*Disclaimer: This work is NOT meant for sale or any other way of profit, it was created for entertainment only. All rights reserved to Digimon belong to Toei and other people that created and realized the project. If Digimon belonged to me it surely wouldn't end the way it did. =P


Digimon fanfic: Proud - chapter n°1
(various pairings)
Kitsune
December 2002

*Rating: R
*Categories: yaoi, yuri, a bit of lemon and a sprinkle of angst (or something)
*Dedication: it was basically meant 4 Ana-chan's fic contest ^^
*Author's notes:
*The lyrics belong to Heather Small. I have no idea of who she is, but the song's OK. Did I mention it's one of the Queer As Folk themes?
*No digimon, no sir. Well allmost. I'd probably go nuts with so many characters X.x
*This freakin fic's supposed to be purely psychological since I can't get over the E I've got in Psyche. Am I really all that tick-sculled when it comes to human interaction? Go ahead and mail me what you think – I'm curious.


His fingers seemed to flow over the keyboard of his laptop. Wont and skilled in computers as he was, he had properly developed the ability to type automatically as his teacher, at the far front of the classroom, dictated literature and still be able to let his mind wander. Indeed, the first student of the school (which was his steady title in every school he ever entered, the current information science high being no exception) was finding out that he was somewhat beginning to develop interest in many other things than pure school education. Things that were supersedingly beginning to make his thoughts wander, making him daydream when he was supposed to keep his mind on the school-task at hand. Although he still successfully kept his reputation high, it was beginning to show. It was not like he could put his finger on the cause, but he felt awfully empty being alone just typing away on his laptop, his best pal for as long as he could remember. Instead he felt great when he spent time with his 'flesh' friends. He was never much of a party spirit, but letting his thoughts drift he became aware that he was practically looking forward for his classes to pass, thing that never happened to him before... That's when he'd meet Iyou in front of the school. For some reason the tall slender boy always waited for him even tough the medicine university was quite far from his high school, plus they lived on almost opposite sides of Tokyo.

'Some reason' my ass. He does that because we're friends, Koushiro sighed finding himself longingly silly. He had always felt at ease talking to his friend. Iyou was the most sincere and accepting person he had ever known. The pale complexion and soft warm smile were what he craved to see when he felt down, the ebony-deep eyes, always full of sincere compassion, enchanted by a pair of light black-rimmed glasses were what soothed his soul when it bleed with sorrow and the silky blue locks, which trough the years have grown down to his shoulders, embraced his face tenderly. He felt them brush upon his cheek a few times as the older boy hugged him close for support... Iyou was very handsome and evenly unaware so, Koushiro mused. A little frown drew on his face and his fingers abruptly stopped typing. Was it normal for him to think of Iyou in that way? Of course it was. He had eyes too, didn't he?

/ I look into the window of my mind /

It wasn't like his last thought was overly assuring. It sounded hollow, even to him. He starred at the screen of the laptop beyond him blankly. Something was... different. He only wished he could go back to when school came first on his most-important-things-in-life list. What was the first thing now...?

"Mr. Izumi? What are you thinking so intensely about?"

"Iyou..." he sighed spleenfully, still glaring at the monitor, at his faint reflection... until he abruptly realized it had company. His teacher's face glared annoyed back at him. He froze suddenly catapulted back to the reality of the classroom, his teacher leaning over his shoulder.

"Iyou? Your friend from Toei [1] ?" he heard his teacher's voice in his ear. He stiffened and gulped, never removing his eyes from his teacher's reflection on the monitor. His short black hair was as always enticed with a slight greenish hue and his deep black eyes, framed by elegant oval glasses, studied him thoroughly. He then felt more than heard him move forward and lean upon him, those finely wide shoulders topped his and soft lips almost touched his ear. Wide hands took place near his, on the desk, thumbs just brushing them. "You know what that means, don't you?"

There was something sleek about the way his tutor said that, something that made him blush crimson. He could feel his classmates' eyes on them, watching and wondering what were they doing. He felt repressed, unclean all of a sudden, but he couldn't move - the proximity of the man seemed to enflame him. Even breaths on his neck making it all too hard to think, sending forbidden bolts of pleasure trough his veins until they reached his groin. He suddenly felt his member press painfully upon his zipper before he could even acknowledge he was getting hard.

The teacher leaned even closer, smiling knowingly as he saw the boy drop his head and bite his lip in order to repress a moan. There. He had the boy just where he wanted him. Plan A successfully accomplished. Now for the grand finale...

"Detention."

~o@o~

"I'm done, Miss," Iyou handed a properly solved exam paper to his teacher. To him, anatomy was a piece of cake. His teacher, a middle aged woman with pale gray hair glanced at the clock and then back at the boy, who seemed not being able to stand still from excitement and was practically beaming with joy. He nervously ran his fingers trough his silky locks and smiled hastily at her.

"May I go now, Miss?" He was given a suspicious glance from the woman before she scanned the paper in her hand. Everything seemed solved... correctly so. She sighed and looked over the rest of the university assembly hall that was grievingly quiet, only the rubbing of the pencils upon paper could eventually be heard. Her eyes settled again on the tall slender boy standing anxiously by her desk, shifting from one foot to another, eyes lit with childish hope.

"Yes, you may," she finally sighed and was rewarded by a beaming smile before he zowed trough the door.

Iyou was so happy, he couldn't stand walking, but rather ran as fast as he could to the tube. He didn't even bother to put on his blue uniform jacket and just hung it over his shoulder, his black briefcase brushing upon his thigh as he ran a slalom trough the horde of people exclaiming pardons and flashing smiles as he went. He knew he was overreacting again, but he couldn't help himself. He was a slave of his emotions; whiter happy or sad, he would be both at extreme, with short interludes in between. Childishly innocent, with no subterfuge... this was how people often marked him and liked to add how much a pure person like him would suffer in such a dirty world. But they forgot of how strong he actually was, and trough the years his once hollow will and shattery optimism have grown into an inexorable spring of vitality and sympathy.

Breathing deeply to fill his lungs to their full rate, he boarded the rush-hour full express train quickly and clenched a handle near the entrance. He then noticed an older woman with three bags full of groceries trying to board too, but the doors began to close already. He quickly planted a boot between them in order to stop them and leaned forward, hand outstretched, asking gently "May I help you, Miss?"

Rewarded by a tired smile and a compliment of how not all young people are cold and arrogant, Iyou helped her board. "Lucky girl, the one that'll marry you, young man."

/ Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind /

Iyou's smile froze and his eyes filled with sadness. Girl... Marriage... Family... Was that what everybody expected him to aim at? Was that the crest of happiness? The ultimate life goal? No... It wasn't what he craved from life. Not with the example his parents were giving him. For as long as he could remember, he always felt tensed and misunderstood when talking to them. From when he was little there were always strict rules for everybody and everything which alone just called for a great amount of daily stress. His father, being a famous doctor devoted to his starry career, was rarely at home and shockingly his mother never seemed to actually care. She was a strict lawyer, a firm business woman, whose husband never asked how come she had to go to so many business trips. Iyou have never seen them fight, or even argue for that matter. They talked to each other in a formal manner, coldly and manner-of-factly, watching not to say a word more than it was absolutely necessary. They were together just for the fact that the other was famous. Once Iyou had mentioned that to his brother, but Shin just shrugged and threw a 'such is life' at him. It was then Iyou decided he never wanted to live like that. He was never interested in having a girlfriend and firmly kept away from those who were interested in him.

"Thanks," he said bitterly, his excellent mood blown away in a cloud of dust. He turned to look out of the train's window, not really seeing the blur of buildings and people, a mix of colorful lights and shades of gray, as the city flowed quietly by. He thought of Koushiro- the only person that made him feel like not giving up. Soft short fox-brown hair, almond shaped deep hazel eyes, adorable pouty lips that he unsuccessfully tried to hide by keeping a serious face and a quirky little nose combined with the sensual boyishness of his lithe, a flinch above sixteen-year-old frame was what completed the effect. Beautiful, Iyou had labeled him once and Koushiro had smiled, a bit embarrassed. Every minute spent without him was wasted and cold, Iyou found out quite some time ago. And all too often he felt the urge to touch the younger boy, simply hold him close in his arms to feel alive again, to feel his heart beat strongly and powerfully, if only for the slightest of moments.

His station came all too slowly now that he was thinking of the read-head. Finally on the street again he drowned in the sea of people, a small smile of anticipation curving his lips.

~o@o~

"... and then he said he was in love with Motimiya. DAISUKE Motimiya!"

Taichi busted out with laughter. Not even his sister's warning-gaze could stop his outrage. He was laughing so hard he had to grasp his sides and bend over in order not to fall over and roll on the floor. Hikari just stood next to him, in her muddy boots and with the black leather jacked falling down her shoulder just as it had a minute earlier - or rather when she burst into the apartment. She was staring hard at her brother who was holding to the couch for support, a killer look in her eyes. She was almost wont of feeling lost, misunderstood and confused all at the same time by now, but this... It was just plainly odd. Takaishi Takeru just walked up to her and told her fair and square that he was never going to plot with her again. It was fun teasing Daisuke, but even she had to agree with him she was getting slightly pissed by it. Just like always, she admired him then, acting all grown up and determinated. What ever the hell it was to make her want to hear the reason, she cursed it jet the thousandth time. Takeru, not quite being able to deny her anything at that point, told her right up in the face that he found out he was gay.

And Taichi was laughing at it. What the hell is wrong with those boys?!

"Oh, Tai! I mean... for Christ's sake!" she sighed. Tai was almost four years older than she was, but he was so much of a brat at times... She just stood there and watched him amazed, his high elegantly-firm frame was bowed with laughter as he flopped down on the couch. He had pulled on his newest blue T-shirt and poured himself in his black jeans. His warmly chocolate hair was as always stirring haphazardly in every possible direction, but surprisingly it seemed freshly washed (with balsam on, that is) not to mention there were no nods to be seen.

"Night out again?"

Suddenly Tai's laughter froze. His autumn brown eyes opened a bit shocked and his mouth was falling open. She crossed her arms on her chest and glared at him with both eyebrows raised. Inside, she counted quietly. Three... two... one...

"SHIT!!" Taichi bolted to the door, jumping over the couch he'd been sitting on and ducking under the counter as he went. "I'll be late tonight, don't wait for me, Kari!" was the line he managed to throw in her direction as he jumped into his black leather boots. Not even bothering to tie up the laces he sprinted up to the door. Suddenly he froze in his steps and grumbled, shoulders dropping. Slowly he turned around and titled his sister the-most-annoyed-look-in-the-world (tm!), hand outstretched towards her. "Jacket."

Quietly chuckling his little sis walked up to him and stripped the garment in question off of her. Watching her fumbling with it, he suddenly became aware of how fast was time actually flowing by. She was no more his obedient little sister that needed all the love and protection her environment could offer her, she was blossoming. And every day that passed, every second that she grew older was like a shower of falling stars, moments that would be lost in the black sea of time forever. He felt drawn apart, far away apart, and he couldn't find his way back to her. Perhaps it was the fact that she was becoming a... a woman? He slumped heavily against the door behind him, autumn eyes taking in her neatly cut oak-brown shiny hair and the smoothly soft expression on her young face. Her dark hazel eyes were slightly swelled, a proof that she had been crying. He knew why. And he also knew that if he told her what lay so heavily on his heart, he would make her suffer even more. Lies were better. Sweet little choices not to tell the truth eased the raw roughens of reality so much. All he could do was to hope that maybe, sometime, someday, she would understand.

A quick smile drew on her lips and Hikari pushed his favorite jacket in his hands. "Have fun," she whispered, gently, quietly, as if in a prayer. He was still standing there and watching her knowing that as soon as he leaves, her crystal tears would spill again. He stepped forward then, drawing his strong arms about her proactively. As if totally giving up all pretense, she slumped with abandon against him, holding tight at his T-shirt and sobbed quietly. Leaning his head against hers lovingly he lulled her in his embrace.

"This things happen, Kari, don't blame yourself," he said quietly brushing his hand upon her back soothingly.

"But... but Takaishi..." she sobbed and clutched at him tighter. She had always thought Takeru loved her. Not that she would ever gain the courage to actually do something about it, but still... Was he simply pretending all the time? Or was he not sure? Why was everything so new, so blasting and so... odd? For the first time she felt like if she had actually opened her eyes to gaze at the world. And what she could see were not roses and daisies but cruel raw ashes of burned-out dreams and hopes. She had lived in this dirty world full of lies and secrets for fourteen years and she never picked up a clue of what was going on. How could she be so blind?

"No one can change that. It's the way he is and we..." he cupped her face in his hands and looked deep into her confused, saddened eyes. "... we have to accept it." Watching tears trip down her cheeks to clear her eyes he then kissed her on the forehead softly. If she would manage to accept her fiend the way he is, then maybe... Maybe she would accept him too.

/ I step out of the ordinary /

"You'll be late, Tai..." she whipped away fresh tears that threatened to blur her vision again. He sighed. He couldn't go and leave her like that. But if he chose to stay home, he knew she would chew her guts out for denying him the party he craved to go to for over two weeks. But...

"Why don't you call Tachikawa to sleep over?" he suddenly snapped. He knew the two were best friends ever since Mimi returned from the States. Something just seemed to click between them and the next thing they knew they were inseparable. Kari would surely feel better having a female taking care of her.

"I intended to, Tai, thanks," she kissed his cheek. Her brother only flashed a joyful smile at her and then he was gone. "Take care!!" she jelled behind him but she knew he couldn't hear her; running as fast as the wind he raced with time as the minutes quietly tickled away. X


[1] - Toei is a multi-university complex in Tokyo and it's extremely hard to enter. See Love Hina 4 details ^^;

So? How was it? Lousy clifhanger, I know... >_