she will be loved
by: say-chan
disclaimer:: okay... another plot was brewing in my head... this time, it's a songfic!! ^-^ so i'm major sure this will be a one shot.... ^_^ hehe... i've been wanting to write something like this, so here it is.... ^-^ it's a rogue/gambit... hmm what do you call it here? romy? there... ^-^ my other fics will be finished shortly... the song is by maroon5 and well... x-men evolution isn't mine... ^-^ please R&R!! ^-^ hehehe...
~i don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring' rain... look for the girl with the broken smile... ask her if she wants to stay a while.... and she will be loved... ~
It was yet another day in the life of Rogue... Hey, wait! Sighing, I heard myself thinking like the morning TV announcer guy. Oh crap. I realized it was another day of school, everyday was simply the day before. The same mound of classes, the same annoying people... and... well... the usual build-up of assignments.
Everyday was so --- unusual... so ordinary. It took me quite a while before I stood up and went to the bathroom. My daily routine went quickly, the same stuff happening almost like before. But this time... it just felt... different.
Well, scratch that. Forget what I said. The ride to school wasn't any different at all. Kurt teasing Kitty, Scott and Jean with their usual timid 'habitat' around each other... just makes me feel sick.... sick as in... Argh! I want to throw up.
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I swallowed the lump that was forming on my throat for no particular reason at all. I watched as people walked past me on the front steps of Bayville High. That... moment... just made me feel so different from them... so unwanted.
I wouldn't want to bring up the issue of me being a mutant blah... blah... BLAH! I gritted my teeth. I can't believe this! I felt so pathetic. I pitied myself because I longed to be close to someone... to be close to a person whom I care for and who cares for me without sending them straight to one of the intensive care units at a nearby hospital... to be special... But those please reached deaf ears.
Sighing, I realized that the society I was living in... was simply.... simply HELL. They judged... they mistreated everyone they see... without even knowing what's inside them. They... reject the idea of being with us... without even trying to.
I blinked and watched as the reverie that flashed by me come to an abrupt end. Sighing, I asked myself. 'What can I do, anyway?' I shook my head and simply threw the thought away.
Somehow, time seemed to fly as I listened boredly to the speaker. He was talking about yet another school dance that I surely won't be going anyway. Many people tell me that I'm not that open to social gatherings such as these... but HELL I CARE!!! Sighing, I calmed myself. The whole thing's gonna be a disaster if I go, anyway.
I shrugged and looked down at the floor, as if finding it more interesting than the boring speaker. My eyelids slowly dropped and I found myself in a daydream.
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I shook my thoughts away as all I saw was mere darkness. It made me feel so empty inside... as if something was lost inside me. Something that I never had before but I will have to go look for to carry on. It pains me to hear my inner voice suffering... but I don't know what it's saying.
It was then I realized that this... this pain I'm feeling won't be hidden by my mere evasions. Sighing, I left the thoughts drift away with the small gust of wind that passed by. I... didn't know that being alone could get to me this much. I didn't know that it could stand up and hit me in the face with guilt... and guilt... and more guilt...
It wasn't my fault that I stayed alone... It's not my fault that I thought I enjoyed the fact of being alone... But... now... It just... I bit my lip and breathed in. There was too much pressure inside me... I felt like I was going to burst... and I couldn't control it any longer.
It was like every emotion in me is packed in... but is now falling apart one by one. But by bit, I'm losing what's left in me... And I don't even know why I'm feeling this.
I've never felt like this before. I've never felt this feeling that something's moving farther and farther away from me... that I can't even reach my dreams anymore... My hopes are now buried six feet under... I try to pull them upward but I don't even know where to start.
It was then it hit me. It hit me like a slap on the face. I then knew what was wrong. I then knew what was missing...
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
No matter what I did, I just simply couldn't escape the fact that I'm always left behind... that I'm always alone. And what hurts more than that is the fact that I know why I'm experiencing this. I know who's behind all this. And as I stop to assess the things that came and went... I realized that the one person who wanted this... was me.
I tried to stop my inner self from suffering all this around me. I tried to tolerate the pain of wearing yet another mask on top of the broken smile I've been flashing every time Risty passes by me. No matter how much pain I've been hiding inside, I just couldn't evade the fact that i need to let this all out.
Something diverted my attention from our boring geography teacher to something outside. My eyes widened as I saw him... HIM... the French guy... one of Magneto's acolytes. I bit my lip as I watched him slowly twirl a king-of-hearts card. Somehow... The pain in my heart seemed to stop as I stared at him.
Somehow, he realized he was being watched. I simply fixated my gaze at him as he looked up at me and flashed a small smile. He indirectly pointed to the school dance poster plastered on one of the trees near the one he was leaning on. Thoughts raced inside my head as I felt my cheeks flush deep red.
I heard my heart thump louder as he turned away. Subconsciously, I whispered his name...
"Remy..."
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
I blinked and saw nothing but a trail of dust in place of where he once was. I sighed as I again turned my attention to the screeching of the chalk against the chalkboard. Somehow, the fact of him being there... of him looking at me like that... makes me want to...
A bucket of thoughts and a couple of minutes later...
"Rogue! Hey!"
I turned from my locker and saw Risty walking towards me. She clutched my arm and smiled. "Are you going to the school dance this weekend? I heard that there was a really cool band that'll play. And guess what? outsiders are welcome! Ain't that cool?" Risty said as I continued to fix my things.
I bit my lip and let the regular side of me flow through. "Why would Ah want tah be in that dance? Ah mean..." I began. "Oh, c'mon, Rogue. We can go together. Besides, we can look for some really cute outsiders..."
Somehow the thoughts of him managed to register in my head. I shifted my thoughts and turned to Risty. I shook my head. Sighing, I faked another smile. "Alright... I'll go..." I replied in defeat.
"Great!" Risty beamed.
After a while, I found myself staring at the ceiling of the room I shared with Kitty. Somehow, I felt the depression that was haunting me that morning... simply float away...
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
The days slowly passed and the day of the dance came. I felt myself freeze as I watched couples pass by me in the gym entrance. Somehow, something made me feel so nervous.
I heaved a sigh and with all the courage I had left inside me, I slowly pushed the door open. I looked up at the giant disco ball rotating above the whole place. Music played softly as couples crowded the dance floor. I spotted a few familiar faces, including Scott and Jean. I felt myself cringe. But in reality, my heart dropped at the sight to them together.
And... for the very first time in my entire life, I began to falter. A lump began to form in my throat. I bit my lip ad I watched them dancing to a soft melody. I felt my heart pang as tears slowly formed in my eyes.
I hurried to one of the bleachers and sat down to avoid the sight. Although I was ten feet away, I could still feel the emotion I was feeling while I was watching them. I ran my fingers through my hair as thoughts jumbled and positioned themselves on top of another as different conclusions plastered themselves in front of my tear-stricken eyes.
I felt someone staring at me. I slowly looked up and saw an extended hand holding a white handkerchief. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked up to see the face of the person. And to my surprise... It was...
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
"Remy..." I whispered as he flashed a small smile. "Take this. Remy don't want to see girls cry in front of him." he looked away and shoved the handkerchief into my gloved hand.
At first, I hesitated. I bit my lip and slowly wiped my tears dry. I saw him smile at me. "There. Dat's better." I blinked and for no reason at all, I smiled. I again looked down and assessed what just happened. "Why are yah here?" I asked.
"Mmm?" he mumbled then shook his head. "It's not important..." he replied. He looked up at the lights as they began to dim and another slow song was about to begin.
"Would you do Remy the honor?" he asked as he extended his hand. I looked up, surprised at his gesture. I bit my lip and felt my body stand up without my consent. "Ah don't mind." I flashed a small smile.
I placed my hand in his, and for no particular reason at all, stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. As he led me to the dance floor, it seemed like all the pain I was feeling just went away. It was as if all the inner suffering... my emotional strife simply came to an end. Every blank space an emotion that was once gone was filled. It was as if I've found the subject of my early reveries. It was as if I've found the missing piece of the puzzle of life I've always overlooked.
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
I blinked and listened as the music slowly ended. He led me outside. The moon and the stars shone overhead as we sat down on one of the school benches. I sighed as I looked up at the scenery. Everything... simply overwhelmed me.
He looked at me, eyes filling in with a query. "What's wrong?"
I shook my head. "No, nothing's wrong.... It's just that-" I began but paused as I recalled the depression that bothered me days ago. I wasn't going to tell a complete stranger what I was feeling... was I? I felt my heart fluctuate as it disobeyed the result of yet more reveries. Remy was... It was like my heart knew him more than I did. It was like I've known him all my life.
I bit my lip and swallowed the lump that was forming on my throat again. "It's okay if you don't like to tell me. Remy don't like to tell others how he feels inside, either." he said as he looked up in the sky.
I kept silent and looked at the sky again. My eyes widened as I saw a falling star. And... that made me smile... I looked at him and found him staring at me. My brow creased in query. He looked up again and sighed. "You know what, Remy saw a fallin' star once." he began. "What did ya wish for?" I asked in a mere whisper.
"Dat night was the night after Remy saw you." he looked at me. "And Remy wished for a chance to see you again. Remy's heart felt that he knew you forever... And when Remy did, he realized he loves you." I gulped and assessed what he just said... He what?
"Remy knows it's hard to believe... It's one of them love-first-sight things... But Remy knew there was something more to you. Because Remy thinks you are special." I felt my heartbeat increase as I heard those words. I was never told that I was special... or I was loved. But here I was listening to a complete stranger confess his feelings to me. I was confused.
But for no reason at all, I smiled. I smiled not because I was amused or anything... I smiled because... I felt the same way. It just took so much time for me to realize that. I bit my lip. "I love you, Remy." I barely heard myself whisper.
"But... This... You and me... It could never be." I looked down and a tear rolled down my pale cheek.
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I watched as a leaf that was once sitting serenely on the ground got lifted away with the wind's strong gust. And then I realized... that no matter how much I tried, I will never get accepted... the way I wanted to be. That in life... all I need to do is go with the flow and not against it. But... knowing reality from otherwise was difficult... For reality abandoned me when I was alone.
I felt his gloved hand lift my chin up. "Remy knows that... But he does not want to see you alone anymore." he said as more tears streamed down my face. "He wants to stop invisible tears from fallin' down your eyes. He doesn't want to see you in pain. He wants you happy..."
I sighed. "But I will never be... I am cursed... I will never be happy, Remy." I looked down.
"Then... Remy wants to share this curse. Remy wants you to have a part of him... even if only for a while..." He lifted my chin up... and kissed me.
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Three weeks... Three weeks have passed and the memory of that kiss still lingered in my soul. Sure, we would stay enemies... Sure we would stay eternally apart... But... he gave me something... Something that made my torn soul whole again. Something that I couldn't see... But still stays with me wherever I go.
Although I never got to tell him how much I felt for him... Although I couldn't say how much I cared... That kiss... said it all. And even if only for a while... the curse was lifted... And I felt true happiness.
That happiness... is the kind that stays inside my heart forever. I will never forget you... My Gambit... because even if only for a while... you made me feel the best thing that ever happened to me.
You made me feel special... because you loved me.
a/n::
hello peepz!! ^-^ finally i got to write again... my head hasn't been on its best lately... so i'm going slow on the writing... ^-^ i hope you like my first romy... ^-^ i worked hard for it!!! i'm sorry if i didn't get remy's accent right... errr... i'm still learning... ^-^
and to my credits! thank you to those who reviewed my fics! you guys are really NICE! to my beta Taineyah, to -bentesiyete-, ate joy, ate karen, kuya miko, irene, rika, anne, eunice, bezt, dino, JM, april, pookies, mike, and to my friends at pldtplay, and to the guys who know me! ^-^ hehehe... you guys rule!! ^-^ oh yea... and to physci_05!!! we rock!! medsci bulok!! ^-^ jk!! JUNIORS rule!!! and yeah... to reeza-chan... hiyeeee!! ^-^
to my twin, Ria, ^-^ marc pios mooooo!! ^-^ you rock, i rule!! ^-^ weeeee.... hi to dadi chris... ^-^
to ryn-... i miss you... ^-^ mmmmwah~!!!
please R&R!!! ^-^ thank you all! ^-^ enjoy existence!!
love,
say-chan