What If-

(based on the mediator series by Jenny Carroll/ Meg Cabot)

It just keeps on comin'!!! ~Chels

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When I got home I ran to my room, thinking that the day could not get any worse- by now I should have known never to think things like that. Once you think it, it's jinxed.

There was and envelope on my pillow. Holding my breath, I broke open the seal. The first line, the addressing part, even, broke my heart. It had, at one point, been addressed to 'Querida', but that was crossed out for 'Susannah'. The rest of the letter was no better:

"I am sincerely sorry. By now you should know of my decision to leave. You should be moving on also. I have said it a thousand times, and it is still true; you need someone else, someone alive. I know you'll find someone. I feel I would be holding you back if I stayed any longer."

The ending really did me in. It was a simple 'Farewell', and signed, not 'Jesse', but 'Hector'. I almost cried. Almost. Instead I indulged myself in a hot bubble bath, some chicken noodle soup, a bowl of ice cream- followed by some intense kickboxing... to release some pent up anger and hurt. Then I put on some black silk pajamas and absorbed myself in a good book.

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The phone rang. I ignored it.

"Suze!" Brad yelled, barging into my room.

"Heard of knocking, Monkey Brains?!" I yelled, grabbing the phone from his hands. He left the room, whispering 'Someone's PMS-ing' under his breath. I was too overloaded with emotions to react to that- much. I slammed my bedroom door at his retreating figure.

"Hello?" I answered the phone.

"Suze!" Cee Cee yelled over the line, " I heard two things about you!"

"What now?!" I said, I was in a very bad mood

"First- you made out with Paul 'Hotter Than Hot' Slater in the hallway." She said ,squealing, "And, second- that the before mentioned Slater dumped Kelly as a running mate and is now running against her for president... and he's promoting your campaign for VP."

I swear I don't know why, but I thought she just said something crazy, "Wh-what?" I stuttered for the hundredth time that day.

"It's good news Simon- it means your guaranteed a win- no one's running against you at the moment!" She said.

"Cee Cee-" I barely managed to say. I was suddenly very tired. "-I gotta go." I hung up, then practically passed out onto my bed.

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Again I woke up to "We're gonna be late Suze!". I got out of bed, threw on some black pants with cool silver buckles, zippers and chains on them. I put on a hot pink tank top with 'One Word: ME' printed in black letters across it. I slipped a pair of black leather boots, which I had already worked in- plus I wore thick socks so my feet didn't get any worse. Conscious of the time- for once- I quickly put on my silver hoop earrings, a silver necklace with a zipper pull on it, a bracelet made of safety pins and a few silver rings. Next I put on some dark make-up with glitter powder instead of blush, and I put my hair in a simple, yet cool, wavy ponytail.

Before I left I made sure my bra straps, which were black, were visible sticking out the sides of my tank. Grabbing my black nail polish, my bookbag and a bottle of water, I got into the Rambler before Doc and Dopey were even out the door.

I looked good, and I felt good- in a pissed off rebel way. I heard a few "lookin' good" 's and a whole lotta whistles that morning. Maybe the guys like when I hate my life- huh, funny... I don't! One good thing about today- I didn't see Paul... until lunch. That's when I saw-and heard-him.

I'll admit it. I was moping. Staring down at my plate. Ignoring my friends conversations. Contemplating my revenge on the whole stupid world. Suddenly everything got quiet and I head a guy start to sing- he had a good voice...sexy, if you will.

"Tell me who should I be to make you love me," He sang. I looked up from my plate, only to see Paul -standing on a nearby table- looking down on me.

"Tell me what does it mean to be alone," He cooed. I blushed. Paul -evil spawn of Satan- was singing... to me.

"Can't you see me standing, staring out from a distance, hear my cry if you'd only listen?" I was embarrassed, everyone was suddenly looking at me, then back to Paul.

"I'm out of focus, into me and you." He paused, then jumped from the table and walked towards me.

"Kiss me fool, if you care. If those words have better meaning- Playin' it cool is so unfair. Why this veil of secrecy?" He was right in front of me now, singing directly to me.

"God forbid your friends found out what we did. Why can't someone like you be with someone like me?" I froze. Guys don't do things like this for me- ever! Why should he be any different? No guys ever do the whole singing to a girl at school thing- unless they're heath ledger in Ten Things I Hate About You ... but where did that get his character- detention.

The rest of the song was a blur. I heard it though.

"Tell me who should I be to bake you love me? Tell me what does it mean to be alone? Can't you see me standing, staring out from a distance, Hear my cry, if you'd only listen? Out of focus, into me and you.

Touch me fool, if you're allowed I'll be dancing near the corner It's so cool to play around, take your hand and come with me I'm aware that all in love is fair, But that's no reason to make me feel this way.

Tell me who should I be to make you love me? Tell me what does it mean to be alone? Hear my cry, if you'd only listen? Out of focus, into me and you-"

Ok, so I lied I didn't hear the rest of the song- I saw Jesse and didn't hear anything until Cee Cee squealed, " That was sooo sweet" Into my ear and pulled me up from my seat, then pushed me over to Paul. I was overrun with emotions. I wanted to cry, for Jesse- and to be overwhelmed by the sweetness and guts that Paul had just shown. When I looked at Jesse though, I added another emotion to my list: guilt. He was looking murderous and hurt at the same time, I take it that he hadn't known about Paul's arrival...

Meanwhile, everyone in the courtyard was staring, waiting for my reaction- including the nun's and even some tourists. I hugged Paul, then burrowed my face in his chest and cried. I wondered if Jesse was seeing this. I hoped so, he so deserved to be jealous.

Everyone burst into cheers as Paul led me away, hiding my face from everyone. I'm sure he had some idea that I hated crying- maybe it was because, when I buried my face in his extremely well defined chest, I whispered, "I hate crying, get me out of here!" just loud enough so he could hear.

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A Note: The name of the song Paul sang in this chapter was 'Kiss Me Fool' and it is by Fefe Dobson... i know she's a girl and it was a guy singing in this chapter, but i liked the lyric and thought they fit...

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So? how was this chapter? Let me know whatcha think and I'll add another. that's what you want right?!?... hmm... whatever, just review! Thanks again. ~Chels