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While Tania had been searching frantically for the Weasley twins, Allyson had been sitting quietly in the Ravenclaw common room.
She was feeling guilty at the moment-perhaps too guilty to care much about talking to Tania. Indeed she was feeling too miserable to even rise from her seat. Her cheeks were wet from crying and her mind weary from the mixed emotions racing through it at the moment.
She was happy to be rid of the responsibility of a relationship with Oliver. On the other hand, the happiness was certainly not enough to drown the guilt and agony she felt lurking in the pit of her stomach.
The loneliness consumed her. It was not only the thought of losing Oliver that drove her to this sadness. It was another factor that contributed to it all.
When she had been going out with Oliver, his life had revolved around two things: her and Quidditch. The sport was the only thing that had managed to keep his attention once he'd started going out with Allyson, but even it took on a change in his life. During the Gryffindor games against Ravenclaw, Oliver would often let Ravenclaw score against Gryffindor-if Allyson was the one scoring.
Of course, the Ravenclaw team saw this as a major opportunity to take advantage of Oliver's weakness, and they would give the Quaffle to Allyson as often as possible. So, when Allyson broke up with Oliver, it need not be said that the team was quite upset with Allyson.
So Allyson found herself with no sister to talk to, no Quidditch team to rely on and, worst of all, no Oliver.
"Stupid password." She heard a voice say. "Took me a bloody half hour to figure it out."
She looked over at the portrait hole to see Fred Weasley clamber into it. Many of the Ravenclaws stared at him as he avoided their eyes.
Fred was probably one of the last people Allyson wanted to see at the moment, perhaps with the exception of Oliver.
"Hey, Allyson." He said cautiously as he walked over and sat next to her.
She merely stared into the fire, hoping that if she didn't respond, he would leave.
"So, er. I heard you broke up with Oliver."
She looked over at him, but didn't turn her head. She wanted to talk about it less than anything at the moment. She just wanted him to leave.
"Yeah." He shifted awkwardly in his seat. "So, um. Who comes up with the passwords for these portrait holes, honestly, because this is ridiculous-"
"Fred, why are you here?" Allyson finally turned to him. "I know you're not here to talk about the bloody password, so just spit it out. I need to be alone."
He looked at her for a moment, then forced a smiled as he blushed a little and scratched his ear in an attempt to look casual. "Er." He looked back up at her. "I just thought. You know, things aren't going too great with Oliver, and." He smiled a little. "It doesn't look like they're going too great with you either. And I. Um."
"Don't tell me." Allyson sighed and slumped into her seat. "You thought I'd like to talk about it."
He smiled. "Yeah."
"Well, think again, Fred. I don't want to talk about it. It's too early in this break-up for me to want to do anything right now." Her eyes began to well up again as she continued. "Least of all talk about what's causing me such pain." She sniffed a little as she fought back tears and put a hand over her mouth. She avoided looking at Fred.
He moved as though to grab her hand, but thought the better of it. Instead he just sat there, looking concerned. Allyson didn't notice.
She forced a smile. "I'm sorry. See, this is why I don't like talking. Talking is dangerous when I'm in this state." She laughed a little as she wiped her eyes.
"No, it's okay." Fred smiled. "I don't mind, really."
She looked at him. "I know you don't, Fred. I do mind, though." She sat up in her seat. "I know you mean well, I really do. But you're not someone I can talk to."
"What do you mean?"
"You're a great friend, Fred." She smiled. "You're funny and smart, and you're cute as hell. But you're not the type of person that I'd be comfortable talking to in a situation like this." She shrugged. "Or in any other situation, for that matter."
"Oh." He looked down at his feet. He looked back up at her, then faked a smile. "Okay, then. Just thought I could help."
"Yeah. Thanks anyway." She smiled. "I really didn't mean anything by it, you know."
"Oh, I know!" He laughed. "I know."
"Right. Well, I think I need some time to myself, so..." She sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow, if I'm lucky. Good night, Fred."
"Good night, Allyson." He swallowed his dignity as she rose from her seat. "Hey, Allyson?"
She turned to him. "Yeah?"
"I, uh. I just want you to know. Oliver's really upset. He won't talk, he won't sleep, he'll hardly eat."
"Fred, this isn't cheering me up, okay?" She sat back down next to him. Her eyes welled with tears once more.
"I know it isn't." He whispered. "I just wanted you to know." His eyes took in her soft skin, tainted with the silver tears rushing down her cheeks.
She looked at him, her piercing blue eyes glistening with tears. "You wanted me to know what?"
"Just to know that he's handling it really well." He smiled a little.
She laughed grimly. "What are you talking about?"
He merely gazed into her eyes. There was a bittersweet sort of sadness he felt pulsating through his veins at that moment; a hunger that can only be explained by acute loneliness that one feels when their world is ready to reassemble after falling apart for the tenth time that year. Not only were these feelings searing through his heart, but he could feel them flooding his mind, poisoning it with notions that he was certain could never even be considered, much less attained.
Finally, he spoke. "Allyson. If I could have just one day to feel the way Oliver felt when he was with you. I know that losing you would hurt me in such a way that I wouldn't want to live anymore. And yet." He smiled a little. "I wouldn't be able to bring myself to die for fear that I would never again have that feeling. That I would never again cherish those memories of the time spent with you. It's really big of Oliver to even stay sane knowing what he lost." He looked at her, fear burning in his eyes.
Allyson was seeing Fred with a mixture of feelings swimming through her. Part of her really wanted to accept what he was telling her without a second thought, and the other part of her tried desperately to convince her otherwise.
He smiled nervously. "Allyson, please say something."
She looked at him for the longest time, trying to think of something to say. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. She shook her head, sighing, and stood up. "Good night, Fred." She smiled weakly as she began to walk up to the girls' dormitory.
Fred said nothing. He merely watched her walk up the steps wearily. She's coming back. He tried to convince himself. She's not just going to walk away from me. She can't possibly be that oblivious. But she didn't come back. He watched her disappear up the stairs without looking back.
He sighed sadly as he put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Right now, more than anything, he wanted to die. There was nothing that could make him feel better about this night. He'd embarrassed himself in front of the girl that he was in love with and she didn't even say anything to make him feel better about it. He was so sure this had been the night that she would see him as something more than a friend, and yet she'd left.
He clenched his fists angrily. "Why do I have to be in love with her.?" He whispered to himself, seething with anger. He threw a pillow at the wall and yelled, "Why can't I just hate her!"
People were staring at him as though he had five heads, but he didn't notice. He groaned angrily, sadness seeping through his heart to every part of his body as he leaned back in his seat and drifted into an uneasy slumber.
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While Tania had been searching frantically for the Weasley twins, Allyson had been sitting quietly in the Ravenclaw common room.
She was feeling guilty at the moment-perhaps too guilty to care much about talking to Tania. Indeed she was feeling too miserable to even rise from her seat. Her cheeks were wet from crying and her mind weary from the mixed emotions racing through it at the moment.
She was happy to be rid of the responsibility of a relationship with Oliver. On the other hand, the happiness was certainly not enough to drown the guilt and agony she felt lurking in the pit of her stomach.
The loneliness consumed her. It was not only the thought of losing Oliver that drove her to this sadness. It was another factor that contributed to it all.
When she had been going out with Oliver, his life had revolved around two things: her and Quidditch. The sport was the only thing that had managed to keep his attention once he'd started going out with Allyson, but even it took on a change in his life. During the Gryffindor games against Ravenclaw, Oliver would often let Ravenclaw score against Gryffindor-if Allyson was the one scoring.
Of course, the Ravenclaw team saw this as a major opportunity to take advantage of Oliver's weakness, and they would give the Quaffle to Allyson as often as possible. So, when Allyson broke up with Oliver, it need not be said that the team was quite upset with Allyson.
So Allyson found herself with no sister to talk to, no Quidditch team to rely on and, worst of all, no Oliver.
"Stupid password." She heard a voice say. "Took me a bloody half hour to figure it out."
She looked over at the portrait hole to see Fred Weasley clamber into it. Many of the Ravenclaws stared at him as he avoided their eyes.
Fred was probably one of the last people Allyson wanted to see at the moment, perhaps with the exception of Oliver.
"Hey, Allyson." He said cautiously as he walked over and sat next to her.
She merely stared into the fire, hoping that if she didn't respond, he would leave.
"So, er. I heard you broke up with Oliver."
She looked over at him, but didn't turn her head. She wanted to talk about it less than anything at the moment. She just wanted him to leave.
"Yeah." He shifted awkwardly in his seat. "So, um. Who comes up with the passwords for these portrait holes, honestly, because this is ridiculous-"
"Fred, why are you here?" Allyson finally turned to him. "I know you're not here to talk about the bloody password, so just spit it out. I need to be alone."
He looked at her for a moment, then forced a smiled as he blushed a little and scratched his ear in an attempt to look casual. "Er." He looked back up at her. "I just thought. You know, things aren't going too great with Oliver, and." He smiled a little. "It doesn't look like they're going too great with you either. And I. Um."
"Don't tell me." Allyson sighed and slumped into her seat. "You thought I'd like to talk about it."
He smiled. "Yeah."
"Well, think again, Fred. I don't want to talk about it. It's too early in this break-up for me to want to do anything right now." Her eyes began to well up again as she continued. "Least of all talk about what's causing me such pain." She sniffed a little as she fought back tears and put a hand over her mouth. She avoided looking at Fred.
He moved as though to grab her hand, but thought the better of it. Instead he just sat there, looking concerned. Allyson didn't notice.
She forced a smile. "I'm sorry. See, this is why I don't like talking. Talking is dangerous when I'm in this state." She laughed a little as she wiped her eyes.
"No, it's okay." Fred smiled. "I don't mind, really."
She looked at him. "I know you don't, Fred. I do mind, though." She sat up in her seat. "I know you mean well, I really do. But you're not someone I can talk to."
"What do you mean?"
"You're a great friend, Fred." She smiled. "You're funny and smart, and you're cute as hell. But you're not the type of person that I'd be comfortable talking to in a situation like this." She shrugged. "Or in any other situation, for that matter."
"Oh." He looked down at his feet. He looked back up at her, then faked a smile. "Okay, then. Just thought I could help."
"Yeah. Thanks anyway." She smiled. "I really didn't mean anything by it, you know."
"Oh, I know!" He laughed. "I know."
"Right. Well, I think I need some time to myself, so..." She sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow, if I'm lucky. Good night, Fred."
"Good night, Allyson." He swallowed his dignity as she rose from her seat. "Hey, Allyson?"
She turned to him. "Yeah?"
"I, uh. I just want you to know. Oliver's really upset. He won't talk, he won't sleep, he'll hardly eat."
"Fred, this isn't cheering me up, okay?" She sat back down next to him. Her eyes welled with tears once more.
"I know it isn't." He whispered. "I just wanted you to know." His eyes took in her soft skin, tainted with the silver tears rushing down her cheeks.
She looked at him, her piercing blue eyes glistening with tears. "You wanted me to know what?"
"Just to know that he's handling it really well." He smiled a little.
She laughed grimly. "What are you talking about?"
He merely gazed into her eyes. There was a bittersweet sort of sadness he felt pulsating through his veins at that moment; a hunger that can only be explained by acute loneliness that one feels when their world is ready to reassemble after falling apart for the tenth time that year. Not only were these feelings searing through his heart, but he could feel them flooding his mind, poisoning it with notions that he was certain could never even be considered, much less attained.
Finally, he spoke. "Allyson. If I could have just one day to feel the way Oliver felt when he was with you. I know that losing you would hurt me in such a way that I wouldn't want to live anymore. And yet." He smiled a little. "I wouldn't be able to bring myself to die for fear that I would never again have that feeling. That I would never again cherish those memories of the time spent with you. It's really big of Oliver to even stay sane knowing what he lost." He looked at her, fear burning in his eyes.
Allyson was seeing Fred with a mixture of feelings swimming through her. Part of her really wanted to accept what he was telling her without a second thought, and the other part of her tried desperately to convince her otherwise.
He smiled nervously. "Allyson, please say something."
She looked at him for the longest time, trying to think of something to say. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. She shook her head, sighing, and stood up. "Good night, Fred." She smiled weakly as she began to walk up to the girls' dormitory.
Fred said nothing. He merely watched her walk up the steps wearily. She's coming back. He tried to convince himself. She's not just going to walk away from me. She can't possibly be that oblivious. But she didn't come back. He watched her disappear up the stairs without looking back.
He sighed sadly as he put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Right now, more than anything, he wanted to die. There was nothing that could make him feel better about this night. He'd embarrassed himself in front of the girl that he was in love with and she didn't even say anything to make him feel better about it. He was so sure this had been the night that she would see him as something more than a friend, and yet she'd left.
He clenched his fists angrily. "Why do I have to be in love with her.?" He whispered to himself, seething with anger. He threw a pillow at the wall and yelled, "Why can't I just hate her!"
People were staring at him as though he had five heads, but he didn't notice. He groaned angrily, sadness seeping through his heart to every part of his body as he leaned back in his seat and drifted into an uneasy slumber.
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