AN- This is the second half of 'Never Look Back'. I was planning on having it all in one part, but then my muse ::Bellatrix grins wickedly from my shoulder:: decided to have Harry make that left turn instead of right, and end up in the dungeons. Add that to the fact that I needed to update... Well, you know what comes next. ^^ So this is the second half, and the end of disbelief. And... my first non-cliffhanger. Cheer.
***
~It does not do well do dwell on dreams, and forget to live.
~Do you think the ones we love ever truly leave us?
~Albus Dumbledore
***
Knowing what it meant, Snape tried to end the curse. But there was something, deep inside- looking at Harry, he knew that this was something he needed to see, and wanted to.
"It's Him! Lily, take Harry and go! I'll hold him off!" Tears. Lily ran to the edge of the stairwell, and watched hopelessly as her husband fell. Red eyes danced, and faced her child. She ran, throwing things behind her to stop him. Anything, to be a family...
Lily reached her and James' room, and raced to the window. Throwing it open, she saw below darkness, and a small number of Death Eaters, waiting... Voldemort threw the door open. "Step aside, silly girl, step aside..." Lily shook, holding Harry, praying... "Take me instead..." Words were blurring, as the spell was ending... "Take me instead..." And he did, took her down, and far away, there was a scream...
Two heads snapped up, as Lily Evans came into view, hand clamped over her mouth, frozen.
***
I must've set a record, running from the dungeons to the gardens in this short of time...
Harry sighed, and slowed his sprint to a walk. His heart pounded as he pushed aside the small gates that enclosed the garden inside, and his eyes focused on the beautiful stone before him, halfway hidden by branches of a willow tree overhanging it.
Here lies Sirius Black
The greatest friend, and father figure
Anyone could wish for.
His bravery shines brighter than the brightest star.
Rest in Peace, Padfoot.
He sat down next to it, and rested his back on the large tree. Without much effort, he turned to the grave and spilled his heart.
"Sirius... I know you're listening. I know I've asked you for so much... to watch over my friends, my family... Sirius, please, give me a sign, and tell me what to do...
"I've wanted a family as long as I can remember... I've wanted mum and dad. And they're here, Sirius. No matter what I let off, I know it's them. But god knows what will happen if I take them back. Everything I love, it all fades away. It's all taken away. And everyone knows I love them. I love every memory I have of them. I guess... I guess I'm just too afraid of having something, and then having it taken. It's happened so much... Sirius, I miss you. And it was my fault."
Virginia Weasley opened the gates, quietly as possible. Harry noticed her, and immediately tore his gaze back to the headstone. He needed to explain to her... but he'd been to afraid. Too afraid to explain to her, the only one who he'd ever trust, the truth. So he went on, talking to Sirius, praying that he wasn't the only one listening.
"I've never loved anyone in my life, Sirius. And I won't. Because I'm either going to murder, and have that on my shoulders, or die. I haven't let on to anyone, Sirius. They all think I'm ready to head into this. That I'm going to lead everyone to victory, that I'm going to be everyone's savior. I'm scared. I'm terrified, I want nothing more than for the killing blow to fall my way. So I can die, in battle, trying to save everyone. Then I can be with you all. And god, Sirius, seeing them here today... they're going to be taken from me, I know it. And I don't want to love, then to leave right after. What's the point? All there is, is pain..."
Ginny, by now sitting next to him, smiled.
"Tis' better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all."
He nodded, and closed his eyes once more. Her arm found his knee, and she rubbed it affectionately. Harry grinned, for the first time in the past twenty-four hours, and moved his hand to cover hers.
"Everyone's telling me that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Whoever's said this... they've never truly loved someone. If you'd loved, you'd give everything in the world to be with them. And that means your life is over, when they're not there. Because when you love one... you'll never love anyone else, no matter what, ever again."
"Then why are you hiding from them, Harry? Why aren't you running to their arms, and trying to
hold them?"
***
Lily watched catatonically from a corner of the room as the potions lesson progressed. Even though she had always been interested in potions, all she could think about was the vision that she'd walked in on. Herself and James, married, dead... she sunk down the back wall. Snape's eyes shot to her form, and he sighed from Neville's cauldron (still somehow intact).
"Miss Evans, would you care to talk with me alone?" Students all over the classroom looked up curiously, now knowing the surname of the stunning woman in the back of their room.
She nodded wordlessly, and he let out another deep sigh.
"Leave. I will clean everything. And write me a five-page essay on why love potions are banned from the government for homework. If you don't do it, you're out of my class," he concluded with a sneer. Everyone vacated quickly, and within five minutes, Lily Evans and Severus Snape were alone in the potions classroom.
"Miss Evans, if I answer your questions, then may I have peace for the remainder of the night?" He snapped, glaring at her form. She shuddered.
"Of course, Severus." Her voice sang. Snape listened to it, and memories floated back. And before he knew it, the question on his mind jutted forward with a less formal approach.
"God, Lily, how old are you now?" She smiled, and uncurled at his familiarity.
"Seventeen. Eighteen in six days, but seventeen now." He nodded.
Hours passed with only the two of them, trying to understand one another, talking. It was late after dark when Lily asked a question that he couldn't answer.
"So. I do make it passed graduation. What do I end up doing?"
Severus grinned, and smiled to the girl at his side. "Seventeen at graduation, Lil. Still a baby." She laughed, and threw her diploma at his head.
"And you're not? I have a job, starting tomorrow, and you're as jobless as they come." He stopped, froze in place, and stared at her.
He spoke, and translated in his head. "I have a job, Lily. And it pays... well." He frowned, praying his words wouldn't backfire in his face. "I'm happy with it." No. "And it starts tonight." Started a long time ago. "So I win." You won a long time ago.
"Ah. Well then, I'm off... the Ministry's sending me a car at seven. And then it's off to Fluxor Academy for a week. I suppose... maybe we'll see each other again sometime. But if not... take care, Severus." The last two years flew through her mind. Their sixth and seventh years. When the two of them had defied everything and become friends, though only they knew about it. They both knew they would never see one another again.
He stopped, fought with his mind, and then grabbed Lily's retreating arm. She spun to face him, and he pulled her closer to him. "This last year... thanks. Listen to me. I owe you. Don't go to Fluxor tomorrow." He pushed her away, and turned, leaving Lily watching him for the last time.
The next day Lily spent in her home, watching the news of the fallen Fluxor Academy, where everyone had been killed an hour before.
She smiled at his blank expression. "Thinking about our past? Or my future, for that matter?" He nodded once again. "What was it?"
He looked deep into her eyes. "If I tell you, it may change the past." She giggled.
"Don't you remember last night? When Tarry..." He stiffled a laugh of his own, and corrected her gently. "Right, Tonks then, remember what she said last night? That Pettigrew betrayed James and I, and it led to pain for everyone? Then wouldn't that have changed everything, wouldn't we go back and ensure he wasn't close to us? But no, it doesn't matter. We talked to Dumbledore, Sev. He said that we were actually missing from our time, and that nothing will matter until we return. And he agreed to obliviate James and I; told us that as long as we were obliviated, it doesn't matter what we're told." She shrugged. "It won't do good, but call me curious."
Snape turned and walked to the window on the side of the room. Lily stood silently, and sat in a desk nearby and watched.
With his back still turned, he spoke in a voice which was hollow and lost. "In the minutes after graduation, you will be heading for Fluxor Academy, where they train aurors. And, yes, you go there for Auror training, believe it or not. Strategist, I believe, not field. We were talking, and you told me you were going. You turned to leave, and I stopped you and told you not to go. You didn't, and from what I found out later on, you got a call the next morning from a frantic boyfriend, turned on your muggle television, and found out that the academy was gone. If I remember correctly, our graduating class lost seventeen of one hundred forty the day after graduation."
"How did you know, Sev?" Her voice was clear. And he remembered Dumbledore saying those exact words years and years before, when he had finally turned. My secret. My past. My soul...
"I was a Death Eater." Lily threw a hand to her mouth, and jumped up.
Rumus Lupin and James Potter chose this moment to walk into the clasroom.
James clenched his fists, and Remus placed his hand over the other Marauder's shoulder. "He turned to spy for the Order long before the war ended, Prongs." It was so easy to slip back into that name, after so long... "He's on our side. He's saved us all so many times. God... he even saved your lives."
Lily walked to James, and put her arm over him in Lupin's place. "It's ok, James, I know him. Even in our time, I'm friends with him..." She braced herself for her boyfriend to start yelling, but he didn't. He merely looked from one to the other, to the other, and shook his head.
"I don't understand this world." Lily nodded in agreement. Lupin looked to Snape, and the two shrugged.
"Look, dinner runs from 10:00 through 11:00 for the sixth and seventh years this year, because their classes are running off-schedule with Astronomy. So let's go grab something to eat, it's almost over."
***
Harry looked lamely to the girl gazing intently into his eyes. He didn't have an answer.
"As I thought, Harry Potter. You're afraid of going there, and baring your soul. You closed it when Sirius died, and you're terrified, because it's a whole new world." He nodded. She knew him better than anyone else...
"That and the fact that I don't want anyone else to die for me, Ginny. I don't want anyone else on that list." He took her hand, still covering his, and kissed it. "Thanks... at least now I know for sure that it's just me being a loser." She giggled in response. "So, erm... would you go with me? I mean, if I make it to the headmaster's office without passing out?" Ginny nodded, still giggling and smiling. They stood, and began the walk to the Great Hall.
And somewhere inside him, he felt his heart move. He knew he cared about her... god, he even loved her. But he was damned of he opened himself to anyone again, when the Dark Lord was free to kill them because of him. And she knew it.
And, for the first time in his life, he made a promise. Give it time, Ginny... when this is over, I promise I'll be with you. I promise I'll tell you the truth. Just give it time. I'll be with you.
***
Dumbledore watched serenely as the last of the seventh and sixth years floated in and out of the Great Hall for late night dinners. They all looked terribly tired, and spoke little; he grinned inside at the fact that the next day was Saturday. These students wouldn't last another day of classes. And add to it the fact that Halloween was the following Wednesday and they were all going to take the day off in remembrance of the war and its victims—he was happy. Even though the situation with the two former students was still out of control...
He noted, with a grave happiness, that the Potions Master was dining with the three guests in a corner. And also that Harry had came in, with Ginny Weasley, and had sat with the four others who had accompanied him to the Department of Mysteries the year previously. Harry was looking fairly green, and kept jutting his eyes over to his parents.
At five minutes to midnight, the two groups were the only ones left. And glances between the two were more and more frequent. Finally, Harry stood, and walked over to the group of people all now ignoring everything except for him. He stopped, and looked into the eyes of his parents.
Harry cleared his throat, and tears suddenly streamed down his face. He noticed, however, that it was the same for his mother. And his father... his eyes were close. As midnight struck, Harry finally did what the world was waiting for.
"I... My name is Harry. Harry Potter. I'm... I'm... I'm your... your son."