Frankenstein's Monster vs. Ash

Ash is riding a train to Transylvania.
Man: What kind of device is at?

Ash looks up at the man.
Ash: Oh. That's my chainsaw.
Man: What do you do with that?
Ash: Kill people.

The man gets up and walks off.
Ash: What!? What did I say!? I'm over here trying to fight the forces of evil, and this guy freaks out just because I have a chainsaw.

The train stops.
Engineer: Transylvania! Everyone off for Transylvania!
Ash: That's me.

Ash picks up his chainsaw and gets off the train. Ash stands on the platform looking for his contact.

Voice: Are you Mr. Williams?

Ash turns around and sees a man with a hump on his back.

Ash: Names Ash.
Igor: Names Igor.
Ash: Is it "Eegor" or "Eyegor"?
Igor: It's "Eegor".
Ash: Suits me, I'm easy. So, where are we supposed to go?
Igor: Master says we are to come see him. So, please, follow me.
Ash: Alright.

Ash follows Igor down some steps and into a wagon. Igor cracks a whip and the wagon starts moving.

Ash: You know I can cut that off. All we need is some Tequila.
Igor: Cut what off?
Ash: Your hump.
Igor: Oh, Master has already ask me if I wanted it to be cut off, but I like it. Sometimes I use it as a pillow to sleep while standing up.
Ash: So, where are we suppose to meet the doctor?
Igor: There!

Igor points at the castle Frankenstein.
Igor: Castle Frankenstein.
Ash: Whoa.

The wagon pulls up at the castle, and Ash and Igor get out.
Igor: Follow me inside.

Ash follows Igor inside. Quickly a man runs over to talk to Ash.
Man: Greetings, Ash. It's so nice you could come.
Ash: And you are?
Doc: Dr. Victor von Frankenstein.
Ash: Okay, Frank. What do you need?
Doc: We have a small problem. You see, my monster has escaped.
Ash: Want me to kill it?
Doc: No. Just bring it back here.
Ash: What's the fun in that? Okay. Okay. What's the reward?
Doc: The sport of finding the monster.
Ash: I'm all for the sport, but I at least need money to go back home.
Doc: Okay. I'll pay for your plane tickets.
Ash: When do we start?
Doc: Now.

Ash, Igor, and the Doc are walking through town looking for the monster.

Igor: How can we find the monster?
Ash: Follow the screams.

A woman screams nearby. The monster snaps a man's back. Now, the monster starts going for the woman.
Woman: NO! NO! Don't kill me! Please!

The monster goes for the woman, but Ash jumps in and cuts the monster's arm off. The monster yells in pain.
Doc: NO! NO! Do you know how long it took to get that arm?
Ash: Go get mine. It's in a cabin somewhere. Wait. Nevermind.
Doc: I said to not hurt it!
Ash: No, you said no to kill it. I didn't kill it.
Doc: Don't harm my creation!

Suddenly, the monster rips Dr. Frankenstein's head off.
Ash: Ow.
Igor: Master!
Ash: Well, now that he's out of the picture, I can kill this mother!

Ash revs up his chainsaw and cuts off the monster's other arm.
Ash: OOO! AH!
Igor: The monster!

The monster charges at Ash like a train, but as soon as the monster reaches Ash, he cuts the monster in half.
Ash: I don't care who you are! That's gotta hurt!

The monster's upper half looks at Ash.
Monster: I... I... I'll swallow your... ssssss... SOUL!

Ash pulls out his twelve gauge.

Ash: Swallow this.

Ash pulls the trigger, blowing the monsters head off in the process.
Ash: Why does everyone want to swallow my soul? It's crazy.
Igor: Master.

Ash walks over to Dr. Frank's body
.
Ash: He's dead alright. Dead without a head. HA! I could be a poet.

Ash marks Frankenstein's name off of the list and he sets off to fight.