Her Own World
Chapter 11: Yesterday
Her breathing was slow and constant throughout the nightmare.
She tossed and turned, pulling the bed sheets around her more tightly as she fought the demons of her mind, in the living reality of her sleep. She dreamt of terror, she dreamt of a storm reaching out from the heavens and killing all she loved…all she held dear. Her nightmare changed, within each minute, from something horrible to more terrifying and it never seemed to go away. When all seemed lost, from within the room her eyes darted open and she shot up straight gasping for air. Immediately she threw her hand to her neck, grateful to feel the metallic rings still entwined at her neck. Slowly, as if scared of a monster in the shadows under her, she crawled out of bed and cautiously made her way into the bathroom.
When she turned on the light, she saw memories of the previously night flood back…
She remembered the way she had scrambled to the apartment, unseen, and into the bathroom. She remembered trying desperately to wash the blood from her skin and cleanse her self of pity. And most of all she remembered lying down in corner of the room, listening to the shower running in the background, crying her heart out and wishing to be dead. She had wished for her soul to escape and her body to be released from the nightmare she knew she would be living from now on.
She had killed. He was innocent. And she had killed him. Her heart wrenched as she recalled ripping into him…spilling blood down her clothes and arms. What she did after that…perhaps she would never find out. Nothing seemed to come together properly. Just in tiny pieces. Tiny pieces that didn't yet make much sense. He would be back soon. And she knew suspicion would definitely rise if he saw the bathroom in its current state. So she picked up a towel, soaked it thoroughly and began cleaning.
Slowly, as if trying not to wake her, he stepped into the apartment. She had previously slipped on a nightgown and fallen back asleep in the enormous bed. He walked to the bedside and bent down next to her. Her eyes fluttered open…and for a moment they just stared at each other, happy for the close comfort they provided. He joined her a few minutes later, and turned over to face him. She needed him to talk to her…she needed human contact.
"Come on please…talk to me" She reached her hand under the pillow and propped herself up on one elbow. He lie down on his back, staring up at the ceiling. A few moments passed before she closed her eyes and listened to the almost silent hum of the whirling fan. "Laguna and I talked mostly about Raine…he figured that I deserved to know about my mother" Rinoa re-opened her eyes and tuned into the sound of his soft melodic voice. "I suppose speaking civilly to him was easier than I first thought" He sighed almost regrettably and turned to face her.
"How do you do it?" He asked.
"Do what?"
"Speak to me as if your thoughts aren't private. Almost as if handing me your diary. Doesn't it ever leave you bare?" She looked up thoughtfully. "Speaking my thoughts…I guess I just want us to be on the same level. It's like, we come from completely different backgrounds and I want you to get the same high that I get from everyday life"
"There you go again" He smiled. "I'll adapt eventually" He closed his eyes as if closing the subject and she carefully slipped her hand into his. Maybe you will understand Squall She fell asleep with a clear mind and a feeling of peace.
..~**~..
"It's like…the entire country is one giant piece of cake. And I am now the chef. I am now the person who decides whether or not to save the delicious morsel or devour its contents…do you agree Richard?"
Richard Caraway slowing tore his eyes from the window and looked slowly at the new President of Deling. "I agree that you are now the most powerful man in the world Mr. President…but I don't agree that it is you who decides the fate of the people in this nation" Vaun snickered cruelly at the older man and spun around in his office chair, behind his enormous oak desk. "Then whose decision is it?"
"The people. They decide what happens…sir"
"But without a sturdy leader such as myself…they have no guidance, no need to put up with the big picture and earn their living. No. If I am to go, they too will" He stood up and smoothed his uniform down. "It's more important matters that I wish to discuss with you though. Only you alone know more about the Sorceress than I and I can imagine you know what I need"
Richard's eyes narrowed, but he kept a cool exterior. "What do need of her? She's not causing any problems"
"But she will. Right now she is merely an innocent victim of a cruel cycle that exists, even today. When she dies, her powers will be forced onto another victim and so the cycle will never end. Because I'm sure you're fully aware, General Caraway, that everyone dies"
"But I still don't understand. What do you need to know about her?"
President Vaun continued on as if the Generals comment had meant nothing. "Adel…Edea…Ultimecia…they have all been a burden in our world. Causing chaos and destruction throughout our simple frame of life. Though some will say that Edea was under the influence of another…it still doesn't take numbers away from the body count does it? Rinoa is simply one of them. And the need for destruction will consume her. She will follow the path of her ancestors and deprive the living of their status" He clasped his arms behind his back, business like, and looked down upon Richard Caraway with deep emotion. "Don't deny it General. It will only consume you"
Yet, still, he stayed calm and collected. "Perhaps in the matter of her ancestors, you are right Mr. President. But Rinoa Heartily is not in the same position as they were, nor will she ever be. She has different values. We can set a better future for our world because she has no desire to cause pain upon it" He leaned forward in his chair, almost expected for the President to suddenly burst out laughing at his approach to sound optimistic. But instead he nodded his head thoughtfully and brought a hand to his chin. "General…eventually things will change. Her values will severely expand into more developed ideas and she will begin to look at the world less approachably. I don't mean to seem cruel when I say this, but putting her into the Sorceress Memorial will prevent any future problems and complications"
Finally, his temper reached an all time high and bolted up from his seated position. "You know that's not true! You can't just assume that all of this is going to happen. The previous sorceress's had certain goals and needs to support themselves. They had a need for power. A desire! Rinoa doesn't need any of this…she has people to love her and the trust of the inhabitants of this world. How can you expect to rule a nation based on the fact that if a problem arises…simply lock it up and deal with it another day?! I'll be damned before you lock her up in that accursed place!"
"Then consider yourself damned"
..~**~..
"Rinoa…I need you to do something for me…" He asked. She looked up, her eyes tired and weary. He put his hand into hers and held it up for her to see. "Look closely. I will never let you go. I will never abandon you. Don't start saying we're not going to make it…because I know we will"
She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. "Oh Squall…why did it have to end like this?"
She lifted her head up from the pillow and rubbed her cheeks. Perspiration ran down her face and rested at her chin. Retreating to the bathroom, she washed cold water over her head and stared at her reflection in the mirror. A cold feeling crept down her spine and a lump formed in her throat.
I understand now. I know what I'm being shown. This is destiny She slowly slid down the wall and rested on a pile of towels. Everything…the fire, the chaos, the words and the feelings…they're all going to come true
I'm going to go crazy…and Squall; you'll be brought down with me She closed her eyes and steadied herself on the clothes stand. As sleep fed its way into her mind once more, a single tear spilled down her pale cheek, as if in confirmation of her thoughts.
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I promised some elaborate thankyous didn't I? Here goes.
Drifting Moomba: Yes I agree. Detail is important. I wonder though, am I putting too much in?
Chichiri's girl: Sorry, I haven't gotten around to reading your fics; I'll do it right now. I loved your review. It was very sweet and kind.
The Angel of the Lion: As always you make a good point. Thank you for once again making me feel happy.
Princess Mercury: Unfortunately I didn't update as much as I wanted to…sorry. And now the Christmas holidays will get in the way. Doh. Thank you for such an uplifting review.
I'm going on holidays for Christmas and so updating again will probably not be until next year. Most likely I'll try to squeeze chapter 12 in before I leave, but don't get your hopes up too high.
But for now, Merry Christmas and have a happy new year.