Pinhead vs. Ash

Ash is sitting in a room with a cube and his newly equipped diamond cut chainsaw. Ash is moving the box around to open it.

Ash: What the heck is this thing? A deadly game of Rubik's Cube? What do I have to do? Match all the colors?

Just then, Ash solves the puzzle and Ash is transported into another world. Ash pops up in a room filled with the remains of people's bodies hanging on chains.

Ash: Whoa.

Ash sees a four figures standing at a table. Our chainsaw handed hero walks over to the four to see what they are doing. Ash sees that they are putting a man's face back together.

Ash: So... uh... What is this? Arts and crafts?

The four turn around. Ash looks at all of them in disgust. One has pins all in his heads, another is a freaky looking woman, another is a fat fish guy, and the last one keeps chattering his teeth together.


Ash: Am I in the right place?

Pinhead: Yes. You are, Ash.

Ash: What the hell happened to you?

Pinhead: Hell.

Ash: Looks like an old lady attacked you while she was sewing.

Suddenly, a hook comes down and picks Ash up by his gun holster. Ash is lifted into the air.


Ash: Hey! Now! Put me down!

Pinhead: You have an evil side.

Ash: Sorry, chief. I killed him. Now. PUT ME DOWN!

Pinhead walks over to Ash with a cutting knife.

Ash: HEY! What are ya gonna do with that, chief?

As Pinhead walks up to Ash, Ash kicks Pin Head in the head. Pinhead falls and hits the ground. As Pinhead is on the ground, Ash pulls himself up and gets the hook out of his back. Ash jumps down and puts his gun up to Pin Head's head.


Ash: BOOM.

Ash pulls the trigger and sends a lot of pellets into Pinhead's head. To make sure he's dead, Ash chops Pinhead into many pieces. After he's done, Ash stands up and looks at the other three demons.


Ash: Who wants some? HUH!? Who's next!? Scene 9: Ash turns to the fat fish guy and points at him.

Ash: Do you want some? HUH!? You want a little!?

The fish guy shakes his head.


Ash: Groovy.

Everything is quiet, except for the chattering demon. Ash looks at him.


Ash: SHUT-

Ash pulls out his shotgun and blows the chattering demon's head off.

Ash: -UP!

Ash spins the gun around and puts it back in the holster.

Ash: Now. How do I get out of here?

Female Cenobite: You must destroy the box.

Ash: Okay. Where is it?

Female Cenobite: In there.

The demon points at a door.

Ash: Thank you.

Ash walks through the door and finds the box is now a spinning diamond floating in the air.


Ash: Okay.

Ash shoots the box and the parts go everywhere and suddenly, Ash is back in the real world. Ash looks around and takes a deep breath.

Ash: Ew.

Ash walks out of the house in search of his next opponent.