Chapter 6
Fear was something Kuroro had never experienced. Even when walking on the boundary between life and death, he felt only anticipation, not fear. To him, fear only had a meaning when it was written on the face of his victims. But then, what was this unknown feeling that was overwhelming him when Kurapika fainted in his arms?
Thoughts of losing the boy to death, of those beautiful eyes never opening again all rushed in, so strong that his mind went blank for a few seconds. However, years of self-control weren't just for nothing. The flash of panic died as quickly as it came, returned him to his normal calmness. Kuroro exhaled in relief as he felt the boy's faint pulse. He hadn't realized he had been holding his breathe since the moment the boy fainted.
He lowered Kurapika to the ground and went to turn on the light. He knew that somehow, Kurapika had been hurt. But when he turned back to the boy, he still wasn't prepared to see Kurapika's shirt had been soaked with blood at his side. Kuroro kneeled down to examine the wound more closely, and was surprised to find his hand shaking. This injury should have been healed completely by the healing chain, but still it was bleeding severely. He knew very clearly what had happened, and also knew that he had nearly killed the boy by his violence.
"I'm sorry." Kuroro whispered to the unconscious boy, a heavy feeling swamping in his chest. All was because of a moment of losing control. He let the boy lean to him and called the book and the healing chain. The wound on Kurapika's side was cured the second time in the day, only now much more slower.
Kurapika's lips were bleeding, probably when he bit himself. Kuroro's eyes traveled down the boy's arms to his bruised wrists, and winced. He gave those bruised wrists each a soft kiss as if wanting to apologize, then let the healing chain take care of those minor wounds as well.
The book disappeared and Kuroro sighed. Even though all wounds had been healed, it seemed that he had harmed Kurapika's still recovering nen further. This wouldn't do anything good to the boy's health, if not making his recovering took more time than needed. Besides... the heavy feeling in his chest still didn't ease. It was easy enough to erase the marks of his violence physically, but how could he heal all the wounds he inflicted on the boy's soul and heart?
Gathering the boy into his arms, Kuroro carried him back to his room. At the door, he cast a sad glance back at the burnt out candle on the table. It wasn't how he wanted this dinner to end. He did put effort into making this dinner. As childish as it was, he did enjoy seeing Kurapika's face lit up when taking the first bit. He truly didn't want to hurt the boy.
As he put Kurapika back on his bed, a sigh escaped his lips again. On the bed, Kurapika looked so small and fragile. There was no longer the calm and cold facade of a blacklist hunter. Lying before Kuroro now was only a child, pale with exhaustion and tear strains on his cheeks.
His hand reached out to touch the boy's cheek, but he hesitated. In the end, Kuroro turned away. He knew that he wanted Kurapika, not just his body, but also his heart, his soul, his everything. How Kuroro wished he could just act like he used to, just take then leave and give no thought over the consequence. Or if only he could just bind what he wanted at his side, strip it of all wings, put it in chains and never let it fly to the sky again.
But more than anything else, he did want Kurapika's happiness. Was it too late? Was he just wasting his time hoping for something that had been destroyed forever by his own hands?
"Kuroro?" Kurapika stirred and opened his eyes. The boy tried to sit up, but failed.
Almost instantly, Kuroro sat down on the bed and took the boy's hand. "You're awake? How do you feel?"
"What... happened? Why am I so tired?" Kurapika asked with a slurring voice.
"I'm sorry." Kuroro said earnestly, feeling guilt start to come back.
"For what?"
But if he told Kurapika the truth, would it give the boy fear of his actions and thus make the boy run away? "... Just sleep, you need rest." In the end, he didn't really answered Kurapika's question.
"But..."
"Don't ask anything." Kuroro leaned down, his lips brush slightly against the boy's forehead. "I know you're worry, but please don't. Everything will be alright."
"You promise?"
"I... promise."
"Good." Kurapika murmured. His eyes flew shut as he surrendered himself to sleep.
Kuroro retreated to his room. His mood somehow had sunk lower. He was used to lying and being lied to, but just thinking of how his promise was close to a lie, he felt a deep pain in his heart. Could everything return to normal and be fine again? He knew it couldn't. Nothing would be fine when he had crossed the line that was forbidden to cross, even for the leader of the Genei Ryodan.
What would tomorrow store for them? Kuroro wasn't sure. He stayed in bed for a long time, but couldn't feel asleep. Kuroro wasn't used to feeling this much insecurity. He always had been able to control his destiny, and even others', but it seemed since he met Kurapika, he was slowly losing sight of the road he had chosen for him and the Genei Ryodan.
It was all frightening.
***
It was pass midnight now, but sleep didn't come to Kuroro.
The room was dark. The shut window and close curtain made it impossible for any light to get in from outside. The sounds of the running clock and waves clashing to the shore out side weren't enough to tear apart the heavy silence in the room.
Kuroro turned again. His eyes had become used to the dark. In darkness, he could see clearly the outlines and vague shapes of the furniture. Although he knew that staring into darkness wouldn't bring him any good thought, but every time he closed his eyes, Kurapika appeared in his head. It was torturing.
Still, there was something nagging at his mind, as if his mind was screaming at him that something wasn't right. Kuroro tried to will his thought into that direction, but every time he was close to it, his thought returned to the beginning.
Suddenly he heard some noises like footsteps. Kuroro jolted up into a sitting position, not creating a single sound. He immediately put on guard and listened carefully.
The noise stopped. Kuroro couldn't help wondering if he indeed didn't hear anything. But after a while, the noise continued, this time, it was clearly footsteps approaching his room.
His body tensed, Kuroro waited for the intruder to act first, but in the end, surprise replaced suspicion as he heard the hesitating knocks on the door.
Kuroro relaxed. An enemy struggling to attack him would never knock on the door. In the house, except him, there was only Kurapika, but what was the boy doing here in the middle of the night? He turned on the lamp at the head of his bed, and then left the bed to open the door. He wasn't really surprise now to see Kurapika standing there, but the boy startled when seeing him. It seemed Kurapika hadn't been sure that he would open the door.
"It's late, why aren't you in bed now?" Kuroro asked, a little harshly. With the injured nen, Kurapika now need rest than ever.
"Kuroro, I..." Kurapika hesitated, his right hand playing with his other sleeve, discomfort painted clearly on his face.
"What? Do you need anything?"
"No, I just..." Kurapika looked down.
Kuroro lift Kurapika's chin up. Staring into the boy's eyes, he knew that to Kurapika, this night was also a sleepless night. Kurapika's eyes were huge, seeming to beg him for something, but Kuroro couldn't read the silent message.
He leaned down to place a chaste kiss on the boy's lips, feeling the other's body slightly trembling. Was it because of the cold? "Anything important would wait for tomorrow. Now, return to bed. You need rest."
Kurapika jerked his head away from Kuroro's hand. The boy fell silent for nearly a minute, then he nodded. "I'm sorry that I woke you up this late just for nothing. I'll return to my room now."
"Do you need me to take you back to your room?"
"No." Kurapika refused and walked away.
Kuroro stared after the boy until he disappeared from his sight. He frowned slightly. Kurapika looked so tired and... lonely. For a moment, he even wanted to take the boy into his arms and make sure that no one and nothing in the world would harm that delicate being.
But, as he closed the door, Kuroro couldn't hold back a sigh. What right did he have to enter Kurapika's life? Could the hands that only know blood and death manage a gesture of love? Was the power that had only created havoc and destruction enough to protect and heal what it had destroyed?
He sat down on the floor, leaning to the bed. Here in darkness, far away from vicious battles and bloodshed, all what he desired now was only to embrace a person. But the line between love and hatred, the wall that separated a blacklist hunter and a criminal seemed so thick, and painful to cross.
The night seemed like eternity, each second passed like years. No real thoughts formed in his head, Kuroro just stared into darkness. He had no idea how much time had passed. Suddenly, a noise jerked him out of the hollow feeling that was slowly overwhelming him with emptiness.
Kuroro stood up and went to open the door. He was a little surprise and curious to know the source of the noise. He didn't expect to see Kurapika out side his room. The boy was sitting on the floor with his arms around his knees, back leaning to the wall beside his door.
"Kurapika?" The boy startled at his name. His head snapped up, then he looked a way with shame in his eyes.
"Kurapika, what are you doing here?" Kuroro asked and kneeled down in front of the boy.
"Nothing." The boy mumbled, still refusing to meet his eyes.
"And you expect me to take that? Didn't I tell you to go back to your room?"
"I can do whatever I want."
"Including sitting here in the middle of the night?"
"It's none of your business."
"Fine." Kuroro stood up and said harshly. The boy's stubbornness annoyed him. However, he couldn't move from his spot as he caught the sight of a tear rolling down Kurapika's cheek.
Suddenly understand, he got to his knees again and gathered Kurapika into his arms. He wasn't surprised that there was no resistance. "I'm sorry for being so harshly." He whispered and stroked the boy's hair. "If something bothered you, tell me. I don't want to see you bearing all of this alone."
Kurapika started to shake. The boy's arms crept up to wrap around his back as he mumbled incoherent words. Kuroro had to strain his hearing to catch them.
"I didn't want this, but I... I couldn't..."
"Do you want me to take you back to your room?"
"No..." The boy cried faintly to his chest. "Please. I know I have no right to ask, but... please don't let me be alone, just for tonight."
Kuroro tightened his hold on the boy. Those words cut to him like razors. Suddenly the questions that had been bothering him became meaningless. It was too late to wonder if he had the right to step into the boy's life, for he already did.
"Don't worry. I won't leave you alone." He whispered, feeling like lying, but knowing the desire to protect was real.
Noting Kurapika's faint gasp of discomfort, he quickly released the boy. Ignoring Kurapika's protest, he rolled the boy's sleeve up and frown when he looked at the bruises on his arm. "You had fallen on your way to come here." He said accusingly.
"It's nothing, it doesn't hurt." Kurapika replied, pulled his sleeves down and stood up.
"Forget it." Kuroro swept Kurapika into his arms and carried him into his room. "You just got hurt too much today. I don't trust you to go out of my sight."
Kurapika protested, but he didn't make any resistance. Kuroro put the boy on his bed, and lied down behind him. He pulled the blanket over them, and sighed, feeling peaceful for the first time in the night.
Kurapika's body was tensed. The boy was like some scared, wounded animal that was ready to bolt in fear of its predator. Kuroro rested his arm over the boy's body. "Relax. I won't hurt you. Or do you want me to sleep on the couch?"
After a long silence, Kurapika did relax. "Oh, fuck it." The boy muttered, surprising Kuroro, but he was even more surprised when the boy snuggled close to him and immediately fell asleep.
Kuroro idly toyed with the hair at the back of the boy's head and smiled.
Later, when he thought back, he would be amazed how easily sleep had claimed him. The only thing he was aware of before his eyes slid shut was the sound of Kurapika's peaceful breath and the feeling of a warm, much smaller body against his own.
***
When Kuroro woke up, it was already near noon. He had never waked up so late, but it was still the best morning he had ever have.
Kuroro didn't remember the last time he woke up with someone beside him. He had always been a solitary being, he didn't trust people enough to have a lover, and with the few ones he trusted, he didn't want to get attachment to them.
This morning wasn't like any morning he had had in years. The feeling of peacefulness, of being with somebody, of being whole suddenly made all the glory of battles, pleasure of killing and collecting treasures from blood and death all seem to have no meaning.
He sat up but didn't leave the bed. Instead, he settled on watching the sleeping beauty beside him. As if feeling his gaze, Kurapika stirred and opened his eyes tiredly. He looked confused at first, but as soon as his half closed eyes moved to Kuroro, they widened. The boy nearly jolted up and clutched the blanket tightly at his chest.
"Sleeping beauty, finally you wake up, but why are you so horrified?" Kuroro asked with a fake dramatic voice.
"Whwhawhtawhat diddd we do?" The boy squeaked, a rosy color decorating his cheeks
Kuroro couldn't help chuckling.
"WHAT did we do?" Kurapika raised his voice, demanding with a little more anger, then as he was replied with only chuckles, his anger seemed to rise up. Clutching Kuroro's front shirt and shook, mindless that the blanket had slid off him in the progress, Kurapika nearly screamed furiously. "DAMN IT! Why don't you answer me? You'd better answer me or else..."
The look on Kurapika's face was priceless. Kuroro did something he had never thought he would do. He burst out laughing.
To be continued...
... please read and review... um should I say it in the beginning of this chapter... I wish I knew how to say to readers like everybody does. I know I'm bad with words, but I really want to say something. Well,... um... review please, let me know what you think about this fic... Should I say something more... I can't think of anything *sweatdrop*
*give up*
