Nothing was the same anymore, Abby had to think twice about everything she did, suddenly it wasn't just her life that depended on every decision she made. A part of her felt cheated that the decision to stop smoking and stay sober was taken out of her hands at a time when the temptation to slip back into old habits was greater than ever before. Her hand physically ached to hold something stronger than the decaffeinated coffee that had become her only fuel over the past month.
Then the nausea kicked in almost as if her body was fighting a battle of wills with her mind. Her stomach wouldn't even allow her to keep anything down for more than 10 minutes. Everything made her sick to her stomach. The bathroom had become a second home in the last few weeks. It's true what they say … morning sickness really is a bitch.
The flashing light on her answering machine alerted her to 2 new messages pressing play she headed into the kitchen hoping to find something, anything to help get rid of her headache.
"Abby it's Eric just to let you know everything's ok, sorry we didn't get your call but we were out in the garden, oh and mum says she'll ring tomorrow"
At least I don't have to chase around after them Abby thought to herself as she listened to the message. Eric sounded in control of things and so was Maggie by the sounds of it.
"Abby it's Susan, Kerry said you phoned in sick again. It's been 3 days so I'll be over about 8 after my shift just to check your okay and maybe we can have another girls night in"
Glancing up at the clock in the kitchen she realised it was already 7:40. Then the nausea returned again unsure whether or not she could make it to the bathroom Abby threw up the painkillers she'd taken into the kitchen sink. Stopping to steady herself before removing all traces. 'Great I can't even take painkillers now' she groaned to herself as she went to get dressed. Susan would be here any minute.
Getting dressed quickly only seemed to add to the constant feeling of nausea that had been plaguing her for the last two weeks. Abby couldn't help but panic that it was her body's way of telling her she wasn't ready to be a mother, especially a single mother.
Laying down on her bed for a few minutes certain that there was nothing left in her stomach to throw up Abby considered trying to get in touch with Carter. Susan was right he deserved to know, but she hadn't heard from him since the 'Dear Abby' letter so he obviously wasn't thinking about her or concerned with getting in touch with her.
After all he was a good looking, intelligent, king guy he could have any girl he wanted. Recently she wondered more than ever why he even wanted to be with her in the first place when he could have his pick of baggage free leggy blondes. All she ever did was bring him misery, and a truckload of extra emotional responsibilities.
The severe self doubt seemed to be another symptom of pregnancy, one they didn't warn you about in all the books and magazines. She'd always doubted whether or not she had what it took to be a mother, would her addiction screw up her child's life, would her children be bi-polar but deep down she wanted it some day.
When she fell pregnant while with Richard everything was such a mess, he was cheating on her, her mother was on and off her meds with more regularity than a light switch and as hard as she tried she didn't love him anymore … she couldn't bring a child into that. This time something felt different, even though she was single and her mother or brother could still go off their meds at anytime something about being pregnant felt right. Like a part of the jumbled jigsaw puzzle that was her life was finally fitting into place.
She had a stable job, a home, she was sober and she wanted it. She wanted the morning sickness, weird cravings, sleepless nights … she wanted to be a mother.
"Abby? …. Abby?" She heard Susan yell as she woke … when had she fallen asleep?
Yawning Abby made her way to let Susan in, she ached all over and just wanted to sleep for the rest of her pregnancy but Susan had been a great support and whether she would openly admit it or not Abby was grateful for her friendship and company.
Abby opened the door to a heavily wrapped up Susan.
"Cold outside?" she asked letting her in.
"You could say that … thanks for taking 5 minutes to let me in" Susan half joked.
"Sorry I was sleeping" Abby explained.
"That's ok" She said taking in Abby's dishevelled appearance, her cheeks were flushed and she definitely had the just got out of bed look down to an art. "God you look awful"
"Gee thanks, it's great too see you too" Abby scoffed as she led Susan to the couch, checking to make sure the heating was on.
"You know what I mean … how are you, I was worried when you called in sick for the third day in a row" she admitted.
"Yeah that would be the never ending morning sickness"
"Ahhh" Susan started "I've heard that can be a bitch"
"Urgh I never did understand why they call it morning sickness, when it's all day long" Abby moaned.
Susan couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at Abby's irritation "But other than that … how are you?"
"Tired, but apart from that good. I've got my first OB appointment next week" she informed her.
"Wow" Susan breathed "What day?"
"Friday … 2:30"
"I'm on the graveyard shift the night before, so all I had planned was sleep … if you want some company" Susan asked.
"You don't have to do that, you'll be knackered" although not wanting to go on her own Abby didn't want to put her out any more than she already had.
"I want to come … please" Susan sang flashing her a cheeky grin.
"Oh well if you want to come that badly … thanks"
"Oooo it's going to be so great I saw the cutest baby clothes while shopping the other day" she gushed.
"Oh yeah and where exactly where you shopping" Abby asked with a grin.
"Mothercare" Susan admitted blushing "I was passing and I just couldn't resist going in"
"And …" Abby asked knowing there was more.
"Buying one or two little items … in my defence they were in the sale.
"You do realise I'm only 11 weeks pregnant, being a doctor and everything you should know that means 6 months at least till there's anyone to wear them" Abby reminded her although if she was honest it helped that Susan was so involved … she didn't feel like she was going through the pregnancy alone.
"I know, I know it's just they were calling out to me"
"What where they doing? Singing buy me while dancing into your basket" Abby joked, Susan's optimism was certainly catching watching her friends face light up at the prospect of becoming an 'aunt' she couldn't help but want to drag herself out on shopping trip and go all girly over baby clothes with her.
"Something like that … they had some pretty cool maternity clothes too, none of that frilly, flowery stuff" she informed Abby.
"Your time will come" Abby reassured her seeing the longing look on her face.
"Yeah" Susan sighed.
"That's not a threat. It's a promise" Abby laughed.
"Thanks … so how about we get the girls night in underway" she asked handing a selection of DVD's to Abby.
"As long as there's no ice cream this time … dairy products is big no at the moment"
"How about chips and dip" Susan asked once again digging into her survival bag … everything needed for a night in and more, she'd brought with her.
"I can probably manage that"
Smiling she took the DVD's from Abby "Great … and it's my film choice"
"Oh god" Abby moaned in a mocking tone.
"Are you saying there's something wrong with my taste in films" Susan asked trying to look hurt.
"Of course not … if I was a 12 year old girl" Abby joked earning her a light-hearted slap.
"Ok so tonight we're watching …. 'Daddy Day Care' ok" Susan proudly announced.
"Daddy Day Care?" Abby echoes a hint of amusement in her voice.
"What it's a comedy no tragic deaths, no girl meets boy then loses boy" she explains "It's perfect for a fun night in"
"Sure and after we can braid each others hair and make prank phone calls" Abby joked.
"I'm not sure about the hair thing but prank phone calls could be a giggle" Susan answered humouring Abby. Who just rolled her eyes snuggling down into the sofa as Susan puts the film in.
***
Halfway through the film the soft snoring coming from beside her alerted Susan to the fact Abby had fallen asleep. Pulling the throw off the back of the couch she put it over her and returned to watching the film.
The ringing of Abby's phone broke her out of her half asleep state as she realised the credits were rolling and she'd missed the end of the film. Leaving the machine to get it Susan carried onto the bin with an armful of empty packets.
"Abby it's me" … Carter, should she wake Abby, answer it or just let the machine get it.
"Well you're probably working … it doesn't matter anyway" then the line went dead. Probably for the best. Abby might not be to happy if Susan answered her phone and waking her wasn't the best idea cranky pregnant women and exes who dumped them via a letter could only mean adding to an already complicated situation.
Susan couldn't help but feel angry with Carter in all the time she'd known him she never expected he'd be the type to dump someone by letter especially someone who he'd been in love with for so long and was contemplating proposing too. She knew it wasn't all black and white and that they'd both added to the collapse of their relationship but no matter how hard Abby had tried to hide it Susan could see just how much the letter had broken her. And the fact Carter had been so insensitive annoyed her.
And now with baby making three, things were even more complicated.
