Abby listened to the message over and over again. She'd memorised it after the first 3 times but now she just needed to hear his voice, know he was ok and not injured, her sleep was plagued with nightmares that the next time she saw him he'd be arriving at County on a gurney or worse … she'd never see him again.
"Message deleted" came the mechanical voice. Time to move on, Carter's in the past. I have to move on for the sake of my … our baby she told herself as she headed to the bedroom to get ready for her first OB appointment.
Pulling on her jeans she couldn't resist stopping in front the mirror pushing out her still flat stomach so it was slightly rounded she'd seen the miracles and tragedies of childbirth working as an OB nurse, the double edged sword of life and death never far away but she'd never experienced the joys of pregnancy, last time it had been a nightmare never an experience this time she wanted to remember everything … even the morning sickness.
Pulling out the baby book that she couldn't resist while shopping with Susan yesterday from under her pillow the brightly coloured cover with a stork had captured her in a trance, now she knew what Susan meant when she said she couldn't resist buying baby items. Turning the pages she longed to fill them with pictures and memories of her child's life.
Placing it back under the pillow on the side of the bed he would sleep whenever he stayed which for a while had been near enough a permanent arrangement the longing to have him by her side every chapter of her pregnancy set in. Instead he was in Africa somewhere not even aware he was going to be a father. She wasn't even sure how to contact him, they hadn't departed on the best of terms.
She had a few hours to go yet but she was meeting Susan from work, with the promise of lunch, although knowing Susan she had the whole afternoon planned and the majority of it probably involve shopping for baby clothes and accessories.
***
Abby entered the hospital the same time as am ambulance was pulling up. With everyone busy she managed to avoid 20 questions and headed straight to the lounge to wait for Susan. Pleased to find it empty she sat on the couch scanning the various magazines littering the table. Bold pink writing on one cover caught her eye 'Healthy eating and pregnancy'.
Why not I might as well get all the advice I can she thought to herself as she flipped to the right page. The 4 magazines Susan had brought with her yesterday lay already read on her kitchen table. The excitement that came with this pregnancy never failed to amaze her, the way she found herself getting teary eyes at any commercials with babies in them or how watching a stressed mother trying to calm down her crying infant in the tinned food aisle while shopping fascinated her.
She was all of a sudden looking at everything a different way, she was no longer watching a scene with cynical thoughts plaguing her mind but a longing to be a part of them.
"Great" she heard Luka mutter the thick accent alerting her to who had just entered without needing to look up.
"Bad shift" she asked throwing the finished with mag down beside her. Not realising it was still open on the page she'd been reading.
"No more so than usual" he sighed.
"So that distinctive aroma is your new aftershave then?" she joked.
"No that would be a 5 year old who thought eating dog food would be a good idea"
"Ahh rather you than me" Abby said the smell coming from Luka's shirt beginning to make her feel queasy.
"You ok? You look pale?" Luka asked as the colour drained from Abby's face. Before she had a chance to reply she found herself unable to control the queasy feeling. The sink in the lounge looking safer than attempting to make it to the ladies.
Luka watched as Abby bolted up from the sofa and rushed to the sink before chucking up "Well that answers my question" he muttered to no-one in particular.
Abby washed the sink out embarrassed at having an audience, Susan knowing was one thing but Luka as well, she wasn't sure she was ready for that.
"Sorry I got held up" Susan said as she entered the lounge almost knocking into Luka. "You ok" she said as she caught sight of Abby leaning shakily against the sink.
"Yeah just can't seem to shake this stomach bug off" she covered not wanting Luka to put two and two together and come up with four.
"In that case I'll just grab my coat and we'll be off"
"Going anywhere nice" Luka asked in an attempt to break the somewhat uncomfortable atmosphere.
"Lunch, then shopping" Susan replied putting her coat on.
"Can you sign off on this chart before you go?"
"Sure" Susan breathed taking the chart off him. Giving him a strange look when she noticed it was already signed.
"There's something I've got to do. I'll meet you outside" Abby excused herself; the lingering smell was making her want to chuck up … again.
"I won't be a minute" Luka watched as Susan waited for Abby to leave before turning to him. "What was that really about? This chart doesn't need signing"
"I know, I just wondered what you were doing tonight?"
"Are you asking me out?" Susan almost shrieked, caught off guard.
"That depends" Luka whispered blushing.
"On what?"
"Whether or not you're saying yes"
"Well in that case … you're asking me out" Susan told him with a smile.
"I'll pick you up at 8" Luka answered unable to resist a pleased grin. He'd been trying to gather his courage to ask her out for over a week.
"I look forward too it … I better go. Abby's waiting"
"About Abby" Luka stopped unsure whether or not it was his place.
"What about Abby?" Susan asked nervously, worried that Luka might still harbour feelings towards his ex.
"I know it's not really any of my business but is she pregnant?" He asked mumbling slightly.
"How did you …"
"She was reading an article when I can in and then the sickness. So she is"
"Yeah, but she doesn't want everyone knowing yet. You know how gossip can spread round here" Susan said subconsciously checking that no-one was hanging around outside.
"I won't say anything. Does Carter know?"
"No he had already gone back to Africa when she found out and to be perfectly honest I'm not sure she's even that bothered about telling him after that letter" Susan said probably telling Luka more than she should but there was something about him since his return from Africa that made her certain she could trust him.
"Oh" Luka sighed not sure what else he could say.
"I better go. I'm going with Abby to her first scan. See you tonight" Susan grinned.
"I hope everything goes well for her" Luka said returning Susan's smile.
"And I look forward to tonight" he added as Susan left.
***
Abby sat on the bench outside waiting for Susan. The fresh air helping to ease the feeling of nausea that had come on in the lounge.
"You look like you just got lucky behind the bike sheds" she said as Susan arrived spotting an ear to ear grin.
"I have a date" she proudly announced.
"With who? Or need I ask?" Abby replied with a sneaking suspicion as to who it was already.
"Well, he's tall, dark …"
"You have a date with Jerry … Go Girl!" she teased.
"Ha ha and he's European" she added.
"About time too" Abby told her with an exaggerated sigh.
"What's that supposed to mean" Susan enquired light-heartedly.
"Just that it's about time you got some action in that department, maybe then you won't be so interested in my love life, although at the moment that should be lack of love life"
"True … now lets hit the shops, I need something to wear" Susan sang linking arms with Abby.
"Well if I'm shopping for clothes with you I'm going to need to build my strength up first"
"Lunch it is, to be safe maybe we should leaving shopping till after your appointment because we'll probably lose track of time" Susan offered.
"You mean you will" Abby joked "But that sounds like a plan"
***
"Are you sure you're only eating for two?" Susan asked as Abby finished her meal.
"Well I hope so"
"Thought of any names yet?" Susan asked.
"It's a bit early for that … I don't even know whether it's going to be a girl or boy yet" Abby laughed.
"What would you rather" Susan enquired.
"I know it sounds clichéd but I really don't mind either way, as long as it sleeps and doesn't cry too much" she joked.
"You'll be lucky, surely you have some names floating around in that head of yours"
"Maybe" Abby teased.
"Well …"
"For a boy I like Ethan, Connor and Joshua. With John as the middle name, maybe, depends how things are on that front"
"And for a girl .."
"Emily, Amanda and Isabelle" Abby provided.
"Ahh they're all such cute names, but I know you meant to add that the middle name would be Susan if it was a girl, right!" she added.
"Of course I did" she smiled "We better pay and get going … I didn't realise the time"
"Wow 'worry mum syndrome' has kicked in real early with you" Susan teased "Chill, we've got plenty of time"
"I know I just don't want to be late" Abby informed her.
"And we won't be"
***
Susan follows a nervous looking Abby into the exam room. As excited as she was to be sharing this with her close friend she can't help mentally cursing Carter for not being here, instead choosing to be off 'finding himself' in a war zone.
The doctor sat going through the motions asking the normal questions, although having spent time as an OB nurse Abby knew the answers were nothing to be concerned about and just wanted to skip ahead to the scan.
"Let's take a look then" the short but bubbly doctor announced. Abby couldn't help but smile.
"So you're just over 12 weeks?" she asks placing the cold gel on Abby's still flat stomach.
"Yeah" Abby mumbled her eyes already transfixed on the screen even though there was nothing there yet.
"Here we go then" she said sliding the transducer over Abby's exposed stomach trying to find the best position to get a good look.
Abby's gaze soon turned to the doctor who was taking notes.
"Everything looks good, it's the right size, right place" she informed a teary eyed Abby as she directed her gaze to as fuzzy image on the screen.
"Now lets hear the heartbeat" she said with a smile.
As the sound of her unborn child's heart beating began to fill the room, the unshed tears fell freely as both Susan and Abby stood transfixed watching the image on the screen.
"I'll just print the image then I'll leave you alone for a few minutes" she said, proceeding to print two images before handing them to Abby and leaving the two women alone.
"I wish Carter could be here" Abby whispered barely audible.
"You could always contact him" Susan told her.
"I could but I want him to come back because he wants to, not because he feels he has to" Abby said the tears still falling.
"But if I he knew about the baby he'd want to come back, not because he feels it's the right thing to do but because he wanted to be here for the pregnancy … for you"
"I wouldn't know that for sure though and I'd always be wondering if I pushed him in to doing something he didn't want to, I don't want that guilt hanging over me"
"Abby you have nothing to feel guilty about" Susan said taking her hand.
"Anyway I can't worry about that now I have so many more important things to think about, like my child" she choked turning her gaze back to the black and white image "And shopping not to mention helping you shop for the big date tonight" She joked with a bittersweet feeling she couldn't believe that the time had come already when Carter wasn't an important part of her every day life.
***
A little note: I have this story planned out and have decided on the baby's sex but can't chose between the 3 names mentioned for that sex (I don't want to give the sex away yet) so if you like a certain one either for a girl or boy out of:
Ethan
Joshua
Connor
Amanda
Emily
Isabelle
Let me know.
