Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be!

A/N: Sorry for the long gap in between updates.

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"You're pregnant" he found himself repeating the words again. Just to check he wasn't dreaming.

"Yeah" Abby mumbled, not knowing what else there was to say. She hadn't expected him to find out like this. She'd hoped to be prepared for when she eventually told him.

"Is it mine?" there was the question, the one he'd been hoping he wouldn't have to ask.

"Yes" again she replied the only way she knew how, short and straight to the point.

"How?"

"I always thought it was only on TV that doctors actually asked that" she joked trying to lighten the tense situation.

"Abby" the tone of his voice told her that he wasn't in the mood for sarcasm.

"How do you think" she was going to leave it at that, but something told her that he deserved more of an explanation "It was just before you left, I didn't find out till after you'd gone … I was going to tell you when you came back. Then I met Megan and, I …I didn't know what to do. I was going to tell you honestly, I just didn't want to ruin your new life"

"I'm sorry" was all he could say.

"For what" she'd been so mad with him before now, for leaving, for telling her about Megan the way he had. Now though all she could see was the man she fell in love with standing in front of her confused and vulnerable.

"For leaving"

"You didn't know I was pregnant, hell I didn't even know then"

"What do you want from me?" The minute the words left his mouth he regretted it. He hadn't meant it to sound like that.

"Don't worry Carter I'm not out to bleed the foundation dry or ruin your perfect life with the new girlfriend" now she was angry again, it was like she was sharing the room with two different Carter's. The one she fell in love with and one she didn't even recognise.

"Abby .."

"Please just go" she couldn't deal with this right now, she was exhausted and had to get ready for an AA meeting. Christmas was a big enough temptation already without the added stress of her situation.

"We need to talk" Carter pleaded.

"I've got nothing to say to you"

"You're carrying my child" he didn't want to make things any worse than he already had but he couldn't leave things as they were either.

"It's my child, and right now I just want you to leave" she told him.

"I have rights" Carter kicked himself, he was trying to make things better between them not worse. But every time he opened his mouth he seemed to say the wrong thing.

"What about my rights" Abby whispered, she tried to blame the emotion in her voice on her hormones, but she knew it wasn't that. He was the only man that she'd ever let close enough to have the power to hurt her like this.

"Abby please …"

"No you don't get it do you? You walked out on me, you're the one that figured we weren't worth fighting for, you can't just walk back in and expect me to forgive you because were having a baby together" she wanted to forgive him but at the moment she couldn't get past the hurt he'd caused.

"I made a mistake, but please don't shut me out" he was desperate to make her try and see things from his point of view.

"I can't deal with this right now, please just go, go back to your new fiancé" she told him trying not to cry.

"You expect me just to go home and forget this" he asked her holding up the sonogram picture "This is my child … our child I can't just walk away from that"

"But when it was just me you had no trouble walking away" she reminded him.

"Things are different now" he knew they were just going round in circles.

"I know. You're engaged! I'm not going to keep your child away from you but I just can't be around you at the moment. Please try and understood"

Suddenly he was aware of just how much he'd hurt her when he'd left for Africa. So much had been going on in his life that he hadn't stopped to think of the damage it would cause to not just their relationship but their friendship as well. Even though he'd been the one to break it up with the letter he'd only done it because he thought at that moment it was the right thing to do.

"I'm going but you can't shut me out forever" he said turning to leave.

"John .." she called after him, she wanted to tell him to stay but the words wouldn't come out "The sonogram picture" was all she could say.

Looking down at his hand he realised he was still holding it "Can I keep it?" he asked.

She felt her throat tighten. She could hear the pain in his voice. She didn't want to shut him out but being around him at the moment was too painful. All she could do was nod.

"Thank you" his voice was sincere. Abby watched him leave. As hard as it had been she couldn't help but feel relieved that at least now he knew.

***

Sitting in his car with the sonogram picture held in his hand he pulled out his phone.

"When were you going to tell me" he asked as Susan answered her phone.

"And 'hello' to you too" she sighed "tell you what?"

"About the baby"

"She told you?" Susan sounded surprised.

"She didn't have much choice. I went to speak to her and saw the sonogram picture" he explained.

"I'm relieved" Susan told him honestly "I might not be your biggest fan but you deserved to know.

What are you going to do now?" she asked.

"I don't know I mean … God everything's such a mess, she can't even stand to be in the same room as me" he admitted.

"You have to give her time, the letter you sent really hurt her. More than she'd admit. Plus it hasn't been the easiest of pregnancies so far" Susan explained.

"What do you mean?" he asked suddenly aware that he hadn't even thought to ask Abby the obvious questions like how far along she was and how everything was going,

"The morning sickness has been really getting her down, it's 24/7" she began "and last night at the party, well you've probably already worked out it wasn't a bug, she got herself into such a state she couldn't stop throwing up. Luka had to take her to the hospital she was so dehydrated"

"I've made such a mess of things" Susan could tell by his strained voice that he was on the verge of tears "What am I going to tell Megan?"

"I can't tell you that but in 5 months you're going to be a father. You have to figure out what you want"

"Thanks" was all he could say as he finished the call.

Susan was right he had to work out what he wanted. He couldn't believe that everything he'd ever wanted was so close, Abby and his child. It didn't matter how close they were though Abby had made it obvious she didn't want to be with him. Now all he had to do was work out where to go from here.