Blue Heaven

By Spruceton Spook

Part 15

Secrets Revealed

Jay faltered as Delia's indistinct but bleak statement filled his mind with massive confusion. He gaped into her eyes as they glistened over with a new swell of tears.

"What are you talking about?" he whispered, fear creeping into his voice. His hands clasped hers tightly. "What happened again?"

Delia paused, trying to summon strength to clarify her dreaded announcement. She fought to find the right words in that short, traumatic time, finally settling on the simplest.

"I..." she started, gulping. "Jay...I was pregnant."

Instantly, she could feel his grip on her hands go limp, accompanied by the expression of astonishment that dominated his face. For a moment, Jay didn't know what to say or even how to react. The abruptness of the revelation took complete hold of his body, rendering him into a flustered state of shock.

"Wh...what?" he gasped. Delia said nothing, releasing a sob as his eyes misted over with dismay. "Did you..." His voice dropped hesitantly. "Did you just say...y-you...you were pregnant?"

Dolefully, she stared into his face, knowing her tears would answer his question. As it all dawned on him and became brutally clear within a second, Jay's jaw dropped and his brow tightened in pitying remorse.

"Oh my God," he choked. "Oh my God—oh no, Delia..." At that, he allowed her to bury her face into his shoulder, grasped her in the firmest and most consoling embrace he could give. "Aw, no, baby, no..."

"Jay..." she wailed, trailing off as her body shook with sobs.

Jay couldn't stop his own tears from raiding his eyes as he held his distraught wife in his arms. "Shhh, it's okay, it's okay," were the calming words that instinctively left his mouth. A slew of questions and doubts rushed to his head, but he couldn't even voice any of them. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Oh God, I'm so sorry. Shhhhh."

"I want to die, Jay," she cried loudly. "I just wanna die..."

"No, you don't," he corrected her hastily. "Don't say that. You don't want to die."

"Yes I do!" Delia negated firmly and woefully. "Jay, our baby's gone...I lost it, it's gone..."

"Shhhhhhh," he hushed again, frantic to pacify her. "It's okay."

For the next minute, not a word exchanged between the two. The room was filled with the terrible resonating of Delia's sorrow as Jay rocked her, trying gravely to accept her confession as reality. He wished with all his might that this awful scene of grief wasn't true. It couldn't be. They had gone through this before—this misery wasn't supposed to happen to them again.

Finally, Jay pulled her away from his shoulder. He set her red, tear-strewn face before his, concern blazing from his passionately wavering eyes.

"Jay..." she whined, turning her head away.

"Shhh, calm down, calm down," he said. "Look at me."

Somewhat sheepishly, she did, and he reached out to wipe her wet cheeks delicately with the palm of his hand.

"When?" he asked her softly. "When did this happen?"

Delia coughed. "About a week ago," she answered dismally. "You know, the day Ash dyed his hair?"

"The day you were...sick?" Jay uttered incredulously. Delia nodded. "Did you know—?"

When she nodded again despondently, a chill ran through Jay's body. "But...why? Honey, why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh, Jay," she moaned, sniffling hard. "I couldn't tell you. I just...I couldn't..."

"Why not?" he said gently. Thinking of how ill she had been that day and how much he had worried about her, he couldn't believe what the source behind her brief suffering had been. If only he had known...

"Because I couldn't," she whimpered. "Because I knew how much it was going to upset you! And I didn't want to upset you..."

"I—I wouldn't have gotten upset!" Jay assured her. "I mean, it—it's a shock, yes, and...and I would have felt bad, but I was concerned about you, Delia! You've been scaring the hell out of me this past week with the way you've been acting, and I—and I had no idea what the reason behind it was!" He softened his voice gently. "You know you could've told me. You know you could tell me anything."

"I know," Delia cried, swiping at her hot, raw cheeks. Guilt joined the anguish already present in her voice. "I was going to tell you sometime. I'm sorry..."

"No, no, don't be sorry," Jay assured sympathetically. "You don't have to be sorry. I understand."

"No you don't..." she grit her teeth. "You're probably so mad at me. And you should be. I'm so, so sorry!"

"Hey, I'm not mad at you!" he swore to her quickly and solemnly. "I'm not mad at you—God no! But Delia...o-oh man, I've been worried about you." He hesitated as he tried to sort out the millions of questions he had going through his brain all at once, fighting to fly off his tongue and hasten to seek her answer. The most fearful one came first, and he clutched her arms fiercely.

"D-did you go to the doctor?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

Delia began to breathe a little easier now that the hardest part was out of the way. Hearing the tender concern in Jay's voice, she let her body relax.

"He said I'm okay," she replied.

Jay let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God." She nodded accordingly, still more than comforted herself that there was no physical hindrance to her becoming successfully pregnant...that was, if she ever gained enough courage to attempt again.

"H-how far along were you? Did he know?" Jay wondered, tilting his head.

"A...a little over a month," came her muffled answer.

"A month?!"

"Yes."

Jay thought of this momentarily, and suddenly, his face lit up with awe. "Wait a minute. If...if it was a month...then...then that must mean..."

The weakest trace of a smile etched her lips. "We might have conceived on our first night back together," she finished mystically.

Jay stared at her agape, completely confounded with such news. The smile on Delia's face didn't last much longer, however, as the truth behind what otherwise would have been a pleasantly ironic discovery brought her crashing back down to earth.

Sensing her despair again, Jay brought his wife in for another strong hug and kissed her head softly. Delia melted in his arms, so sad and yet feeling so fortunate to have someone as caring as him. After all the secrets she had kept, she didn't deserve such sympathy.

"Jay," she dirged miserably. Her wet eyes soaked his shirt.

"Shhhh," he whispered, stroking her long hair. He did this for some time before he popped another question, allowing her to regain her capability in this very difficult conversation.

"Baby, why didn't you tell me?"

"I told you I was sorry," she said, her words garbled as her face was still buried in his shoulder.

"No, no." Jay pried her away. "I mean...about you being pregnant. Why didn't you tell me?"

She looked away shamefully again. "Jay, I wanted to tell you so badly," she lamented. "But...but I decided that I was going to wait. I...I wanted to wait until the wedding to tell you."

The enlightened smile that emerged on his face told her she didn't need to say any more, but she did, anyway. "All I could think of was how perfect it would've been to tell you then—on our wedding day. Everything was going to be so wonderful, and...and I thought that if I told you then it would make it even more special..." She broke down, hanging her head pitifully. "I didn't mean to k-keep it from you! I-it was only a few weeks, I didn't think that was so long! I was g-going to tell you, but I...I never, ever thought this would happen! I never thought this would e-ever happen!"

"I know, I know," Jay solaced. "Of course you didn't." He bit his lip harshly as her weeping sent a sickening chill through his body. He couldn't stand to hear her so crushed. The more he thought about it, the more his heart was shattering. He had hoped greatly that she would soon conceive, as for once they were fully prepared to have another child, and to think of how that wish come true was brusquely and unfairly taken away again prompted the tears that began to descend down his face.

Delia looked up, and was shocked. Her husband was not one to cry. Jay was not fighting his emotions as he tried to think of what to say that would comfort her. He knew how long it had taken her to get over her first miscarriage, and knew that this time would be no different, if not worse.

"I know you didn't want to keep it from me; you wanted it to be a surprise," he said. "That must've been so hard."

"It was," she admitted. "I was so happy...I couldn't wait for the wedding. I couldn't wait. I...thought I wasn't doing anything wrong."

Picking up the regret in her voice, Jay smiled. "You didn't do anything wrong. You had the best intentions behind it. That's not doing something wrong in my opinion." More tears escaped her eyes, and his face fell. "Aww, Del, my poor girl. You didn't deserve this."

She shook her head in defiance. "Yes I did," she squeaked.

Jay's head jerked up in shock. "What are you talking about?" he exclaimed.

"I did, Jay. I did deserve it!" she cried. "God doesn't want me to have any more babies."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Delia, that's not true! You know that's not true!" he disclaimed fervently.

"Yes it is!" she bawled, covering her face with her hand. "I'm obviously just supposed to have Ash; that's what He wants. He doesn't want me to have any more..."

"Hey, listen to me!" Jay snapped rather severely, pulling her hand away from her face. His hard voice staggered from his crying. "I don't know where you got that idea, but it's absurd! Of course you're supposed to have more babies! How can you think something like that!?"

"Because it's true," Delia moaned, and she sounded quite resolute with that statement. "If He didn't, then He wouldn't have done this to me again! God doesn't want me to have any more kids 'cause—because I'm such a horrible mother! It's 'cause I'm such a bad mother...!"

"Delia, you are not a horrible mother!" Jay replied, his tone high-pitched and aghast. "What has gotten into you!? Why are you saying something that?"

"Because if I was a good mother, then this would've never happened!" Delia said. Her throat was now raw, and she winced as the last shriek stung it fiercely. "I—I should've taken it more easy, I shouldn't have stressed myself out so much over the wedding, or—or anything! I should've calmed down, and taken care of myself, and not been so confident that everything was just going to be one, big happy ride! But no no, I thought everything would be fine, and that I would be fine, and I'm so, so foolish!"

"Delia—"

"And—and I should've told you I was pregnant! I should've told you right away and I didn't! And then...and then I—I—I've been so mean to Ash lately! I haven't been fair to him at all—!"

"You haven't been mean to Ash!" he disputed desperately, her brutal self-abuse making him shudder.

"Yes I have. I've been so hard on him about this whole Misty thing, and I shouldn't be! I—I should just let him grow up and do his own thing."

"Delia, you have every right in the world to be nervous about Ash having his first relationship. That's completely understandable! Don't you dare think that's the reason why you lost this baby!"

"It is the reason, Jay," she was still determined to believe. Looking back on all she had done wrong in the last month, she had no idea why this loss came as such a shock to her. Hindering Ash was wrong. Keeping her pregnancy a secret was wrong. They were all terrible, disgraceful mistakes.

"If I had just been a better person, God wouldn't have done this to me. But I've been such a selfish, horrible person and He's punishing me for it."

"That isn't true!" Jay yelled, his voice indicating his chafed incredulity. He took hold of her arms and practically shook her. "Delia, I'm not going to have you talk like that, you hear me!? You did nothing—nothing!—to deserve this! Nothing! You're a wonderful mother and I'm not going to have you think otherwise!"

Delia's lower lip quivered a little, and she turned her head away. Jay took a deep breath as he sensed her continuous denial. He didn't know how he was going to get through to her, but he was going to try with all his might. Yelling at her, though, was not going to do any good, and letting his heart calm for a moment, he went on quietly.

"Listen to me. I know you're hurting. I am, too. This...this is a hard, hard thing, and it's going to be difficult to get through. But we will get through it. We will. We have once, and we can do it again. But that means you have to have a little more confidence in yourself...and in God. He didn't do this to hurt you, Del. You know that."

She still shook her head, sniffling.

"You didn't do anything wrong—not with Ash, not with me, not with anyone. I can't think of anyone who's a better mother, or a better wife, than you. I mean that." He took hold of her chin gently and their eyes met again. "No matter what, you always have Ash...and you always have me. We're not gonna go anywhere, I promise you. We love you, and Misty and Brock—they love you, too. Even if we never have any more kids, you got three great ones down there you care about you, and love you for all you do for them."

He kissed her hand, more tears dripping down his cheeks. "You've been the sweetest, most loving person you can be to them—and to me, and that's why I won't have you believe that you deserved to lose that baby. Everything has a reason, but that isn't the one behind this. You didn't deserve it."

Delia sat silently and motionlessly as she took this all in. Her tears never ceased, but somehow the effect of his indulgent words and warm hands made her face gradually lighten.

"There's one thing I don't deserve," she mumbled, managing an emotional grin. "I don't deserve you."

Jay had to chuckle. "I think you got that the other way around, babe. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you."

In spite of his smile, Delia could hear the seriousness in his statement. She couldn't help but allow her body to relent to those words, regardless of whether she agreed with them or not.

"Listen," he said. "All the great things you have in your life you've earned and deserve. You're a wonderful mom, and a wonderful person, and you deserve nothing but happiness. And I don't want you to doubt that for one moment, you got that?"

After a short pause, Delia smiled wanly and nodded.

"That's my girl," Jay blinked in satisfaction, leaning in to deliver a delicate kiss on her lips. At first, her sadness allowed her no passion to respond, but soon the feel of his deep affection drove her to accept it almost drastically.

"I love you, Jacey," she whispered after they broke apart.

Jay smiled. "I love you, too. More than anything."

"What are we going to do?"

He looked down at her lap, sighing contemplatively. "We're gonna have to take it one step at a time. Like we did the last time."

"I don't know if I can do that," she said desolately.

"Yes, you can," Jay replied, caressing her face lovingly. "And the first thing..." His voice lowered soberly. "The first thing we have to do is tell Ash."

Her eyes abruptly widened, not much to his surprise. "No! No, Jay, we can't—!"

"Delia," Jay intervened, bringing a finger to his unsettled wife's lips sternly but tenderly. "We have to tell him. Otherwise he's not going to understand anything of what's going on. He already knows something is up, and it's not right to just keep him wondering."

Delia wasn't fully convinced yet of the idea, which she instantly saw as precarious. She couldn't envision revealing to Ash what had happened, wondering frightfully how he would react.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she argued, her voice shaky. "I don't think we should tell him! He's too young!"

"No, he isn't," Jay shook his head. "He was the first time, but now he's entitled to know. He's very confused right now with the way you've been acting lately, being depressed and all. He told me the other day, and—and I couldn't give him an answer why you were the way you were. He's worried about you—we have to tell him."

Delia bit her lip. She figured Ash would have eventually become curious about her peculiar disposition, but then again, she was also relying on the prospect that she would soon tackle her visible gloom. She obviously hadn't done a good job of it—especially with the inharmonious confrontation only moments before. Recalling what she had said to him, and the unawareness of how potent his outburst was, she realized just how much Ash did deserve to know.

"I'm gonna go get him," Jay announced, without waiting for her consent. By then, though, Delia reluctantly knew it was for the best.

"All right," she finally gave in. "I don't know how we're gonna do this, though."

"Don't worry," he said, rising. "I think we'll all feel better once it's all cleared up. It'll work out. I promise you."

Delia nodded, wiping the residue of her remaining tears away and wincing as the area below her eyes was sensitive to the touch. With that, he left, leaving her alone to gather her thoughts—and her bravery. Nervousness combined with her sorrow, making her tremble. Not only did she have no idea how Ash would respond, but she was also timid to see him after their untimely face-off. She prayed quickly that everything would turn out all right.

Meanwhile, Jay made his way discreetly down the stairs, peering over the banister at the scene below. Not much had changed in the last ten minutes. The three kids were deathly silent, Misty and Brock huddled around the distraught boy between them. Their heads immediately turned as Jay's steps became perceptible.

He shuddered as he took in the sight of Ash's face. He couldn't believe how much he resembled Delia in that moment. He saw her eyes in his distressed ones, and his heart fell.

"Ash," he said softly.

"Dad?" he replied, jumping to his feet. "What's the matter?"

Jay's face and voice were comforting. "Come upstairs. Come on." He beckoned for him to come, and Ash carefully set Pikachu on the couch, casting one more uneasy glance at his friends. They half-smiled, almost in blessing, and that was all he needed to dash to his father's side.

"Daddy, what's going on? Is Mom okay?" he asked frenetically as he trailed restively behind Jay.

"It's okay, Ash, she's fine," he replied gently, taking hold of his shoulders and ushering him to the front. "Mom wants to talk to you. It's okay."

"What's the matter with her? Is she mad at me for what I said?"

"No. Everything's fine. She just wants to see you."

Ash didn't seem convinced. "Oh man," he whimpered.

Jay didn't know who sounded more troubled—his son or his wife. He could feel Ash's body shivering beneath his hands. He squeezed his shoulders reassuringly as they approached the bedroom.

Delia's head lifted as Jay pushed the door open, and instantly, she and Ash became aware of each other. Ash flinched as he took in her appearance, a rush of guilt quickly invading him.

What did I do? he asked himself dejectedly.

"Ash?" Delia whispered, as if affirming it was really him.

Her longing voice struck Ash with a bolt of emotion. "Mama!?" he squealed in reply.

"Ash!" She held out her arms and he rushed to her without a moment of delay, crashing into her swallowing embrace.

"Oh, Ash," she sighed as he promptly buried his face into her shoulder and erupted in sobs. She hugged her boy with all the love she could muster, desperate to amend the anguish she had caused him.

"I'm sorry, Mama!" Ash bawled, clamping onto her clothes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!"

His crying induced hers once again. "No, Ash!" she insisted. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry for what I said to you!"

"I'm sorry I made you upset!" Ash went on, as if he hadn't heard her apology. "I—I didn't m-mean to come home late! I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it...!"

"It's okay," she hushed, stroking his back soothingly. "I know you couldn't help it. And I'm sorry I gave you so much trouble over it. I really, really am."

Ash pulled his head away from her shoulder. "You know I would always come home when you want me to," he testified. Delia gazed into his dirty, wet face and smiled sadly. His eyes squinted from the tears. "I was going to come home! I didn't want to s-scare you!"

She was overcome with how regretful he was over something that wasn't his fault. "I know you were going to," she replied. She tenderly removed his hat and brushed his bangs away from his clammy forehead. "I know you would never purposely stay out later."

Despite this, Ash shut his eyes painfully and cried into her shoulder again. Delia smiled compassionately, looking over at Jay, who had since seated himself beside her on the bed. He was smiling somberly, as well, and gave her a heartening nod. Her smile fading slightly, Delia patted Ash's back.

"Come on, baby, shhhh," she said. "Come sit on the bed."

Ash sniffled and obeyed, rising from his semi-squatting position on the floor and plopped down beside her. At once, his weary head found its previous place on her shoulder, and his arms extended around her waist. His mother squeezed him back.

"I didn't mean what I called you, sweetheart," she told him. "You're not a brat—you never are. I...I was upset, I wasn't thinking right. That's the only reason why I called you that. It's not true. I'm sorry."

"No," he mumbled. "I am a brat. This is all my fault!"

"No, it's not your fault," she replied firmly. Ash looked up. "Ash...you coming home late worried me, but...that's not the entire reason I'm so upset. I—I haven't...been feeling well lately, and I was just taking it out on you. You shouldn't be apologizing at all, I should be. I'm the one who's wrong in this."

Ash hung his head. "But I was so fresh to you."

Delia blinked considerately. "You might've been fresh, but you didn't deserve me making you feel bad like that. I should've just been happy that you're home."

"But—but you and Dad are right!" Ash continued to argue. He didn't know why he was so heedlessly disagreeing with her that he was the innocent one in the whole ordeal, but it made him feel a whole world better. "I made mistakes tonight, and if I hadn't, none of that stuff with the ursaring would've happened! None of it would've happened! We—we would've come home on time, and I wouldn't've worried you...Pikachu...Pikachu would be okay..."

Thinking of the horrors of that night, Ash began to blubber again. "And...a-a-and my Pokédex...my Pokédex... Mom, it's broken, it's smashed to pieces! I—I need that; if I don't have that, I can't train anymore! And oh man, Professor Oak's gonna b-be so mad! He's not gonna give me a new one!"

"Awww," Delia chuckled feebly, bringing his head in to kiss it. "Don't worry about that! He'll give you a new Pokédex, you know he will. I'll talk to him. He'll give you one, I promise."

"But I did so many wrong things tonight," Ash lamented disgracefully. "I don't even deserve a new one."

"Don't say that, Ash," Jay spoke up. Ash lifted his head and looked sheepishly at his father, who gave him a solacing smile. "It was an accident. It's okay. The important thing is that you're all right."

Delia couldn't have said it better herself. "That's right," she agreed. "And that's why this is my fault. I should've just been happy that you're okay; it was wrong for me to go crazy like that on you. It's just that...I worry about you, and...even though I know you can take care of yourself, that still doesn't mean you're safe from danger at all times."

Ash wiped his runny nose. "I know. I feel the same way, too," he admitted. "I get scared sometimes—I did tonight."

Delia nodded reasonably. "I just want you to be a little more careful out there from now on. I know you can do that for me. Just so...I don't have to worry as much. Because..." She sighed, and lowered her voice gently. "...Even though I still like to think of you as my baby, I realize you're right—you are growing up, and...and I have to accept that. But...the thing is, you're never too old for me to lose you."

Ash paused as he thought of this. Even though it was technically the same thing she had wailed at him during the grilling turned ugly, her softened words meant a great difference now. He understood her fear better. Gazing into her face, he gave her a weak but comprehending smile.

"You're right," he responded. "I should be more careful. I do a lot of reckless things sometimes." He took a deep, shaky breath and gave her promising eyes. "But I swear I'll be more careful from now on. I don't want you to be afraid."

Delia gave him the most heartfelt smile, and brought him in for a hug. "Thank you, Ash. That's all I wanted to hear."

"And...and what I said before?" Ash started, giving her a repentant look, which he then forced into an almost silly grin. "You know...about not wanting to be babied? Heh, I...I didn't totally mean that. You can baby me whenever you want."

A blush appeared amid his tear-strewn face, slightly embarrassed to have revealed that. Deep down, he was a truly affectionate person, a trait he was fully cognizant of but not always confident enough to publicize. He knew his mother was aware of it, though. The nourishing look that emerged on her face made his spirits lift.

"Just...try not to do it in front of my friends, okay?" he added with a small cringe, and his parents broke into subdued laughter.

"What fun is that, then?" Jay joked. He was relieved that happiness was finally starting to settle in the disrupted atmosphere.

"Daaad," Ash groaned, dumping his head onto his mom's shoulder.

"Aww, don't listen to him. I'll try my best, honey," Delia vowed, giggling. Her laughter, though, didn't last long as the word baby sent a chill cascading through her veins. For a second, everything had seemed to be going smoothly, conflicts were being mended. But the real issue, the devastating one that had yet to gain Ash's knowledge, was still in waiting.

There was a moment of silence, one that Delia knew was the opening she so reluctantly needed. She recited another brief prayer in her head, and shifted to impel Ash to sit up.

"Ash...sweetie," she said, her tone dropping seriously. "I—I'm glad we got that all cleared up. That makes me feel a lot better."

Ash smiled, ridding his face of its lingering tears. He looked so cheered up, consoled. For a second, Delia felt horrible for daring to destroy that.

"But," she proceeded, "there's something else I have to tell you."

She felt Jay's hand tenderly begin to rub her lower back, and she basked in the simple comfort. She needed all she could get. Though Jay was also apprehensive, the dread seizing her was indefinable.

"What is it, Ma?"

"Um, about what you said before. I realize—well, what you said actually, Ash, is...sorta good in a way."

Her son's face bunched in confusion. "Huh?"

Delia threw a fearful glance at Jay. He gave her another go-ahead of encouragement, and her stomach leapt.

"Mama, what do you mean what I said was good?" Ash inquired, shocked to hear such an odd thing. All he could think of was how terrible his words had been, how hurtful and mean. It was all in defense, but he hadn't meant them. He'd made her cry, which he never, ever intended to do. How could his mother possibly say they had done good?

Delia took a deep breath. "Ash dear," she said quietly, taking his hands, "what you said before—well, it reminded me that I...I haven't exactly been truthful with you lately."

Ash tilted his head. "Y-you mean you've been lying?"

"Well...no, not really," she replied hesitantly. "I just haven't been telling you a lot of things I should have."

Panic took over her son's face. "What do you mean?" he asked timorously. "What haven't you told me?"

How am I going to tell him?

She didn't know what to say, how to begin. The effect her loss had on Ash had begun since his hair dying, more than a week ago. She would start there; having a chance to rectify and explain all the pain she'd caused him in one fell swoop, she wasn't going to deny the opportunity.

"Ash, I—I know I haven't been very fair to you lately," she said prudently. "Everything with you dying your hair, and going all crazy on you last night and now today... And just being so...distant as I have been, and not being myself..." She looked up to see that Ash was listening but incredibly baffled. "There's a reason behind all of that. One that...I've been hiding."

At this, Ash recalled all his observations of his mother's recent behavior, and his heart began to pump. The look of seriousness she was giving him was beginning to upset him greatly.

"What, Mom?" he whispered.

Delia looked down and grit her teeth. "A couple of weeks ago...I found out I was pregnant."

Her son was flabbergasted for a second, but rapidly, a grin of sheer surprise lifted his lips. "What!? You—you're pregnant?" he gasped before she had the chance to continue, excitement peeking in his tone. He practically jumped to his feet. "You're pregnant!? You're gonna have a baby!?"

Thrill and happiness took complete hold of Ash, rendering him oblivious to the fact that his parents did not share his beam. Delia blinked tortuously while Jay turned away, as if Ash's rapture was too painful to witness.

Delia knew she had to clear this up swiftly, but it hurt her so to do it. Her glassy eyes lifted to meet Ash's widened ones. "Oh, sweetheart...no," she shook her head.

Slowly, Ash's smile faded away, and his face attained another look of confusion. "What...what do you mean, no?"

His mother swallowed the agonizing lump in her throat. "Ash...I lost the baby."

Ash just gaped at her, stunned into silence by the hard blow that was abruptly delivered to his system. He couldn't comprehend what he was hearing—he knew what she meant, of course, but it couldn't be true. He wouldn't believe it. Delia felt his pain and shock, her stomach sinking at the sight. But before she had a chance to ease the trauma, Ash's face constricted horribly as tears pooled in his eyes.

"Oh, honey," she moaned, catching Ash in her arms as he began to sob anew. He grasped back desperately. "Honey, honey, shhh! No, don't cry."

He didn't listen. He couldn't. Delia held her distressed boy in her arms, rocking him and shushing into his ear quietly, but he didn't calm down. He was crying even more loudly than he had before, and his parents winced painfully at his reaction.

"Don't cry," Delia said again.

"Come on, kiddo. It's all right," Jay said soothingly, reaching over to rub his son's back. Ash's response was a furious shake of his head.

"Noooo," he cried. He lifted his head away from his mom's chest, looking imploringly into her eyes, begging her to tell him it was a fallacy. "You lost the baby? You lost it?" he managed to utter, sobs cracking his voice.

Delia nodded sadly. "Yes," she whispered.

"You mean..." he attempted, his train of thought striving, "...you're not having a baby anymore?"

His hurt-filled tone made her eyes sting. "No."

"Wh-what happened?"

"I had a miscarriage, Ash," she clarified carefully.

The word sent a vicious chill running through his racked body. He couldn't imagine anything like that ever happening to her. "Why, though? How could that happen?"

"Oh, sweetheart," she replied sullenly, shaking her head, "the baby wasn't healthy. It wasn't healthy."

"But...why not?" he asked.

"I don't know," Delia said despondently, trying to think of ways to explain it without disturbing him any more. "I don't know the reason why exactly. But my body knew it wasn't healthy, and...let it go. Because it wouldn't have been right if it'd been born—it just would've brought a lot of pain."

But why did it have to happen to you? Ash wanted to ask, but he could say no more. He shut his eyes and succumbed to his crying again, having no strength to fight it. Delia massaged his shoulder but said nothing, allowing him to get his pain out. Combined with the anguish of the entire day, this ultimately broke his heart. To think that there would have been a new addition to their family, a brother or sister he could have called his own; to think how happy it would have made his parents and himself; to think of the joy the anticipation and arrival would have brought—he couldn't bear to think about it! Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn't his mom just be having the baby instead of—?

"Ahh!" Ash suddenly yelped, startling his parents. Delia reeled back as he threw his hands to his mouth, looking positively horrified all of sudden. "What—what I said to you! What I told you before about...a-a-about having another baby! I—I told you t-to go and have another...!"

At the loath recalling of what he had so spitefully shouted at his mother, Ash immediately broke into uncontrollable crying. His hands pulled at his hair as he gave Delia the most regretful and ashamed look he could produce.

"I'm so sorry!" he cried before she had an opportunity to say a word. "I can't believe I said that to you! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! O-oh my God! I'm sorry, I didn't know—!"

Delia quickly put on a smile. "It's okay, Ash, it's okay!" she replied hastily, but as she went to tenderly grab his shoulders to restrain him, he leapt off the bed and retreated a few feet away, his head shaking in mortified disgust of himself. "It's okay, I know you didn't mean—"

"I'm sorry!" he continued to apologize profusely. How could he have said such a thing!? How could he have been so ruthless? He began to cough as his fit churned his stomach in nausea, but it didn't influence him to calm himself. "I'm sorry!"

Delia quickly got to her feet. "Sweetheart, listen to me, it's okay!" she asserted, her face forgiving.

Ash couldn't accept that. "No, no it's not okay! That was so horrible what I said to you! It's not okay!"

"Ash, calm down!" Jay said, getting up as well. He strode over to him and held out his hand with intentions of pulling him into a hug, but Ash just shook his head and refused, dodging.

My God, he thought, astonished. He's taking this worse than Delia!

"Stop! Honey, it's fine!" Delia said, keeping her smile in hopes that it would quell his violent agony.

Finally, Ash gave up evading her and permitted her to seize him in a hug, one he didn't return. He couldn't welcome it; he didn't deserve a hug, and he didn't want one. His guilt tormented him, making him despise himself for what he had said and done. Delia thought the opposite, not wanting to release him from the loving embrace until he realized she wasn't angry with him. She cradled his head as Jay caressed her shoulders, gazing affectionately at his son and hoping he would let up soon.

"Shhh, come on, stop crying now," Delia whispered sweetly.

"It's okay, Ash," Jay said, tousling his son's head softly. "Calm down, everything's all right."

"No, it's not all right!" Ash disagreed, wiggling defiantly in Delia's grip. "You shouldn't be hugging me! That was awful what I said to you! You should be killing me for that!"

Just for that, Delia smiled and brought him in closer. "No. I'm gonna hug you. You need to be hugged."

"No, I don't!" he whined in reply. "I can't believe I said that to you! I don't deserve to be hugged!"

"Then why am I hugging you?" Delia asked, feeling Ash begin to yield.

"I don't know, but you shouldn't! You should kill me for what I said to you! I deserve it, I feel s-so bad!"

"Oh, Ash," Delia sighed. She rested her head upon his, who at that point became engulfed enough in his sniffling to stop struggling. He still didn't want to be in such merciful closeness, as it just made his remorse increase. Thinking of what she went through and how poorly he had behaved himself recently, he couldn't understand why she was so willing to absolve him. He wouldn't have forgiven him if he was her. Deep down, as much as he wanted to receive her affection, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

As he continued to cry, albeit more quietly now, Jay gave Delia a soft nudge. She loosened her hug on Ash, and Jay moved in to collect him in his arms. Surprisingly, Ash gave no resistance.

"Come here, you," Jay groaned as he lifted him. He made his way to the bed and sat, seating Ash limply on his lap. Delia sat beside them.

"No, I won't," Ash feebly said, a little too late. Jay chuckled.

"No, you're not gonna say no," he told him, smiling into his red eyes. "You're gonna listen to me. In fact, this goes for both of you. We're gonna clear some stuff up right now." He turned to Delia for an agreeing nod.

"Now then," he said lightly, turning to Ash. "A lot happened tonight, and a lot of stuff was said. Stuff that wasn't meant." Ash hung his head, but Jay bounced his knee to get his attention. "Hey, but we know you didn't mean what you said. And Mommy didn't mean what she said to you, either. It just...all of this happened at a very bad, very hectic time."

Ash shook his head. "But it wasn't just tonight. I've been so rotten this whole week."

"No you haven't," Delia replied delicately. "The only times you acted that way was when I wasn't being fair to you. And I realize I haven't been lately—with a lot of stuff."

"But still, I shouldn't have said that to you—about the...having a baby thing," Ash said apologetically. "Whether you—whether this happened to you or not, I shouldn't have said anything like that—ever. And I'm so sorry..."

"We know," Jay nodded. "And it's okay—we forgive you for that."

Ash looked to Delia for vindication, which he received with her gentle smile. At last, he let himself ease, accepting the pardon he still didn't entirely want. If she was okay with it, he wasn't going to oppose. But it didn't stop him from making the mental pledge to do whatever she wished of him for the remainder of his stay at home, to be as good and respectful to her as he could be—his only way to make up for what he had done.

"But Ash, like I said, I'm glad you said that tonight," Delia said.

"But I don't understand," Ash stammered. "Why?"

"If you hadn't have said that, I...I don't know how long I would've kept this a secret. Both from you and your dad."

Ash's eyebrows rose. "You mean you didn't tell Dad, either?"

"She was afraid to," Jay answered for her. He stroked Ash's hair as Delia hung her head slightly. "She only told me tonight because she remembered—well...she knew how upsetting it was, and she didn't want to make any of us upset. Since there was nothing we could do but get sad over it, she figured that, well, maybe it was best that she didn't say anything at all."

"But I realized how wrong that was," Delia said. "And I want you to remember that, sweetheart: if something ever happens to you, even if it's bad and you're afraid to tell anyone—even me or Daddy—don't hesitate to. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let others know so that maybe they can help you."

"But what could we've done?" Ash cringed. "I mean, the baby's gone..."

"You couldn't have done anything about that, no," she replied with rueful honesty. "But just telling you tonight made me feel so much better. I'm still sad about what happened, but holding in that sadness wasn't good. It just made the pain worse."

"Yeah," Ash nodded, looking down. "I understand."

Delia exchanged a brief look with Jay, who gave her a smile as he pulled Ash's head close to his chest. Their son closed his eyes as he rested upon him, beginning to fully calm himself. Delia smiled as she gazed at his repose, but she knew there was more to tell him. For a moment, she debated whether she was going to relay to him that this wasn't the first occurrence of its kind in her life, but she knew she had to. He had a right to know everything now.

"Ash," she whispered, and he opened his eyes. "There's a little more that I have to tell you. But...it happened a long time ago, and everything's okay now, so you don't have to be upset over it."

This certainly grabbed Ash's attention, who sat up instantly. "What?"

Already Delia could tell he was getting uneasy, and desperately tried to pacify her voice. "It's okay, I said. It's nothing to get worried about. This, um..." She took a deep breath. "This isn't the first time I lost a baby."

Ash's eyes widened. "What!? This happened before?" he gasped incredulously.

Her expression dreadfully confirmed it was true, however, as she nodded sadly. "Yes, Ash, but it happened very long ago," she reminded him hastily.

"Wh-when?" he uttered, getting a comforting squeeze from his father that did nothing for him.

"When you were about six, dear," she answered. "I had a miscarriage, and—and I didn't tell you because you were so young; you wouldn't have understood. But I'm telling you now so that you know."

Ash was aghast. Just how much did she have to tell him? And how much worse could it get...? "But—but why does this keep happening to you?" he said, his voice trembling. He didn't even know if wanted to know the answer; he was seconds away from putting his hands over his ears. All he could frightfully imagine was the discovery that she was sick, that he would never have a brother or sister. Though he grew to be eleven with no sibling, he never gave up hope that he would hear the happy news he was always prepared for. Even after his parents separated, that hope never completely died.

"I don't know," Delia said, wishing she knew exactly why herself. "It's not because I'm sick, thank goodness—the doctor told me that. He said the reason why I've lost two babies is that either they weren't healthy, that there was some sort of problem with them that didn't allow them to continue to grow properly, or that...there's the slight possibility that I was working too hard."

Ash perked at this. He felt considerably better, of course, to hear that she was not afflicted, but to now be told that she was possibly the reason behind it sparked his interest.

Delia noticed his expression. "Oh, Ash, it's not that I was trying to overexert myself, but it's sometimes hard to just sit around and relax. Could you imagine being told that you have to stop doing everything you do normally for nine months?"

Ash smiled weakly. "No way. I'd go crazy," he said truthfully, and his parents chuckled.

"Well, that's how I feel, too," his mother went on with a grin, happy that so far he was taking this well. She half-expected him to break into tears again, but fortunately he was quiet and alert, trying to comprehend. "I was trying to take it easy, but when there's stuff to be done, and chores to do, and...rowdy little boys running around the house..." Ash giggled bashfully. "It's kinda hard."

"Well, all you had to do was tell me," he said. "I woulda done all that stuff for you!"

Delia cocked her eye at him. "Oh really? This coming from the kid I have to practically lock in his room to make him clean it!"

Ash blushed, but narrowed his eyes at her in silliness. "Hey, my room is clean!"

Jay made a playful scowl. "Define clean."

"Dad!" he groaned, getting his hair ruffled vigorously. He pouted. "I try to keep it clean."

His dad laughed. "I know you do, squirt."

Ash turned back to Delia. "But I'm serious! I'd really help you if—well...if you got pregnant again." He smiled timidly. "You're...going to, right?"

She blinked gently. "I certainly hope so. Your dad and I really want to, and we're gonna try hard. We won't give up."

"That's right," Jay resolved.

The way Ash's smile grew exuberantly made Delia's head float with happiness. The optimism she pushed in her voice prompted this feeling, too; this was the first time she allowed herself to think so positively since the incident. She couldn't believe how much better it felt than giving up.

"That's great!" Ash exclaimed. Despite the impacting news that had been unveiled to him so harshly, the simple promise in his mom's tone made his sadness wash away. His voice became perky. "And I promise if you do I'll help you everyday with anything you need! I'll cook and clean, and you can sit down and relax like you're supposed to!"

Chuckling, Delia folded her arms. "And how are you gonna do that if you're on your Pokémon journey, mister?" she chirped.

Ash suddenly cringed, and pondered quickly. "Ummm...w-well, I'll stay home! Yeah, yeah! I won't leave, I'll stay home and make sure you're okay and that all the work gets done! 'Cause that's what's most important!"

Through his spontaneous little pledge, Delia and Jay swapped frivolously knowing looks, both amused at his urge to give up everything he loved to help. Of course, they also knew how hard it would be for Ash to keep such a promise, as he was merely responding from his recent feelings rather than long contemplation.

"That's very sweet of you, honey," Delia cooed as he finished, "but you won't have to do that. If—when I get pregnant again, I'll be sure to take care of myself, I promise. I'm not going to have you give up going on your journey just for me."

Ash actually looked relieved as she said that. He ducked his head slightly. "Well...I just wanna make sure you'll be okay..."

"I will be. Besides," his mother smirked, throwing an impishly haughty look at Jay, "your father'll probably confine me to my bed for the whole nine months as soon as he finds out."

"Ha, you're damn straight!" Jay huffed, laughing afterwards. Ash shared a broad smile with his dad, who gave him a crushing hug. "I'll hire a maid if I have to—she's gonna sit and nurture that baby whether she likes it or not! Right, bud?"

"Right!" Ash replied.

The three laughed heartily, all seeming to forget the tragic reason that had brought them together in the first place. There were no more tears and no more depression, at least for that moment, and slowly, Ash and Delia were beginning to fall into that realization. Delia especially, discovering she felt ten times better than she had the entire week. To get the secret off her chest and be able to fully declare her desire to try again in what had twice set her back so dismally was a captivating sensation.

"Sooo," Jay sang, breaking from his laughter, "we settled a lot tonight, didn't we? We're all better now, right?"

"I feel better," Ash replied, his eyes sparkling.

"And how about Mommy?" Jay said, lifting an eyebrow at Delia.

"How 'bout you, Mommy?" Ash grinned. "You feel better, too?"

Delia took a deep, refreshing breath, and answered what she truly felt in her heart. "I feel wonderful."

"Well, that's great, then!" Jay proclaimed, grabbing Ash and jumping to his feet spiritedly. Ash yelped happily as his father hoisted him into his arms and swung him around, complaining none of his son's healthy weight. "'Cause this is no time to be sad, anyway! We all got a big day coming up Sunday! Or did everyone forget that?"

"I didn't!" Ash giggled, the reminder of the looming day of his parents' second wedding sending a surge of rapture and excitement through his body. He couldn't believe how fast it had come, and the thought of what fun there was in store for them made him shiver. "I can't wait!"

"Good! But we gotta remind your mother," Jay teased with a wink. "I think she forgot."

"How could I forget that?" Delia gasped, facetiously insulted. She gave Jay a tremendous, passionate smile and finally rose from the bed. "I wish it were tomorrow."

Jay laughed, groaning through it as he handed Ash over to her. "Here, take your son. He's breaking my back."

"What!? No!" Delia, shrieking playfully, could only helplessly accept the laughing Ash into her arms as Jay practically tossed him to her, but she only held him for a second before he slid through her grasp. "My goodness, you're heavy! Did you gain weight overnight?"

"I probably did!" Ash said, which he didn't entirely doubt. With the lack of exercise and the increase of meals since being home, he wondered just how much he'd gained.

"You're getting to be such a big boy," Delia marveled, shaking her head. "I think I'd better get in all the babying I can with you before it's too late!" Ash blushed, and swept his arms around her in a hug.

"I'm gonna promise you one thing, though," he told her as she hugged him back. "I promise I'm not going to do anything to make you mad anymore. Even things I don't mean. I'm going to be as good as I can be all the time."

Delia and Jay had to smile at such willingness.

"That's a big promise to make," Delia said. "I don't think you should go making one quite so big."

"But I want to!" Ash insisted. "After what happened tonight, I don't want to make you upset anymore—for any reason! That's why—that's why I decided that it's okay that you moved Misty, and that you want me to help a lot around here, and be good and all that stuff! I want to do those things. I hate making you upset and I'm gonna try my best not to do it ever again."

His mother gazed at him for a few moments as she took this in, brushing her fingers through his hair. "Well, if that's what you want," she grinned, "I'm certainly not going to try to change your mind."

"It is what I want," affirmed Ash with a nod. "And I'm gonna do it, you watch."

"I dunno," Jay sighed, putting his hands on his hips. "You're quite a little punk to take on such a project." He laughed and knelt down to Ash's level. "But you're a good punk, that's for sure. I respect that in ya."

Ash smiled pleasantly. He was going to try to keep that promise as best as he could, no matter how hard it would be. For such understanding and amazing parents, he was eager to do anything for them.

"Thanks, Daddy," he replied breathlessly.

Jay smiled ardently. He threw a glance up to his wife. "So whaddah ya say? Should we go down and tell the other two punks?"

Ash chuckled at that comment, but became tense, too. He wondered how Brock and Misty would take the news, but his curiosity was nothing compared to Delia's. She ground her teeth as she thought of it, but didn't hesitate nodding in agreement. They had every right to know, as well, and it would certainly be easier to tell them now that she had so much support.

"All right, let's do it, then," Jay said, patting Ash's shoulder.

They exited, Delia holding onto the hands of the two men she loved more than life itself. At that instant, despite all that hardships, despite all the letdowns, she realized just how lucky she really was.

TO BE CONTINUED . . .

Well, I finally got it done, yayness! Sorry it's a few days late, but I wanted to make sure I was completely happy with it before I uploaded. It's a relief, too, because this is really the last sad-type chapter of the story—from here on it's gonna go back to the way it was, all happy and such but still a lotta good stuff going on. Next up, the long-awaited second wedding! ^_^

Thanks for reading everyone! I haven't begun chapter 16 yet, but I assure you I'll get it out as soon as possible. ^_^ Till then!