What If-

(based on the mediator series by Jenny Carroll/ Meg Cabot)

School takes up too much time that could be used to write this fic! See- seven whole days without an update when I already knew what was gonna be in the chapter... stupid school work kept me from writing it... that and the fact that I was sick and trying to do schoolwork... ok, story now, complaints later! ~Chels

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The party was... fun... I guess... other than the fact that at least thirty couples were in my house reminding me of what I could be doing with Jesse...God! Why couldn't he have stayed around? Not forever...just until - I dunno - I die and we can be together forever!

Jesse's influence is everywhere! His books are on the window seat. My windows were still open when I woke up this morning- and my hair is frizzy as a result. The hot tub reminds me of when we found -um- his remains. Even the Spanish channel on the TV reminds me of him... along with those "we'll give you washboard abs in thirty days or less" infomercials...

Just look at me, I'm a mess- lounging around in my bed at one in the afternoon- still in my PJ's none-the-less. All over a guy. Who would have thought: Susannah Simon, bedridden because of a boy. I would have beat the person who suggested that one senseless... but now... look at me!

I have to stop this! I'll just... take a shower! Yeah, I'll feel better after a nice hot shower... Hot? Jesse was hot! Oh God, here I go again- Shower now!

"Hey Suze?" Someone called through my bedroom door. I was just out of the shower, and was brushing my now dried hair.

"Yep?" I answered.

"You have a phone call..." Came the answer. It was definitely Brad, although, he was speaking a little too nicely to me..."It's Paul, I think..."

"Ok" I answered, "Thanks" I went over to the phone and picked it up, "Hello?"

"Hey Suze" Paul said, "Just callin' to check up on ya... How are you doing?"

I sighed- yes, you heard me right, sighed- then answered, "I'm okay, I guess... I've been better though... definitely."

"Right," He chuckled, "I hope so... do you wanna get out of the house?"

"Yeah, kinda -sorta- ok, yes I do." I answered, unsure of where this was going.

"Ok, so... I was thinking of a compromise... I teach you about shifting and you teach me about mediating... That way we each gain knowledge from this thing... I sound like a teacher, that's kind of scary..." He answered.

"Now?" I asked. I just lost Jesse and Paul wants me to learn about shifting? Why?

"Do you have any other plans?" Paul asked, self-assuredly.

"Well, no, but-" I answered, before he so rudely cut me off.

"- But nothing. I'm coming to pick you up in fifteen minutes... Brad said you already took a shower, so you should be ready by then. If you're hungry, we'll get you something to eat. If you're thirsty, we'll get you a drink. If you're not ready when I get there, well, then you're coming as is." Paul said, "bye now!"

"bye!" I said sarcastically, hanging up the phone. Fifteen minutes! That's not such a long time. I've taken longer to do my make-up than fifteen minutes! Lucky for me I'm already dressed and made up... he better not think this is a date... I'm not ready for a date. What would Jesse say if I went on a date? What would Jesse say about me going on a date with Paul? He'd hate me forever!

"Suze! Get down here! Paul's here!" Brad called from downstairs. Fifteen minutes, already? Hmm... time flies when you're bored to tears.

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"So, what have we learned today?" Paul asked me two hours later as we were sitting on the beach.

"That shifting leaves you with a huge headache, and a near death experience?" I replied.

He chuckled, "Yeah... basically." He paused, "Wait... no! That shifting can be used along with mediating skills to get rid of the little buggers even more quickly, right?"

"Whatever you say." I answered tiredly, holding my hands over my eyes. "They should give you some aspirin up there. Be like, 'Thanks for visiting, have some drugs to take away the after-effects.'."

"Hey, they're a non-profit organization, what do you expect?" Paul replied. I laughed, for a while... until I started to cry. Jesse always tried to help me when I was in pain. Why can't he help me now?!

Paul looked shocked. "I- um - okay, I didn't do it!" He stuttered. When he had gotten a hold on himself he looked me in the eyes and asked what was wrong and if I needed a shoulder to cry on, since he had two.

"I... I miss him" I said timidly, "I feel like such a baby. I never cry... but lately it seems like that's all I've been doing! I've lost my touch! I'm destined to be a blubbering fool forever!"

"No you're not!" Paul said, putting his arm around my shoulder, "You're human, and I like you for your humanity too, not just your tough side... although, that's quite a turn-on..." I laughed at that, I couldn't help myself. is it wrong that I'm feeling these things for Paul, and so soon after Jesse left? I mean, I should be wearing all black, and have a veil covering my crying eyes, and carry a box of tissues everywhere, telling sob stories to anyone who will listen. Plus, Jesse hated Paul, how can I feel this way towards the guy that my -uh- Jesse hated?

"Thanks, I guess" I replied. "Um, can you take me home? I need to take a break... wallow a little."

He frowned slightly, before putting on a smile for my benefit- which I saw right through- "Sure. This way m'lady. Your chariot awaiteth." He joked. I smiled.

So this is how it's gonna be from now on? People having to constantly cheer me up, and stop my fits of crying? "Life is going to really suck without you Jesse." I thought, "I hope you hear that." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hmm... I dunno... what do you think? Too short? Lemme know and I'll keep working on the next chapter... he-he-he... ~Chels