Give Ash a Hand

Ash pulls up his car into the driveway and gets out of the car. He walks up to his front door and opens it. He walks in and puts his chainsaw and his boomstick and puts them on his kitchen table. Ash walks into and sits down to watch some TV. He turns it on and "The Adventures of Brisco County Jr." is on the TV.
Ash: Ah! What else it on?

Ash flips through the channels and takes his shoes off while he does it. He finally stops at "Zorro."
Ash: Ahhh. Some good family television.

Ash watches the TV for a while. Someone comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder.
Ash: Oh. Hey. I didn't know you had a key to my-.

As Ash turns around he realizes that the thing that touched him is none other than his SEVERED HAND! Ash stands up in horror.
Ash: I was wondering where you were!

His hand gives him the bird.
Ash: OH! You little-!

Ash runs over to his table and picks up his boomstick. He looks around, but his hand is nowhere in sight.
Ash: OK! Where are you!?

Ash's hand runs off into the hallway.
Ash: I'm gonna finish you off! Once and for all!

Ash runs into his hallway looking for his hand. The hand runs into Ash's bathroom.
Ash: HA! Now you have nowhere to go!

Ash runs into his bathroom. The hand is running around in circles because Ash blocked its only way out.

Ash: Gotcha now! You little sucker!

Ash's hand flicks him off.
Ash: OH! So that's what you want!

Ash pumps a shell into his boomstick and shoots his hand.
Ash: HA! Now you're dead!

Ash's hand lies lifeless on the bathroom floor. Ash quickly picks up his hand and takes it into the kitchen.
Ash: I'm gonna make sure you stay dead.

Ash gets a knife and cuts the fingers off the hand and shoves the fingers and the hand into the garbage disposal.
Ash: That'll teach ya.

Ash throws his shotgun on the table and walks into his bedroom to sleep.

Ash: It's been a long weekend. I hope no one make another stupid horror movie as long as I live.