Kurai's Journal
Day 1
Killed around fifty angels in my quest to get back Alexial, and did indeed retrieve her. In my mind, that deserves a cigar. Arakune says they stunt my growth, but when I told her she had growths in all the wrong places to pull off her little corset thingy, she stomped off. Probably to watch QVC and cry. Wouldn't be the first time.
The Angel Crystal is now sitting in my living room. It's a lovely conversation piece, but I must keep in mind the real reason I wanted it. Sure, everyone thinks it's because I love her or something like that, and I guess I like her well enough, but really. Wow, I haven't told anyone this ever. Here goes. I lent her holographic Charizard card during the war, for "luck". Biggest mistake of my life. She gets captured, stuffs the card in her blouse, and gets made into the biggest paperweight I've ever seen. God damn it, I want my card back! I can see it. It's so close.
The dragon sisters say I can wake her up and get back my card, and.enjoy her company, of course, if I find her human reincarnation. If her reincarnation is anything like she was, it's not going to want to give up the card. Nevertheless, I'm going to Assiah. I need to think. I need another cigar...
Day 3
I have had SUCH a CRAPPY TRIP!!!!!!
First, Arakune just HAD to go shopping in every FREAKIN' BOUTIQUE IN TOKYO!!! Since she spent all my money, we had to stay in a SLEAZY LOVE MOTEL, and I have to share a bed with her, and she wouldn't stop spending the rest of my goddamn money making it VIBRATE! And the owner sends the police in because they thought I was an underage boy soliciting a HOOKER!!! When we cleared all of that SHIT UP, we went to find Alexial, and a wussy little angel tried to MAKE TROUBLE! After he disappeared, we find Alexial's reincarnation, and she's a FREAKING GUY!!! If I didn't want that CARD!!!! AGGGHHHH!!!!!!!
The only reason I've gotten through this at all is because the dragon sisters gave me something called "What-Sayeth-You, Pikachu?" It looks like a regular Pikachu, but when you pull its string, its eyes go red and it spits out a prophecy, followed by its trademark "Pikachu!" It told me to "on the morrow, go to the place of the great green, stand upon the pole of light, and hurl upon Alexial's soul a giant circular planet of concrete, Pikachu!" Weird, but I'll do it. It helped me find Alexial in the first place, and it also told me where to get the best deal on a Squirtle throw pillow, so I guess I owe it that much.
And finally, a girl went blind when I smashed a window or something. Oops.
Day 5
I've got barely any money left, and when I offered to play the Pokemon game for money on the street, people just looked at me weird and kept walking, and when Arakune offered to sleep with people on the street, they looked at her bulge weird and kept walking. I have a feeling she's off nursing a pint of some poor sap's blood, sobbing softly and making fun of Joan Rivers' face lifts. Anyway, when I asked "What-Sayeth-You, Pikachu?" how to conserve money while staying on Assiah, it said "the apprentices of knowledge hath little to give, so it costs them little to take, Pikachu!" I think it means that students get discounts. I'll go collect Arakune and look for a school to enroll in while here. Maybe Alexial's school. But that's only for men. Well, I dress like a man, and Arakune is actually a man, so I guess it would be okay, except for the fact "she's" going to whine about it all day. More later.
Later
Threw the giant round concrete ball at Alexial's reincarnation. Not only did he not agree to let me take his soul to the underworld to get my card back, he said that if I threw anymore construction shit at him, he would take it and stick it where the sun don't shine. Selfish bastard. Well, Arakune and I got into his school, mostly because the headmaster likes chicks with dicks, so we'll be his sempais and we'll make his life a living hell! Except that Arakune's in the grade below him and I'm in the seventh grade, so no one will know it. It's okay, I guess. They'd never believe it if we told them that we were both over 3000 years old, anyway.
Day 1
Killed around fifty angels in my quest to get back Alexial, and did indeed retrieve her. In my mind, that deserves a cigar. Arakune says they stunt my growth, but when I told her she had growths in all the wrong places to pull off her little corset thingy, she stomped off. Probably to watch QVC and cry. Wouldn't be the first time.
The Angel Crystal is now sitting in my living room. It's a lovely conversation piece, but I must keep in mind the real reason I wanted it. Sure, everyone thinks it's because I love her or something like that, and I guess I like her well enough, but really. Wow, I haven't told anyone this ever. Here goes. I lent her holographic Charizard card during the war, for "luck". Biggest mistake of my life. She gets captured, stuffs the card in her blouse, and gets made into the biggest paperweight I've ever seen. God damn it, I want my card back! I can see it. It's so close.
The dragon sisters say I can wake her up and get back my card, and.enjoy her company, of course, if I find her human reincarnation. If her reincarnation is anything like she was, it's not going to want to give up the card. Nevertheless, I'm going to Assiah. I need to think. I need another cigar...
Day 3
I have had SUCH a CRAPPY TRIP!!!!!!
First, Arakune just HAD to go shopping in every FREAKIN' BOUTIQUE IN TOKYO!!! Since she spent all my money, we had to stay in a SLEAZY LOVE MOTEL, and I have to share a bed with her, and she wouldn't stop spending the rest of my goddamn money making it VIBRATE! And the owner sends the police in because they thought I was an underage boy soliciting a HOOKER!!! When we cleared all of that SHIT UP, we went to find Alexial, and a wussy little angel tried to MAKE TROUBLE! After he disappeared, we find Alexial's reincarnation, and she's a FREAKING GUY!!! If I didn't want that CARD!!!! AGGGHHHH!!!!!!!
The only reason I've gotten through this at all is because the dragon sisters gave me something called "What-Sayeth-You, Pikachu?" It looks like a regular Pikachu, but when you pull its string, its eyes go red and it spits out a prophecy, followed by its trademark "Pikachu!" It told me to "on the morrow, go to the place of the great green, stand upon the pole of light, and hurl upon Alexial's soul a giant circular planet of concrete, Pikachu!" Weird, but I'll do it. It helped me find Alexial in the first place, and it also told me where to get the best deal on a Squirtle throw pillow, so I guess I owe it that much.
And finally, a girl went blind when I smashed a window or something. Oops.
Day 5
I've got barely any money left, and when I offered to play the Pokemon game for money on the street, people just looked at me weird and kept walking, and when Arakune offered to sleep with people on the street, they looked at her bulge weird and kept walking. I have a feeling she's off nursing a pint of some poor sap's blood, sobbing softly and making fun of Joan Rivers' face lifts. Anyway, when I asked "What-Sayeth-You, Pikachu?" how to conserve money while staying on Assiah, it said "the apprentices of knowledge hath little to give, so it costs them little to take, Pikachu!" I think it means that students get discounts. I'll go collect Arakune and look for a school to enroll in while here. Maybe Alexial's school. But that's only for men. Well, I dress like a man, and Arakune is actually a man, so I guess it would be okay, except for the fact "she's" going to whine about it all day. More later.
Later
Threw the giant round concrete ball at Alexial's reincarnation. Not only did he not agree to let me take his soul to the underworld to get my card back, he said that if I threw anymore construction shit at him, he would take it and stick it where the sun don't shine. Selfish bastard. Well, Arakune and I got into his school, mostly because the headmaster likes chicks with dicks, so we'll be his sempais and we'll make his life a living hell! Except that Arakune's in the grade below him and I'm in the seventh grade, so no one will know it. It's okay, I guess. They'd never believe it if we told them that we were both over 3000 years old, anyway.
