Arakune's Journal

Day 1

Today Kurai made me steal Alexial, a fallen angel and unfortunate recipient of Kurai's love, from heaven. When I asked her how a frozen woman would help restore the Empire to its former glory, which she really should have been doing instead of moaning after Alexial all these years, she told me she could see "everything" through my skirt. Little bitch.
I broke three fingernails while killing some of the angels (oh yeah; did I mention that the woman and her rock were imprisoned in a high- security compound?) and did Kurai apologize, or thank me? No, she's just standing in front of the crystal, rocking back and forth and whispering something about Alexial and Charizard. Maybe I could kill her while she's distracted and take over, like I did with the real Arakune. Except then I'd have to give up pretending to be Arakune and pretend to be Kurai, and Kurai has really ugly clothes. Also, if Alexial ever did wake up, she'd be really pissed off at me, and I'm a little afraid of her, with her big-ass sword and what not. So Kurai will live. For now.

Later

Kurai says we're both going to Assiah to find Alexial's soul. Why does she want Alexial to wake up so badly? Besides the fact that she's "in love with Alexial." I'm sure that's because Alexial knows how to play Pokemon. Sure, a few thousand years back there were only a few people who knew how to play Pokemon, but there are millions of kids who could play with her today. Why doesn't she go find someone else to play with, and let sleeping angels lie? Maybe she's getting sentimental. But then again, I saw her swearing at the angel crystal, and putting her cigars out on it, so maybe not.
But I need to pack! I haven't exactly prepared a travel shrine to Lucifer, and I understand that devil worship isn't real big on Assiah. Also, I need accessories. Stilettos, or pumps? Gucci, or Chanel? Cow's blood or goat's? Choices, choices.

Day 2

Went to this tacky church today. Turns out Alexial's now a guy! If only Kurai was such a stone cold lesbo. But anyway, Kurai starts freaking out, this angel shows up, and there's a big old explosion. I'm still picking glass out of my hair, let me tell you. Anyway, Kurai blinded some poor little nerd girl who happened to be there, so I went out to get a bouquet to apologize for ruining her life, but I didn't have enough money left, after a very lucrative shopping trip yesterday. So now I'm rooting through the dumpster behind the florist, looking for not-quite-dead flowers. I'd make Kurai do it, but she's locked herself in the bathroom of our hotel room, and refuses to come out. I know she's in there crying and playing Pokemon Solitaire. And she's pissed off at me because she said the vibrating bed kept her up all night. If she would just buy one of those great massage chairs with all the different settings for the palace, I wouldn't have to use a hotel bed to relax my muscles.
But more importantly, I found these great Blahnik sandals! They're black, with a silver clasp up by the ankle and diamonds on the straps and tiny little heels! I had to get some new shoes. Kurai always said that I had a whore's taste in shoes, among other things, but I ignored her until the police came and thought I was a whore. So I got these just in time. They go great with my leather mini-skirt and teeny tank, and diamond choker, and fur coat. Whore? Ha! Whores only wished they looked this good!

Later

Nobody wanted to sleep with me for money. Drank blood and cried and made fun of Joan Rivers. But I am still not a whore.

Day 3

Kurai's has this horrible tacky red-eyed rat thing that she's now taking commands from. Apparently, to save money, we have to go to school. I don't know, I wasn't really listening. Anyway, I wouldn't mind, because I've always had a thing for the stern teacher-naughty student scenario, except I have to dress up like a guy! A guy! What's next, us standing around throwing bits of buildings at Alexial's incarnation? Later Turns out that was it, that we were really going to throw stone chunks at Alexial's incarnation. He called us panda girls. Kurai was insulted, but why? He thought I was a girl! Yay!