G: grief
There was something wrong with the light. It was light enough to see, but the shine was of dark red, like stains of blood that had blackened.
Sanzo looked up. He didn't like this light. Even if the room was spacious and supported by tall, white, elegant pillars, the light cast an empty feeling in his heart. No, empty wasn't the right word for it. The light made a hole in his heart, which sucked everything inside, like a black hole.
Sanzo looked down. At his feet lied Kougaiji. Motionless. Lifeless.
Sanzo gasped, feeling surprised, as if seeing something entirely new to him. And now he felt as if he had inhaled sadness itself. S**t, he had done a mistake by gasping. The light must have made its way in his heart... What's this? Light doesn't make one depressed...
Blood had gushed out of a hole in Kougaiji's chest. A bullet's hole... Sanzo tucked his gun in his sleeve and knelt down to make sure Kougaiji was dead.
Yes. The prince was dead. As dead as he could be.
The body was still warm, the face an expression of peace, as if he was just sleeping and could wake up any time. As if he could stand up immediately and challenge Sanzo for a duel, like he had done for so many times. But he was dead. Sanzo had checked it for more than three times.
'This light!' Sanzo cursed soundlessly. He could hear his own heart beating. It was so loud. It was too loud. How could one find his own heart beating too loud? It's as if thinking that one's own life is not worthy compared to others'.
Sanzo looked again at Kougaiji. No, it was not Kougaiji. It was just a corpse. Kougaiji was gone. They wouldn't stand facing each other again, each with his own will, one to the west, the other to the east. So what?
"Come back... come back... Let's go on and write our history, Kou!" It's Gojyo's voice... No, it must be his brother.
Now came another noise. Sanzo listened. "Another death in front of you. Caused by you..." a voice whispered in his head.
Sanzo stood up quickly, as if he could shut the voice up by doing so. He had to push himself to walk away from this admirable opponent. Sadness was so heavy in his heart that he felt sure Goku would have been set howling by an emotion so intense. But himself... never. Sadness, or guilt? What was this burden, that made his feet stagger?
Damn it, he wasn't even supposed to feel!
But he wanted to cry. He wanted it so badly like a drowned person wanting air and felt pain in his chest.
Sanzo used all his might to shut down this feeling and change to the rational mode.
And so as he met his companions outside the room, outside the very room, where Kougaiji lied, lifeless, in a pool of his own blood, never to get out of that place, Sanzo said in his usual cold, uncaring tone, "Kougaiji is dead."
Hakkai looked at Sanzo with a inquiring look and Sanzo felt an urge to put out the look for ever - or even extinguish the owner of this look. Sanzo wasn't sure about it. What's wrong with that look, anyway? He fought the urge with his reasoning, his main weapon, and decided to look around.
S**t, this light!
It was definitely not helping. His hand was going to shake - he clenched his fist tightly and ground his teeth, for he was getting splashed wet, drenched, and drowned by a heavy pour of emotion.
"Sanzo?" Hakkai said. Goku and Gojyo looked at him curiously.
The weight of his feeling felt very sharp... like a knife going through his skin, his muscles, his bones... Sanzo groaned painfully.
And snapped out of his sleep.
There was no one around. Sanzo sat up, panting breathlessly and spent good five minutes to convince himself that it was just a dream.
It was so real. He wouldn't be surprised if Kougaiji were really dead now.
No, it's just a dream. It felt very real, but it's just a dream. A dream that wasn't real, but only felt real. Just a dream. Just a dream.
But hell, why would he feel sad about anyone's death anymore? How many deaths had he caused? And especially Kougaiji's death was not something to mourn for. Sanzo would eventually be the cause of Kougaiji's death, or the other way around. Whichever way it goes, someone would have to die at the end.
Sanzo looked out of the window. It was raining. Yesterday it had been raining the whole day. But why in the whole world did he dream about himself, almost crying like a baby, for Kougaiji's death? Sanzo racked his brain to find a reason, an explanation, an excuse, for such a shameful condition: He, Sanzo, on the verge of tears. Even if it was just a dream, it required a rationalization. It actually claimed for a justification.
His head wasn't cooperating, though. The dream had robbed him of a refreshing sleep, and so as he got up, he felt quite dazed. Poor Goku would have to endure more whacks than usual today.
End of G.
There was something wrong with the light. It was light enough to see, but the shine was of dark red, like stains of blood that had blackened.
Sanzo looked up. He didn't like this light. Even if the room was spacious and supported by tall, white, elegant pillars, the light cast an empty feeling in his heart. No, empty wasn't the right word for it. The light made a hole in his heart, which sucked everything inside, like a black hole.
Sanzo looked down. At his feet lied Kougaiji. Motionless. Lifeless.
Sanzo gasped, feeling surprised, as if seeing something entirely new to him. And now he felt as if he had inhaled sadness itself. S**t, he had done a mistake by gasping. The light must have made its way in his heart... What's this? Light doesn't make one depressed...
Blood had gushed out of a hole in Kougaiji's chest. A bullet's hole... Sanzo tucked his gun in his sleeve and knelt down to make sure Kougaiji was dead.
Yes. The prince was dead. As dead as he could be.
The body was still warm, the face an expression of peace, as if he was just sleeping and could wake up any time. As if he could stand up immediately and challenge Sanzo for a duel, like he had done for so many times. But he was dead. Sanzo had checked it for more than three times.
'This light!' Sanzo cursed soundlessly. He could hear his own heart beating. It was so loud. It was too loud. How could one find his own heart beating too loud? It's as if thinking that one's own life is not worthy compared to others'.
Sanzo looked again at Kougaiji. No, it was not Kougaiji. It was just a corpse. Kougaiji was gone. They wouldn't stand facing each other again, each with his own will, one to the west, the other to the east. So what?
"Come back... come back... Let's go on and write our history, Kou!" It's Gojyo's voice... No, it must be his brother.
Now came another noise. Sanzo listened. "Another death in front of you. Caused by you..." a voice whispered in his head.
Sanzo stood up quickly, as if he could shut the voice up by doing so. He had to push himself to walk away from this admirable opponent. Sadness was so heavy in his heart that he felt sure Goku would have been set howling by an emotion so intense. But himself... never. Sadness, or guilt? What was this burden, that made his feet stagger?
Damn it, he wasn't even supposed to feel!
But he wanted to cry. He wanted it so badly like a drowned person wanting air and felt pain in his chest.
Sanzo used all his might to shut down this feeling and change to the rational mode.
And so as he met his companions outside the room, outside the very room, where Kougaiji lied, lifeless, in a pool of his own blood, never to get out of that place, Sanzo said in his usual cold, uncaring tone, "Kougaiji is dead."
Hakkai looked at Sanzo with a inquiring look and Sanzo felt an urge to put out the look for ever - or even extinguish the owner of this look. Sanzo wasn't sure about it. What's wrong with that look, anyway? He fought the urge with his reasoning, his main weapon, and decided to look around.
S**t, this light!
It was definitely not helping. His hand was going to shake - he clenched his fist tightly and ground his teeth, for he was getting splashed wet, drenched, and drowned by a heavy pour of emotion.
"Sanzo?" Hakkai said. Goku and Gojyo looked at him curiously.
The weight of his feeling felt very sharp... like a knife going through his skin, his muscles, his bones... Sanzo groaned painfully.
And snapped out of his sleep.
There was no one around. Sanzo sat up, panting breathlessly and spent good five minutes to convince himself that it was just a dream.
It was so real. He wouldn't be surprised if Kougaiji were really dead now.
No, it's just a dream. It felt very real, but it's just a dream. A dream that wasn't real, but only felt real. Just a dream. Just a dream.
But hell, why would he feel sad about anyone's death anymore? How many deaths had he caused? And especially Kougaiji's death was not something to mourn for. Sanzo would eventually be the cause of Kougaiji's death, or the other way around. Whichever way it goes, someone would have to die at the end.
Sanzo looked out of the window. It was raining. Yesterday it had been raining the whole day. But why in the whole world did he dream about himself, almost crying like a baby, for Kougaiji's death? Sanzo racked his brain to find a reason, an explanation, an excuse, for such a shameful condition: He, Sanzo, on the verge of tears. Even if it was just a dream, it required a rationalization. It actually claimed for a justification.
His head wasn't cooperating, though. The dream had robbed him of a refreshing sleep, and so as he got up, he felt quite dazed. Poor Goku would have to endure more whacks than usual today.
End of G.