Falling
The Manor
She awoke that morning feeling a little off. It was six weeks away from the due date of her baby. Her Melinda. She got out of bed, suppressing a yawn. She had her bags packed and ready for her by the door. All she and Leo had to do was go to the hospital and have the baby. Grabbing a change of clothes, she stepped into the bathroom for a much needed shower. After her daughter was born, she wouldn't have time for a shower, much less a good night's sleep. She had to relish the moments to herself while they lasted. She smiled as she thought about a life with her baby. The feeling of uneasiness made its way into the pit of her stomach for the second time that morning, making her feel uncomfortable once again. She padded over to the bathroom, feeling dizzy and lightheaded. Maybe a shower was just what she needed to shake the queasiness. She reminded herself to eat something light so she wouldn't get sick. She turned on the water and started to undress, when she felt a sharp pain in her midsection. She doubled over, gasping. It was a pain like none she'd ever felt before. Feeling something wet running down her leg, she looked down in horror. Blood. Everywhere. Feeling lightheaded once more, she grabbed onto the sink for support. The baby. She was losing the baby.
"Leo!" She tried calling for her husband but the small breath escaping her lips wasn't enough for her voice to carry. She had to get out of the bathroom and downstairs. She quickly turned off the water and slowly made her way out of the room. The pain made it hard to breath. Panting, she stepped onto the top of the stairs. The steps swam before her eyes and she feared she would tumble down. She inched her way closer and sat down at the top of the stairs. Sliding down one step at a time, she made her way down, hoping someone would be able to help her. She wasn't due for an ultrasound until eleven and it was only a little after seven. She smelled breakfast cooking downstairs and silently thanked the heavens that someone would be able to help her.
"Phoebe. Oh God, someone, please!" She screamed as loud as her pained body would let her. She made it to the last step and could go no further. She felt cold and started shaking. Shock. She thought she heard footsteps, and looked up to see a very shocked Prue standing in the dining room.
"Oh my_Piper!" She saw her sister on the floor and rushed over to meet her at the stairs. She was shaking uncontrollably and wheezing. She couldn't catch her breath.
"Oh honey. You're going into shock. Okay, let's get you out of here. Leo!" She waited for her brother in-law to orb in. She sighed with relief when he did.
"Hey, what's up? Piper!" He quickly dropped to his knees beside his wife. He looked over and realized nothing was right. She was pale and trembling. He looked down at the blood on the floor. That's when it struck him. They were going to lose the baby. His baby. His pride and joy. What would he do? What would Piper do? He couldn't think about that now. He had to get Piper to the hospital.
"Okay, call Phoebe and tell her to get over here. She's at uh...which guy is it this week? Oh, I can't remember. Scratch that. You orb to Phoebe. I'll take Piper in my car and we'll meet you at the hospital. We can't risk anyone seeing us. Hurry, Leo." He didn't need to be told twice. He orbed out, leaving Prue to help Piper into the car.
"Okay, honey. Here we go. Shh..it'll be okay." She gently helped her sister up and put her arm around her shoulder.
"The baby, Prue. She's gone. Our baby." She knew she was mumbling incoherently, but it was all she could think about. She'd never know the joy of being a mommy.
"Maybe not. You don't know that. That's why we have to hurry, now come on." She helped her sister out the door and down the steps. She wished her car were closer. Once they were in the car she sped off out of the drive way and down the street.
The Hospital
"Piper Halliwell. Piper Halliwell. Where is she, damnit?" He was furious. He just wanted to be with his wife.
"Leo calm down. You're not helping. Where is the lobby for the emergency room? My sister was taken here a short while ago for a mis_her baby. Her baby was supposed to be_is due in a month and a half and uh...it's early. Please, just tell me how to find her?" She wasn't thinking clearly. Was Piper okay? Was the baby okay? She didn't want to believe anything could have happened to either one.
"Ma'am, Sir, Mrs. Halliwell was taken to the OR. I will take you there myself. Linda, can you please watch the desk?" Seeing the other nurse nod, she walked down the hall with the distraught pair. Showing them the way, she ushered them to the seating area just outside the Operating Room doors.
"When there is anything to be found out, a nurse will come out and tell you, okay?" She went back down the hall. She hoped everything would turn out for the two. They looked like such nice people.
The Lobby
"Oh my god, Prue!" Seeing her sister coming down the hall, she rushed over.
"Phoebes! I got you guys some coffee. They said it'd be a while before we found anything out. I didn't know what else to do. I had to get up and walk around or something." Seeing Leo sitting in one of the chairs with a dazed expression, she joined her brother in-law.
"Leo, she's going to be okay. We just have to think positive." He nodded. He needed to be there for his wife no matter what happened. He didn't want to lose the baby but when it came down to it, he wanted her to be okay, too. She would need his support if she lost the baby.
"I know. I just...it was supposed to be six weeks today. We were going to go in, she was going to be induced, and we were going to have a baby." His lips started to tremble when he thought about the little girl he wanted for them both. How unfair life was. He never saw this coming. He felt the warm embrace of both of his sister in-laws. Whatever happened, they would be in it together.
What seemed like hours later, a nurse finally came out. They knew she was putting up a front. She'd done this far too many times before. She had to be there for the families when their world came crumbling down. This family was no different. A young woman had just lost her baby, and it was her job to tell her family.
"Mrs. Halliwell? Sir?" She waited until she had their attention, knowing she already did. It gave her time to collect her thoughts.
"After several attempts, the baby could not be revived. We did all we could, but the baby was delivered without a heartbeat and was not breathing. I'm very sorry for your loss." She sighed. The hard part for her was over. Now the hardest part was theirs. They had to deal with the loss of an inocent child that never had a chance.
"Nurse. What about our sister?" She feared the worst, but hoped for the best. If the baby was lost, at least let her sister live. Please. She held Prue's hand tightly and waited for the news."
"Mrs. Halliwell is resting comfortably. We stopped the bleeding. She still has yet to wake up from the anesthesia. We will give her some pain medication and you can see her then." She didn't know what else to say. This was never easy. When it did become easy, that's when she knew it was time to move onto something else. She hoped she provide some comfort to the family that stood before her.
"Again, I'm so sorry for your loss." She turned around and walked back through the door, all the while tearing up. She didn't want the family to see her. She just felt so bad for them. They were one of many she had to give bad news to.
Room 203
Prue, Phoebe, and Leo waited anxiously for Piper to awake from her drug-induced slumber. She would be groggy from the pain medication and the effects of the anesthesia. Seeing her eyes flutter, they all waited with bated breath. Leo grabbed his wife's hand, gently stroking her forehead with his thumb. She was so beautiful. Their daughter would have shared her mommy's good looks.
"Piper. You in there, sweetie?" He knew she'd want answers and he wasn't ready to give them. He started tearing up as he thought of a way to tell her. He watched as she opened her eyes and met his gaze with heavy eyelids.
"Mmm...Leo. I had the worst drea_Oh God." She gasped and placed her hands over her mouth in disbelief. It hadn't been a dream. It was a living nightmare that she was surely going to experience every moment of her life. Her vision grew blurry and she felt herself falling to sleep once more. The last thing she saw was the tear-filled eyes of her husband gazing down at her.
Piper had been sleeping for three hours. Everyone waited for her to wake up but didn't know what to say when she did. She'd been so distraught over the loss of her daughter, as they expected. Prue and Phoebe did their best to comfort Leo but all he wanted was to be with Piper. He didn't talk. He didn't move. He just sat there holding her hand, waiting for his princess to wake up. He lowered his head down and gently placed a kiss on her forehead. He felt her move beneath his lips and stepped back to give her room. When she opened her eyes she instantly started to sob.
"It's true, isn't it? Our baby's gone." She felt her stomach where her little girl had been before. What once was her growing child was an empty space of nothing. That's what summed up her life. She was nothing without a baby. She was a mother and she didn't know how to not be a mother. What defined her for seven and a half months was now her curse. She was always "Mommy Piper." What would she be now? Who would she be now?
"Honey, we will ge through this. It'll be okay." He stroked her cheek, wishing he could make it all better. The pain he felt in his heart could only be a portion of what she was feeling. She had to carry a child in her for seven months. A living, breathing human being that was to carry on the Halliwell destiny. Without the charmed offspring, what would Piper do? She had to look in the mirror every day and know she would no longer carry the baby. How horrible that must feel.
"No! It's not okay. It's never going to be okay. I wish everyone would quit telling me it's okay. Prue, it's not okay. You told me at the Manor 'it's okay, don't worry'. Leo you're telling me it's okay and it's not. In a couple months we were supposed to have a baby! We were going to come, have a baby, and leave with a baby. We won't be leaving with a baby. Don't you see that? When you go to the hospital to deliver a child, you're supposed to leave with one! It's not okay! Everyone just....just...it's not..." She broke down again. What's the matter with her? She's lashing out at her family when she should be providing comfort. She didn't feel like consoling anyone. She's the one who lost a baby. No she wasn't. Leo lost a daughter, too. Prue lost a niece. Phoebe lost a niece and all she could think about was herself.
"Oh, God. I'm sorry!" She buried her face in her hands, unable to look at her family anymore. How they must hate her for her actions. She felt so small.
"Honey. Look at me" Through her guilt-filled thoughts, she heard the soothing voice of her husband. She glanced up at him in shame. How could he still call her that?
"Piper. You're my wife. Don't ever apologize for your feelings. You have every right to be angry, sad, hurt. Don't ever be sorry for the things you feel. You're human and you're allowed those feelings. I love that you can feel what you feel and not be sorry. Sweetie, I know it's not okay. But, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say." He continued to hold her hand, trying to get through to her. Trying to release her from her pain.
"Piper, we may not leave with a baby but we'll leave with the chance to start again. We'll have that little girl. Maybe not now, but someday. You've got two great sisters to help you through this. To help us through this. This is a lot to go through, and no one's asking you to be the bearer of everything, nor to do it alone. I'm here and they're here. Today is today. We can't change what happened today. But we can find a way to move on. The doctor said you could leave tomorrow morning. I'll be here if you want to get some sleep. Your body needs time to heal." He felt the grip on his hand loosen a little as she fell back asleep. He hoped it would get easier for her.
"Leo, you are such a wonderful human being. Thank you for being there for my sister. We're here for you if you need to talk. Three's a crowd, so Phoebes and myself are going to leave. You call us if you need anything, okay? We'll be here tomorrow morning to pick you guys up." She squeezed his shoulder before leaving.
The Manor
The ride home the night before had been a silent one. The morning after had been equally quiet. They kept thinking about what had happened. They'd cleaned up, not wanting to remind Piper or Leo. It had been hard but there was no one else to do it. They'd gotten around and picked up Piper and Leo at the hospital. Leo went upstairs with Piper to get her settled, leaving Prue and Phoebe in the kitchen alone. Phoebe was tidying up the kitchen while Prue brewed another pot of coffee. Both trying to find things to do.
"How's she doing?" She felt Prue slap her arm. She knew it was a stupid question, but she didn't know what else she should say. What do you say? She raised her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders while mouthing an apology to her older sister.
"It's okay. She's sleeping. The doctor said to get plenty of rest." He walked over and took a coffee cup out of the cupboard. He'd been up all night and needed to be up in case she needed anything. Feeling drained, he poured himself a cup of coffee.
"Leo, why don't you leave that? You don't need to stay up. If Piper needs anything we'll wake you. I know you're beat. We managed to catch a few winks last night. I promise, one of us will be by her side at all times." She knew how tired he was. He was more tired than he was letting on.
"Prue's right. We'll be there. Go lay down on the couch. We'll call you if we need anything. Promise." She made an 'I cross my heart' gesture. Seeing Leo nod, she went upstairs to stand watch. But not before patting him on the back. He needed comforting too. Hopefully he'd be able to get some sleep.
Piper had been asleep for most of the afternoon, with Prue and Phoebe taking turns watching her. An array of magazines and books lay strewn about the floor. Leo peeked in on his wife, and seeing the mess, started to clean it up.
"Sorry." Hearing someone whisper, he turned around.
"I had to use the restroom. Too much coffee. Prue picked up some magazines if you want to read them. Or, if you don't, there's some books. Probably not your kind, though." She said, laughingly. She knew Leo wasn't into romance novels but Prue had gotten him a magazine to read. He wasn't really into football or sports but it was all the corner store had. She'd grabbed anything that he might be remotely interested in. She'd told Phoebe he probably wouldn't be reading it anyway, but just in case.
"That's okay. Why don't you go grab a bite to eat. I'll keep her company." She nodded and he took his place beside her bed. He stared at the face of his beautiful wife. How could he ever live without her? He was so thankful she was still with him. He felt selfish for thinking such a thing when they'd just lost their baby, but it was true. He loved her so much. From the moment he saw her he knew she was the one. Did she know how much she meant to him? He hoped she did. She started to stir, breaking him away from his train of thought. He smiled at her, hoping to get one in response.
"Hey. How long have you been watching me?" She stared at him noticing he looked to have gotten some sleep. She reminded herself to thank Prue and Phoebe for making him rest. She had a feeling he hadn't gotten any the previous night. He still looked sleepy. Not waiting for an answer, she patted the blanket lightly and he got up to join her on the bed. She scooched over to make room and they instantly fell asleep, wrapped up in eacho ther's arms.
Things were awkward around the manor. No one knew what to say to each other. They were just there for each other. Piper grew quiet and withdrawn while Leo tried to be there for her the best he could. He wanted so much for her to talk to him, but she stayed in her room most of the time. When she did come out, she was quiet and turned her back to him. What was going through her mind?
Phoebe was dusting the furniture for the millionth time that week. He presumed it was giving her something to do. He watched Piper walk down the stairs and hoped today would be different. Maybe they would have an actual conversation. She'd ask how he was doing and they'd sit down and have coffee and read the paper. They'd get back to the way they were before. She brushed by him on the way to the kitchen. His hurt look did not go unnoticed. Phoebe went after her sister, determined to make things right.
"Piper, what was that? Do you see what you just did to him?" This had gone on long enough. Her sister didn't see how much she was hurting her husband by not talking to him.
"Piper, talk to me, damnit!" She grabbed her sister's arm and forced her to look at her.
"You can't keep this up. It's eating you up inside. It's not going to go away and if you keep refusing to talk to at least someone, then it's going to get worse. I can't let you do this to yourself and I sure as hell am not going to watch the man of your dreams, who is hurting too by the way, get hurt even worse. I'm sorry you lost your baby, but_" She didn't get to finish. She didn't realize her sister was hurting more than she'd thought. She figured she'd get over it after a week or two. Well, maybe not get over it but find a way to move on. Instead she'd gotten worse. It had been weeks and she wasn't talking to anyone. She wanted to get her sister back. She just wanted her to talk. So, the outburst she got in response was unexpected.
"Sorry? Everybody's sorry! You know what? Sorry isn't good enough, Phoebe! Sorry doesn't bring back my baby! It doesn't change the fact that the little girl I always thought I'd have-the one thing I thought would make my life complete will never be here. Just...just let me be. I need to be alone." With that, she turned around and walked away. She didn't know where she was going, she just knew she had to get out of there. Away from the pity, and away from the memories. Every sonogram picture she'd kept to put in the baby book. Every blanket, bib, rattle, stuffed animal. Every frame saying "I Love My Mommy" that would forever remain empty. The reminders of what would never be. She couldn't bear to be around it all. Not now. Not ever. She wanted to run. She wanted to get away. The tears came faster and her strenght started to fade. She felt herself being jerked backwards and almost fell.
"Piper, stop! You're not going anywhere." She expected resistence but her once strong sister melted in her arms, turning into a sobbing heap. She held onto her older sibbling as the two slid to the floor. She realized words weren't necessary. It wasn't something you just got up one day and decided to talk about. Why wasn't she thinking? It was hard enough losing a child but being reminded of it every day of your life....no wonder Piper didn't want to be there. She held onto her sister, letting her cry. She stroked her hair. She didn't say anything, just her presence was needed.
She didn't know how long she sat there on the floor in Phoebe's arms after yet another outburst. She needed to learn how to control her emotions. She just didn't think she could handle any more. She just didn't know how to move on. Leo had tried to help but she kept brushing him aside like yesterday's trash. How could she? She stayed wrapped up in her sister's arms, afraid to move. She knew she had to, though, at some point. She sighed deeply and felt her sister lighten her grip.
"Thank you. I guess I've been so wrapped up in my own feelings I didn't know I was hurting my own husband. He's been so great and this is how I repay him. I know he's hurting too, I just needed time for me. I didn't have enough of me to go around. I hope he understands that somehow." She started to go find her husband, when she heard footsteps behind her.
"He does."
She turned around to see him standing there. She was never more happy to see him. Tears streaming down his face, he'd heard every word she'd said. Once again, she was forgiven. She stood up and walked over to him, pulling him into a hug. They didn't speak.
Although the loss of the first Halliwell baby was hard on them, they all found ways to get past the grief. Phoebe kept cleaning until one day Prue hid all the supplies. The pledge and orange-scented cleaning solution gave her one too many migraines. Prue did what she did best. She made coffee. Enough coffee to serve a dozen armies. It was her way of helping. It only served to keep everyone up for hours on end. Leo and Piper learned to talk to each other more. They vowed never to turn their backs on each other, no matter how hard things got. Six months after they lost their baby, they were twice blessed. Yep, twins. Wyatt and Melinda Halliwell. Two screaming bundles of joy. Not replacements for what they'd lost, but the legacy that the charmed ones are and will always be. Prue kept an endless supply of coffe for those sleepless nights and Phoebe was on call, cleaning supplies within an arm's reach the moment she was need to go in and take care of a "messy situation". Leo and Piper didn't get any sleep, but they didn't care. They were just thankful to have been given a second chance.