DISCLAIMER:  DBZ? What's DBZ?  Uh.. well it's something I don't own, only write about for purpose of enjoyment.  I don't get anything out of it.  Nothing.  Not even half a cent.  I usually get good feedback from my friends, and that's better than any money.  I lie to an extent, but oh well. :P

Author note:  I like the way this chapter turned out, and I guess the size makes up for the last one ~_^.  Just a few small points I have to make.  Vegeta is two and a half years old and, he isn't what is yet to become.  He is extremely advanced, physically and mentally.  If you cannot comprehend this, please do not limit yourself to thinking that his development is like a humans, and also, like a child who is not neglected from an early age and encouraged to speak up by their parents/guardians/whoever, they do have the capacity to increase their vocabulary.  I'm taking this to another level, but it can be a possibility.  Plus it is more fun this way, and he does have moments when he acts his age so don't despair!!! ^_^  And there is no dialogue between me and my character because they are in an altered sort of mental state (and no not like that!)  :P

Voices (In Ones Head) by `InSaNe`/Schizophrenic Eggplant

Part 3.  Chapter 14 – Memories of Rites and Initiation.

The uneasy feeling has grown worse over the past week.  Tension has been building, and I don't like it one bit.  I feel I have been stranded here for at least a month and the usual banter of the other in my head has been very faint for over three months.  She has been uncharacteristically silent, which I am usually thankful for, but in this case, I would welcome her conversation quite happily.  Just something to provide an answer to the questions that seethe inside my head like feasting maggots, the biggest one opening its maw in an eyeless face and screaming "What the fuck is going on???" In a voice like a tortured rat.

I haven't seen much of Vegeta lately, only occasionally visiting him at the training facility on Planet Frieza #64.  He is doing very well, and holding his own as a soldier of Frieza at such a tender age.  The Vegeta from a year ago is gone, but that is understandable with the brainwashing that goes on, but he doesn't mind it; just as long as he's got something to keep him occupied no matter who has to suffer, the young prince is content.  The change he has undergone since he's been under Frieza has been unbelievably rapid.  I recall some vaguely touching scenes from those happy and carefree times before, and chide myself for feeling any form of emotion, only feeling pangs of it when She is around and in her absence these feelings should not be stemming from my own self.  One thing I do admit freely is, that I am proud of who he has become, and glad that he did not wholly ignore some of my teachings when he was younger and listened to me.  

I had been by his side almost for the first four and a half years of his life.  I was the invisible friend, something to keep him from totally being neglected from the King, who was a father to an extent, but 'not a dad', my inner other voice had observed.  It had grated on the gruff King to see his son running around without a care in the world, talking to something he could not see and little Vegeta obviously could.  I've always wanted to know if what irked him was that his son had an invisible friend, which he looked upon as a weakness, or because of who that friend was – that freakish dark purple haired Saiyajin with the bizarre black/grey shiny battle uniform and polished black armour who easily wore a cloak that had squashed him flat on his back.  Through all the barriers in his mind he had put up to block it, I do not think he completely forgot that incident. 

I look back fondly on the day of Prince Vegeta's Ceremony of Recognition, where he had sat there on his throne with an expression that would have thunderclouds wishing for a merciful evaporation.  The ceremony was not complete without a few deaths, the most I've ever seen the king perform in a single day – he picked members of the crowd off for clapping wrong, or cheering too loudly for his liking, or he just didn't like the look of them, little things like that.  The crowd dispersed very quickly after everything was over, for the strong scent of aggression was almost too much to stand without a fight breaking out, and those that threatened to were taken outside the castle grounds to settle disputes.  This was the first time such a ceremony was performed since the Saiyajin had switched from a feudal system to a monarchy under Frieza's forceful suggestion with the pretext that he did not want a bunch of uncivilised monkeys working for him.  The monarchy was in place to basically make Frieza look good. 

Each of the highest ranked elites had knelt before the babe and acknowledged him as their prince, future king and leader.  Then a representative from each of the classes did the same, in order from 1st class to 4th class warriors.  There were small rites performed at specified intervals, which were traditional in some way, passed on from their not so old times when a new son of the race leader was born.  It was quite enjoyable to watch, because long, LONG ago I had witnessed something similar, and I could still recognise it for what it was, only the subtlest of changes only noticeable to those who took interest in the lengthy history of the Saiyajin, and myself.

I had watched from under one of the columned sections where a group of elites sat, invisible until it was time, when most of the formalities were over and the king gave an angry sigh – only Then it was time.   

I picture myself as I did then, on a ceremonial podium, overwhelmed by the sea of thick messy hair and a conformity of gold shouldered armour of the elite Saiyajin warriors, shining in their polished brilliance.  I snuck around the back, and shuffled towards the raised ceremonial dais. Fighting with one side of me somewhat – and I do hate to admit it for her sake – afraid to speak in public, and the other side not even used to the concept but harbouring no fear, I faced the crowd, feeling their onyx eyes burning into me.  They cannot see my face, but under my dark shroud I can see them through the thin line which does not obstruct my view. I stood over the tiny prince, cleared my throat and began.

~* One cannot weave the fate

Of one chosen by destiny

To seek the gold

The trials ahead number many.

Child one day

Next, a killer

And a pawn

Revenge will be sought.

Iron will, forged by pain

Wreathed in fortitude

Reeking of the damned

Corpses pile to the stars.

Rise to the challenge

Break the restraints

Within your wint'ry tomb

Set your mind free.

Another steps up

Not of your kin

A friend? A foe?

A thorn in your side perhaps.

Always chasing

Never reaching

Glorious absolution

Until...

Unending sand sifts through

That which cannot be seen

By those of the flesh

And everything comes full circle. ~*

I had no idea where that had come from, only she knew.  She made my voice lilt slightly like a storytellers, ringing out into the crowd in clear resounding tones, quavering with ancientness, which disguised the unconfident shyness quite adequately.

Even now, five years later, I can still recall most of the words she had spoken through my mouth.  I don't understand half of them though, but as time has passed, some have rung true, the words came back to me as situations unfolded

Child one day, killer the next.  Although he was already born a killer, Vegeta did have a fun-loving side totally repressed by his father, and that is where I stepped in.   I wasn't just an invisible companion, I was also a teacher in a way, educating him in far more important things than numbers and grammar.  I tried my best to not treat him like a project, and I think my other self assisted a little, adding a personal touch here and there.  Sometimes it felt like our separate minds had linked temporarily, because there were moments where I found I was saying things I'd never Dream of saying, but during that time our minds were functioning as one, strangely. I think she was quite taken aback and very impressed by the young prince's intelligence and ability to learn things quickly at such a young age, but then again she claims to have never seen him in her dimension until he was five years old, and by then was exceptionally bright, and brimming with confidence, as he is now at that age.

I had taught him what it means to exist, and he was a special case indeed, and a handful at times.  I suppose having someone such as I teaching values which I lived with for aeons, it wouldn't be that surprising for the 'pupil' to turn out with a very warped and different outlook on life.  I hadn't brainwashed him, oh no, he could take it or leave it if he so chose.  I never forced my ideals onto him, I just gave him something to think about.   One time I remember when he was lying on his bed, the huge sleeping device dwarfing his tiny body.  An iridescent light globe played a wavering light on our faces, making us appear like spectral creatures.  The air had an electricity about it, not entirely the sort that puts one on edge and curdles their insides, it was more mysterious, like the room was holding its breath.  I sat at his feet, cross-legged, on the oversized bed, just watching him pretend to sleep.  I smiled a little as he opened one eye, propped himself against a soft pillow as big as his body, and scrutinised me intently.  I watched him silently until he spoke.

"I can't sleep!  I feel restless, gotta do something before I explode!  How dare they tell me to nap now, I'm the prince!  I can sleep when I want!" He stared at me like it was my fault.  I knew this was just his way of directing his angry energy aimed at his servants, who his father had ordered to put the infant to bed.  I wouldn't like to be in their shoes when Vegeta is older. 

"I'm not stopping you from staying awake.  What is it you want to do?  Go for a walk?  Play a game?" 

"No." He looked up towards the ceiling, like a young child sometimes does when they're thinking hard.  "I want some answers.   We could make it a kind of a game.  I ask you questions, and you answer me.  In fact, I demand we do that."  So, it was his mind that was restless, not his body.  He did seem to be in a pensive mood all day, but sometimes it was hard to tell.

"Fine with me.  So what do you want to ask of me, Veg?" I enquired, using my nickname for him to ease the tension he felt from being surrounded by military formalities, "I will answer all I can."  I sat, patiently, waiting for him to compose his first question.  I didn't have to wait long.

"Well, things have been buzzing about in my head, and when I think about them too much I feel my body go all hot like I'm melting, then I blank out for a few seconds and when my sight returns I notice stuff; walls have a few more cracks in them than there were before, there are scorch marks on the decorative drapes.  I've even seen blood, but I could be wrong… I don't mean to do it, it just happens.  Is there something not right with me?"  I tried not to smile lest he thought I was mocking him, so I regarded him with a level gaze.

"Something must be frustrating you."  I didn't probe further, or else he would say something about him not giving me permission to ask any questions.  He gave a staunch huff, as if I was talking nonsense.

"Hn.  What would frustrate me?  Anyway, that isn't what I want to know.  What I really want to know is what is it that makes the walls crack and things burn?  Is it me?  Or is it something that's against me and knocks me out and does the damage so I get the blame?"  I smile cunningly to myself.  I'll get to know what is bugging him, if I play the game correctly.  Sometimes you have to pay a small price for information.   I introduced the bait.

"Ahh, so you want to know about ki." I smiled mysteriously, and gave him a mock-condescending expression of omnipotent wisdom.  Needless to say that didn't impress him one bit.

"What's ki?  I've heard about it, but what is it exactly??  Tell me now.  NOW!!" He acted almost like a normal two-and-a-half year old, at first his radar-dish of a learning instinct had zeroed itself in on this new information, but because I was holding out on it, he jiggled up and down on the pillow with a pained expression on his fallen-angel face, and dare I say it the beginnings of a pout that would put all other pouts to shame.  I held my finger up, to wordlessly advise patience.

"I'll tell you what ki really is…" His face instantly lit up,  "even show you…" He gasped and seemed to grow a couple of centimetres taller as if he were becoming over-inflated and ready to burst with excitement.  "If…"   Then in one sigh he deflated and his bottom lip stuck out once again, upturned against his chin.  It would have been quite cute if he wasn't shooting me a scowl that could etch glass. "…you tell me what's eating you first."  And I etched back.  We sat there for a while, engrossed in our mini staring contest, I bided my time until he snapped.

"Oh OK then!  I'll Try to explain it." He exhaled noisily and relaxed himself while preparing to string the sentences together in his head.  I allowed my mouth to curl up just a teensy bit in my triumph.  "Well I hear things from time to time and it's so confusing because Vegeta is my father and I'm Vegeta too and sometimes that Freezy thing is there and father seems scared of him I know he tries to hide it but I can tell… I'm not scared of it but it creeps me out a lot and he's in my dreams and just the way he looks at me just freaks me and makes me shiver and then I get mad because nothing should make me feel like this and I dunno what it is and then the thoughts come at me like a fleet of ships hellbent on suicide crashing into my strong defences." He pauses.  Judging by his lack of eye-contact and lack of vocal sentence structure he wasn't very comfortable with talking about the subject.  I didn't interrupt him and waited until he was ready to resume.  "It's when they finally get through and more questions are flung around with the debris that I just can't take it anymore, and that's when it happens.  The questions are things like 'Which Vegeta are they talking about?' 'If that's me they're talking about what are these plans that are mentioned?'  I even heard Freezy asking Father if he could give him something that he really wants.  What is it?  Is it me? Why? Does Freezy see that father doesn't talk to me much and maybe he wants to take me away from that?  Is he nice or is he a monster?   The answer to all these questions is 'I DON'T KNOW!!' and it makes me so angry because I WANT to know.  I don't care what the outcome is, I just want to know what's going on and where I stand.  I couldn't care less about father, he's so fake but he's a really good king though and he's done soooooo much to bring me up and yes I'm being sarcastic, I have nothing really to be grateful for as far as he's concerned, and I have a feeling that it's mutual.   My resolve gets broken and that's when I feel the rush.  It starts from below my tummy-button and just goes everywhere and when it reaches my head that's when I blank out.  When I come back I feel a lot better and I strengthen the walls again and try to shut things out more, but it always returns.  When it first happened I found fathers guards looking at me like fish in a bowl with those beeping glasses, and they were shouting numbers at each other, but I don't remember much of that."  I nodded intermittently during his brief and very rare disjointed verbal diarrhoea, not interrupting lest I break his chain of thought.  I had all that I needed anyway.  After getting this off his chest, telling me those deep emotional skirmishes, Vegeta started taking interest in his comfy luxurious bedcover, so quiet in contrast from moments before; he had literally talked himself out.  I figured he had earned his right to some brief instruction, now I had a fair idea of what triggers the rising of ki in him.

"Veg." I whispered quietly, and waited until he lifted his head up in acknowledgement, "thank you for telling me this, I know it's hard for you and it won't get any easier.  Do you feel a little better for doing this?" He turned his attention back to the bedcover and drew random patterns on it with his little fist, and his head bobbed in a small nod.

"That's good.  OK, what I want you to do now is to think back to the last time this happened.  I don't want you to think the same thoughts as such, just concentrate on the feeling you get when you think them, when you feel your mental shield being attacked by the questions."  Vegeta looked back up at me with a small hint of disbelief.

"But…"  I shushed him.

"If you want to know something, you will try all you can to gain that knowledge, and once you do, you won't know yourself.  Wouldn't you rather be in control rather than letting it control you?"

"Yes!!!  But…"  I stared at him angrily.

"There is not time for buts, Vegeta!"  My small outburst of anger startled him.

"You're just like father.  Go away and come back when you've stopped."  In a quick flick he pulled the cover over his head and sat there like that.

"Veg, please."  I made a move to remove the silly cover, but before my fingers gripped the fabric he snapped like a dog.

"Leave me alone!"  A forlorn muffled voice yelped.  I sighed helplessly; when he packs these kind of sulks, it can take a lot of time before he's back to himself.

"Fine, I'll leave you to wallow in your morose little world.  I won't teach you to fly and all that stuff and you can be slower and weaker than you would if you began your training now.  The sooner you realise your potential, the sooner you will get on top of things and conquer all those nagging thoughts.  I am here for a reason Vegeta, none of the other Saiyajin children have someone like me, to give you what they could never have, at a time when you need it most - guidance.   You are very special, and very unique.  You know that don't you?  All those cracks in the walls are caused by your ki – Yours, no one else's -  those burn holes in the drapes also."  I failed to mention the few times when it's not just non-living objects that get in the way, but that's all hush-hush and swept under the carpet.  "You do all that, but you must condition your mind and not let it spill over and overwhelm you.  One reason I am here is to give you a head-start, a small introduction so you get the gist of it and can form techniques that work well for you, I'm just here to light the spark.  I'll leave you now, to roam around constantly trying to find the answer, but never quite getting there, lost in the vaults of your insecurities.  Let me know when you come to your senses, child." 

This could go either way, he could fall for my light reverse psychology, or if he was one of his stubborn sulky moments he would still tell me to piss off in no uncertain terms.  I didn't mean most of what I said, but in times like these one has to be harsh.  I got up off the bed, so he could take note of the removal of weight, and made a move towards the door.  When I had both my hands on the doorknobs I glanced over to the unhappy upright lump in the bed.  One hand turned a knob with a creak, and out of the corner of my vision I saw the covers move, revealing the mini-flame of hair identical to his sires, a single downwards-sloping brow and a beady little eye squinting at me, and half a snubby nose.  Of course that was for the tiniest of milliseconds as he  covered himself back up almost as soon as I had turned my head to look at him.  I made a move to open the door, which squeaked audibly, and then slammed it shut, still remaining in the room.  Immediately the covers came down, as he thought I had indeed left, and he folded his arms and scowled once he realised he'd been fooled.


"Hey you tricked me!!  No fair!" I grinned as I walked back towards the bed and ruffled his hair, earning myself a squeal of protest.

"Nothings fair in life Veg, you'll learn that the hard way, and maybe even demonstrate its effects one day, who knows." I also decided to let my curiosity get the better of me.  "What were you 'but-ing' about before anyway, hmm?" His eyes glazed over momentarily.

"Uh…  You've seen what I've been able to do when it seizes me right?  I-didn't-want-to-hurt-you."  The last sentence was blurted out in a jumble of words. 

"It can't be that bad, don't let that get in your way.  Besides I have my own methods to avoid that from happening.  Maybe one day I will tell you."  He regarded me with a small sneer, that he had detected some subtle form of belittling.  I hadn't meant to, of course, but I knew from observation that he hated to be treated like he knew less than he really did, because no-one would give him a chance.

"Stop pretending you don't know, you must have seen things, or heard them at least… members of the castle staff going missing?  At least that's what they want me to think, but I know that I do it.  No wonder I can't seem to make many friends, just that lummox Nappa who's taken up following me for a living.  I reckon my father put him up to it.  Honestly, the oaf can't hold a decent five minute discussion before he gets distracted and his attention goes elsewhere.  I'd get better conversation out of a… a rug."

He then made a hiccupping noise and covered his mouth.  I thought he was going to be sick at first, but his body started to shake instead of rhythmically convulse.  Then it dawned on me, and I couldn't help myself either.  It was contagious, and started out small like a trickle seeping from a crack in a dam, then the structure weakened and it all gushed out in a torrent.  I doubled up, the laughter racking through my body unstoppably.  It's quite a funny experience when one was not used to breathing, it just went on and on, but still felt somewhat un-natural without the little gasp or snort occasionally.  I think that was the influence of my mortal side.  The prince on the other hand had almost rolled off the pillow in a fit of giggling.  It must have been the shared mental image (not the same, both from different perspectives but extremely humorous either way), of young Vegeta shooting the breeze with an old rug and Nappa in a corner scratching his head.  Once the waves of the laughter had subsided a bit, I lay back and stretched my cramped abdominal muscles and sighed in a songlike tone, still lapsing back into a few chuckles when the picture happened to run another circuit of my imagination.  I hadn't yet noticed that Vegeta had totally ceased and had fully regained his composure.  From where I was lying I could only see the ceiling which disappeared in the darkness for the light of the single globe was far from enough to illuminate the entire chamber.

"I killed them didn't I?  During my attacks?" The sombre mood returned like a shroud.  I stretched the truth just a tad.

"Only one.  The other four were just injured a bit."

"Oh." He too, stared at the ceiling in silence.  Soon a question popped into my head.  I shooed it away because I thought it was silly, but it kept nagging at me.

"Veg?"

"Yes?"

"How do you feel, knowing you've killed others?" I asked this question for two reasons.  Part of me wanted to know at what age he didn't feel remorse for ending others lives, and part of me wanted to know if I he shared the same outlook I did.  He shrugged indifferently at first, then finally answered.

"I feel nothing.  I don't Know I've done it but it's just through things I've heard.  Father does it all the time, with that ki thing, but I'm different I think, because father can make stuff dead with his hand.  Whereas when I do it even when I don't realise it sometimes until it gets too much and leaps upon me with its fury, and destroy whoever's in my path at the time.  I may feel a little regret…"  I snapped upwards with interest.

"And why's that?"

"Because I'm unconscious while their flesh blisters and peels away in front of my eyes and they char while they cry their useless pleas until they can cry no more and are nothing but blackened smoking bones at my feet… I don't get to see that.  Umm that's about it."  I am dumbfounded to say the least.  I don't know whether to be horrified or amazed.  Vegeta sensed my shock.

"I'm joking I'm joking!!" He grinned to stress that he was, but to this day I haven't been convinced that was 100% jest.  I smile too, quite nervously in fact for I wasn't expecting to be thrown off-balance like that. 

"You are something else, you know that?." I remarked with a shaky voice, unable to pick up if he had understood the double meaning.  He just widened his grin a fraction, flashing his pearly teeth at me.  All of a sudden, he sat bolt upright.

"I'm ready now.  I want to learn, and I will try my best to concentrate and achieve this."  Now it was my turn to grin.

"Let us begin then.  You know what to do."  Vegeta held up a hand.

"Wait.  I have one more question.  Do you have a name?"  I could tell it was going to be a long night.

Next Chapter:  Chibi Vegeta gets into a spot of trouble…  and someone makes an unwanted entrance.