The Alien vs. Ash

Ripley is once again fighting a queen alien. Ripley is shooting the alien with a sub-machine gun. The alien is taking many hits, but isn't going down.
Ripley: DIE! YOU BITCH!

Suddenly, there is an explosion and a man falls down and hits the floor of the space ship. Ripley runs over to check on the man while still shooting the alien.
Ripley: Are you alright?

The man stands up and looks at the alien.
Ash: Yeah. I'm alright. What the heck is that thing?

Ripley pumps two more bullets into the alien.
Ripley: A queen alien. We can't let her get out of this ship and onto Earth.
Ash: Groovy.

The alien picks up Ripley and throws her. Ash looks at the alien and whistles. The alien turns to Ash.
Ash: LET'S GO!

The alien walks over to Ash and the chainsaw handed hero shoots the alien in the face with his shotgun.

Ash: Ohhh! That's gotta hurt!

The alien's blood flies and hits Ash's chainsaw and makes it start to melt. Ash quickly takes the chainsaw off his arm before the acid-like blood reaches his skin. Ash looks up at the alien.
Ash: You're goin' down!!!

Ash runs at the alien shooting and screaming.
Ash: TRY THIS!

Ash blasts five shells into the alien. He tries to shoot the alien one more time, but Ash is out of ammo.
Ash: Oh. Crap.

The alien is about to kill Ash, but the alien explodes all over the place. Ash looks around to see where the blast came from and he sees Ripley standing behind the carcass of the beast.
Ripley: You did pretty good.

Ash stands up and looks at Ripley.

Ash: Those aliens and deadites aren't that much different, except when deadites blow up there is ten times or blood.

Ash grabs Ripley.
Ash: Now. Give me some sugar, baby.

Ash kisses Ripley, and after he is done he pulls out and tablet.
Ash: See you around.

Ash holds the tablet to the sky.
Ash: Klaatu! Verata! Nicto!

Ash is magically transported into the cockpit of a space shuttle in the past. The crew looks at Ash in a strange way.
Ash: What?
Astronaut 1: Uh. Houston, we just got another passenger.
Ash: Yeah. About that. Would you mined if you took me to Michigan?