Frankenstein's Monster vs. Ash
Ash is riding a
train to Transylvania.
Man: What kind of device is at?
Ash looks up at the man.
Ash: Oh. That's my chainsaw.
Man:
What do you do with that?
Ash: Kill people.
The man
gets up and walks off.
Ash: What!? What did I say!? I'm over
here trying to fight the forces of evil, and this guy freaks out just
because I have a chainsaw.
The train stops.
Engineer:
Transylvania! Everyone off for Transylvania!
Ash: That's me.
Ash picks up his chainsaw and gets off the train. Ash stands on the
platform looking for his contact.
Voice: Are you Mr.
Williams?
Ash turns around and sees a man with a hump on
his back.
Ash: Names Ash.
Igor: Names Igor.
Ash: Is it
"Eegor" or "Eyegor"?
Igor: It's "Eegor".
Ash:
Suits me, I'm easy. So, where are we supposed to go?
Igor: Master
says we are to come see him. So, please, follow me.
Ash:
Alright.
Ash follows Igor down some steps and into a
wagon. Igor cracks a whip and the wagon starts moving.
Ash:
You know I can cut that off. All we need is some Tequila.
Igor:
Cut what off?
Ash: Your hump.
Igor: Oh, Master has already ask
me if I wanted it to be cut off, but I like it. Sometimes I use it as
a pillow to sleep while standing up.
Ash: So, where are we suppose
to meet the doctor?
Igor: There!
Igor points at the
castle Frankenstein.
Igor: Castle Frankenstein.
Ash:
Whoa.
The wagon pulls up at the castle, and Ash and Igor
get out.
Igor: Follow me inside.
Ash follows Igor
inside. Quickly a man runs over to talk to Ash.
Man:
Greetings, Ash. It's so nice you could come.
Ash: And you
are?
Doc: Dr. Victor von Frankenstein.
Ash: Okay, Frank. What
do you need?
Doc: We have a small problem. You see, my monster has
escaped.
Ash: Want me to kill it?
Doc: No. Just bring it back
here.
Ash: What's the fun in that? Okay. Okay. What's the
reward?
Doc: The sport of finding the monster.
Ash: I'm all for
the sport, but I at least need money to go back home.
Doc: Okay.
I'll pay for your plane tickets.
Ash: When do we start?
Doc:
Now.
Ash, Igor, and the Doc are walking through town
looking for the monster.
Igor: How can we find the
monster?
Ash: Follow the screams.
A woman screams
nearby. The monster snaps a man's back. Now, the monster starts going
for the woman.
Woman: NO! NO! Don't kill me! Please!
The monster goes for the woman, but Ash jumps in and cuts the
monster's arm off. The monster yells in pain.
Doc: NO! NO! Do
you know how long it took to get that arm?
Ash: Go get mine. It's
in a cabin somewhere. Wait. Nevermind.
Doc: I said to not hurt
it!
Ash: No, you said no to kill it. I didn't kill it.
Doc:
Don't harm my creation!
Suddenly, the monster rips Dr.
Frankenstein's head off.
Ash: Ow.
Igor: Master!
Ash:
Well, now that he's out of the picture, I can kill this mother!
Ash revs up his chainsaw and cuts off the monster's other arm.
Ash:
OOO! AH!
Igor: The monster!
The monster charges at Ash
like a train, but as soon as the monster reaches Ash, he cuts the
monster in half.
Ash: I don't care who you are! That's gotta
hurt!
The monster's upper half looks at Ash.
Monster:
I... I... I'll swallow your... ssssss... SOUL!
Ash pulls
out his twelve gauge.
Ash: Swallow this.
Ash pulls
the trigger, blowing the monsters head off in the process.
Ash:
Why does everyone want to swallow my soul? It's crazy.
Igor:
Master.
Ash walks over to Dr. Frank's body.
Ash:
He's dead alright. Dead without a head. HA! I could be a poet.
Ash marks Frankenstein's name off of the list and he sets off to
fight.
