*Disclaimer: This work is NOT meant for sale or any other way of profit, it was created for entertainment only. All rights reserved to Digimon belong to Toei and other people that created and realized the project. If Digimon belonged to me it surely wouldn't end the way it did. =P
Digimon fanfic: Proud – Words of the Silenced
(various pairings)
Aoi Kitsune
Sillie: Yay! You've reviewed! (Sorry, your happy deameanor's infectious =) ) Don't worry I sure as hell will continue now that I know somebody wants to read more ^___^
EXBobble06: THANKS!! Truth be told I was inspired by an episode of Queer As Folk (USA) ^.^; Ever watched it?
Kitsu: Vash '87 – sorry man, but I can't keep my figers from typing this. I know it's clawing you out, but It's really OK if we couldn't hold hands or kiss at the movies for my birthday. Truthfully? I don't expect we'll ever do it – socciety still stinks too much and it always will. But I love you and you know it, so – in their fuckin' face =)
Gomamon: '87? A 16 year-old? You're 18 now, you two are barely legal!!
Kitsu: ... uh, forget you ever saw those lines. Let's skip to the fic instead, shall we? ... ^_^;
Daisuke shook his brownish spikes furiously. He had forgotten his umbrella - as usual. And his hair gel wasn't even water-proof. His wet locks dangled about his face annoyingly. He decided to ask Takeru for some of his brother's gel, Yamato surely had to use something excellent quality being an ex-idol and a night-party spirit. Jumping three stairs at a time he finally came to the Takaishi's apartment. Only now he remembered why was he there, that Takeru had pleaded him to come over; it seemed something was truly wrong. It worried him slightly, but not too much. Together they could sort it out, just like they always had. He knocked casually on the door, forcing himself to relax totally in order to deal best with his friend's problem. But as the door opened, he stiffened, shocked.
"TK- ... What... happened to you, man?" He couldn't believe his eyes. Takeru was slim like if he hadn't eaten properly the whole week, his skin pale and waxed out, those vital blue eyes lacking their usual glow. But the blonde still looked handsome as ever. Only decadently handsome this time. He watched his paled but still full lips curve in a tired smile.
"I trust I look creepy? It's just that there's been something on my mind and I..." His voice was low and quiet, and he dropped his eyes to the floor. He fell silent for a second and then his eyes danced up Daisuke's form shyly. Three-quarter skate pants, lime green and loose (much to his dismay) and a white T-shirt sticking to a well built chest under the navy fire-rimmed red-sleeved jacket, all dripping. What a sight! Reaching again those coal-brown eyes he frowned slightly, trying to keep himself in the right mind "... you're all wet!"
Daisuke simply grinned and linked his hands behind his head, stretching lazily, "Well, yea. I was kinda counting on your kindness in lending me something to change in, really." He laughed shortly. Takeru smiled back at him, and Daisuke could almost swear he could see a bit of color come back to those colorless cheeks. Good, I'm getting the hang of it already, he grinned to himself. Takeru moved aside in order to let him in and Daisuke, shedding his boots, walked right up to his friend's bedroom, missing totally the way the said friend's night-blue eyes traveled upon him as he silently followed him.
Takeru was rummaging trough his closet trying to find something that would suit him, so Daisuke settled for sliding out of his clothes, which soon resulted in a pile of wet garments. Clad only in his boxers and socks now, he quickly shoved them in a plastic bag that his friend had prepared just for that. He looked at the blonde - Takeru was still lost in his task. It was perfectly logical, he was somewhat taller than Daisuke and didn't have all those football-built muscles. So Daisuke looked around the room. Everything looked just like the last time he saw it, except that there were many much photos on the wall. There were mostly photos Hikari made the two of them, of Takeru and him, on school trips. Yea... Hikari. She was his first love. Was being the main word. For by now he swallowed his grief a long time ago, silently wishing she and his friend would be happy already. But Takeru never did anything about it, it was like if he wasn't in love with her... But he was, wasn't he? His gaze stopped on the desk. The computer was on and he could see text displayed. He knew the blonde liked to write, but he never let anyone read his novels. He never gave a reason for hiding them and now that he had the opportunity to actually peek at his friend's work, Daisuke decided taking the chance. He quickly turned off the monitor, so Takeru would think the PC was off, and quietly skidded away from the desk. Just in that moment his friend turned around with the clothes to say something but his mouth just hung open. Daisuke glared back at him, fearing he had been discovered, and would get a good shout out, but something even more odd happened.
Takeru flushed crimson and pushed the clothes in his arms moving quickly away. "I'll go make us some tea," he almost whispered, never meeting his eyes on his way out of the room.
Daisuke was stunned for a brief second, but soon remembered about the novel on the computer. He quickly pulled on a pair of dark brown trousers and warm black pullover. They were all but his size, but he couldn't have cared less. He sat at the desk quickly and turned on the monitor, a wave of anticipation shuddering him all over, and his coal eyes begun to read the forbidden lines...
# ... hands roamed over his lithe frame, daringly, demandingly. He had never been touched like that. As they reached under layer after layer of his clothes, he knew he would never have enough of that soul-shattering touch... #
What was this, he wondered, slightly confused. He skipped a few paragraphs and continued to read.
# ... the burgundy-brown haired boy had removed his fingers by now and was climbing up his body, straddling his hips. "I want you," he whispered and his lips claimed the blonde's. After a short while they parted, panting for breath, and the blonde whined underneath him, daringly, his blue eyes challenging, "Then take me!"... #
Daisuke couldn't believe it. Those were two boys! Two males... having sex... Takeru was writing this? And one was blonde and the other...
# The brunette grinned, accepting the offer and positioned himself. His hands lifted slightly the blonde's hips... #
In his shock Daisuke never heard the door open behind him.
#... and thrust inside him with one powerful push. Their bodies became one, one like their love. Being filled roughly to the hilt made the blonde cry out his lover's name... #
Still reading he missed to hear the sharp intake of breath.
#... "Daisuke!!"... #
"Daisuke!!"
The brunette turned around slowly, eyes full of questions. His brain was having problems processing the information. His best friend was... Was gay? All the time? And he was writing about it? Involving the two of them? He stared at the blonde blankly, not quite sure what to say.
Takeru's face was even paler, if that was possible, and he ran to the computer, wrenching the cable out of electricity. He then glared down at his friend, desperately, his eyes filling with tears. "I was about to tell you, I really was!" he cried not sure what to say. All of his dreams were suddenly shattering into dust. He suddenly felt silly for wanting to tell it to Daisuke, but the boy needed to know. He looked down at his friend who sat perfectly still, those oak-brown eyes glaring unreadably back into his own. The boy wasn't wincing and shouting back at him for a start... perhaps he was OK with it?
Takeru moved slowly closer, cautiously. Daisuke wasn't trying to scoot away. He moved closer still, careful not to break the spell that seemed to be cast upon the boy and gazing desperately into those brownish eyes he leaned froward, taking the plunge.
"Sorry..." he closed his eyes softly as his face was inches from his. He pressed his lips lightly, fearfully to Daisuke's, barely repressing all his pent-up passion as he melted upon him. Like in his novels, they would be happy from now on.
/ And you can do the same /
Realization finally hit him. Daisuke shot away from Takeru and glared in disbelieve at him. Looking at those full swollen lips and hovering chest the fact finally sunk in. Takeru, his best friend from the day he was born, wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to... have sex with him... For a long time now. Confusion hit him heavily like apocalypse itself and before he knew it he was running down the hall and into the rain. He wished the heavy raindrops could wash him away.
Takeru stood there for a long time after the brunette had left. The whistle of the tea pot finally kicked some life into him again and he went to the kitchen to pour the hot water away. He then pulled on his black leather coat and shoes, coldly, mechanically, and grabbing his fake ID telling he was 18 he headed out of the apartment and into the rain as well.
~o@o~
"Knock-knock," called a sing-song voice cheerfully. Hikari's eyes lit up with joy and she almost dropped the bowl of pop-corn she was carrying. "Mimi-kun!" she cried and after quickly settling the bowl on the couch she jumped over it, much like Tai had accustomed to, and flung herself in the girl's arms. She sighed contently feeling the soft heavy locks settling on her shoulder and cheeks as she nuzzled into them. And Mimi's unmistakable perfume... For a second, Kari could have swore she had touched heaven, right there, in Mimi's arms.
"Ka- Kari... You're really happy to see me..." Mimi stiffened for a moment, before remembering herself to relax, less she'd scare the girl away. Having Kari against her was doing funny things to her, like she knew it would. But even now, of all of the times...?! She sighed a shaky sigh, as quietly as she could, pulling the girl close, trying not to feel the way the girl's soft little chest pressed teasingly on her own, those firm little nipples digging lightly onto her trough the thin layer of clothes that separated their skin...
/ What have you done today to make you feel proud? /
She was falling... again. [2] Obviously, her parent's idea of sending her to study to Tokyo had been all but effective in solving the 'problem' their beloved confused doughtier got herself on her poor little shoulders. A problem that heard on the name Alicia and had been a healthy-looking fifteen, they could tell. Especially after returning one day too early from their post-honeymoon because of Mr. Tachikawa's flu and practically walking in on them making out. They hadn't jelled, they never did, but right then Mimi wished they would. Silence hurt too much to bear at that point, the air was heavy with unsaid curses, the tension full of misblown slaps and hits that she nevertheless felt, twice as bad, on her bare skin as she held firmly her small blonde lover close. Above all else, Mimi remembered the way her loved Alicia trembled against her, how her smooth skin rumpled in shock underneath her palms. The blonde whispered her name, ever so quietly, and her hand shakily found Mimi's, fingers tangling for support. Their eyes, Mimi's hazel ones and Alicia's true blue, looked upon the two grown-ups still regarding them from the doorframe of Mimi's room. They were united in their love then, sure it could handle anybody and anything that stood in their way.
"Your home phone number, please." It was Mimi's mother who broke that grieving silence. Her voice showed no anger, no compassion, no treat, no nothing. Mimi never remembered her being so expressionless ever before. Alicia breathed in softly closing her eyes and mouthed the number. She leaned back on Mimi then, hiding her face in the long pink locks, nuzzling into the arch of the girl's neck. But Mimi had no intention to hide. She regarded both of her parents coldly, thoroughly. They glared back at the two of them in the same exact way. Then they left with Mr. Tachikawa mouthing "get dressed" and closing the door behind him.
"I love you," a whisper had touched her ear. "I'll always love you."
Mimi had wrapped the blonde in her embrace then and had held her close, much like she was holding Kari in that moment. And if she had known it would be their last moment together she would have never let go.
Alicia ended her life with her own hands three weeks later, unable to keep up with the beating and insults her parents kept throwing at her during that time. Mimi dropped out of school, unable to keep up with school life in her grief. The world, her world, shattered to dust. A year flowed by which she couldn't remember quite well, with all the countless faces of different psychologists she never opened up to and with all the beautifully sunny days that faded gray in her eyes. Her parents leaded on the family life as if nothing had happened and she hated it, she hated the way they couldn't accept the way she felt, but she never gathered enough energy to stand upon them, she had too much trouble in keeping simply alive. She wasn't even sure why she kept trying - maybe it was for all the memories Alicia had given her at first, but after that she simply grew numb, enjoying only the way her mother sometimes looked at her. Seeing all the hurt and pain inside her mother's eyes made her feel satisfied... Yes, she swore she would make them feel all the shattering pain they got her trough, numbness was just another way to mask her will of revenge.
Giving it one last try, her parents sent her back to live in the city she grew up in, to Tokyo, to Shibuya, probably hoping that it would bring them back the sweet little child Mimi knew she could never be again. During the flight she toyed with the idea of loosing herself in the streets, making sure they would never find her again so she could be alone with Alicia's memory until the day she'd pass away, but...
But at the airport was a beaming smile waiting for her and only her. Hikari Kamiya. And slowly, ever so softly, she felt herself falling yet again. Just like the first time she saw Alicia, her life tinted with warmness and feeling. She was falling... in love.
No matter if Kari could or could not understand, for Mimi seeing her was enough. For now, she added mentally as Kari drew back from her touch and titled sad brown eyes up at her. Quietly, sweetly she sighed. "Thank you for coming, I truly appreciate your kindness," she bowed slightly.
"Anything for you," Mimi smiled what she hoped wasn't a too dreamy smile. Deciding to move on to something else before Kari would get the right meaning of her words, she settled for leading her to the big soft couch, settling them both cozily on it, thigh to thigh. Kari looked up into her eyes again, sadness and confusion clear on her features.
"You see, I... Takeru..."
Takeru. Takaishi Takeru. THE Takeru. Her worst nightmare. Mimi's features hardened. She should have known it was his fault all along - it always was. He knew Kari loved him, with all her heart, and still he hesitated in this sweet innuendo that he already knew the solution of. Jerk. She wondered what had the bastard done now? Looking deep into Kari's swollen eyes, already full with her pure crystal tears, she felt herself melt. Who on this world would have the heart to hurt such an angel?
"What happened?" she asked all in a tremble. She didn't know whiter from anger or the hurt that she could read in those innocent tears that slid over the paled cheeks.
"Mimi, I know now... The love I believed in and lived for is hollow! People just seek comfort, they loose themselves in superficial things so they don't see the truth," Kari raised her voice, sitting upright, her eyes never leaving Mimi's. The older girl glared shocked back, not believing she was hearing this from the child who once held so many dreams and kindness, who was able to mend broken souls with not more than a word. The same child - now becomen a girl - was shattered and cold, that kind heart bleeding inexorably. "It's a dirty world we live in."
Mimi couldn't move. She filled her lungs several times before she could mouth, shakily, "I know" and closed her eyes. Darn it. She mentally clawed out the innocent-looking night-sky eyes of a certain blonde. Why was he doing all this?
"Do you really, Mimi?" she heard Hikari's soft voice.
Despite the tears repeatedly falling down her cheeks Kari was unearthly calm. And her voice was steady, soft, even when she leaned against Mimi, hugging her as close as she could, as if for support and mouthing "Takeru doesn't want a girl like me, he wants Daisuke." Soft lips topped her own.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Takeru is... so he-...! And she -...!
Suddenly Mimi stood up from the couch and turned to look upon the surprised girl, upon those eyes she loved now, the eyes that lit her world again ever so softly. She knew she was fooling those eyes, that bleeding heart. As much as it hurt, she was resolved to tell her the truth. So far everybody veiled her with lies and sweet promises that could never come true, but she wouldn't. She loved her too much.
Kari looked up, confused, as her friend shot up. The soothing feeling was gone, the one that she only felt when she was in Mimi's arms. Expectedly, she looked upon the tall slender form, and meeting those hazel eyes, so spleenful and saddened, she froze.
"I am not worthy of comforting you, Hikari..." words seemed to fail Mimi as if she would brake down in tears any second but resolve burned fiercely inside her. She swallowed hard. "I am just as revolting as he is." It was how she felt, indeed. They were the same, they both hurt the angel that trusted them with her whole heart. Kari was still looking up at her, expressionless, just like she herself had been when Alicia was wrenched out of her embrace.
"You have no idea, ... You- you don't belong here, among all this filthy flesh! We're doomed! We don't live to love, we love to live - and die. There is no way out." Kari was still looking at her, unmoving.
"Kari! You must understand! The way we feel -everything we are- is repressed, shut out of normal society, we're the sewers and there's nothing we can do about it, damn it!" Nothing. Silence stretched between them, thick with suspension and desperation. Mimi was barely keeping herself in check. Kari was never going to be like her, she would never want her to be hurt like that! Being homosexual meant being prejudged everywhere and by everybody, meant not being able to walk trough a street without being pointed out, meant being hurt and harassed by words or even fists by 'normal' people and not to mention that gay societies were filled with drugs of all kinds, of rapes, of fights... Yet even that was nothing compared to what some parents did to their own children when they found out about them...
"Fuck it, Kari!" she screamed, wanting to kick some logic in the girl's brain. Hot bitter tears burst out of her eyes and she collapsed on her knees, sobbing. "Get your head out of the gutter while you still can...!!" [3]
Silence grieved over itself and over the plea that it just couldn't take. Why things always screwed up everywhere they could, why couldn't life be easy? Why couldn't it all simply end, all of this grief and resignation? Mimi was still sobbing quietly on the floor beyond Kari. Why couldn't have she been born a boy? Why did it have to be this way? Wasn't there a place where happiness was accessible to everybody? "Kari..." she sighed.
Soft, almost childish hands touched her cheeks and wiped the hot tears away from her swollen eyes.
/ It's never too late to try /
"Mimi, ... stay with me tonight..."
~o@o~
"... yeah, I'm gonna sleep here. I'm sorry I couldn't call any sooner," Iyou leaned carefully on the wall next to the phone, watching not to leave a wet spot on it. His clothes were still soaked with rain and his hair was dripping wet. "Mr. and Mrs. Izumi went on a trip, so I'm gonna keep him company." Absently drawing a few of his wet locks away from his face he threw a glance over his shoulder to the couch where he knew Koushiro was. Undressing himself that is.
"Uh... Please tell mom and dad, will you?" He dragged his eyes forcefully back to the phone and his wandering mind back to the conversation at hand. He wondered how was he going to survive this hellish, jet so heavenly night. He would be able to spend it with Koushiro, able to hold him close all night long - with the excuse of consoling him, jet he knew what having him near meant. Tension. Where he least needed it. He faintly heard an affirmation from his brother and muttered a thanks back. Dropping the phone back on it's place he breathed deeply, hoping it would calm down the ragging wake up of that totally useless libido of his.
"Iyou..."
Hearing his name he turned hastily. Koushiro stood there stiffly, in the middle of the semi-dark living room, looking much like a lost boy that he inside truly was. He had his arms drawn about himself, about his bare chest, shivering. His wet boxers hung on him like a second skin, transparent and dripping. Nothing in the world could keep Iyou from getting hard at that point. Like a wild animal nearing his prey, he walked up to him, eyes blazing, savoring...
"Iyou, don't leave me..."
That cut trough the rush of lust, barely. Iyou blinked, breathing heavily, and his eyes met Koushiro's from inches apart. The fear, the hurt, the confusion... he could feel them so clearly now. The adrenaline that was still kicking high in his veins made his resolve burn in a clear, strong flame. Mouthing his name, Iyou sensed his arms draw Koushiro in his embrace. He closed his eyes. It was useless having them open, the world faded away compared to the red-headed boy in his arms and the feeling, their unison, their touch. Physical urges were always strong, but emotional, the ones that ran deep trough his soul, were stronger. Koushiro deserved to be happy. And wanting to assure he would be all the time Iyou would do anything needed and more; if it meant surpressing his feelings - so be it. Any sacrifice was a worthwhile price to pay for that joyful smile Koushiro always rewarded with, not that he knew, or would ever for that matter. It would just spoil their friendship.
Iyou solemnly believed his feelings could never be returned, so he never let himself to fantasy in vain. But he couldn't stop himself at times when sensations surpassed reality. At times like that he would make sure he was alone, in his room, with no one home to bother him. Desire then took control of his own hands, of his own body, of his own mind - ha was a stranger to himself. All he could see was Koushiro, kneeling at his feet licking him, sucking at his nipples jerking him off, bouncing on top of him or, even better, writhing underneath the power of his thrusts... Coming to his senses after that sweet stiffness he always lingered to open his eyes. He knew the red-head wasn't there and would never be. All that awaited him was a neat Kleenex box placed strategically in his top drawer.
/ What have you done today to make you feel proud? /
But, all in all, as he did what his feelings dictated, it helped to keep himself in check as he faced Koushiro. Not much anyway. Yet he was totally resolved to care for Koushiro, and it usually did work to keep at least his mind on the right path, since he lost the battle with his body from the beginning.
"Koushiro," he let that beloved name escape his lips softly. He drew back from the wet embrace. He couldn't have cared less about their rain-soaked garments, but the red-head was beginning to tremble from the chill air of the room against his bare skin, that soft, smooth, creamy skin... u-uh!! "You batter take a hot bath," he managed to squeak, hoping it sounded acceptably normal.
"You too, Iyou," deep hazel eyes gazed upon his, still slightly swelled, but at least shining calmly again. The glow was far from its natural vitality, but at least it was there. And that was more than enough of a reason for Iyou to cheer. His arms flew about Koushiro in joy and he swept the boy close in his embrace, the momento bringing them close in a flash of air and then... All Iyou was sure of was that his glasses were digging slightly onto Koushiro's nose and that the boy's surprises eyes were beyond his focus point. He was to surprised to even feel until...
"... M-m." The flesh under where his lips were pressed shifted slightly.
It was Koushiro's lips.
"Ah...!!" Iyou shot back as if they burned. Truth be told, they did, a bolt of heat slashed though his heart, adrenaline kicking down heavy on him, realization following briefly behind. He just unintentionally, sincerely, breathtakingly kissed Koushiro!
"God! I... I-I..." he searched for words, *any* word would do! But due to his damnly sincere nature he couldn't came up with nothing else but the truth... "... I had no intention of doing that - honestly!"
Koushiro's eyes, his deep deliciously hazel-brown eyes, were gazing at him stunned and were slightly widened. "An accident..." those lips mouthed, the same ones Iyou had been claiming just seconds before. Then Koushiro's hand raised up to his face, as if in shock, covering them and then... The boy's body bowed slightly forwards, stiffening in a rush, making Iyou grab him in fear as Koushiro...
Sneezed soundly. The sneeze transformed into small chuckles and the boy's shoulders shook slightly in time with them. Iyou held him still wearing a totally confused expression. What the fuck was going on? This last few moments were the most intense in his life this far, he couldn't even think anymore as Koushiro laughed out loud. At last, those loving hazel eyes were looking up at him again.
"That was my first peck," the boy informed him still laughing slightly. "So- sorry...?" he offered automatically, blushing crimson as he did.
"You think you're gonna get away with it with a simple apology?"
A whole Ice age flowed trough his spine. He glared stunned at Koushiro, at those brown eyes he simply adored, swearing whatever gods there were for not making it happen, anything but that, *anything*! Make today the apocalypse day, shatter the world, slay all living... anything was better than loosing the redhead!
"You'll have to wash my back for that, Mr.!"
Again, Iyou was mesmerized by another sincere smile, only this time he smiled along. On the way to the bathroom, droplets of rain fled behind them melting in the carpet as well as, ever so slowly, did the wall of denial between them.
Down, way down on the street, beyond the entrance of the building, a black car was parked. A tall slender man seated in the driver's seat was leaning back, his right hand toying with a small gray cell-phone. He threw it in the air a few inches and then caught it with the grace of a cat, over and over again. Suddenly he stilled his moves. His glasses glittered in the faint street lights as he leaned forward, grabbing the steering wheel and turning the key. His shadowy eyes seemed cold as ice as he drove silently into the night. X
[2] - o.x Christ! Writing yuri's a neck-wreak! Oh well, there's a first time for everything - I just hope it comes out readable.
[3] - OK... so I angst-overdosed. Gomen!! I'll make sure to make it up to you as things evolve ^.^
Kitsu: So? Was there something I misspelled? Was there a part I failed to explain? Was I too mean to Takeru? Was I too fluffy with Iyou and Kou? Frankly, I could have skipped a great part of this chapter because it's not essential for the plot, but... Hell, romanticism won me over.
Gomamon: ... wait a second, Vash '87's a MALE?! You've got a *boyfriend*?!!
Kitsu: -_-; yes he is and yes I do. Will you drop it now already? You know, you're not being much help around here, all we do is argue!
Gomamon: ... *pouts* Are you saying I'm not a good muse?
Kitsu: See for yourself, you don't inspire me. All you make me write is our crap of dialogues. I'm considering fireing you...
Gomamon: NO! Don't! I'll be the bestes muse there ever was, I swear! .
Kitsu: We'll see about that. (I know you're only after my PS2 -_-;;)
Gomamon: Review, you people out there! Uh, puh-LEEEEEEEASE *^.^* (See! I'm working properly already!)
