A/N: (SC): Critique is most certainly welcome, but if you plan to "flame," please, give a name. Cowardice is even worse than the flame itself.
This chapter written by the famous author, Syth Colbalt! Check out SC's other work on Fanfiction.net, and FictionPress.com!
And now our feature presentation! AT In Mary Sue Land: Fellowship of the Ring
Astrid wandered about Rivendell, sulking. Everything was wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG! First, she had been stuck in a Mary-Sue, and then she hadn't been able to get into the council. Plus, Syth had taken away her ability to curse!
AT meditated on this as she shuffled along the foyer.
"That's it, I'm sick of you!" yelled SC, pointing a finger at AT. "Your language is inexcusable! But all of that's about to change…" She muttered an incantation under her breath, gesturing at Astrid.
"What the fork do you mean?!" cried AT, but it was too late; the spell had taken hold. "Fork?! Why the heck did I say FORK?! I had meant to say fork! What the heck?! Now I'm saying HECK?! Aw, crud."
"Mwahaha. That's right," cackled SC, "you can no longer say anything offensive. You are strictly forbidden to use foul language. Go on, try to say a curse."
AT focused all of her attention on cussing. "Goatdarnnit! Oh, SHRIMP! This stinks! Skewer you, Syth!"
SC tsked. "You know better than to use such words. Get used to it, hun, 'cos it's not going to change any time soon."
"GOATDARNIT!!"
AT sighed. Head bowed and eyes lowered, she kept walking. Suddenly, she bumped into *someone*…
"Sorry, milady," said a male voice, and AT's head snapped up.
A single thought flashed through her mind before she was rendered utterly mute: My goat, it's Aragorn!
"But not the Aragorn you think you know…" cackled SC, appearing by Astrid's
side, accompanied by her flying llama, which she was sitting on.
"How do you mean?" demanded Astrid, rounding Syth.
"We-ell, just like The Noble Platypus portrays in her fic, all of the main
characters are complete puppy dogs," replied SC, patting her llama on the head.
"Fork you! Is that why he said 'sorry'?! How could you ruin Tolkien's work?!"
"I wouldn't yell at me if I were you…"
"And why the heck not?!"
"Perhaps if I switch POVs you'll see. Besides, it's a classic Mary-Sue trait," said
Syth Colbalt.
Aragorn looked at Astrid, confused. Why was this maiden talking to thin air?
Arwen hadn't mentioned anything odd about her… There has to be some reasonable
explanation, he thought. Perhaps she was simply tiered. Or maybe, said a small voice in
the back of his head, she's raving mad.
Aragorn, not wanting to risk anything, took a step backward, saying, "You must
be tired. Let me have Arwen show you to your room, okay?" Astrid rolled her eyes,
covering her face with her hands.
Astrid shuttered, repulsed by his way of speech. She looked about, realizing that the POV had changed again, and that SC was gone.
Aragorn stepped back again, palms raised, and AT noticed that he was up against the wall.
This is my chance to kiss a lead character! Astrid thought, advancing.
Aragorn shifted uncomfortably. "Arwen!" he called, "Er…Arwen, could you show your friend to her room?"
Nooo! Curse you, Arwen!
Unfortunately, Arwen came anyway. She dragged the unhappy authoress down the hall, chattering nonstop.
In a few minutes (that seemed like hours) Arwen stopped talking and dragging.
She pulled open the door, and shoved AT inside the room.
"…And this is your room! It's usually used for the most honored guests, but since we're friends, you can have, AT."
At this point, I should be telling you how lovely the room was…ya know, ivory junk arranged perfectly in the corners. But, since this is a parody of a Mary-Sue, and not a real Mary-Sue, I'll just skip the details and let you imagine how sickeningly faultless the room was.
"Oh, goody-joy," mutter AT, shuffling over to the soft, fluffy bed.
Arwen waved "Bye-Bye," and shut the door.
"Stupid fluffy bed," muttered Astrid, kicking the lovely ivory and leaving a scuff. "Ha, ha. Serves you right for being so perfect and wonderful."
SC appeared once again. "How plan you to join the fellowship, pray tell?"
"I don't know, SC. You tell me."
"Well that's not a very good plan."
"Fork you! Aw, goatdarnit! Can I please have back the ability to curse? PLEEEEEEAAAAAAASE?"
SC toyed with her long, flowing robes. "Whyyyy?"
"'Cause it's forkin' hard to express my anger!"
"You seemed to be doing just fine."
"EATING UTENSILS DO NOT EXPRESS ANGER!!"
"You just chill for a sec, okay? I think I hear *someone* coming…" Syth grinned evilly, and vanished with a puff of cobalt smoke.
There was a knock on the door, and that someone came in. "Er…I thought I heard something, milady."
AT resisted the urge to break down and cry with pity for the stupid prat. "I'm fine, Aragorn. I just saw a…a…spider. Uh-huh. That's it."
Aragorn nodded seriously. "Mmm. It could have been poisonous."
"Yeeeeaaah." AT stared desperately at Aragorn. If only he were himself. Oh, heck, what did she care? Aragorn was Aragorn.
And she'd kiss him if it was the last thing she did.
