Oboebyrd's Guide to Formulaic Fanfiction
((Ah, yes, procrastination is good...))
Chapter 7: Excuses for a 'Bad Chapter'… rated!
Having recently read many fanfictions in which the author apologizes for a 'bad chapter', and blames it on their condition of the day, I became annoyed, and conversely, very sympathetic. The 'good writer' knows you can't blame the writing of the day on outside factors. The good fanfiction writers know you not only can but must.
Some of the excuses used to proclaim immunity for the failure of a chapter are dangerously over-used, however, and it is never a good idea to blame every chapter on an unfortunate 'outside factor'. These 'outside factors' are in short supply and thus must be placed strategically throughout chapters.
Below are the ratings of such excuses used. I will not offer ideas on where to place your excuses: This is a skill the good fanfiction writer must acquire on their own.
I didn't have much time to write this… For shame that you should use this. We all know that your Mary-Sue is the apple of FF.net's eye, but this excuse is baseless, evil, and I'm convinced will damn you for all eternity. If you don't have time to write your perfect Mary-Sue, wait another day before posting it. FF.net isn't going anywhere. Everyone knows this rule, from the best Formulaic Writer to that person who writes all that 'original' stuff- most of which doesn't even mention an original character! So, this excuse gets a D+ for stupidity but bravery.
I was sick when I wrote this… This implies the same 'you should have waited,' tone, but less immediate than the previous excuse. Posting bad stories can be pleasantly blamed on delirium. In fact, the idea of actually writing something when lingering on the edge of Life and Death intrigues me, so I'll give it a C+… just f or the mental images of someone retching on their keyboard.
I had a bad test/class/etc. today… I love this excuse, mainly because of the interesting side notes that could follow a statement such as… say… "I drank a bad glass of Milk today." Who hasn't inadvertently gotten a mouthful of spoiled milk before? Expiration dates aside, this excuse gets an A- for empathy, bad moods, and yet more images of someone retching on their keyboard.
My Muse deserted me… Even the newest of authors claim this, which is infuriating. It takes months… no… years to get a good muse! What did you do the poor thing to run it off? Have you had no training in the keeping of muses? Muse-abuse is an all-too common problem these days. Even now, dozens of Muses are in shelters, waiting dejectedly to be euthanized because their careless owners deserted them. Wise up, people. Get your Muse a radio- collar today. C-, for those who wrote 'My muse is on vacation' instead.
Writer's Block struck… And what? You had to pump something out? This excuse, however, earns my sympathy, because Writer's Block is a vicious plague that leaves even Steven King with the ability to only doggedly wring one sentence at a time from his computer. But while Writer's Block is a vicious plague, and often only slogging through a bad spot in a story will break it, the excuse is overdone. B-, for those whose stone-mason work is better than they think.
I had no inspiration… This screams, "Use the Writer's block excuse," and just send the stupid chapter later. D, because what kind of inspiration is needed to write a formulaic fanfic?
I wanted to get to the next chapter… Why? What's so brilliant about the next chapter that you couldn't refine it? This excuse is often written before and after other chapters that have other such excuses posted at the top. F… this is an excuse to be avoided.
Fanfiction.net wouldn't let me sign on… Hmph. Like we're supposed to believe that? But, yes, we must, and since I've had weeks where FF.net wouldn't let me sign on to upload, this excuse is valid… to a point. However, it has nothing to do with an excuse for a bad chapter, so we'll have to give it a NC, and send it back to be re-done.
I was caught up in my other story and didn't pay much attention to this one when writing it…This just summons up images of someone trying to type on two keyboards at once. But, good fanfiction writers cannot chew gum and think at the same time, let alone type two stories at once. (Nor, really, can those original prats) And, keeping in mind that all formulaic stories are basically the same, differences are non-existent, differences are an irrelevant point, and differences give this excuse a C for effectiveness.
We hoped you enjoyed the scoring of different excuses, and find an excuse here that works for you. Please tune in next time- and remember- always check the expiration date on your perishables!
~~~~~~
Oboebyrd: Sad truth? I've seen all of these excuses- even #8- used as reasoning for a particularly bad chapter. But can we really tell the difference?
((Ah, yes, procrastination is good...))
Chapter 7: Excuses for a 'Bad Chapter'… rated!
Having recently read many fanfictions in which the author apologizes for a 'bad chapter', and blames it on their condition of the day, I became annoyed, and conversely, very sympathetic. The 'good writer' knows you can't blame the writing of the day on outside factors. The good fanfiction writers know you not only can but must.
Some of the excuses used to proclaim immunity for the failure of a chapter are dangerously over-used, however, and it is never a good idea to blame every chapter on an unfortunate 'outside factor'. These 'outside factors' are in short supply and thus must be placed strategically throughout chapters.
Below are the ratings of such excuses used. I will not offer ideas on where to place your excuses: This is a skill the good fanfiction writer must acquire on their own.
I didn't have much time to write this… For shame that you should use this. We all know that your Mary-Sue is the apple of FF.net's eye, but this excuse is baseless, evil, and I'm convinced will damn you for all eternity. If you don't have time to write your perfect Mary-Sue, wait another day before posting it. FF.net isn't going anywhere. Everyone knows this rule, from the best Formulaic Writer to that person who writes all that 'original' stuff- most of which doesn't even mention an original character! So, this excuse gets a D+ for stupidity but bravery.
I was sick when I wrote this… This implies the same 'you should have waited,' tone, but less immediate than the previous excuse. Posting bad stories can be pleasantly blamed on delirium. In fact, the idea of actually writing something when lingering on the edge of Life and Death intrigues me, so I'll give it a C+… just f or the mental images of someone retching on their keyboard.
I had a bad test/class/etc. today… I love this excuse, mainly because of the interesting side notes that could follow a statement such as… say… "I drank a bad glass of Milk today." Who hasn't inadvertently gotten a mouthful of spoiled milk before? Expiration dates aside, this excuse gets an A- for empathy, bad moods, and yet more images of someone retching on their keyboard.
My Muse deserted me… Even the newest of authors claim this, which is infuriating. It takes months… no… years to get a good muse! What did you do the poor thing to run it off? Have you had no training in the keeping of muses? Muse-abuse is an all-too common problem these days. Even now, dozens of Muses are in shelters, waiting dejectedly to be euthanized because their careless owners deserted them. Wise up, people. Get your Muse a radio- collar today. C-, for those who wrote 'My muse is on vacation' instead.
Writer's Block struck… And what? You had to pump something out? This excuse, however, earns my sympathy, because Writer's Block is a vicious plague that leaves even Steven King with the ability to only doggedly wring one sentence at a time from his computer. But while Writer's Block is a vicious plague, and often only slogging through a bad spot in a story will break it, the excuse is overdone. B-, for those whose stone-mason work is better than they think.
I had no inspiration… This screams, "Use the Writer's block excuse," and just send the stupid chapter later. D, because what kind of inspiration is needed to write a formulaic fanfic?
I wanted to get to the next chapter… Why? What's so brilliant about the next chapter that you couldn't refine it? This excuse is often written before and after other chapters that have other such excuses posted at the top. F… this is an excuse to be avoided.
Fanfiction.net wouldn't let me sign on… Hmph. Like we're supposed to believe that? But, yes, we must, and since I've had weeks where FF.net wouldn't let me sign on to upload, this excuse is valid… to a point. However, it has nothing to do with an excuse for a bad chapter, so we'll have to give it a NC, and send it back to be re-done.
I was caught up in my other story and didn't pay much attention to this one when writing it…This just summons up images of someone trying to type on two keyboards at once. But, good fanfiction writers cannot chew gum and think at the same time, let alone type two stories at once. (Nor, really, can those original prats) And, keeping in mind that all formulaic stories are basically the same, differences are non-existent, differences are an irrelevant point, and differences give this excuse a C for effectiveness.
We hoped you enjoyed the scoring of different excuses, and find an excuse here that works for you. Please tune in next time- and remember- always check the expiration date on your perishables!
~~~~~~
Oboebyrd: Sad truth? I've seen all of these excuses- even #8- used as reasoning for a particularly bad chapter. But can we really tell the difference?