Scene 5

And so, it is time to go find Princess Zelda.

Link: Time to get some.

Navi: WHAT?!?!?

Link: Well me and Zelda we got this thing going on..

Navi: Are you cheating on me?

Link: I never dated you, ya freak.

~Come upon Hyrule Palace, late at night, all closed up, blah blah blah.~

Navi: Hey it's a horsey!

Link: Zelda's on that horse! Zelda baby!

Zelda: Catch this Link! I'm outta here! (throws a blue object into the moat)

Link: Now I'm gonna have to get wet!

Navi: You pansy.

Link: Hey if you want me to make love to you.

Navi: You were going to make love to me?

Link: Yeah, remember scene 2.I mean NO would I ever do that?!?!?

Navi: Hey I remember now! Come to mama!

Link: Mama? I thought you were a guy.

Navi: I'm both.

Link: (shakes his head in despair)

(Ganondork rides by on a horse)

Link: Please feel free to pass sir. I'm sorry if I got in your way your majesty.

Navi: (muttering) pansy.

Link: Hey Navi

Navi: Yes my love?

Link: I'll make love to you twice if you jump in the moat and get the blue thingy.

Navi: I'm not strong enough to lift it, love.

Link: (grumbling, gets blue thingy) Hey man, I'm starting to feel lightheaded. (passes out)

~DREAM SEQUENCE~

Zelda: Link my love.

Link: Zelda I've missed you.make love to me.

Zelda: I can't, it's a dream.

Link: All the more reason.

Zelda: We'll have to wait till we meet again, but I have a song to teach you. LA la LA LA la LA!

Link: What song is that?

Zelda: The song of time. Use it in the Temple of Time to travel to the future to save me.

Link: And then we can make love?

Zelda: Yup.

Link: SWEET!

Zelda: (smiling) goodbye Link.

~Link wakes up with Navi trying to perform mouth to mouth~

Link: Navi, you bum.

Navi: Right. I wasn't doin' nothing wrong. Um.yeah.

Link: We have to get to the Temple of Time.

~the two enter the market and the Temple of Time. The "rock candies" float to the pedestal~

Link: Hey! Those are mine, stupid temple!

Navi: (whispering) Link that was supposed to happen.

Link: How do you know?

~guiltily, Navi pulls out miniature copy of Zelda cheat book~

Link: (sniffles) Navi I trusted you.

Navi: Does that mean I don't get any?

Link: Yup.

Navi: Drat.

Link: You're just screwing yourself over, girl. Or guy. (plays Song of Time, big door opens)

Link: SWEET! (runs inside)

Navi: They say only the true Hero of Time can pull it out. So that means.(pulls out cheat book) we're going forward in time 7 years!

Link: Hey maybe that stripper will finally grow some breasts. (pulls sword)

~and we have another dream/theatric sequence thingy in a shiny place~

Rayru: Wazzup my homie?

Link: Nutin' dude, just chillin.'

Rayru: Yeah, man you be in a totally new time frame. You need to pick up ya new items from the dudes in the hood, and then visit your forest friend. By the way, take my pimp medallion.

~Recieves Pimp Medallion~

Link: Sweet dude, yo, I'll be seein' ya around.

Navi: I feel dumb.

Rayru: No chill, my home dog, just go wit' da flow.

Navi: This isn't in the cheat book.

Link: Man, my girl, don't go wit' dat crap. It'll only mess ya up.

Navi: I'm not a girl.or a guy.

Link: Hey we respect that, yo.

Rayru: Well you get outta here, my dude, and we'll seeya around.

Link: Later, dude.

~wake up in temple of time~

Link: Well, look at me I'm all muscles!

Navi: What was that all about?

Link: Dude, ya gotta chill wit' us in da hood.

Navi: (shakes head in despair)

Link: We need to visit the graveyard to get our hookshot.

Navi: How do you know?

Link: (Pulls out cheat book)

Navi: You have one too? I'm SO PROUD!

~enter market to find a big surprise~

Link: Hey what's with all these new people in the market?

Navi: Maybe you should talk to them.

Link: (walks up to one of them) Hi I'm -

(ReDead begins choking/humping him)

Link: What the - let go of me.(pulls foot back and kicks him)

Navi: I don't like these new people let's get outta here.

Link: WAIT! Cheat book says Sun's Song freezes them.

Navi: We don't know the Sun's Song.

Link: (reading cheat book) we do now. (plays suns song and freezes them, then escape the market.)