A/N: Usual disclaimer.

Big thanks go out to my reviewers. You rock! The rating will be going up right now! I can't believe that I am going to put this in a story.

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Chpater 8: The VERY Bad Touch

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Ron Weasley stood behind the microphone. He looked terrified, his face still looked like it was on fire. The microphone sat idle for what felt like serval minutes, whe it finally shouted, "The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang." Ron thought to himself, "The what? Oh NO!" The music started and all of the muggle-borns began to laugh hysterically. The stopped and looked at Ron, trying to fight back the laughter when he began to sing the lyrics.

Ha-ha. Well now, we call this the act of mating. But, there are several other very important differences between human beings and animals that you should know about.

I'd appreciate your input.

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought

Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about

So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts

Yes I'm Siskel yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up

You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds

I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns

Comin' quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined

To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

Do it now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Do it again now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Gettin' horny now

Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket

Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it

Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas

But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means small craft advisory

So if I capsize on your thighs high tide B-5 you sunk my battleship

Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip

So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle

And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"

Do it now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Do it again now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Gettin' horny now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Do it again now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Do it now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Do it again now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Gettin' horny now

As Ron finished, everybody in the Great Hall looked mortified. Snape's jaw was open, Professor McGongall was blushing, Dumbledore was shaking his head, Hermione was making a slight gaging noise, and good old Harry Potter was laughing hysterically. Ron ran back to the Gryffindor table and burried his head. Dumbledore stood and was at a loss for words. He regained his composure and said, "Ok. Next will be..........Professor Flitwick."