TITLE: Every Breath, Every Move
AUTHOR: RaeAnne
DISCLAIMER: see chapter one
A/N: Oh I am SO SO sorry for the slow update! I got the flu Saturday… and have been miserable, but am getting over it now, the shot doesn't help you not get, but shortens the stay thankfully! Anyway I am so so sorry it took me so long to get this up! The story isn't moving along as well as I like, I hope this chapter is okay….
Happy Holidays Everyone!
RaeAnne ---(-
Chapter 6
Every Breath, Every Move
"What is it you accomplished by killing her?"
"Come on, it put her right in my hands! He's caught up grieving for his wife, I mean it would have been better if the kids had been in the van too, but either way she is blaming her self! It's perfect…"
Oh I watch her, like a window I look into her soul. My perfect butterfly, my Psyche, my Olivia her name sweet on my lips as I watch her shirt fall to the floor. Poor thing… all by herself in her apartment yet again. Tsk, tsk, couldn't bring herself to look her partner in the face. I pity the fool. Aw, but watching as I do now makes everything worth while. I will have her; it's only a matter of time. From my perch I take it all in, I can almost smell her, almost taste, but alas I will have to wait. Soon, by the dark of night I will take my Psyche, I will take her to my palace of jewels and gold. I will lay her in clouds of white and she will never look upon my face, my Psyche, my butterfly.
"Sir I can't do this anymore," Olivia stated voice even. Cragen looked at her then to the badge and gun laid on his desk.
"It's not your fault," he said voice deep eyes steady. She closed her eyes biting her lip nodding.
"I don't care; it's because of me one way or another. My past, my present, it's me somehow," she shrugged.
"So leaving is your answer?" he questioned.
"Sir, I can not go on in the name of protecting the innocent, when I am the cause. I will do everything in my power to contribute to this investigation but not the capacity of a SVU detective or any other type for that matter. I just can't do it. I've destroyed my partner, how many more lives will have to be sacrificed?" she said tears springing to her eyes.
Cragen was silent for a long moment. "Fine, you want to throw it way who am to stop you? Walk out that door; run away it's your life I suppose. I thought you were better then that," he said emotion gripping his voice. Olivia let a few tears slid down as she prepared to leave her home, her sanctuary, her heart, her sanity.
"I'm sorry sir, I can't let her do that," a mellow deep voice pierced the empty air. Olivia whipped around.
"Elliot!" she breathed. He gave her a half grin as he stood in the empty open door way dressed for work. He wasn't supposed to be till the morning. She wanted to leave without facing him; she had avoided him since the day he had come home from the hospital after talking to the doctor… before Kathy died.
"I won't let you leave that easily Olivia. I want to remind you of something the captain told you… well me really but had me tell you, but anyway, remember that case with the cabbie? "You can't pick the vic," those were the captains words then and they are my words now. Olivia, I did not choose to have my wife killed, nor my kids threatened, but just as didn't choose that, you didn't choose to have this maniac after you. Olivia we can't change what has happened no matter how bad we want to. We have to hold our heads up, face each day and what it brings, no matter what. We can't pick what happens to us just as we can't pick who is hurt, who is killed or who is saved. You told me then you were a good cop, let me now tell you what I said then, I know you are… you just have to know it too," he finished a blank expression on his face. The captain smiled behind her back and gave a nod of approval.
"Tell my partner I am in the car…" Elliot said turning heading towards the hall leaving her speechless. "Tell my partner to meet me there if she shows up," he paused turning back with a wink. Olivia stood unmoving the closing elevator doors jarring her back to reality.
"Sir…" she said grabbing her badge and gun gunning it for the elevator. Cragen just let a relieved laugh exit his weary body. "I knew she couldn't leave us," he smiled.
"Aww, so you arrive," he smiled as she appeared breathlessly at the sedan. She grinned at him so sure of himself leaning against the driver's door arms folded neatly across his broad chest.
"Bite me, Stabler," she laughed moving to the passenger side.
"Don't tempt me Benson," he said a touch of seduction his voice as he turned to unlock the doors. Her mouth formed the word "oh" as she tipped her head and climbed in the car.
"So where are we headed?" she asked casually as the pulled onto the street.
"Over to the VCTF, they got list or something we can start narrowing down," he stated.
She nodded silence following. She felt the heaviness falling over them and hated it.
Minutes ticked by as they drove. "You never said goodbye to the kids," he said out of the blue. She knew what he meant. It had been a week since the death of Kathy, and a week since Olivia had seen Maureen, Kathleen, Lizzie or Dickie, the funeral hardly counted.
"I'm sorry… how are they doing?" she asked softly.
"Okay, Kathleen cries at night, when she thinks I don't hear, Lizzie and Dickie don't understand it all, and Maureen… she tries to be so strong, pretends she is okay… but I see it in her eyes, she just won't talk to me," Elliot sighed. She nodded words choking her.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" she asked as the turned into the hotel parking lot.
"Yeah there is," he said parking the car and turning to her.
"Name it,"
"Have dinner with us tonight… Maureen might open up to you… it would mean a lot me," he said an earnest smile spreading. She swallowed hard unsure of what to say.
"They don't hate me?" she questioned.
"What? Of course not! They miss you…" he said.
"Okay I'll come," she smiled and they exited the car.
"There you guys are! Great let's get started!" Bailey announced as they entered. The group was seated around the table like always. Munch and Fin looked worn out and tired, they had been working on the case day after day barely stopping for sleep. Olivia felt her heart warm and guilt flow at the caring of her friends; she almost tossed it all away. She shook her head as she sat.
"What it comes down to is how do we catch him?" Elliot said plainly as they were twenty minutes into the conversation.
"We are getting close; the mental state of Dawson is becoming worse. The two different men seen in both the notes and the wall declarations are blending, but not to a sane person. He is becoming Cupid as he sees it. He wants Olivia, he is still murdering, but only those in his way, his has her attention; he just needs to get to her. We have put together a list of probable personality traits. Including violence towards animals, not so much people, we believe this to be his first real bout of violence; he has problems with women authority he's just never acted on it before, never been bold enough. He's educated, reclusive. We aren't totally positive were in Olivia's past we can put him, but gauging form his way of wording he holds a degree a familiarity that points to long term connections… school. School is where we end up. George has been cross referencing for hours and school gives us the most feasible list. Olivia mentioned that she had used butterflies in a campaign for class president in jr. high. We think maybe Dawson's affair began then."
"As for catching him, we need him to move so he can slip up. The best way for us to get to him is to let him get close to us. He wants her, he's earned her love he feels, he's left the arrow to make her fall in love with him he just needs to capture her and his world will be complete," Sam said rubbing her eyes.
"What if we set him up… I mean somehow contact him, use me as bait!" Olivia asked. Elliot glared at her and spoke before anyone else had a chance.
"Not a chance! We are not putting you at risk," he said adamantly.
"Elliot…" she started but was cut off.
"No, Olivia, there is no way I am putting you up for him to even get close to!" he said anger evident.
"It was just an idea…" she backed off his angry eyes piercing through her. "If we could catch him it would save so many other people…" she said feeling her blood warm.
"If something like that was done he would never get close enough to touch her…" Bailey injected smoothly. Elliot glared at him mouth clamped tight.
"As a last resort," Bailey said hands raised.
Happy family, all seated together with their meal, ha, so typical. So safe in their idyllic world. These trees are a nuisance, no bother though… Mmm they think those cops aren't noticeable to me? Ha, they are so stupid, if they could only know I see their every move! So sad you know, they look so happy… Elliot I warned you once not to get close to my butterfly! What must I do to convince you she is mine?
Oh you lean in tickle her ear, nice move Stabler, I will have her, before you get the chance. I will run my hands over every inch before you do.
Sure, maybe you are with her now but I've watched her since she was a child. I watched her grow up, I watch her walk the empty school halls, I was first to see her cry those solitary tears in the gym when the other kids called her a bastard child. I was there the day she became a cop, I watched her the day she walked into your squad room. If you think I will let her go easily your sadly mistaken. She's mine, I've earned her, she is my butterfly. Those dazzling eyes are going to take in only me…well maybe not me… but certainly not you!
Oh you two are alone with your wine… sitting in the living room all cozy. Don't touch her…I'm warning you, you will regret it. Damn you Stabler. There she's standing… aw, she even knows she is mine. Hands on her shoulders…you're touching her all wrong. Ha! She is leaving! Run my butterfly lift your wings and fly to me… by butterfly winged girl…
Night closing in around me, stars refusing to shine in the dark sky, the moon hiding in the clouds. The cover on night keeps, the heart of butterfly sustains me.
Olivia sat with Maureen on her bed no words passing. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to…" Olivia said softly.
"I…I… hated her for what she did! Olivia… I didn't even cry at her funeral! Am I terrible? I loved her… but she tried to… Olivia I… miss her!" Maureen cried tears cascading down her cheeks sobs raking her chest. "Oh I miss her so bad… I turn to tell her something… and she not there… I start to say how much she'd like something… and I remember she's gone!" Maureen sobbed. Olivia brought her close letting the girl cry away her frustration.
"I am so terrible," she moaned. Olivia held her tighter glancing up as she saw the door open a crack.
"You're not…. She was wrong in what she did. But that doesn't chance that she loved you, she just went a little crazy, there was a lot going on… none of it was your fault! She loved you, and you still love her! It's okay!" Olivia said rubbing the girls back.
Olivia looked helplessly at Elliot who hovered in the doorway. He had a sad expression on his face as he watched his partner hold his oldest daughter. A flutter went through him, an urge to protect his family, his daughters, his son, his partner. Hatred for Dawson coursed through him so hard his hand shook on the door knob. He turned away and headed down the stairs to open some wine.
"She's sleeping now," Olivia said softly coming down the stairs. Elliot nodded handing her a glass as they sat on newly acquired sofa.
"Thank you," he smiled. She nodded pulling her feet under her.
"You know…you were really great with her," he said swirling the dark liquid.
"She's strong girl.." Olivia said absently.
"Olivia…I… think I…" Elliot stood suddenly words failing him.
"What is it?" she questioned.
"Olivia… you mean the world to me, you know that right?" he asked falling to his knees in front of her. She was quiet, she did know that, she also knew her heart was beating faster then it should be, she knew that if she wasn't careful she would say things she had in her heart and they would all be in trouble.
"I hate that I am helpless to stop Dawson, I hate that I could lose you… you make my heart beat! You…" he was silenced by her fingers on his lips. She shook her head.
"Don't Elliot, it's the wine….you're just upset," she said fighting tears as she started for the door.
He reached out hands on her shoulders. "No.." he started but she just shook her head sat her glass down and escaped out the door.
"I'm sorry…" she whispered racing down the steps.
