The room was streaked with gold from the setting sun. Soon it would be covered in
complete darkness. Severus was alone in the hospital wing that night. And he was glad for that.
He took his time putting his arms through his robes. Maddam Pomfrey had given him the permission
to go back to the dungeons.
He made his way down the corridors torwards his roon. Passing the great hall on the way
he saw Sheyliegh enjoying her dinner along with Remus and Sirius. "Damn bastards," Severus
muttered to himself. "There are so many available witches in this world. Why did the two of them
have to pick my wife to befriend so dearly?" The feeling of hate still lingered in his heart.
His thoughts were interrupted most to his displeasure, by non other than the three
Gryfindors which he hated most. "Harry Potter! Ron Weaseley! Hermione Granger! Here, now!" The
three seventh years turned around to face their most unfavorite professor.
"Why may I ask, are you roaming the corridors instead of eating supper with the rest of
your classmates? Trying to get into even more trouble, perhaps?"
"No professor," piped up Hermione. "We were just returning from the library. We were
working on the essay that Professor Binns had assigned."
"Very well. But for the serious bad judgement of time, 5 points from Gryfindor."
"But-"
"Each." He looked down his nose at Harry. The resemblence between him and his father,
James, was one that Severus hated dearly. Why couldn't he have turned out to look like his
mother? "Now run along and join the rest of the school in the great hall before I deduct even
more points." And with a turn on his heel, and a flare of his black robes, he was on his way
again.
The dungeons was such a welcome to him. The coldness and the damp air was much better
than the warmth and sunshine of the hospital wing. Through the air, the smell of potions no
doubt brewed earlier that day, was heavy in the air. The smell of home to Severus.
He kicked off his shoes in front of his bed and then collapsed on it. His robes were
itchy, and so he got rid of them as well. The cold sheets felt good against his skin. Propped up
against his pillows he began to think. The thought of the night a few days back haunted his
memory. If it hadn't been for Albus, he would be without a doubt dead.
But he couldn't help but think. Returning to his mask, and cloak... it was something that
brought back many bad memories, but also some good ones. He remembered back to the days when him
and Voldemort had been close. Too close. But when he was with him, he felt like he was on top of
the world. He had been a brother, and mentor, and much more to him. Although he hated to admit or
even think about it, Voldemort had even been a lover to him. The many days that Severus would
spend away from Sara and Lily, he spent with him. He took him in when in trouble, when in need-
for compassion, and for love.
The thought of it made him shiver. He closed his eyes and pictured a sight which he had
made sure was locked away in his memory forever.
'The room was dark. The fireplace did it's best to light up the room. Severus was lying
on a bed dressed with red bed linen. Warm breath was on his back. Arms made their way around his
waist. Severus turned over on his other side to face his lover in the face. The yellow eyes
seemed to glow from the fireplace hitting them. He closed his eyes, and felt a warm mouth against
his. It pressed hard and pryed Severus' lips apart. A warm toungue made it's way in, exploring
the familiar teritory. Voldemort's hand was at a rest on Severus' cheek but began to run down. It
made it's way down his bare chest, down his stomach, and then...'
***
Sheyliegh sat at her desk in the classroom with her head bent over a bunch of potion
samples that had been left there ealier by the fourth year class. Her eyes ached and her head
felt as if it were about to explode. The chill in the air made her shiver. She tried to make it
go away by imagining her being back at home with her mum in front of the fireplace drinking hot
chocolate. She missed her mother dearly. But no matter what she thought of, the chill in her
spine wouldn't leave.
She looked at her watch, and then after seeing the time let out a long sigh. She had been
there nearly three hours. She wanted to go up to the hospital wing to see Severus, but she was
too beat. Deciding that she could see him in the morning, she made her way up to the living
quarters. When she approached the door she said the password (parstle mouth) and opened the door.
After setting her wand on the table, and taking off her shoes she went to the restroom,
put on her night gown, and went into the bedroom. She nearly had a heart attack when she found
Severus lying in the bed fast asleep.
A cruel smile made it's way across her face. She ran and jumped into bed, nearly making
Severus all out from jumping so badly. "Well, you must be feeling better. Poppy didn't tell me
that she released you."
"Well keep up with that crap and I'll be right back in there." Severus purred in his low,
soft-as-velvet voice. Sheyliegh giggled and snuggled under the comforter.
"I'm sorry. Were you having a good dream?"
"No, not really. More of a night mare really." Severus shook his head trying to get the
image of Voldemort's face out of his head. His hand reached up and caressed Sheyliegh's cheek.
Sheyliegh leaned forward and began to kiss Severus. It was a hard, deep kiss. His hand
went up her back to her neck. While hers went from his face, down his chest and stomach, to
farther beyond. Severus jumped, almost startled.
"What's wrong?"
"N-n-nothing. I'm just... kind of jumpy. I think it's a side affect to the potion that
Poppy gave me earlier."
"Well that could just make it even more fun." She let out a giggle and started to kiss
him once more. Her kisses moved down his neck, leaving traces of brown lip stick. Her kisses
were warm on his cold chest. She grabbed his arm and pinned it to the bed.
Her kisses stopped as she pulled away, and looked at the mark on Severus for arm. "Sev?
Is he calling you?"
"No. Why would you say that?"
"Well, look. I've never seen it so dark before." Severus sat up and looked at his arm in
the light. She was right. It had only been that dark and bold when he was with Voldemort, or
torturing Muggles. His stomach did a backflip, and his mouth went dry.
Sheyliegh looked up at him, worried. "It's nothing Sheyliegh. Really."
They paused and just looked at each other. Then Sheyliegh spoke. "Is it because you went
to see him once more?"
"I don't know," Severus whispered. He looked up at Sheyliegh and felt something in
himself that he hadn't felt torwards Sheyliegh since they were students. There was a small
feeling of hatred. He closed his eyes trying to think. This didn't make sense.
The feeling he had was one that he hadn't felt in a long time. It was the feeling he felt
when he was in the mask and cloak. It was the feeling he had when he had been a death eater. And
suddenly he longed to be one once more. He longed to feel Voldemort breathing down his neck, and
caressing him.
Severus jumped out of bed, followed right by Sheyliegh. He walked into the living room
still looking at his arm. He sat on the couch. Sheyliegh sat right beside him.
"Severus, what's going on?"
He looked up into her eyes to only see fear. She looked back at him, and saw the look of
hate within him.
"I have to go. I need to go see Albus. I don't trust myself alone with you."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sheyliegh hollared after him as he went to put on his
robes. "Sev, please. What's going on?"
Severus reappeared fully dressed. His wand was clutched in his left hand, as his right
hand grasped his arm. "I'm not sure Sheyliegh. There's just this feeling... a feeling of..." He
paused and looked into her eyes. 'Stop doing that' he told himself. His eyes went straight to the
floor. "I just have to go."
And with that he left.
***
His cloak bellowed behind him as his walked briskly torwards the headmaster's office. It
was well past midnight. Severus hated the thought of waking his dear friend, but this was
important. When the stairs stopped and he was in front of the door, he knocked his usual knock.
He heard stirring from within, and in a few seconds time, the door opened. Albus stood
there in his bed clothes. Clearly he had been sleeping but he had a broad smile on his face.
"Why hello Severus. You picked quite a time of night to talk with me. But as always, you are
welcome in my quarters. Come in, come in."
Severus walked in and followed Albus to his desk. The pictures on the walls which held
photographs of the previous headmasters and misstresses were hid in the shadow of the night. But
Severus knew quite well that he was being watched by them.
He wasted no time in telling Albus what he needed to. He told him about the feeling of
wanting to be with his old group once again. The feeling of wanting to torture, to kill, to hate.
But when it came to the part of wanting his old lover back, he kept that to himself.
"Severus, may I take a look at your arm? That is, if you don't mind of course."
Severus stood up and walked over to Albus' desk. His sleeve went up and the dark mark was
revealed. Albus peered over his half-moon shaped spectacles to take a good look. His hand ran
over Severus' arm, over the dark mark along with the scars left by a razor blade from the
previous year. He then sat back and looked at Severus.
Looking into his eyes, he could see a side of Severus which he had not seen in a long
time. Severus peered back, suddenly wanting to strike at the old man. He wanted Avada Kadavara
the man which had been a father to him. There was no trace of love left. Only hate. Hate of
which he could not control.
***
The sun shown bright through Severus' eye lids. His eyes flickered open and he found
himself lying on a floor. A dirt floor. He lifted his head, but set it back down from the pain
that he felt. His head was beating, and when he looked down at himself, he saw that his robes was
ripped, and under one of the rips he saw something red. He tore off the rest of his robes to get
a better look. Dry blood covered his chest. He found a cut across his chest, which was aching.
He racked his brain trying to remember what had happened the night before. All he could
remember was Albus looking at his dark mark, and the sudden feeling of hate that came over him.
'Oh no,' he thought. 'Albus!'
He stood up, almost falling over. He wasn't sure where he was. But he knew that he was
still somewhere within the castle. The walls around him were made of stone, and the only light
in the room was the light coming from the small window torwards the ceiling. From it he could see
a wooden door. He ran to it, and tried to open it. But it wouldn't budge. He searched for his
wand, so he may open it, but it was no where to be found.
Seeing that he was going no where any time fast, he sat down on the dirt floor against
the wall opposite of the door. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, trying to remember
what had happened the night before. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn't bring anything
to mind.
Severus must have dosed off, because he was suddenly awakened by the door opening. He
jerked his head up to see Albus and Sheyliegh enter the room. Sheyliegh ran over and knelt
beside her husband, hugging him. Tears pulled at her eyes, wanting to become free to roam down
her cheeks.
Albus came over and stood before Severus. He had a nasty cut on his cheek, and he looked
tired and worn out. "Severus, how are you feeling this morning?"
Severus looked down at himself looking once more at the cuts, and dry blood. "The truth?
I don't remember a thing about last night. I have no clue how I got so banged up. And what
happened to you?"
Albus sighed deeply and began to speak. "You."
"Me? What's that supposed to mean?"
"What happened to me last night was you." Seeing that Severus really didn't remember he
began to explain himself. "Last night, do you remember coming to see me?"
Severus nodded his head, and then looked over at Sheyliegh. She seemed to be shooken up
about something, but what? "Last night when you came to visit me, you didn't seem like yourself.
You seemed like you were filled with hate- hate of which I have not seen since you were with him.
I wasn't sure what to do. I tried to make you relax, and calm down. But that didn't work. You
started to get angry. You told me that you were to kill me, on Voldemort's orders."
Sheyliegh let out something that was between a shreik and a gasp. "No. I mean... I havn't
even talked to Voldemort. And you and the rest of the wizarding world knows that I'm on your
side now. Why would I even do such a thing?" He stopped himself. Visions suddenly filled his
head. He realized what it was.
He shook his head to clear his mind. "What happened?"
"Well like I said, you wanted to kill me. I was able to put a petrifying charm on you,
just to hold you long enough for me to get help. I got Remus to come in and help me. We managed
to get you restrained. Though it was quite a struggle. I sent Sirius to your living quarters to
tell Sheyliegh."
"But I- I don't understand..."
"I've thought it through. Remember that charm that Voldemort hit you with that one night
at that death eater meeting? We, meaning me and Poppy, both had no idea what it was. And you've
said yourself that you feel like going back to your old ways- to being a death eater. Is that
correct?"
"Yes, so I did say that. But I still don't understand-"
"We've known Voldemort to create some strange, and powerful curses before. Perhaps the
charm he hit you with, also made you start to go back to your old ways. It is a possibility. And
for now that's the only explanation we have."
"But if that's true, then there's no way to cure it?"
"Severus, the only way that I can see to cure it, is if you over power it. Meaning that
you try your hardest to repel the charm- don't give in to it. That's the only thing that I can
think of that could cure you. In the mean time, I'm not sure if I can trust you being around
Sheyliegh or the students. The staff I don't mind. But as long as this is in effect, you will
most likely have to seperate yourself from others.
"Sheyliegh has proposed that she go home for a while. She had come to me with that
decision before this even started happened. So she will be going back home to visit for a while.
I can get a substitute in here to take your place teaching. You will stay here in the castle
under my watch, but you are to stay in your living quarters. The thought of you losing it, and
possibly injuring the students is a chance that I can not take. Please, I hope you can agree
that this is the only way that we can deal with this at the moment."
"Yes. I believe that it is."
complete darkness. Severus was alone in the hospital wing that night. And he was glad for that.
He took his time putting his arms through his robes. Maddam Pomfrey had given him the permission
to go back to the dungeons.
He made his way down the corridors torwards his roon. Passing the great hall on the way
he saw Sheyliegh enjoying her dinner along with Remus and Sirius. "Damn bastards," Severus
muttered to himself. "There are so many available witches in this world. Why did the two of them
have to pick my wife to befriend so dearly?" The feeling of hate still lingered in his heart.
His thoughts were interrupted most to his displeasure, by non other than the three
Gryfindors which he hated most. "Harry Potter! Ron Weaseley! Hermione Granger! Here, now!" The
three seventh years turned around to face their most unfavorite professor.
"Why may I ask, are you roaming the corridors instead of eating supper with the rest of
your classmates? Trying to get into even more trouble, perhaps?"
"No professor," piped up Hermione. "We were just returning from the library. We were
working on the essay that Professor Binns had assigned."
"Very well. But for the serious bad judgement of time, 5 points from Gryfindor."
"But-"
"Each." He looked down his nose at Harry. The resemblence between him and his father,
James, was one that Severus hated dearly. Why couldn't he have turned out to look like his
mother? "Now run along and join the rest of the school in the great hall before I deduct even
more points." And with a turn on his heel, and a flare of his black robes, he was on his way
again.
The dungeons was such a welcome to him. The coldness and the damp air was much better
than the warmth and sunshine of the hospital wing. Through the air, the smell of potions no
doubt brewed earlier that day, was heavy in the air. The smell of home to Severus.
He kicked off his shoes in front of his bed and then collapsed on it. His robes were
itchy, and so he got rid of them as well. The cold sheets felt good against his skin. Propped up
against his pillows he began to think. The thought of the night a few days back haunted his
memory. If it hadn't been for Albus, he would be without a doubt dead.
But he couldn't help but think. Returning to his mask, and cloak... it was something that
brought back many bad memories, but also some good ones. He remembered back to the days when him
and Voldemort had been close. Too close. But when he was with him, he felt like he was on top of
the world. He had been a brother, and mentor, and much more to him. Although he hated to admit or
even think about it, Voldemort had even been a lover to him. The many days that Severus would
spend away from Sara and Lily, he spent with him. He took him in when in trouble, when in need-
for compassion, and for love.
The thought of it made him shiver. He closed his eyes and pictured a sight which he had
made sure was locked away in his memory forever.
'The room was dark. The fireplace did it's best to light up the room. Severus was lying
on a bed dressed with red bed linen. Warm breath was on his back. Arms made their way around his
waist. Severus turned over on his other side to face his lover in the face. The yellow eyes
seemed to glow from the fireplace hitting them. He closed his eyes, and felt a warm mouth against
his. It pressed hard and pryed Severus' lips apart. A warm toungue made it's way in, exploring
the familiar teritory. Voldemort's hand was at a rest on Severus' cheek but began to run down. It
made it's way down his bare chest, down his stomach, and then...'
***
Sheyliegh sat at her desk in the classroom with her head bent over a bunch of potion
samples that had been left there ealier by the fourth year class. Her eyes ached and her head
felt as if it were about to explode. The chill in the air made her shiver. She tried to make it
go away by imagining her being back at home with her mum in front of the fireplace drinking hot
chocolate. She missed her mother dearly. But no matter what she thought of, the chill in her
spine wouldn't leave.
She looked at her watch, and then after seeing the time let out a long sigh. She had been
there nearly three hours. She wanted to go up to the hospital wing to see Severus, but she was
too beat. Deciding that she could see him in the morning, she made her way up to the living
quarters. When she approached the door she said the password (parstle mouth) and opened the door.
After setting her wand on the table, and taking off her shoes she went to the restroom,
put on her night gown, and went into the bedroom. She nearly had a heart attack when she found
Severus lying in the bed fast asleep.
A cruel smile made it's way across her face. She ran and jumped into bed, nearly making
Severus all out from jumping so badly. "Well, you must be feeling better. Poppy didn't tell me
that she released you."
"Well keep up with that crap and I'll be right back in there." Severus purred in his low,
soft-as-velvet voice. Sheyliegh giggled and snuggled under the comforter.
"I'm sorry. Were you having a good dream?"
"No, not really. More of a night mare really." Severus shook his head trying to get the
image of Voldemort's face out of his head. His hand reached up and caressed Sheyliegh's cheek.
Sheyliegh leaned forward and began to kiss Severus. It was a hard, deep kiss. His hand
went up her back to her neck. While hers went from his face, down his chest and stomach, to
farther beyond. Severus jumped, almost startled.
"What's wrong?"
"N-n-nothing. I'm just... kind of jumpy. I think it's a side affect to the potion that
Poppy gave me earlier."
"Well that could just make it even more fun." She let out a giggle and started to kiss
him once more. Her kisses moved down his neck, leaving traces of brown lip stick. Her kisses
were warm on his cold chest. She grabbed his arm and pinned it to the bed.
Her kisses stopped as she pulled away, and looked at the mark on Severus for arm. "Sev?
Is he calling you?"
"No. Why would you say that?"
"Well, look. I've never seen it so dark before." Severus sat up and looked at his arm in
the light. She was right. It had only been that dark and bold when he was with Voldemort, or
torturing Muggles. His stomach did a backflip, and his mouth went dry.
Sheyliegh looked up at him, worried. "It's nothing Sheyliegh. Really."
They paused and just looked at each other. Then Sheyliegh spoke. "Is it because you went
to see him once more?"
"I don't know," Severus whispered. He looked up at Sheyliegh and felt something in
himself that he hadn't felt torwards Sheyliegh since they were students. There was a small
feeling of hatred. He closed his eyes trying to think. This didn't make sense.
The feeling he had was one that he hadn't felt in a long time. It was the feeling he felt
when he was in the mask and cloak. It was the feeling he had when he had been a death eater. And
suddenly he longed to be one once more. He longed to feel Voldemort breathing down his neck, and
caressing him.
Severus jumped out of bed, followed right by Sheyliegh. He walked into the living room
still looking at his arm. He sat on the couch. Sheyliegh sat right beside him.
"Severus, what's going on?"
He looked up into her eyes to only see fear. She looked back at him, and saw the look of
hate within him.
"I have to go. I need to go see Albus. I don't trust myself alone with you."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sheyliegh hollared after him as he went to put on his
robes. "Sev, please. What's going on?"
Severus reappeared fully dressed. His wand was clutched in his left hand, as his right
hand grasped his arm. "I'm not sure Sheyliegh. There's just this feeling... a feeling of..." He
paused and looked into her eyes. 'Stop doing that' he told himself. His eyes went straight to the
floor. "I just have to go."
And with that he left.
***
His cloak bellowed behind him as his walked briskly torwards the headmaster's office. It
was well past midnight. Severus hated the thought of waking his dear friend, but this was
important. When the stairs stopped and he was in front of the door, he knocked his usual knock.
He heard stirring from within, and in a few seconds time, the door opened. Albus stood
there in his bed clothes. Clearly he had been sleeping but he had a broad smile on his face.
"Why hello Severus. You picked quite a time of night to talk with me. But as always, you are
welcome in my quarters. Come in, come in."
Severus walked in and followed Albus to his desk. The pictures on the walls which held
photographs of the previous headmasters and misstresses were hid in the shadow of the night. But
Severus knew quite well that he was being watched by them.
He wasted no time in telling Albus what he needed to. He told him about the feeling of
wanting to be with his old group once again. The feeling of wanting to torture, to kill, to hate.
But when it came to the part of wanting his old lover back, he kept that to himself.
"Severus, may I take a look at your arm? That is, if you don't mind of course."
Severus stood up and walked over to Albus' desk. His sleeve went up and the dark mark was
revealed. Albus peered over his half-moon shaped spectacles to take a good look. His hand ran
over Severus' arm, over the dark mark along with the scars left by a razor blade from the
previous year. He then sat back and looked at Severus.
Looking into his eyes, he could see a side of Severus which he had not seen in a long
time. Severus peered back, suddenly wanting to strike at the old man. He wanted Avada Kadavara
the man which had been a father to him. There was no trace of love left. Only hate. Hate of
which he could not control.
***
The sun shown bright through Severus' eye lids. His eyes flickered open and he found
himself lying on a floor. A dirt floor. He lifted his head, but set it back down from the pain
that he felt. His head was beating, and when he looked down at himself, he saw that his robes was
ripped, and under one of the rips he saw something red. He tore off the rest of his robes to get
a better look. Dry blood covered his chest. He found a cut across his chest, which was aching.
He racked his brain trying to remember what had happened the night before. All he could
remember was Albus looking at his dark mark, and the sudden feeling of hate that came over him.
'Oh no,' he thought. 'Albus!'
He stood up, almost falling over. He wasn't sure where he was. But he knew that he was
still somewhere within the castle. The walls around him were made of stone, and the only light
in the room was the light coming from the small window torwards the ceiling. From it he could see
a wooden door. He ran to it, and tried to open it. But it wouldn't budge. He searched for his
wand, so he may open it, but it was no where to be found.
Seeing that he was going no where any time fast, he sat down on the dirt floor against
the wall opposite of the door. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, trying to remember
what had happened the night before. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn't bring anything
to mind.
Severus must have dosed off, because he was suddenly awakened by the door opening. He
jerked his head up to see Albus and Sheyliegh enter the room. Sheyliegh ran over and knelt
beside her husband, hugging him. Tears pulled at her eyes, wanting to become free to roam down
her cheeks.
Albus came over and stood before Severus. He had a nasty cut on his cheek, and he looked
tired and worn out. "Severus, how are you feeling this morning?"
Severus looked down at himself looking once more at the cuts, and dry blood. "The truth?
I don't remember a thing about last night. I have no clue how I got so banged up. And what
happened to you?"
Albus sighed deeply and began to speak. "You."
"Me? What's that supposed to mean?"
"What happened to me last night was you." Seeing that Severus really didn't remember he
began to explain himself. "Last night, do you remember coming to see me?"
Severus nodded his head, and then looked over at Sheyliegh. She seemed to be shooken up
about something, but what? "Last night when you came to visit me, you didn't seem like yourself.
You seemed like you were filled with hate- hate of which I have not seen since you were with him.
I wasn't sure what to do. I tried to make you relax, and calm down. But that didn't work. You
started to get angry. You told me that you were to kill me, on Voldemort's orders."
Sheyliegh let out something that was between a shreik and a gasp. "No. I mean... I havn't
even talked to Voldemort. And you and the rest of the wizarding world knows that I'm on your
side now. Why would I even do such a thing?" He stopped himself. Visions suddenly filled his
head. He realized what it was.
He shook his head to clear his mind. "What happened?"
"Well like I said, you wanted to kill me. I was able to put a petrifying charm on you,
just to hold you long enough for me to get help. I got Remus to come in and help me. We managed
to get you restrained. Though it was quite a struggle. I sent Sirius to your living quarters to
tell Sheyliegh."
"But I- I don't understand..."
"I've thought it through. Remember that charm that Voldemort hit you with that one night
at that death eater meeting? We, meaning me and Poppy, both had no idea what it was. And you've
said yourself that you feel like going back to your old ways- to being a death eater. Is that
correct?"
"Yes, so I did say that. But I still don't understand-"
"We've known Voldemort to create some strange, and powerful curses before. Perhaps the
charm he hit you with, also made you start to go back to your old ways. It is a possibility. And
for now that's the only explanation we have."
"But if that's true, then there's no way to cure it?"
"Severus, the only way that I can see to cure it, is if you over power it. Meaning that
you try your hardest to repel the charm- don't give in to it. That's the only thing that I can
think of that could cure you. In the mean time, I'm not sure if I can trust you being around
Sheyliegh or the students. The staff I don't mind. But as long as this is in effect, you will
most likely have to seperate yourself from others.
"Sheyliegh has proposed that she go home for a while. She had come to me with that
decision before this even started happened. So she will be going back home to visit for a while.
I can get a substitute in here to take your place teaching. You will stay here in the castle
under my watch, but you are to stay in your living quarters. The thought of you losing it, and
possibly injuring the students is a chance that I can not take. Please, I hope you can agree
that this is the only way that we can deal with this at the moment."
"Yes. I believe that it is."
