What If-
(based on the mediator series by Jenny Carroll/ Meg Cabot)
The Story Continues!!! ~Chels
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I was in the fogginess again. The reoccurring nightmare that I'd been having since that harrowing experience appeared to trouble my sleep again. It reminded me of my terror of Paul's capabilities. I may not have felt scared around him when he was playing knight to my damsel in distress the other day, but right now- trapped in the terror, remembering...that place- the thought of his existence freezes the blood in my veins... while causing me to wake up screaming and sweating profusely.
Where was Jesse- the real knight in shining armor- when I needed him? Then again, where had he been all this time since we kissed? Why couldn't he have been the one to to bring me flowers? Even some that he had picked off a neighbors shrub would have been perfect, coming from him. But no the evil guy has to be the romantic one... while the sweet guy totally ignored me!!
"Suze!" someone yelled while pounding on the door, thus interrupting my silent rant, "Suze, hurry up! We'll be late!" It was David, Doc, my youngest stepbrother.
"Coming!" I yelled, jumping out of bed and into some tight fitting, flared, khaki, hip-hugger pants and a light blue v-neck Ralph Lauren, polo type shirt. I found some comfy, worn-in pair of tennis shoes and carefully stuffed my band-aided feet into them. I put on some makeup that I had picked up at the M.A.C. counter last weekend, and put some stuff in my hair to keep it de-frizzed and shiny, then I went downstairs to see if I had time to grab breakfast.
"Grab it and go!" Brad advised, dangling 'his' car keys in my face and walking out the door. I decided against breakfast and just grabbed a bottle of water and my book-bag before following him out the door and into the Rambler.
"Ms. Simon, Father Dominic would like a word with you." Sister Ernestine informed me as I walked down the hallway to my first class. I changed direction immediately and headed for Father Dom's office.
"You wanted to see me?" I asked, entering the room.
"Susannah, yes! Come in, have a seat!" He said, a little to cheerfully. Something was up. Something I had a feeling that I would not like.
"Susannah-" Father Dominic said, exhaling deeply at the end of my name, "I need to speak with you- about...Jesse"
My eyes widened and I -unconsciously- got a stupid grin on my face. "What about him?" I asked.
Father Dominic sighed. "He...has decided to -um- move..." He said, "I, as his confessor, am to tell you goodbye for him and to give you his, and my, deepest sympathies."
My world shattered like a crystal chandelier that has fallen from twenty stories high onto a cement floor. "Wh-What?" I stuttered, on the verge of tears, "Where is he moving to? Why? Why couldn't he tell me himself?"
"Jesse will be staying in the rectory for the time being. He would not give me a reason- he seemed quite reluctant to talk about it at all... I don't know what else to say." Father Dom said. I held in my tears.
"Thank-you" I said quietly, getting up and leaving the room, I burst into tears as I shut the tear behind me. The secretary, seeing my state of un-well-being, handed me a travel size pack of tissues. I sniffled a 'thank-you', then went out of the room and made my way to my locker-where I slid down to the ground and bawled.
I cried so hard I was shaking. By the time I had run out of tears to cry there was a pile of soggy tissues at my side, along with the crumpled wrapper they had once been in.
"Where's the monsoon?" I heard someone ask, commenting on my state of wetness. I looked up to see none other than Paul himself. His presence sent me into a fresh batch of sobs, and into a vast state of confusion. I wanted to run away from him in terror, since my nightmare last night, but I also wanted to run into his strong, muscular arms- I should know that they were strong and muscular, they carried me the other day, and wrapped around me when we kissed- I was trapped between loving and loathing Paul Slater.
"Do you mind if I ask why you're crying?" He asked gently.
Through clenched teeth I muttered, "Yes."
He looked hurt for a second- no, more like a millisecond, "What did you and a certain member of the supernatural type have a fight?"
"No!" I spat. It wasn't a lie either- I never even talked to Jesse, the uncaring bastard had to go through Father Dominic like a sissy. If this is how love feels- insecure- then who needs it?! Not me.
"But this does have to do with him doesn't it?" He asked. I huffed. "Thought so...so what's wrong with him now?- he didn't do anything stupid and have a priest do his dirty work did he? I heard they did that a lot in his day." I pressed my lips together and narrowed my eyes, causing Paul to open his eyes wide in shock and form an 'o' with his mouth. He whistled loud and low.
"Don't say anything, or I'll kick your ass so hard you'll have to look up to see the ground, the sky, and your feet!" I said, forgetting my terror of him.
"Wow- ok, I won't say anything... so- you got my flowers?" He changed the subject.
"Yes-," I admitted, "They were nice."
"I can be nice too you know," Paul said, "Just look at the other day."
"I don't know what to think of you right now Paul." I said in response to his statement, : Seriously... leave a girl to die in the 'Shadowland' then leave her flowers and act all nice- it's bound to confuse people."
"You did break up!" He changed the subject, "And you're mad at me for it."
"I'm not mad at you because of that!" I said, standing up, "I'm not mad at you at all. I just don't trust-or like- you!"
He did something stupid then, he pissed me off more- by laughing his pretty little head off. "Trust? You don't trust me? Right. You let me help you- kiss you, even- and you don't trust me! Come on Suze, you know you like me too- in fact, I'd go so far as to say that you are quite 'taken' with me...although, I wish I could say that you were taken by me."
I swung at him. A nice shot too. It would have left a mark. Would have- if he hadn't caught it. Paul kissed my hand, the one that he now held in his gross, grimy, little grasp, and said, "Now, now- we wouldn't want any bruises to result of this!"
"You must be Schizo, because you and I both know that I would never be a part of your 'we'." I said, pulling my hand free of his, "I'm going now. You two go have fun somewhere far away from me."
Paul closed his eyes and sighed, then reopened his eyes and said, "Suze, look, I'm sorry." I began to walk away. He followed. "I lose myself when I'm around you. I'd do anything to be with you! I- when we were in the Shadowland I lost myself...I wanted you to learn your capabilities by getting yourself out, then fall for me because you were so happy- it backfired... At my house, I lost myself again... the only time I've been myself around you was when you were hurt... I know you don't trust me, that you're scared of me, even, but please believe me."
"Why?" I asked, "Prove you can be nice. Prove you can be human- Prove yourself to me." I stopped walking and turned around to face him.
"Suze," Said Paul, stepping closer. Despite my terror, I forced myself to stay put. "I'll prove myself to you as many times as you want. Just let me know I have a chance!" I stayed resolutely quiet. Even as the bell rang and people filled the hall, I stayed quiet, as did Paul, his blue eyes boring into my soul.
"Paul!" Kelly squealed from across the hall. "Come help me pass out candy bars!" She said, coming over to him. He still stared at me.
"Please!" He said to me. I bit my lower lip.
"Paul!" Kelly continued, getting an annoyed look on her face.
"Suze!" Paul said pleaded, sounding hurt, "Tell me!"
"Come on!" Kelly screeched at him.
Paul remained oblivious to her- and everyone else, except me. "Tell me that I have a chance, that all hope is not lost. Tell me that if I kiss you that you'd kiss back. Tell me!"
I closed my eyes, shutting out the image of his own, pleading ones.
"Show me then." He said. I could feel him moving closer, time seemed to slow down. I could feel him cup my head in his hands and slowly lean in.
"Don't kiss me. Don't kiss me." I thought
I could feel him kissing me. I could feel me kissing him. I could feel him pull away, and hear him whisper, "That's all I needed to know." before walking away with Kelly to hand out candy bars. I could also feel everyone's eyes on me. After all, I had just practically made out in the hallway with the hot new guy.
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So? Good, bad, kinda good? Let me know whatcha think and I'll add another chapter, if that's what you want that is... hmm... whatever, just review! Thanks again. ~Chels
