The Seventh Month
Work & Play
Speaking of work, I know I have a nice stack of papers to be looked at sitting on my desk right now. I thought being the Commander during war time was a pain, imagine filing all the paperwork from said war. Not to mention that Cid is training me to be headmaster, why? I'm still trying to figure that one out. Xu has much more experience then myself, and Quistis is much more organized, Zell is full of more facts and knowledge then me, Selphie can talk anybody into doing anything and if Irvine was a SeeD I'd say him, because he is a people person and can charm them all. But Me? What was Cid thinking? Rinoa says it's because everybody looks up to me, and respects me. She also says that I'm cool under pressure and state the facts and find logical solutions. Yeah, Whatever. Like it was logical when I jumped into outer space? or how about the fact that I'm a brand new SeeD with only a handful of missions under his belt. All of which were failures except one. And I must admit that defeating Ultimecia was a pretty big mission, but that doesn't make me leader material.
I might as well give up and admit to myself. Although I won't ever say it out loud I enjoy being Commander. It's hours of silent work and thinking, and when people turn to me for guidance and leadership I might feel slightly burdened by the weight, but my mind takes over, and I excel at it. It's very thrilling to order your troops exactly where you know they will do the most good, especially when others don't see it until after the battle's been won. There were a few experiences like that after the war when SeeD's were sent to clean up after the Lunar Cry, which I know for a fact there are at least a stack of papers on my desk still concerning that event. But even with all the paper work and all the responsibilities I wouldn't give it up for the world. It's a little scary being a role model for so many, but I deal with it like I do with everything else, quiet indifference.
There is however one thing I was unable to deal with in that matter, Press Conferences. After the war was over, and the orphanage Gang was proclaimed heroes it seemed as if everyone wanted to know all about me. Trust me, I'm not that interesting. To be honest I can't even remember my life, how am I supposed to tell someone else about it. 'How did you feel when you were first enrolled in Garden?' I don't know.... 'What was it like the first time you wielded the gunblade?' good... 'What was it like having to fight your Matron and class mate?' weird.... Let's just say that they then decided focus questions on the others, and drilled them for information about me. Unfortunately they weren't happy with that for long and once again turned their focus back to me. I swear they are worse then tonberries. They just keep inching forward, and just one you think they've gone down they get back up and stab you. Trust me, I know.
So the media world decided I was the strong silent type with a troubled child hood who turned into the hero and rose to the top and now has a beautiful lady by his side....and this was before they found out President Loire was my father. Anyway, it was so bad for a while I couldn't open the newspaper or watch TV without seeing my face. I don't know for the life of me where they got most of the stuff they used either. I didn't want to pose for any pictures or do anymore interviews, but my so called friends and my superiors highly urged me to do so stating it would bring a profit to the garden and increase admissions. Whatever. Although seeing Leonhart lunch pales in the cafeteria is still a bit unnerving, not to mention I know for a fact that I'm hanging in Garden students closets and on walls. I don't even want to know what they think about or do when they stare at my pictures.
At least my skills are advanced enough that I can easily slip past the photographers unnoticed whenever I go outside the Garden. Although I must admit that Irvine wasn't so lucky and had a quite embarrassing picture of himself getting friendly with another girl all over the papers. Selphie wouldn't talk to him for days. She never could resist his charm for long. Zell also had a picture incident. It was him with at least three hotdogs in his mouth and two more in each hand. It was actually the title that got me. Dincht Digs Dogs! or something foolish like that. I think Selphie had a bit of a bikini scandal herself, but Quistis has been lucky so far. As for Rinoa, her part in the war has been kept secret, no body needs to know she is a sorceress and nobody needs to know she was nothing but the client of my first SeeD mission, and was here at Garden throughout the war. We have also done our best to keep Fuijin and Raijin out of the limelight, their names were never really publicized, unlike a certain sorceress' Knight. I don't know where they are, but I know that there isn't a single warrant out with their names or faces on it. For that I am thankful.
So why do we protect Rinoa from the spotlight? It's a good question and one I had to explain several times, we also had to then make up and change a few parts of our story, but it was for the best. We don't need General Caraway down our throats for endangering his daughter and brining her to all the scandal of the press and such. Also for Garden to harbor a sorceress wouldn't sit very well. Another reason, was that Garden decided it should only be Garden students and SeeD who take credit. Rinoa was upset to say the least, but after I told her it was also for her safety and best interests she let it go, reluctantly.
This brings us to a whole other topic. Rinoa. What is there to really say. At first she annoyed the hell out of me. Waving her hands in front of me chanting that I like her I like her....yeah right. Anyway after being dragged out onto the dance floor she spots the person she's been looking for all along and abandons me. Yup...that felt real good, especially for the person with abandonment issues to begin with. Later I manage to pass SeeD and end up leading my very first mission. Which just happens to state in not so many words that me and my two friends are Rinoa's soul possession until Timber is liberated. What kind of bull shit is that. I could live with being attached to a group until their goals are achieved if that group actually had real plans and strategies. Oh well.... another thing that annoyed me to no extent is that while I'm out trying to save the world and limit the amount of deaths apparently my teammates are helping Rinoa plot on how to win me. What was I to them a trophy to win and hand over for Rinoa to display. I know I sound horrible, but somewhere between the 4th and 5th time I had to save her I was thinking of killing her. But after I saw her collapse on that floor in Galbadian Garden I started to see her in a new light.
I felt responsible for her and when she collapsed in front of me what else could I do but drag her to this supposed Esthar. Talking to her unconscious body that day made me appreciate her beauty, and also made me notice that I actually could miss her always cheery disposition. It was a nice balance to my sullen one. She supports me in anything I choose to do. Sure she may call me out once in a while for being a callous bastard, but after I explain the logic she always concedes to me. But maybe that's one of the reasons we've fizzled
For seven months I felt nothing but endless devotion and love for her. Okay maybe it was more like for seven months I was actually content, for the first time in a long time to let someone in my life. I still am in some ways. Without her constant pestering I would probably never leave the Garden and have fun. I would have easily reverted back into the 'Leonhartless'. I'm not saying she made me into a socialite or even a romantic but she made me have fun. I can still remember the time the gang and I went out clubbing. I think they almost died of shock when I laughed. Which in turn only made me laugh louder. Irvine had actually checked my forehead to see if I had a temperature. I also danced, in front of people. Rinoa had been bugging me and I guess I finally had enough alcohol to leave my inhibitions and arguments behind. Selphie's jaw literally hit the floor. I think Quistis took a picture. I'm sure it was for blackmail. So thanks to Rinoa I have actually had fun in the past seven months instead of just brooding.
Now I have mentioned that we have fizzled. Well in plain terms the fire went out two months ago and we were both just to lazy and comfortable to do anything about it. I think secretly she was hoping it would come back, but I just couldn't be bothered to put the effort in. Even at the height of our relationship, which wasn't very high at all, I felt nothing more than a sense of comfort and duty. Sure she is a great young lady but she just couldn't hold my interest when it came to endless hours of making-out. I think that may have been when I started to question my sexuality. Of course I found Rinoa beautiful and tried on more then one occasion to lead her to my bed. It's just that when I'm training with the guys I find that their muscular and often sweaty forms attract my attention just as much. On more than one occasion Rinoa had been replaced by some random male SeeD in my wet dreams. So where did that leave Rinoa and I? happily stagnant? not quite. she broke up with me exactly 47 minutes ago, and where does this leave me? with one more friend, one less girlfriend and the freedom to find another way to relieve my sexual frustrations. Rinoa wanted to wait until she was married, or knew that he was the one...or something like that. All I can say is that it was every teenage males worse nightmare. Having a beautiful woman in your dorm room making out on your bed, but not wanting to do anything other than make out a bit. And people always wondered why I was more grumpy when they found out Rinoa spent the night over at my room. Can you say all cuddle equals very frustrated male commander?
So I'm single, and I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual. Unfortunately my job, which is my life, allows me no free time what so ever to go out and meet people let alone experiment with my new found sexual preference. and Like hell I'm going to do anything with anyone from Garden. I don't need any more gossip about me. Besides I have a sinking feeling that nobody here at the moment would meet my standards.
~~~~~~~Author's Notes~~~~~~~~~~
Hey I'd like to thank those that reviewed and encourage others to do the same. I'd also like to apologize for the lack of updates, I swear I've been busy and also didn't really know how to write about Rinoa. I know it's sort of slow right now, but I'm trying to get a feel for the characters, and just so you know this is Squall writing in his journal, and once he is done it will go to a whole different perspective of the world, and Squall will actually interact with people in the present time. So write me any suggestions, or anything you want to see, because my plot is not very strict so I'll take suggestions, and I'll try to get the next part up soon.