The Kissing Competition Part 2
Four Days earlier…
Luke's Diner 3:45 pm
Luke stands behind the counter, tidying up, wiping benches, taking orders, arguing with Lorelai, pouring coffee for Lorelai.
Lorelai: Do you know what happens to me when I don't have coffee?
Luke: Your vital organs don't get poisoned and you live twenty longer?
Lorelai: No, I get urges to strangle unsuspecting people around me for a tiny dose of caffeine. Now, do you really want to let me loose on all these lovely customers?
Luke: Ok, ok, here but when your old and trapped in a nursing home tied to a drip of caffeine because it's the only substance your body recognises, I won't visit you.
Lorelai: Oh, Luke, you know that-
Lorelai stops to see Kirk running past the window, he gets to the door and runs inside. He stops. His eyes light up when he sees Luke but as he goes to walk to the counter he bends down dramatically clutching his side. Lorelai tilts her head silently asking the question.
Kirk: Stitch. I'm not a sprinter. I'm better at marathon.
Luke: What are you doing here, Kirk?
Kirk: I need you to teach me how to kiss.
Luke: What? No, I've already no, twice! Ask Miss Patty she's far more experienced.
Kirk: But it wasn't Miss Patty who won those Kissing Competitions.
Lorelai turns, shocked: You won kissing competitions? You went in a kissing competition?
Kirk: Kissing King in '81, '82 and '83. Would you say there should be lips and tongue equally or is it more of a combination thing?
Lorelai: Awww, Luke Kissing King? Do you have a crown? Did they seat you on a throne shaped like a pair of lips and parade you down Main Street?
Luke: Get out of here, Kirk, I'm not going to help you.
Kirk: Just a few pointers. I promise they'll go to my grave.
Luke: So will you, if you don't leave, right now!
Kirk sighed hugely: I'm destined to be Stars Hollow's worst kisser.
Kirk slumped off out of the diner until he saw Andrew walking down the street, he ran out after him, muttering 'the runner up, of course!'
Lorelai: I have a great imagination but I just can't picture you in a kissing competition. Who convinced you to sign up?
Luke: It was all Rachel's idea; first prize was a ticket to Las Angeles. She wanted to get out of Stars Hollow, I said I'd help.
Lorelai: Didn't Kirk say it was three years in a row?
Luke: Rachel got addicted to going on yearly trips just for kissing me for 5 minutes in a stupid festival.
Lorelai: What happened to the competition, I've never even heard of it?
Luke: Miss Patty wasn't keeping it within PG boundaries, if you know what I mean.
Lorelai: Well, obviously you were completely against the kissing; I mean Rachel-she's no Victoria's Secret model, after all.
Rory: Who not a Victoria Secret's model?
Luke: No one. What can I get ya? He frowned at Lorelai, trying to prevent the inevitable.
Lorelai: Oh, we can't stay we've got that thing.
Rory: What thing?
Lorelai: The thing I told you about this morning.
Rory looks confused: Oh, Okay, well bye Luke.
Lorelai: Yes, goodbye, you majesty.
Luke watched as Lorelai practically pushed Rory outside so she could share. Luke decided it wasn't worth the bother of explaining that he didn't want Rory to know about the kissing competition but he figured Lorelai would tell her no matter what. He wondered what Lorelai thought about him being a recognised great kisser, in Stars Hollow anyway, probably nothing. That woman would ignore an oversized elephant in the diner if she didn't want to see it. Luke smiled and shook his head.