Author: Goruda Shiro
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: PG for now.
Pairing: One sided Andrew/Xander. Maybe if I continue....
Notes: This takes place after the Hell Mouth imploded. Xander's first person POV for this one.
Background Summary: Before leaving the remaining crater, they decide to go to L.A. and make some money before moving on. Xander overhears Andrew telling one of the slayers that he hated being alone, but that he was gonna stay, even though no one else wanted to. Andrew, having gotten a job at a comic book shop, was very happy with it and got himself a place to stay. Having his own job with a construction company, Xander decided to stay, under the guise of wanting to keep the job and steering clear of any hell mouthy activity. In reality, he felt a certain obligation to Andrew, both suffering Anya's death. Andrew rented a small apartment in the city near his, and Xander's, job, and Xander moved in after the rest of the scoobies left, slayers in tow.
Broken Hearts and Crystal Tears
I don't know what I'm doing. I mean, I feel like a Zombie. I think Andrew noticed that. That's why I'm doing this, I guess. I'm looking at the omelets I'm making us. I haven't cooked a single meal since I got here. I don't even think he knows I can, and by the look he's giving me as he leaves his room, pajamas baggy on him, stretching as he yawns, he only verifies my thought.
He doesn't bother going to the bathroom... though, I'm rarely up before him. Well, if you count when we share a bed and he pretends to be asleep for me. Yeah. I know. It's hard on me. But it's hard on him too. First, I tried copying, hoping maybe he'd get up first, but in the end, he won out.
After a moment, he just sorta accepts the site of me cooking and moves over here, standing beside me, looking dreamily at... wait. I look over at him, meeting his eyes. He's staring at me! He notices I see him and the half shock on my face and he looks away, shame in his eyes and a blush on his face. I look back at the meal, feeling guilty.
Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I mean, could he... feel for me? I'm not gay. Well, not really. I mean, it's not like I like him... not like that. I look at him and sigh under my breath as he abandons me, heading to the bathroom with his head down. Ok, maybe I do. Sorta. But... Sigh. I don't know.
I watch after him as he dissappears in the bathroom. We don't have to work today. We get weekends. Well, until business picks up, anyway, on both horizons. I give another sigh and turn down the heat, putting the lid on to let the cheese melt. After a few minutes, just as he's reentering, I put the omelets on plates, grab forks, and set them on the table. Turning to the fridge, I grab some juice, Andrew putting some glasses on the table. I turn back and fill them, then leaving the juice there.
I hesitate a moment before speaking, still slightly upset with myself for what I'd just done. Then I force a smile and look up at him. "Omelets are my best recipe..." I gulp as his sad eyes look up at me, a soft pout on those lips as he puts his left elbow on the table and leans on that fist. His fork is in hand, but he's not really holding it, and I expect it to fall any moment. My forced smile toned down a little, I try again. "I... hope you like them."
I think maybe I should just shut up. He looks at me, and there's hurt there. Maybe he does like me. Maybe he thought I was disgusted with him. Another sigh, mirrored from both of us this time. My hair is longer now, down to my eyes. I hunch over, and my hair covers my eyes. I then look over at him through the veil of them, my head down as if I'm looking at my food. It's not like he's not easy on the eyes. Dare I say, cute, even?
I just never fancied myself a gay man. I mean, even with that kiss the other morning. I knew it was him. I did it myself. Willingly. I just... I don't know. I had the urge, and so I did it. I was only half awake though. Still, I liked it. And it doesn't bother me to be in his arms. I didn't even cry that night. I didn't last night either. Yeah. I slept with him, this time in his arms before we nodded off. Well, I layed on the bed and he curled up to me, but we held each other. I don't even know why I did it. The night before I was feeling bad and I went to him. Last night, I went with him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Breakfast is uneventful, and I dress and leave soon after. I have no idea what I'm doing, what's happening with me. I just figured the other morning was a sort of... fluke? I don't know. I'm out walking. We live in one of the biggest cities in America and still with no car. Oh well.
Soon, I find myself in front of the comic shop where he works, and so I go in. I wave slightly to Hellen and we exchange some pleasantries, then I go looking around. Don't even know what I'm doing here. But I realize that my wallet is, proverbially, fat, and there's several things here that Andrew would probably like to own. My appology to him. I'm not good at those. Soon, I decide on some old Superman comics to replace the ones I know he'd lost on the Hell Mouth. After paying for them, and I think Hellen gave me some sort of discount on them... I think she knows something... I left, but not for the appartment.
I have the comics in a paper bag, and the paper bag folded around the comic, and so I walk with it under my arm. After a few minutes, I stop walking and look up. An older lady is staring at me. Much older. Sorta hunched over and wearing a shawl over her head and shoulders. She's staring at me, looking into my eyes. It's very unnerving, but I'm too distracted by what's going on.
After what feels like several minutes, she closes most of the ten foot gap between us and pokes my chest. "You're lost." Um... ok. And her accent is Romanian, I think. Gypsy. I don't have to wait long before she speaks again, either. "You're walking in circles and are at cross in road." Oddly, I know what she's talking about, and my mouth drops open as I nod dumbly, wondering how she knew. "Just stop thinking so much. You'll be happier." Then she back hands my arm, and it actually hurts a little, as she walks off.
Dumbly, I look back after her, but she's already gone. Now, I KNOW L.A.'s full of weird things, but I don't think we're on a hell mouth. Maybe it's just so big that it could suffice. Anyway, somewhere in the jumble that is my head, I am realizing how right she is. The more and more I think about this, the more confused by it I become. That in mind, I walk a little farther, before making the turn to go home.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I sigh as I walk into the apartment and find it empty, the door being locked no indication. After all, this is Los Angeles. It's not safe to leave the door unlocked. After walking through the no space of the apartment, I sigh again. He didn't even leave a note.
Unfolding the bag, I pull out the comics. They're still in their sleeves, and look like they hadn't been taken out yet. He'd love them. After staring at them for a few minutes, I go into his room and put them on his bed, stacked, but fanned out a little.
Afterwards, I use his door to the bathroom and lock the door behind me, then mine, then the main. Sitting on the toilet lid, I remove my shoes. For some reason, my feet are sore. After giving myself a slight massage, I remove my socks, then shirt. Standing, I undo my pants and drop them, and my underwear, in one move. On my way to the tub, I kick them to my door. After setting the water temperature right, I turn on the shower and step in.
I feel so... so raw. It's the feeling of touching skin to raw flesh, only it hurts in a different way. After washing myself, I lay at the back of the tub, just letting the wide spray pelt me with it's blistering heat. Now, even with a 40 gallon water heater, the water cools quickly, and soon the water's off, though I'm still laying here.
My eyes droop a little, and I'm not really comfortable, but I'm tired, and my body wants sleep. A knock on the front door snaps me awake. Standing, I grumble and put a towel around my waist. It slips slightly, I don't notice, showing off just a little more than I'd intended. Putting the chain in place, I open the door and peak out. I'm surprised to see Andrew out there. Closing the door, I take the chain off and let him in. "Where's your key?"
"I guess I left it here." Seeing me, he blushes, then looks down. I guess earlier really got to him. "Sorry..."
Quickly, I close the door again and lock it, then move over and in front of him. "Wait... I should appologize. For earlier." I smile a little, almost hopefully.
He gives another blush and shrugs. "It's ok..."
I smile brighter and pull him into a one armed hug, the other still holding the towel. At first, he puts his hands on my chest, and it doesn't at all feel that bad, but then he puts his arms under mine on my sides and hugs back. As he presses his face sideways against my chest, I inhale deeply. He's so cool compared to me, considering the shower, right now. But the skin on his face is so smooth and soft. I pull him harder a moment, hugging tight, and he nuzzles my chest just a little, then I break it.
Smiling down at him, I rub his shoulder. He smiles at me and I move my hand to rub his neck, before hesitantly pulling away and retreating to the bathroom, to unlock the doors and grab my cloths, then to my room to dress.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After dinner, and I've got this constant smile on. It's small, but it's there. And I don't think we've been this happy in a while. I've actually been wise cracking, and I can tell he's thoroughly enjoying himself. On the couch, we sit closer than we need to while watching Star Trek, the original one, on Sci Fi.
"I had fun. Thank you, Xander." He smiles at me, and I'm kinda stunned. It's not like I did anything, but I smile back anyway. Then he hugs me.
It only takes a moment for the shock to wear off and I'm hugging him just as tightly. "Yeah... I did too."
He gives a contented sigh and stands, stretching. He's already in his pajamas, though I know he only wears them around the house. He has these cute little Star Wars boxers with Luke, Lea, and Vader printed on them. "I'm going to bed, now." He's bouncing a little and I know he's got too much energy to sleep. But, then, he surprises me a lot. I shake my head and stand as well.
The mess is small, so I clean it up, telling him I will too, soon. After the place is back in order, I go to my room, stripping down to normal black boxers. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I think about the day. He'd been so happy about the comics that he'd kissed me. It was a chaste one, but on the lips no less; and he'd jumped on me, hugging me with his legs tight around my waste, shaking with so much energy I thought I'D burst from it. I couldn't help it and I hugged back with just as much enthusiasm. Smiling a little, I stand and leave my room, padding softly to his room and stopping in the doorway, looking at him.
TBC
I've decided that this is gonna be the second of three chapters. The last one will be narrator's POV. Lemme know whatcha think.
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Rating: PG for now.
Pairing: One sided Andrew/Xander. Maybe if I continue....
Notes: This takes place after the Hell Mouth imploded. Xander's first person POV for this one.
Background Summary: Before leaving the remaining crater, they decide to go to L.A. and make some money before moving on. Xander overhears Andrew telling one of the slayers that he hated being alone, but that he was gonna stay, even though no one else wanted to. Andrew, having gotten a job at a comic book shop, was very happy with it and got himself a place to stay. Having his own job with a construction company, Xander decided to stay, under the guise of wanting to keep the job and steering clear of any hell mouthy activity. In reality, he felt a certain obligation to Andrew, both suffering Anya's death. Andrew rented a small apartment in the city near his, and Xander's, job, and Xander moved in after the rest of the scoobies left, slayers in tow.
Broken Hearts and Crystal Tears
I don't know what I'm doing. I mean, I feel like a Zombie. I think Andrew noticed that. That's why I'm doing this, I guess. I'm looking at the omelets I'm making us. I haven't cooked a single meal since I got here. I don't even think he knows I can, and by the look he's giving me as he leaves his room, pajamas baggy on him, stretching as he yawns, he only verifies my thought.
He doesn't bother going to the bathroom... though, I'm rarely up before him. Well, if you count when we share a bed and he pretends to be asleep for me. Yeah. I know. It's hard on me. But it's hard on him too. First, I tried copying, hoping maybe he'd get up first, but in the end, he won out.
After a moment, he just sorta accepts the site of me cooking and moves over here, standing beside me, looking dreamily at... wait. I look over at him, meeting his eyes. He's staring at me! He notices I see him and the half shock on my face and he looks away, shame in his eyes and a blush on his face. I look back at the meal, feeling guilty.
Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I mean, could he... feel for me? I'm not gay. Well, not really. I mean, it's not like I like him... not like that. I look at him and sigh under my breath as he abandons me, heading to the bathroom with his head down. Ok, maybe I do. Sorta. But... Sigh. I don't know.
I watch after him as he dissappears in the bathroom. We don't have to work today. We get weekends. Well, until business picks up, anyway, on both horizons. I give another sigh and turn down the heat, putting the lid on to let the cheese melt. After a few minutes, just as he's reentering, I put the omelets on plates, grab forks, and set them on the table. Turning to the fridge, I grab some juice, Andrew putting some glasses on the table. I turn back and fill them, then leaving the juice there.
I hesitate a moment before speaking, still slightly upset with myself for what I'd just done. Then I force a smile and look up at him. "Omelets are my best recipe..." I gulp as his sad eyes look up at me, a soft pout on those lips as he puts his left elbow on the table and leans on that fist. His fork is in hand, but he's not really holding it, and I expect it to fall any moment. My forced smile toned down a little, I try again. "I... hope you like them."
I think maybe I should just shut up. He looks at me, and there's hurt there. Maybe he does like me. Maybe he thought I was disgusted with him. Another sigh, mirrored from both of us this time. My hair is longer now, down to my eyes. I hunch over, and my hair covers my eyes. I then look over at him through the veil of them, my head down as if I'm looking at my food. It's not like he's not easy on the eyes. Dare I say, cute, even?
I just never fancied myself a gay man. I mean, even with that kiss the other morning. I knew it was him. I did it myself. Willingly. I just... I don't know. I had the urge, and so I did it. I was only half awake though. Still, I liked it. And it doesn't bother me to be in his arms. I didn't even cry that night. I didn't last night either. Yeah. I slept with him, this time in his arms before we nodded off. Well, I layed on the bed and he curled up to me, but we held each other. I don't even know why I did it. The night before I was feeling bad and I went to him. Last night, I went with him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Breakfast is uneventful, and I dress and leave soon after. I have no idea what I'm doing, what's happening with me. I just figured the other morning was a sort of... fluke? I don't know. I'm out walking. We live in one of the biggest cities in America and still with no car. Oh well.
Soon, I find myself in front of the comic shop where he works, and so I go in. I wave slightly to Hellen and we exchange some pleasantries, then I go looking around. Don't even know what I'm doing here. But I realize that my wallet is, proverbially, fat, and there's several things here that Andrew would probably like to own. My appology to him. I'm not good at those. Soon, I decide on some old Superman comics to replace the ones I know he'd lost on the Hell Mouth. After paying for them, and I think Hellen gave me some sort of discount on them... I think she knows something... I left, but not for the appartment.
I have the comics in a paper bag, and the paper bag folded around the comic, and so I walk with it under my arm. After a few minutes, I stop walking and look up. An older lady is staring at me. Much older. Sorta hunched over and wearing a shawl over her head and shoulders. She's staring at me, looking into my eyes. It's very unnerving, but I'm too distracted by what's going on.
After what feels like several minutes, she closes most of the ten foot gap between us and pokes my chest. "You're lost." Um... ok. And her accent is Romanian, I think. Gypsy. I don't have to wait long before she speaks again, either. "You're walking in circles and are at cross in road." Oddly, I know what she's talking about, and my mouth drops open as I nod dumbly, wondering how she knew. "Just stop thinking so much. You'll be happier." Then she back hands my arm, and it actually hurts a little, as she walks off.
Dumbly, I look back after her, but she's already gone. Now, I KNOW L.A.'s full of weird things, but I don't think we're on a hell mouth. Maybe it's just so big that it could suffice. Anyway, somewhere in the jumble that is my head, I am realizing how right she is. The more and more I think about this, the more confused by it I become. That in mind, I walk a little farther, before making the turn to go home.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I sigh as I walk into the apartment and find it empty, the door being locked no indication. After all, this is Los Angeles. It's not safe to leave the door unlocked. After walking through the no space of the apartment, I sigh again. He didn't even leave a note.
Unfolding the bag, I pull out the comics. They're still in their sleeves, and look like they hadn't been taken out yet. He'd love them. After staring at them for a few minutes, I go into his room and put them on his bed, stacked, but fanned out a little.
Afterwards, I use his door to the bathroom and lock the door behind me, then mine, then the main. Sitting on the toilet lid, I remove my shoes. For some reason, my feet are sore. After giving myself a slight massage, I remove my socks, then shirt. Standing, I undo my pants and drop them, and my underwear, in one move. On my way to the tub, I kick them to my door. After setting the water temperature right, I turn on the shower and step in.
I feel so... so raw. It's the feeling of touching skin to raw flesh, only it hurts in a different way. After washing myself, I lay at the back of the tub, just letting the wide spray pelt me with it's blistering heat. Now, even with a 40 gallon water heater, the water cools quickly, and soon the water's off, though I'm still laying here.
My eyes droop a little, and I'm not really comfortable, but I'm tired, and my body wants sleep. A knock on the front door snaps me awake. Standing, I grumble and put a towel around my waist. It slips slightly, I don't notice, showing off just a little more than I'd intended. Putting the chain in place, I open the door and peak out. I'm surprised to see Andrew out there. Closing the door, I take the chain off and let him in. "Where's your key?"
"I guess I left it here." Seeing me, he blushes, then looks down. I guess earlier really got to him. "Sorry..."
Quickly, I close the door again and lock it, then move over and in front of him. "Wait... I should appologize. For earlier." I smile a little, almost hopefully.
He gives another blush and shrugs. "It's ok..."
I smile brighter and pull him into a one armed hug, the other still holding the towel. At first, he puts his hands on my chest, and it doesn't at all feel that bad, but then he puts his arms under mine on my sides and hugs back. As he presses his face sideways against my chest, I inhale deeply. He's so cool compared to me, considering the shower, right now. But the skin on his face is so smooth and soft. I pull him harder a moment, hugging tight, and he nuzzles my chest just a little, then I break it.
Smiling down at him, I rub his shoulder. He smiles at me and I move my hand to rub his neck, before hesitantly pulling away and retreating to the bathroom, to unlock the doors and grab my cloths, then to my room to dress.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After dinner, and I've got this constant smile on. It's small, but it's there. And I don't think we've been this happy in a while. I've actually been wise cracking, and I can tell he's thoroughly enjoying himself. On the couch, we sit closer than we need to while watching Star Trek, the original one, on Sci Fi.
"I had fun. Thank you, Xander." He smiles at me, and I'm kinda stunned. It's not like I did anything, but I smile back anyway. Then he hugs me.
It only takes a moment for the shock to wear off and I'm hugging him just as tightly. "Yeah... I did too."
He gives a contented sigh and stands, stretching. He's already in his pajamas, though I know he only wears them around the house. He has these cute little Star Wars boxers with Luke, Lea, and Vader printed on them. "I'm going to bed, now." He's bouncing a little and I know he's got too much energy to sleep. But, then, he surprises me a lot. I shake my head and stand as well.
The mess is small, so I clean it up, telling him I will too, soon. After the place is back in order, I go to my room, stripping down to normal black boxers. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I think about the day. He'd been so happy about the comics that he'd kissed me. It was a chaste one, but on the lips no less; and he'd jumped on me, hugging me with his legs tight around my waste, shaking with so much energy I thought I'D burst from it. I couldn't help it and I hugged back with just as much enthusiasm. Smiling a little, I stand and leave my room, padding softly to his room and stopping in the doorway, looking at him.
TBC
I've decided that this is gonna be the second of three chapters. The last one will be narrator's POV. Lemme know whatcha think.
