By Nadja Lee 12/11/03
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: "Stargate: SG-1" and all the characters here belong to MGM and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Season 6
Universe: Series
Romance: Jonas/Teal'c
Summary: Jonas thinks about his and Teal'c's relationship.
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is neh@post10.tele.dk.
Rating: PG
Series: None
Warnings: Well, this IS a mild slash fic so…But quite frankly if you have a tolerant grandma then she could read this one as well. *laughs*
And wow…I think I wrote a happy Jonas fic…Well, just the fact that I wrote anything resembling happy is a wonder…
Thanks so much to Dee Dee for beta! *hugs*
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Reason and logic cannot explain it; believe me for I've tried. We were drawn together, two strangers in a strange land, aliens to others and even each other but we had a common ground; this was not home.
Each night I battle the guilt I feel over Dr. Jackson's death and each day I try to prove to everyone, maybe myself more than most, that I can live up to the gift of life Dr. Jackson left me with. When I first came to Earth my soul was torn in two. Never had I been so lost and alone…so afraid. In a short second I had lost everything; my home, my pride…everything I was and could ever be; all gone. When I first arrived I saw no kind face and heard no kind words. I know trust is earned and not simply given but it's hard to earn trust when everyone shuts you out like you were Death incarnate…Maybe they believe I am…In my darkest thoughts I think I am for Dr. Jackson died instead of me.
The first time I noticed Teal'c was a month after I had escaped to Earth but I shall never forget it. Everything was foreign and strange to me and for the first time in my life knowledge was denied me instead of being pushed towards me. It was strange to have no one respect your gifts…to have to beg for everything. It was a very unsettling feeling to have nothing at all to do. General Hammond took pity on me and I began to study the books in the library, watch TV and listen to the radio but for a long time the only human contact I had was unfriendly. People moved away when I approached, whispered behind my back, 'accidentally' bumped into me…I tried to keep to my small impersonal room; read all the books I could find on base and ate all my meals there, alone. I was pretty much forgotten expect when I came out…then everyone seemed busy trying to make my life as painful as possible. It's hard to say how painful small things can be; looks, whispers, words being shouted your way… I couldn't even bury myself in work for I had left my work behind and no one wanted to work with me. I wonder if anyone knows how hard it is to smile when you're crying on the inside.
Then when I thought things couldn't get much worse they got worse. Seeing I was alone, a convenient victim, I ended up in sickbay with some bruises and scratches from some of the soldiers who wanted to show me just how unwanted I really was. Thank you; I got it the first time. Dr. Fraiser was nice to me in the way doctors are supposed to be. She has this warm and motherly glow that really made me like her and I was sad to leave sickbay again for she had become my only light…the only kind face around here and the only one who seemed to care if I lived or died. Or rather I thought she was the only one. Still showing faint bruises on my cheek from where I had been hit some days before I found myself in yet another explosive situation. I had never been trained in combat; why should I have been? I was a scientist and not a soldier so I didn't know how to defend myself had I had the willpower and strength to try. Those days it seemed kind of fruitless to fight back; why should I? It'll just go back to another pointless blank day with no one being there for me; at least in sickbay I had Janet smiling kindly at me and actually talking with a warm and friendly tone to me. I had just read an Earth book of knights and dragons and I swear when Teal'c appeared he was just like one of those noble knights. Without a word or a second thought he had decked my attackers and offered me a hand up which I gratefully took. I must have been staring at him with hero worship in my eyes for he spoke to break the moment and reminded me to be more careful and then promptly offered to teach me self-defence. I was stunned. Not only had he rescued me; he also wanted to spend more time with me!
Since that day my life began to hold meaning again; everything I did I did with a thought of Teal'c. He would always listen to me and give me small words of encouragement and help, he taught me boxing and shared meals with me but more than that; he gave me back my will to live. It's everything he does; we need no words…with a gesture, an urge to see me safe…it's a rare smile and the way he cares for me…I know many think he's cold but I know they're wrong. Teal'c is the best man, the most warm hearted man I've ever met.
It seemed like the most natural thing after that. He had become my lifeboat; my salvation…I could take anything with my head held high and with a smile forced on my lips as long as I knew that I always had Teal'c to defend me and take care of me. When the word got around that Teal'c would not allow anyone to hurt me without them paying the price, everyone kept their opinions to themselves though they got no warmer. I came to accept that I couldn't change that.
I have found what I was looking for; I found everything I ever wanted in Teal'c. He became my protector and my friend, my light and my hope. He became everything to me so it was so natural to take our relationship a step further and make us one of body as well as of spirit.
I cannot explain what we share; we don't use words for what we are but it's there in the air between us as visible as if someone had written a sign. I know I could not make it without him; he holds me up, he makes me walk this path and continue this journey no matter what trials I face.
I've grown up with logic and reason, believing it could explain everything. I was wrong. What I feel for Teal'c; it's stronger than anything I've ever felt before. I could say I love him for I do but this is so much stronger than that. He holds my heart and owns my soul as well as my body. I don't mind giving him all I have and all I am for I know that he'll treat everything I give him as gently as he does with all things he cares for in his life.
I do not know what the future holds but no matter what happens then my heart will always stay with Teal'c…forever. No one has ever saved me the way he has…no one has ever been there for me like he has. I was in need and he was there; I was broken and he fixed me…I fell and I know I'll fall again but now I know that he'll be there to catch me. I don't know what I would have been without him and I do not wish to know. What we share defies all reason and logic but I don't care; I know I can make it through as long as I have him by my side; silent and strong yet gentle and caring he's everything I never knew I always wanted.
The End