Disclaimer: I'm saving up… I'm saving up…

AN: Hey guys! I'm still here!! History test was today… argh. Well, I passed! And to Robin… no worries, reviews are just an extra, though it does help… I'd never discontinue something I've started. And I know this isn't a songfic, but I just had to add the lyrics. The song's Knocking on Heaven's door by Bob Dylan. Thanks to everyone that reviewing! Odd how no one's reviewed twice… except one… Oh well, thanks again! Now for the story!!

Icari

Chapter 13

 Kikyo walked into the cave, picking out the leaves and twigs that had gotten caught in her hair. She sat on the pile of pine needles covered by a piece of cloth; her make-shift bed.

 "Why did I do that?" She asked herself quietly, as if willing for the answer to come out from somewhere. Maybe… maybe it was because… she had lost the will to do this over and over again. Maybe she just wanted to be sent to the underworld. Maybe…

 According to a witch she had seized, her soul was only made up of other girls, but was fueled by her hate for Inuyasha. Her being contained all the hate for him there was in Kagome. Now… she had that, and Kagome didn't have the ability to hate the boy, no matter what. And even though the soul was in her, it was still linked to Kagome in ways, and all the hate she wanted to have for the hanyou simply fed Kikyo's soul, leaving the girl with only sadness, depression, and frustration to fill the void. She pitied her reincarnation.

Mama take this badge from me,
I can't use it anymore
It's getting dark too dark to see
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door

 But the other girls' souls have weakened and buried it, and Kikyo now felt more than one emotion. Slowly, her humanity was coming back to her, and she now had the heart to take something rather than complete victory. She could take Inuyasha and Kagome living together, and Inuyasha living, but she would not leave it be if Inuyasha just kept hurting Kagome.

 Kikyo fingered the sword at her side, imagining its capabilities. Should Inuyasha fail the test, and destroy her, Kikyo, then the fourth sword, Tekaiga, would be used to drag his soul down to hell. That's what she would do, because the hanyou didn't deserve to live if it was only to hurt. And, maybe, she could use the Tekaiga in the fight against Naraku when the time came. But should all hate for Inuyasha from Kagome disappear, and Kikyo along with it, she would have to pass on the sword to her reincarnation.

 The undead miko felt a surge of power go through her, and she felt herself pitying Kagome even more. Inuyasha had done something again, and Kagome was clearly upset. She would be mad too, Kagome that was, but she was cursed never to feel hatred for that ignorant hanyou.

 A blue orb flew to the exit of the tunnel, and Kikyo stood up. Her soul catchers had come back…

*~*~*~*~*

 'Twenty days… what is Kikyo planning?' Inuyasha watched the group from his tree, pining over his current situation. Sango, Kagome, Miroku, and Shippo were there, as well as Rin and Icari. Sesshomaru was there too, but only because Rin was, and Jaken had been sent off somewhere. His eyes were mostly on Kagome though, smiling a bit at the red haori she still had draped over her shoulders. She must've forgotten to give it back...

 But back to the matter at hand. How was he supposed to admit it… again? No matter how sure everyone was about Kagome's feelings towards him, there was something holding him back. But what exactly was it? Inuyasha sorted through his thoughts at any clues to what it could be, but with no luck.

 "You are one complicated brother." The voice was so close it made Inuyasha jump a little bit. He shot a glare over at Icari, who sat on the branch beside him. "What is with you? She loves you, you love her… how is it that hard to just admit it? Especially with twenty days."

 Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door.

 "You wouldn't understand. Is that all you're here for?" Inuyasha watched her warily as she trudged back and forth on her branch. Her long green cape trailed behind her as she thought.

 "Inuyasha, how would you know that I haven't courted before? And no, there's another reason that I'm here." She crouched down to look at him face to face, but he simply looked away, towards Kagome.

 "Because youkai don't court, they mate and that's it." He hesitated for a second. "Unless you're in my situation, where your would-be mate is bound to some responsibilities."

 "Ha." Icari gave a sarcastic laugh and hit her brother lightly. "How do you know my would-be mate is even a youkai? How do you know that they aren't bound to something themselves?"

 "What could you possibly attract?" This time, Icari hit her brother hard, causing him to land right by the others who were around the fireplace. He jumped up quickly. "Hey! What was that for!? I was only kidding!" he shouted back hotly.

 "Yeah, and like I'd let you get away with anything?" She snickered and taunted him. "Get your ass back up here! I still haven't finished talking to you." He did so rather reluctantly, with everyone staring.

 "Okay, there. Now what do you want?" Icari's eyebrow twitched, and she seemed… annoyed to say the least.

 "Now I understand why Kagome's so reluctant. You are such a jerk." The miko's name caught Inuyasha's attention, his ears twitching to show it. "Anyways, as I was saying, Kagome isn't the only reason why I came up here…" She trailed off, studying her brother's face. "Sesshomaru is thinking of leaving this little pack with Rin and Jaken. I… I was considering going with them."

Mama wipe this blood from my face
I'm sick and tired of all this war
There's a long hard feelin' and it's hard to chase
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door

 "What??" Inuyasha jumped up in the tree, surprising Icari and hitting his head on a smaller branch above him. "But why? Why not stay with us? Why go with Sesshomaru?" Icari looked at him, a bit sadly.

 "Sesshomaru's group is smaller than yours, and with Rin growing up, she'll…" A blush graced her face. "need a role model, and someone to help her with some… things." She knew what was coming up next: her brother's excuses.

 "But what about me? I'm your little brother. He's got a whole castle of servants and shit. I have a whole group of pathetic humans to protect!" There was a gasp from down below, and Icari stood up shaking her head slightly.

 "By, now, Inuyasha, I thought you would've learned something…" She jumped off, away from the campsite, and left Inuyasha to deal with who ever it was that had heard. Dreading what he might see, Inuyasha bent his neck slowly, and saw a red haori.

 "I'm screwed."

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door.

 "Oh, so that's what I am. A worthless, pathetic, shard detector!" Kagome slowed to a stop, nearly breathless now that she had ran so far. She choked her words out angrily, slightly disoriented by her sobs. "Maybe I should've told Miroku and Sango, they would've wanted to know. Then, I wouldn't have to do this by myself. But I can't go back now… that hanyou's probably looking for me."

 She sat against, a tree, exhausted. She needed time to herself, to think. "God Inuyasha, I want to hate you so much… but I can't…" Tears escaped her eyelids as she whispered to herself. "Why can't I hate you? No matter… no matter how much you hurt me, or find me worthless, I'm stuck with only heartbreak…" She bit her lip as her voice trembled.

 'If there is a god, let me stop loving Inuyasha. Let me hate him so I don't have to feel this anymore…' A sob escaped her lips as she realized how hopeless it was. She was in love with that egomaniac, and no one could stop it.

 "I'll go back later, and take Shippo, Miroku and Sango with me. We'll go… somewhere. They don't deserve to be used like puppets; they shouldn't have to feel useless." She tried to tell her heart to hate the hanyou that was making her cry, but as flashes of him made her feel desperate for his scent of his haori against, and for the warmth of his arms as he held her… like the day they met Icari.

 Kagome let go of her tears and began to sob into her knees as her body shivered, partly from the cold and partly from her tears. Exhaustion took over as she fell into a deep sleep.

Mama wipe this blood from my face
I'm sick and tired of all this war
There's a long hard feelin' and it's hard to chase
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door

 "Inuyasha!" Sango, Miroku and Shippo called out as they saw the hanyou jumping out of the tree. This stopped him, and the three ran up to Inuyasha. Sango studied his face, and felt angry as she realized it had a guilty look.

 "What did you do now?" she demanded, gesturing from the haori to the direction Kagome had run off in. "I thought you were going to think of a way to confess, not make her cry!" He didn't answer.

 "And where is your sister? Maybe she can give us some answers." Shippo jumped onto Sango's shoulder, trying to peer at Inuyasha face. But the hanyou had bent his head in shame, his bangs covering his eyes.

 "I didn't do anything, and I'm going to find Kagome right now, but only if you let me. Icari's run off somewhere, you can get Sesshomaru to find her if you're desperate." He jumped off. Sango ran in his direction, but Miroku stop her.

 "Let him go." Frustrated, she turned in his direction, and shouted as loud as she could.

 "Inuyasha! If you can't find her, don't bother coming back! And I'm not talking to you until you confess to her god damn it!" Miroku looked taken back at this display of anger, but Sango just scowled in the same direction she had last seen Inuyasha. More quietly, she mumbled angrily, "And don't pretend you didn't hear, I know you did."

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door,
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door.

~* TBC