Title - Every Day Dawns

Author - Katriona

E-mail - JNButler19@aol.com

Rating - PG-13 just in case, but not sure

Summary - Abby and Carter are together, but something major will happen.

Authors note - AU fic. It's the first fanfic I've had the courage to let others read. Please R and R, I need all the help I can get!

Disclaimer - I don't own anything, etc.

In Sickness and in Health

Carter's POV

I wake up again to more voices, and the swaying sensation I feel tells me that they haven't arrived at the hospital yet. I can hear a voice, medical instructions being spoken over the radio, and I strain to listen,

'A multiple MVA coming in, us and three others, two critical including this one.' There was a pause before he started talking again,

'Male, early to mid thirties, penetrating wound to the abdomen, probable internal bleeding, semi-conscious, BP 100 over 80, pulse slow and weak at 96. About 3 minutes.' Three minutes. For the first time since the accident happened I wonder whether they are taking me to County, and who is on tonight. Most of the people I know I guess, since most of them switched shifts to work tonight so that they could come to the wedding. I almost can't bear it, I want to open my eyes and beg them to turn around, to take me somewhere where I'm not known, where people won't have to go through this on my wedding day, they can find out tomorrow instead, but I know it can't happen so I relax.

Before I know it, I can feel the ambulance stop, and the doors are opened, a burst of cold, damp air filters in and I flinch as I am lifted down. The paramedic begins the bullet, but I hear a gasp and recognise the voice, Susan.

'Oh, my god, John.' There is shock and surprise, and other voices join hers, first the paramedic,

'You know him?'

'Yeah, he's a resident here. He got married today to a nurse who works here.' I can feel myself moving, and hear Susan shout for Kerry, saying that it's me. Her voice joins the throng, and she tries to get me to open my eyes, but I can't, it hurts too much and I groan instead.

She takes over the trauma, and I can hear orders being given. God, it's hell being a doctor, I know what tests they are ordering, what they mean, what is happening to me. Another voice joins in, Elizabeth's. It must be bad if they have got surgery onto me. I open my eyes for the first time since I arrived as I feel her hands on my abdomen, and groan in pain. Kerry looks at me, and smiles slightly.

'It's ok John. You're here now. We are going to do everything we can to help you.' I reach for the oxygen mask that covers my face, and she tries to stop me, but I push her away and speak,

'Abby?' Kerry looks nervous, and glances at the others in the room. 'She .. she is alright, isn't she.' I am desperate to see her nod, to hear her say she just has concussion, but there is a sombre mood to the room that makes me fear the worst, and my eyes demand an answer from her.

'They .. ' Kerry looks lost for words, but swallows and carries on, 'they are having some problems, from what I hear. She is trapped in the car, underneath the truck. They are doing everything they possibly can.' The words wash over me, not really sinking in, just floating on the surface, waiting to be caught before flying into the air above my head. All of a sudden, nothing hurts, nothing except the dull ache of dread, heartache and lost love. I start crying, tears running down my face and stinging as they touch the scratches that bleed like my heart.

'Its .. its our wedding day. It's supposed to be the happiest day of our lives, and it ends like this.' Kerry touches my face.

'It won't end like this, for either of you. We will do everything.' I look at her again, and I know that she can't know Abby is still alive, she can't know that she will be ok, but I beg her anyway, my words full of emotion, a mantra I need to say,

'I love her. Tell me she's going to be ok. I love her. Tell me she's going to be ok.' And I lie there, and nobody gives me an answer. I look around at the people in the room, all the people I work with every day, and none of them can give me an answer, or at least not the answer that I want. Kerry, Susan, Elizabeth, Malik, Haleh, Chuny. For once, they all stand silent and they know as much as I do how uncertain this all is. Finally, Elizabeth speaks up,

'Let's worry about you now. You are bleeding; both from the penetrating wound and the internal bleeding you are suffering. Now, I would like to get you up to surgery as soon as possible. It isn't a matter of life and death yet, as the blood transfusions mean you aren't losing that much blood, and the bleeding has been slowed down considerably. I just need you to sign the consent form and we will take you up.' She hands me the forms, but I put them down.

'I'm not signing anything; I am not going to surgery until Abby is here. I have to see her.' Words swim around me, protests from the doctors, my friends, but I don't listen. 'I'm waiting for Abby. When we got married today, I promised never to leave her, in sickness and in health. She's my all, my everything. I'm not leaving without her.'

The people in the room all look at each other, and then look at me, but I close my eyes, ignoring them. What business is it of theirs? I have to know how she is. What if I went into surgery, and she, god forbid, arrives and dies, and I don't get a chance to say goodbye.

The room slowly starts getting quieter as people leave, and I feel the blood transfusion being started, and the oxygen mask being placed back on my face, but I don't open my eyes until I think everyone has gone. I am wrong. Susan is sitting next to the bed, her eyes closed and looking exhausted.

'Hello' my voice sounds funny but she opens her eyes and smiles gently at me.

'I knew you wouldn't.' I must look confused because she carries on,

'I knew you wouldn't go to surgery without finding out about Abby.' 'Have you heard anything?' She shakes her head.

'No, but she is going to kill you when she gets here.' I can't quite work out where this is going.

'Why?' 'For being so stubborn, for not getting the medical treatment you need, instead making large romantic gestures that endanger your life.' I smile slightly, visualising Abby's face, hearing the words. She's right of course.

'It's my wedding day. I'm allowed to be romantic.' Susan's face falls as she remembers us, just a few hours before, and I carry on.

'Didn't imagine the evening ending like this, did you?' She shakes her head, and as the full reality of what has happened hits me, my chest hurts so much I can hardly breathe. This is our wedding day, the day I have been waiting for, ever since I first knew I loved her. It wasn't supposed to be like this. We were supposed to be on a plane, drinking sparkling grape juice, flying to our tropical island in the sun, our paradise, the one I always dreamed of.

I open my eyes again, and see Susan crying. Reaching out my hand, being careful not to pull the IV, I touch her's and she looks at me for a second before taking it, brushing her tears away with the other.

'It's ok. It's going to be ok.' I say, and she shakes her head quickly, and looks at me again.

'Of course it is. You're right. I'm sorry, I'm just being stupid.' 'You know what Abby's like. She's not going to give up just like that.' Susan nods her head in agreement, and we fall quiet. We both know that what we have just said is a complete lie. I saw her, lying on the road, unconscious and dying. Susan knows as well as I do that all that was said is fake, false. How does she know that Abby will be all right? There is nothing guaranteeing it, yet we still say the words. So what if Abby is strong? Being strong won't save you if the injuries are too bad, too horrific. Being strong won't save you if you're dead.

'Can you go and see if anyone has heard anything?' I need to know, I have convinced myself that Abby won't make it, but in my heart, I can't accept that any of this is real. She nods and stands up as Kerry comes into the room, and they both go out again, and stand in the hall, talking about me. Susan goes off, and Kerry comes in. She does my obs, and I watch her face the whole time, looking for some clue that will tell me something.

'Well John you're ok for the moment, but I really would prefer it if you would let us get you to surgery. Your BP is steadily dropping, as are your SATS.' I shake my head,

'I'm not going till Abby comes.' She sits down beside me and sighs, and I have a horrible feeling of dread.

'John, the thing is .. ' she can't carry on, and I immediately fear the worst. 'Has .. has she already gone?' The words are out of my mouth before I can think of their meaning, and she looks me straight in the eyes.

'No John, she is still alive.' I sigh as relief floods over me, but she hasn't finished. 'She has very severe injuries though. They haven't got her out yet, she is trapped under the truck, and losing a lot of blood. She .. she probably won't make it John, from what the paramedics have said over the radio.' I shake my head, refusing to believe her, but deep down, I know she is not lying.

'No. If she isn't dead, there is still a chance. I'm not leaving her.' Kerry looks at me mournfully.

'John, listen to yourself. Being stubborn and waiting here for her isn't going to help her. If she dies, being here isn't going to prevent it. When .. if she dies, it is going to be terribly difficult, not only for you but also for the whole of the ER. Imagine what it would be like if you were to die as well, if we lost both of you. Please, for once, put yourself first.' I can feel water on my cheeks as she speaks, and realise that I am crying.

'Stop it. Stop talking as if she is already dead. She's still alive. You can't talk about when because it hasn't happened, and it's not going to. She's alive, and I for one am not going to give up on her, ever.' Alarms start going off around me and Kerry stands up, putting the oxygen mask back over my face and checking the IV.

'Calm down John, come on, no more talking now.' I can feel myself getting dizzy and close my eyes, just for a second, just to rest them, and I can hear voices above me, medication being given, and, for a couple of minutes I struggle to remain conscious, focusing on a voice I hear over and over again, Susan's.

'Come on John, stay with us.' She repeats herself, and, finally, I can grasp the words properly and open my eyes, looking at concerned faces around me.

'Welcome back.' Elizabeth has returned and is doing an ultrasound, frowning for a second at the screen. I am about to speak, but Luka comes into the room and says the words I have been waiting to hear.

'They've got Abby free. They're bringing her in.' Kerry and Susan leave before I can ask any more questions and I am left with Elizabeth, not concentrating on what she is saying but watching my friends go down the hall towards the ambulance bay.

'John.' Her voice is sharp and I focus on it, as I realise she is talking to me. 'What?' I snap, and immediately regret it.

'We need to get you to surgery. Now.' I shake my head again. 'Let me just see Abby. I have to know how she is.' My mind wanders again, as Elizabeth continues talking.

'John. Please.' She sounds annoyed, and I shake my head, 'Sorry, I wasn't listening, what did you say?'

'We need to get you to surgery as soon as possible. Abby's here now, and we will be able to assess her injuries. But John, I need you to promise me. Whatever the situation is with Abby, you will sign the consent form, won't you.' I look at her, feeling numb. I don't want to leave her, but logic is beginning to take over.

'What if I stay here and help Abby, and we get another surgeon to operate on you. Would you consent then?'

Before I can answer, my attention is diverted by noise and people next door as they bring Abby in.

'Do you want me to go and see how she is?' Elizabeth asks and I nod, but before she leaves, she turns to me again.

'Do we have a deal John?' I catch a glimpse of Abby, her eyes shut, covered in blood and oil, and suddenly realise that I am no good to her dead, I can't help, and Abby needs Elizabeth more than I do, so I nod.

I see her one last time, as the doors open and Elizabeth goes through, before they swing shut again, and I am left alone.

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I really appreciate the encouragement I have been getting from people, it gives me the confidence to write the next part and post it. Please continue to R&R, as I have said before, all comments gratefully received. Thanks.