Predator vs. Ash

A group of commandos are fighting an invisible being.
Soldier 1: I can't hit this thing!
Soldier 2: TRY! TRY! AHHH!

The being takes out one of the soldiers.
Soldier 1: CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN!

The soldier looks around for the being. It's nowhere to be found.
Soldier 1: AHHH! Where are you!?

Three dots appear on the soldier's head. BLAM! The soldier is taken out. The Predator jumps down and rips the spine out of both the soldiers. He takes the skulls and flies off into nowhere.


Ash is slicing through the jungle with his chainsaw.
Ash: Okay. Where are you?

Predator looks down at Ash. Suddenly Ash has three dots on his head. Ash looks up and sees the Predator.
Ash: Gotcha!

Ash pulls out his twelve gauge and shoots at the Predator. The Predator screams in pain. Ash shot him in the shoulder. Predator shoots at Ash like crazy. Ash dodges one that goes to a log. BLAM! Another one hits a nearby tree that gets cut in half. BOOM! Ash looks around. The Predator is nowhere to be found.
Ash: I'll get you tonight.

Ash walks over to a nearby body. He finds a mini-gun.
Ash: I know what to do with this. Heh heh heh.

Ash picks up the gun and runs to a disserted army camp. He takes out a drill and takes the gun apart. He fixes it so that it can fit on his hand like the chainsaw does now. Ash takes the chainsaw off, hangs the chainsaw on his belt, and attaches the mini-gun to his arm.
Ash: Groovy!

Ash gets ready for the fight. He dumps ten gallons of blood on top of himself to throw off Predator's heat vision.
Ash: AH!

The Predator fixes his wound and sets off to find Ash.

It is now nighttime. Darkness is everywhere. Ash is waiting patiently inside of a log. The Predator walks by looking to find any signs of heat. There isn't any. Predator walks off to search for Ash's heat signature.
Ash: Good...

Ash crawls out of the log and stands up behind Predator, and whistles. Predator turns around to face Ash.

Ash: Looking for me!?

Ash lets out about 100 rounds of ammo before Predator hits the ground. Ash walks up to Predator
.
Ash: You need to pick a new sport.

Predator takes off his helmet revealing his ugly face.
Ash: Uh! You should sue your surgeon.

Predator looks at Ash and starts laughing. The Predator has activated a bomb.
Ash: Now that's cheap!
Predator: RUN! IF YOU CAN! HA! HA! HA!

Ash runs through the jungle. He still hears the Predator's laugh a mile away. The bomb explodes right before Ash can get into a cave.
Ash: Must... get... out... of... here!

A wall of fire is running right behind Ash has he jumps into the cave. The wall of fire stops right as it reaches the cave.
Ash: That... was... close!

Ash walks outside the cave to look at the destruction. The explosion took out half the forest.

Ash: OH MAN! WOOOO! HA! HA! I made it! Now I gotta get out of here before that thing's friends come looking for him!

A helicopter comes lands in the middle of the blast area. Ash is waiting. The door to the chopper opens up.
Soldier 3: What in god's name happened!?
Ash: World War III. Can you get me out of here?
Soldier 3: Where are all the men at!?
Ash: They're all dead. Killed by that thing. That Predator.
Soldier 3: What happened to you!?
Ash: Long story. Take me to Maryland!

Ash jumps into the chopper and flies to Maryland to fight.