Disclaimer note- I own nothing. The events are based on episode 17 (The revival) this is how I think Oliver feels.
Thoughts of the Twisted
Marissa. Ryan.
God, I hate Ryan.
God, I love Marissa.
I hate everything about Ryan.
I love everything about Marissa.
Ryan just doesn't realize it.
He can't see it.
He just can't figure out that Marissa and I were meant to be.
I know that if reincarnation were true, Marissa and I would find a way to each other in each life.
We were just meant to be.
Marissa deserves someone like me.
Ryan is white trash.
Marissa is a princess.
She is meant to be my queen, my everything.
The only thing that stands between Marissa and I is, Ryan.
I could kill him.
Take a gun to his head.
I wouldn't think twice.
Marissa wouldn't forgive me though.
But its not like I have to mess up Marissa and Ryan's relationship.
Ryan messes it up all by himself.
I don't even know why he tries to fit in.
Its pretty obvious that he doesn't.
He was and always will be white trash.
Marissa deserves me.
I deserve Marissa.
I've been searching my whole life for someone like Marissa.
Someone who cares about me, not my money.
Someone who will listen to my problems and not judge me.
Marissa is always there for me.
And I will always be there for Marissa.
No one and nothing can or will separate us.
We were meant to be.
Its that plain and simple.
I would do anything for Marissa.
The scars on my whole body don't come close to what I could do.
But when I'm around Marissa, I feel like I don't need to cut myself anymore.
She's my remedy.
Until I remember that she is with Ryan not with me.
Those thoughts gnash away at me.
While thinking about it I subconsciously slash away at myself.
Its like a dream.
It doesn't even hurt.
The only thing I remember is cleaning up all the blood.
Sometimes I just stare at myself in the mirror.
And wonder how things came to this.
I think it started with Natalie.
My desire for her.
But she will always think of me as 'little Oliver.'
I hate her for that.
More than once I've thought of letting myself bleed to death.
But I need to make more of a dramatic statement.
Suicide in front of many.
Suicide for my love.
"For a beautiful girl, that is one ugly swing" – Oliver from the OC
"SO STUPID" – Oliver from the OC