowa reached the spot where Duo had fallen.
"I can't imagine why that didn't work," Minako said to herself and then looking at the two boys stare at her as if she had a horn growing out of her head she shrugged, "I figured that maybe I could…"
"Your screaming is just upsetting the bats further," Heero commented flatly. Minako instantly grew quiet and backed away from the edge.
Trowa climbed over the rail and using his impeccable balance peered into the darkness. "I don't see him."
"I don't hear him," Heero frowned deeply.
Relena was trying to comfort Minako, "Duo won't die that easy. Just watch he's one of them; he'll manage to come out of this completely unscathed."
Wufei joined the other boys at the railing and looked into the pit.
"Duo… are you dead?" Wufei whispered into the darkness. When no response came he stood up straight and said, "Good."
Minako began crying behind him, "Duo… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Come back please, you can hit on the ugly-too-tall-for-you-Aussie if you think it will get you in that stupid contest. Please…just come back and… and… show that chauvinistic creep that you're a much better boyfriend than he is a human being."
Wufei sighed, looking at the opposite side of the chasm he grunted in curiosity. "Do you think you could manage to flip from ledge to ledge all the way down?" he said pointing out evenly spaced platforms sticking out of the side of the wall as far down as they could see.
Trowa shrugged but before he leapt from his spot to gain enough height to fall precisely onto the two-foot wide space that was about twenty feet down, a voice to his right asked, "What are we looking at?"
"Duo fell," Heero commented staring intently on the darkness with everyone else.
"Oooh…that would suck. So you figure he just went splat or something on the bottom?" the person asked.
"If we're lucky," Wufei commented softly beside Heero.
Trowa had yet to take off and his pause was starting to make the others anxious. "Trowa…" Heero trailed as he saw the expression on Trowa's face as he turned around slowly. Looking to his right Heero saw the other observer. "Duo, how did you get back up here?"
Duo smiled and looked from one shoulder to another where a few bats had perched. "I guess you were wrong. The bats are creatures of the night just waiting for me to summon them." Duo gestured and the bats flew off to take their places in the caves.
For some reason Trowa found this extremely hilarious and began laughing.
Minako wiped tears away from her eyes and rushed forward to hug Duo. "I'm sorry I got so mad over something so trivial," she cried burying her head in his chest.
"I'm sorry for being so Wufei-ish," Duo said and the two of them giggled before leaving the caves.
Heero smiled to Relena and gestured at the newly reunited couple ahead of them. Relena nodded in approval and the two of them left the caves much the same way. Trowa hadn't stopped laughing yet when Wufei finally realized that he had been insulted by Duo of all people. "HEY!" Wufei called out after them. This disrupted the bats again and Trowa had yet to return to the "safe" side of the railing!
Outside the bat cave the two couples were chatting waiting for the other two to join them. "Duo…" Minako asked with alarm in her voice, "what's in your hair?"
"Hm?" Duo asked completely oblivious to whatever she was feeling.
Heero grabbed the end of his braid and lifted it into the air.
"Duo!" Relena scolded, "You can't take the bats home with you. Go put those back now." On the underside of Duo's braid five bats hung upside down.
"Eeee…" Minako squealed backing away.
Duo sighed, "Fine," and he turned to go back in the exit. The door was locked so that you couldn't go back in. "Sorry, looks like I can't take them back. I guess I'll just have to keep them," he said turning back to look at the others. The door came swinging open, as a still laughing Trowa exited, and hit Duo squarely in the back, which sent the bats flying back into their much desired darkness.
"Where's Wufei?" Relena asked.
"Oh… he upset the bats…and they…they carried him up…to the cave ceiling…I think…he's clinging to a…stalactite," Trowa said through tears of laugher.
Duo smiled looking to Minako for some kind of reaction. "Did you tell them to do this?"
"Maybe." Duo's blue eyes twinkled. "He'll be fine," Duo said gesturing forward. "Let's go find Quatre."
The others shrugged and followed. Arriving at the Dingo habitat they saw Quatre playing with some pups.
"Hey Quatre, how's it going?"
"It's going great!" Quatre said giggling as one of the pups began licking his face.
"You missed all the action."
Quatre shrugged finally looking up, "Nah…you guys did. This is Jasper, Jade, Jinny, and Jules." He gestured to the pups.
Looking at his friends he commented, "Hey where's Wufei?"
"He finally got his wish to wrestle the croc and it ate him," Duo said all to seriously.
"Oh, that's too bad, Wufei really was a nice guy," Quatre said his attention returning to his dingo pups.
"Is that all you'd have to say if I really died?" Wufei huffed coming up to the group.
"Hey, that's more than most would give you," commented Heero.
"So which one is yours?" Minako asked squatting to pet the dingo pups.
"Sadly, none of them," Quatre replied. "These dingoes are protected by some zoo laws, and until I can prove that I have a safe environment to raise them in I can't keep one." Then Quatre smiled brightly, "Which Jake says for me shouldn't be more than a week to get approval."
"Jake?" Relena asked.
And as if on cue the gorgeous Aussie Quatre had been talking to earlier appeared with a glass of iced tea. "Here you are Quatre. Oh! Are these the friends you mentioned earlier?"
Quatre stood to take his drink then nodded happily introduced Jake to each friend.
"This is Wufei," Quatre began and Jake held out a hand to the Chinese boy. Wufei stared back at him having a newfound disgust for all Australians and Jake nodded, "Just as I imagined you."
Quatre moved on, "This is Heero and Relena," he said introducing the couple as a unit. Relena held out her hand and Jake took it in his and bent to kiss it, "Nice to meet you milady." Heero raised an eyebrow a few millimeters as Jake turned his attention to the Japanese pilot. Jake held out his hand and Heero took it but not to shake hands. Jake forced a smile as he said, "Understood." And Heero gave him one last icy glare before releasing the pressure on the Aussie's hand.
Quatre giggled and pushed Jake on to meet Duo and Minako. Duo spoke first, "Yo, I'm Duo," he said clasping Jake's shoulder, "I wouldn't go messing with the Queen's bodyguard if I were you," he whispered to the other man.
"Thank you for the advice," Jake smiled still holding his right hand.
"Don't mention it," Duo smiled back. "This is my girlfriend Mina," he gestured as they approached the blonde.
"Nice to meet you," Jake nodded.
"Uh-huh…" Minako said spaced.
"Moving on now," Quatre led Jake away towards the last member of the group.
"You no longer have rights to scold me," Duo said coming up behind his girlfriend.
Minako blushed and turned to face him, "Wha? I wasn't…"
"drooling?" Duo asked lifting a finger to her lips.
Minako panicked having not realized that she'd been so transparent and wondering if she really had been drooling until her boyfriend smiled and said, "I know."
"This…" Quatre said pausing for effect, "is Trowa." Jake smiled and looked the tall boy up and down before curtly saying, "Pleasure…"
"So I hear you're going to help Quatre acquire some dingoes," Trowa began having missed the look Jake had given him.
Not missing a beat Jake went into his spiel about raising dingoes in captivity and dragged the entire group over to the habitat with the adult dingoes. Well most of the group Wufei hadn't moved a step. "Isn't he great?" Quatre said coming to stand by his fellow pilot.
"Yeah…real nice guy," Wufei said flatly. "Can we go back to the crocodiles now?" Wufei said looking down at his shoe and the little would be wild dog that was crewing on it.
"Okay. Let me say goodbye to the pups and then we'll get the others and go," Quatre replied.
"I'll meet you at the gate," Wufei said not wishing to stay in the Dingo habitat any longer.
Across the way at the Crocodiles the group stood in line again. Duo and Minako in the front chatting with Heero and Relena behind them then Wufei stood. Trowa and Quatre, complete with dingo pup Jules and a bottle of dingo formula stood next to the line. "This will be so much fun," Quatre chirped.
"I thought you were opposed to this obsession?"
"Really? When was that?" the blonde pilot said staring at the pup.
Trowa sighed and listened as Duo and Minako got to the head of the line.
"Are you Australian?" the man with the clipboard asked.
"Nah," Duo replied.
"Are any of your ancestors Australian?"
"Dude… I'm an orphan. Why…why must you dredge up such painful memories like that," Duo fake sobbed. The man who was still out of it nodded and marked something on his clipboard.
"Have you ever been to Australia?" He rattled off the next question.
"Dunno, is that some tropical paradise or something?"
"Have you ever dated an Australian?"
"Uh, like…" Duo began making a head gesture towards the girl next to him, "now is not the time or place to be asking me about my past girlfriends."
The man scribbled something on his paper and Duo looked to Minako who shrugged as the man continued without reaction to any of Duo's responses.
"Were you born with superhuman strength?"
"Absolutely." Duo smiled. "Do you think I got hair this long with just really good shampoo? No man, it takes muscle…that radiates through every pore of my body even my hair follicles." Minako couldn't help but laugh when the man's only response was to scribble something on the paper and read the next question.
"Were you born with fast reflexes?"
"Yeah, sure dude, whatever. Listen," Duo said reaching over to place his arm around the taller man's shoulders. "See that little Chinese guy behind me?" This got the man's attention.
"You know him?"
"I guess you could say that. He's my arch nemesis. If you let me wrestle this croc it'll totally piss him off."
The Australian man smiled, opened the gate, stepped aside and gestured for the American boy to pass. "You have proven yourself worthy to wrestle any croc you wish."
"What?" Wufei screamed from the back of the line.
The Australian man please to see that the braided boy was not wrong about the anger that the Chinese boy emitted and that the he was in fact quite talented, clapped loudly when Duo managed to wrestle the croc onto it's back. Duo then proceeded to tickle the thick-skinned crocodile while making stupid "tickle-tickle" noises. Pleased to see that his antics were making Mina laugh—along with the rest of the crowd—he stood up on top of the croc and clapped his hands together to show he was the victor and then jumped off flexing his muscles for the cheering crowd. The croc snapped at him and Duo jumped, paled, and laughed a little as he climbed back over the fence.
"You'd make a great rodeo clown," Trowa commented to the braided boy when he got back.
"Yeah. I'm surprised that I didn't loose a hand myself. But to see that look of pure hatred on Wufei's face was worth it."
Heero and Relena were next to the front of the line. The Australian man was in much better control of his senses now.
"Are you Australian?" he asked the Japanese boy.
Heero smirked at him and replied, "Hn."
"Are any of your ancestors Australian?"
"Hn," was the immediate response.
The man gave him a look. Then he turned his attention to the girl next to him. Relena smiled, "I speak Heero if you'd like me to translate," she said sweetly.
"Fine." The man looked at Heero again and Heero simply stared back. The Aussie man nodded, "He…"
"Has been to Australia. But he's never dated an Aussie because I'm his girlfriend and before me there was this whole war thing he was trying to resolve. I don't know if he was born with superhuman strength but I'd say he has…" Relena stopped when Heero put a hand on her shoulder. "Right, let him ask first," she smiled sheepishly and then lowered her eyes.
"What I was going to say is: He may wrestle the large salt water croc in the corner."
"Oh." Relena looked embarrassed. Heero walked calmly through the gate and over to the large crocodile who sat basking on a rock at the edge of the pond. This crocodile seemed to have all the other crocs and the Aussies nervous when they got to close, and that's just how he liked it.
"Why didn't you ask him more questions?" the Australian woman asked the man with the clipboard.
"No need. After two I knew he was not someone to mess with."
"How could you tell, he didn't even respond?"
"Yes he did. I distinctly heard him say that the Chinese boy is an idiot and no crocodile could be more difficult to handle than his girlfriend."
"Hey!" both Wufei and Relena exclaimed from the sidelines.
The giant saltwater crocodile did not like how close this scrawny boy was coming to his rock. He took great offense to the boy's calm demeanor. He wanted nothing more than to lash out at the intruder. But after two movements of his tail the boy stopped and looked at him. The crocodile froze as he locked eyes with the emotionless youth. Gulping the crocodile moved backwards without taking his eyes off of the boy and moved to the side slipping into the pond as if to give Heero his rock. Heero sat down on the rock and said "Hn." While thinking, 'Trowa's right wrestling crocs is boring.'
"Can we go now?" Quatre asked.
"What but I didn't get to…" Wufei began.
"I don't think you could wrestle one if they let you in there," Minako said.
"Hey we've been over this. I am beyond capable of handling a crocodile!" Wufei began, anger rising.
"She's right you know…" Relena said.
"Wha—?" Wufei stopped. It wasn't like Relena to take sides.
Quatre sighed, "Heero scared all the crocodiles away."
"That's why I went before him," Duo said patting Wufei on the shoulder.
"Maybe you'll have better luck next time," Trowa commented turning away.
"Wait! Wait!" Wufei called out as the others, joined by a very bored looking Heero, followed Quatre back to the Dingo habitat. "OH THIS IS BY FAR THE BIGGEST INJUSTICE…" Wufei shouted trailing off after them.
"My, my…wasn't that exciting?" an older woman said to her friend, as they walked away from the exhibit.
"Those boys were good, but I still think the Chinese boy who wrestled yesterday was much better," the other old woman said closing the viewfinder on her video camera.
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The End
for now
Author's Notes:
"Más Tarde ese Día al Zoológico" means "Later that Day at the Zoo."
I had always intended for that last line to be the end of my Wufei story. What do you think, should I have let Wufei wrestle another crocodile? Should Quatre have gotten a shot at the questions?
I'm not sure when or why this fic became a giant Wufei-bashing story instead of the comedy it started out as, but…
Oh wait. Now I remember because it's always been a Wufei-bashing story. Even though, I must state that I do not hate Wufei it's just that most GW comedies are based on one of two principles. Wufei-bashing or Relena-bashing…and Heero would be mad at me if I made fun of Relena. You know other than the whole Rhino thing…oh wait that's practically cannon… I just made it have meaning.
All I know is at least now it's finished. Love it? Hate it? Lemme know, maybe I'll rewrite it just for you. Considering the only people who've read this are my friends and my 1-girl fanclub. Thanks CTS. ^_^
Well… if anyone thinks I should attempt another random story about the Gundam Boys at the zoo, with or without their girlfriends just ask and I'll come up with something more. And funnier. Promise.
Mina Maxwell