Lord of The Soda: The Fellowship of Soda
Chapter 7: Top of the Weather...or is it whether?
The hobbits are following Glider through the deep wilderness. Crowdo is looking around very nervously, Spam is looking at Crowdo, Pig Pen is playing his Game Boy,
(S/N: AWW!!! He looks so cute with his little tongue sticking out when he plays!!!)
and Sally is crying over his lost monkeys.
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I want my monkeys!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" he cries. The rest of the group plugs their ears, and Sally cries for hours.
A FEW HOURS LATER:
"AGH!!! I can't take it anymore!!! Hey, Pig Pen, what do you have in you arms?" Crowdo says. Pig Pen walks to Sally, who is knee deep in tears.
"Hey, Sally. Look what I got!" Pig Pen says. He gives Sally a badly made homemade Boots.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK!!! Thank you, Pig Pen!!!!" Sally screams. He squeezes Pig Pen until Pig Pen's eyes start to pop out.
"Can't… breathe…" Pig Pen gasped. Sally lets go of him and squeezes his new Boots doll. But then the head of the Boots doll fell off.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" Sally cried.
"Oh, no! Not again!" everyone else yelled.
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Randolf has been up on top of the tower for about 2 weeks. He is rocking back and forth when a moth comes flying by.
"Hi there, little moth. Can you do a little favor for me?" Randolf asks.
"Whatever. What is it?" the moth replies.
"Can you get one of the eagles to fly over here to rescue me? I swear, if I hear the words, 'I WUV you' one more time, I'll kill myself."
"Oh yeah, that reminds me, the eagles told me to tell you that they won't help you unless you pay them the money you owe."
"Well tell them that I have the money."
"You don't look like you have money…"
"I DO have money! I just… I don't have it with me."
"Nope! No deal!"
"I'll just have to throw this cute doll away then." Randolf says holding a little plushie that looks oddly like Crowdo. Too oddly…
"Ohhh! GIMMIE!" the moth exclaimed. He takes the doll and makes it dance.
SUDDENLY…
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!??? THIS ISN'T A MUSICAL!!!! STOP DANCING!" Glider cries while Crowdo is in the air, doing a cute little dance.
(K/N: You know in The Fellowship of the Ring movie where Frodo does his little chicken dance? Yup, THAT one!)
BACK TO RANDOLF…"Fine, fine, I'll do this for you, but if the eagles pick you apart into little pieces, it ain't my fault." said the moth. It flies off carrying the Crowdo doll.
NOW BACK TO CROWDO….
"There it is, Top of the Whether… or is it weather? Oh well, that's not important right now… we're gonna camp here tonight."
"You mean right here or at the one hilly whether place?" asked Pig Pen. Suddenly, Crowdo starts to throw confetti and blowing streamers while Spam puts a tape in a boombox that suddenly appeared. Happy music begins to play.
"YAHOO!!!! YAY! Hey! Guess what, Pig? You're the new King of Stupidity!" exclaimed Crowdo. He takes a paper crown out of his bag and places it on Pig Pen's head. Pig Pen frowns as Sally, Crowdo, and Spam dance around him like loonies.
"Well, I might as well get it over with…" Pig Pen says. He notices that Glider is leaving. "Where are you going?" he said.
"Out. Later," Glider said as he was walking away.
"Out where?" Sally asked.
"Just outside for a bit." answers Glider.
"And that would be…?" asks Sally.
"LONG LIVE THE KING!" exclaimed Crowdo as he takes the paper crown off Pig Pen and places it on Sally's head.
"Hobbits." Glider said under his breath. "Oh yeah. Here. Take these daggers. Only use them for protection."
The hobbits took the daggers, but the daggers looked like swords.
"Now BYE!!!" Glider yelled as he ran off. The hobbits just looked at each other.
"I'm tired. Goodnight!" Crowdo said.
"But wait! You can't go to bed without a story, cookies, and milk!" Sally said.
"Sally, I haven't needed those since I was 3!"
"No wonder he's so cranky," Pig Pen whispered to Spam.
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"I'm cold," said Spam.
"I'm hungry," said Pig Pen.
"I'M STUPID!" exclaimed Sally. Crowdo wakes up.
"Geez, I don't think that the elves in Mittendrum heard you loud enough. Why don't you say it louder?" Crowdo said sarcastically.
"Ok. I'M-" said Sally. Pig Pen tackles him while Spam gets out the duct tape out and gives it to Crowdo then wraps Sally's head in the duct tape.
"Mmmmphhhhhh!" Sally screams. He isn't that loud because of the duct tape and all.
"There. MUCH better." says Crowdo. All of a sudden, a screech is heard.
"Not me." says Pig Pen.
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The hobbits are now on the top floor of Top of the Weather.
(S/N: We're calling it that so we won't have to say the chapter name over and over again)
All of a sudden, 5 riders in pitch-black robes walk through with fog surrounding their feet.
"Baaaaaaaaaaggggggiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnssssssssss," the leader of the black riders said that sounded more like hissing.
"Ummmm….. noooooo….." replied Crowdo. "I'm CROWDO MAGGINS. I think you got the wrong creepy hilly place."
The black riders start to talk amongst themselves.
"We got the wrong one!" one of them cried.
"I KNEW we should turned at the trolls. But did you listen to me? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And now we're lost! Ugh! I'm leaving!" another one said. He stomps off. The other black riders shrug and follow the first one.
"Okay…." Crowdo said as the black riders took off.
"Other than that dog dressed up as a cow, I'd say that was the weirdest thing I've seen this week!" said Spam. Then another high pitched is heard.
"I THOUGHT WE TOLDS YA TO STAY AWAY!" shouted Pig Pen in a thick Scottish accent that he suddenly picked up. Then a song is heard:
EVIL! THEY'RE EVIL! WATCH OUT! THEY'RE EVIIIIIIIIIIL!
"Wow… I wonder what they are…" said Spam while rolling his eyes. Then, 9 riders in hot neon pink pajamas appear.
(K/N: Hey, the robes are at the dry-cleaner's again!)
"EVIL!!! THEY'RE EVIL!!! WATCH OUT!! THEY'ER EEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIIILLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the song played.
"Ummm… you can stop now," said the leader of the pink riders. The music stopped.
"You don't look so scary to me," says Crowdo.
"RAWR!" hissed one of the riders while trying to make a scary face. The hobbits laughed at him.
"Ummm… In order to do that, you need a face," said Crowdo.
"Oh yeah, umm…" the SodaWraith said. "You have something on your foot." he says to Crowdo.
Crowdo looks down at his feet. "There's nothing on my-" It's too late. The SodaWraiths tackled him to the floor. Eight of them hold him down while the leader gets a tube and a huge container labeled "YUM YUM BRAND PUDDING".
"HELP!!!! SPAM! PIG! SALLY! ANYBODY!!!!" Crowdo screams as loud as he can. "Wait, where are they?" he suddenly asks himself.
Suddenly, the camera zooms over to one of the statures. Tied to the tallest one are Pig Pen, Spam, and Sally.
"That's no fair!" Sally says.
"What's not fair?" Spam and Pig Pen ask.
"Crowdo gets free food." Sally says disgruntled.
"Sally, we're tied to a stature that is about 100 feet tall. The ropes are cutting our skin, and we are left here to DIE, and all you think about is FOOD???" Pig Pen asks annoyed.
"Well, DUH!" Sally answers with a bit of attitude in his voice.
"Ugh, I've had enough of you two!" Spam yells. He slides underneath the ropes and walks away muttering something.
"Ummm…" Pig Pen says surprised.
"TIG!" Sally yells as he hits Pig Pen as hard as he could.
"AHHHH!!!" Pig Pen screams.
MEANWHILE…"Bye Honeysuckle, be back soon. I'm just going to go play BINGO with my friends. Remember, there's food in the fridge, and DON'T USE THE OVEN! Love you, angel cakes!" Mamma Dookumon said to her son. She was wearing her usual dress, but now has a coat, gloves, and a purse.
"Ok, mamma. Love you too. Bye!" Count Dookumon replies. As soon as his mom leaves, two orcs come in.
"Yo, whazzup, whazzup, Dooko! Wez gots some sweeeeeeeeet things to show ya." the first orc says.
"Yeah, it's off the HEAZY FO SHEEZY!!" The second one pipes in.
(K&S/N: Good gravy! We will never say that in our lives, because of 3 words: Malibu's Most Wanted.)
"Ummm… Ok, whatever, let's just go to my tree house." Count Dookumon said.
"Yeah, about that, well, the PAR-TAY got off da HOOK!"
"But don't worry, Dooko man, we builds ya a sweet underground cavern for ya!" the first one chirped before Count Dookumon killed them.
"Well… Let's get going!" said Count Dookumon happily. He walks off in a skipping sort of way.
"I thoughts we were to get Bar-be-qued!" said the first one.
"Fo shizzle?"
"Fo shizzle my dizzle!" The two orcs walk off, talking in their 'gangsta' language.
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Glider comes back into the woods with a couple of bags in his hands.
"Who wants McDonalds?" he asks, expecting the hobbits to be sitting peacefully. Suddenly he hears screaming.
"Grr…what have they done NOW?" Glider said as he ran to the top of Top of the Weather.
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"WAHHHH!!!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" cries Crowdo.
"Shutup and stay still!" one of the SodaWraiths replied. The other 8 put a plastic tube down his throat and turn on the machine. Soon, chocolate pudding goes through the tube and into Crowdo's stomach.
"EHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" yells Glider.
(K/N: It's his battle cry!)
"Ok…" says the SodaWraiths. They go back to filling Crowdo with pudding. Suddenly he gets out a Super Soaker and sprays all the SodaWraiths with water. They all get drenched and abandon the now empty barrel of pudding and Crowdo. They leave, screeching and saying things that cannot be said in a PG rating.
"MMMMMMMPPPPPHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cries Crowdo. Glider turns around to find Crowdo about the size and shape of the moon. Two rocks are preventing him from rolling away. Glider goes to Crowdo and inspects the barrel and tube.
"They used the ancient 'Death by Pudding' method. That's not good. Well, you're lucky to have even SURVIVED the procedure with a container that big," says Glider as he takes the tube out of Crowdo.
"And how long do you think I have to live?" asks Crowdo.
"You know, I have no clue. Maybe Eggplant does…"
Suddenly Spam, Sally, and Pig Pen appear and look at Crowdo.
"Hi Crow- ugh! What happened?" asked Pig Pen.
"Ugh… pudding…" says Crowdo with a sigh.
"We got to get to Lord Eggplant soon, or he'll explode." says Glider with a serious tone.
"But it'll take a whole week to get there! Surely, he'll blow up by then." says Spam.
"Gee, thanks for the encouragement… and don't call me Surely," says Glider.
(S/N: I don't own the 'don't call me surely'… I think it's from 'airplane' or something like that…)
"Well, from the shape he's in, he can't walk…" says Pig Pen.
"Right, I'm gonna carry him!" says Glider. He picks, or at least ATTEMPT to pick him up. "Well, we'll just have to roll him then." he says out of breath.
AFTER MANY DAYS OF ROLLING…"Ugh…my back…" Glider says as he is rolling Crowdo along a path.
"Ugh…my tummy…" Crowdo says as he tries to hold his stomach, but fails.
"Ugh…My Pikachu fainted!!!" Pig Pen says.
(K/N: Yes, the whole time, he was playing Pokemon. Sad, isn't it?)
"Ugh…my poor Crowdo!" Spam says.
"Spam! Don't say stuff like that! Remember the slash fanfic writers!!!" Crowdo says as they all hear what sounds like writing from fanfic writers and mutters of 'Yay! More stuff for my slash story!'
"Hey! I know what we can do!!" Sally says.
"What?" everyone else says. Sally starts to skip around them.
"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES!! EVERYBODY'S NERVES! EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS'S NERVES!! AND THIS IS HOW IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!" Sally sings at the top of his lungs. He takes a breath for a second.
"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES!! EVERYBODY'S NERVES! EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS'S NERVES!! AND THIS IS HOW IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!" Now Sally is dancing like a loon as he sings the song over and over again.
HOURS AFTER SALLY STARTS SINGING…"AND THIS IS HOW IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOS!" Sally sings and during the 'goooo' part, he did a one-man kick line. You see everyone holding their ears. Except Crowdo. He can't reach his ears and is very miserable. Glider is holding his ears while his elbows are pushing Crowdo. All of a sudden, Crowdo starts rolling on his own very fast.
"Oops…I forgot that there was a cliff there…" Glider says.
"Aaagh! Why couldn't you throw Sally off the cliff?" Pig Pen yelled.
"I didn't throw him off a cliff!!! He fell!!"
"Yeah, you did!!! You MURDERER!!!
"OOH! Darth Vader? Where??" Sally says. He finally has stopped singing.
"YEAH!! I'M FINE! DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE FACT THAT I MIGHT HAVE BROKEN MY BACK!!!!" Crowdo yells as the rest of the group runs down the cliff to Crowdo.
"CROWDO!! You're okay!!" Spam says as he hugs Crowdo… errr…actually, Spam hug's Crowdo's arm.
"BACK I TELL YOU, BACK!!!" Crowdo yells at Spam. "Remember the slash writers… REMEMBER THEM!!!!"
"NEVER!" Spam squeezes Crowdo's arm tighter. Crowdo attempts to chase him, but he can't, and he just wiggles. Spam gives a hug, but Crowdo just hisses like a cat. Crowdo suddenly gets bigger.
"Mr. Crowdo? He's gonna blow!" Spam yells.
"Is he going to die?" Pig Pen says with his cute Scottish accent that he only picks up when he says really cute things.
"I think if he explodes, then, yeah, he'll die," says Glider. Pig Pen gives off the saddest look ever. "Fine! I'll go get some Pepto Bismol for him! Stop your crying!"
"(Sob) Ok, as long as he doesn't explode."
"No, it'll only prolong it."
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
Glider runs off to get some Pepto Bismol, leaving Pig Pen crying, Spam hugging Crowdo, Crowdo hissing, and Sally just sitting there, looking at the statues of baby pigs and a couple of biology books.
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"Hmm… grass… rock… Ahh… Pepto Bismol! I found it!" Glider said, while standing by a huge bush with neon pink bottles growing on it. He crouches down and reaches for his pocketknife to cut one of the bottles off the bush. Suddenly, a long sword is right next to his throat.
"Oooh LOOKIE! A RANGER CAUGHT OFF HIS GUARD!!!" giggles the voice.
"No, I have a bazooka attached to the back of my head, if you take one more step, it will automatically shoot you," answers Glider. The voice giggles again.
"No you don't, silly wily goose head! You're just a stupid ranger with NO weapons!"
Glider turns around to see Arwing, his girlfriend.
(S/N: Yes, Arwen is named after the space ship thingy in Star Fox. This proves that Kirsten and I play WAY too much Super Smash Brothers Melee.)
"Wait, what happened to Glorifidel?"
MEANWHILE…"NUUUU!!!!! WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Glorifedel yelled while running as fast as he can. He could see Glider, Arwing, and Crowdo when suddenly….
"HO HO HO! You look good enough."
"What?" Glorifedel turns around to see… Santa. "AHHHHH!!!!! GLIDER! HELLLLLLLLLP MEEEEEEE!!!!" Glider doesn't pay attention.
"HO
HO HO!!! You sure are spirited! I need you on my work force."
"HEEEEEELLLLLLLLP!!!!!" Santa grabs Glorifedel by the hair and drags him behind.
"HO HO HO! You're coming with me."
"(Sigh) oh well…"
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"Oh yeah! Um…I sent him away so I can see yuuuuuuuuuuu! Tee hee!" she says. Arwing gives Glider a big hug. She mouths "Thank you" to Santa. Santa gives her a thumbs up and then leaves, dragging Glorifidel who is just sulking.
"(Gasp) Can't…. breathe…" Glider says. Arwing lets go of him.
"Sorry!"
"Anyways, you're a fast runner, right?" Glider asks.
"Yup!"
"Great! I need you to help take my friend get to Ribbenbell. He's the big round one."
They walk to where the hobbits were. Glider gives Crowdo some Pepto Bismol. Crowdo shrinks about 1 millimeter.
"EWWW! I have to save THAT THING?" Arwing screams. Crowdo starts to cry, which makes Spam cry. Sally runs into a tree, and he's crying, and Pig Pen's pokemon faints, so now he's crying.
"Great…4 crying hobbits. Here, stay with them. I'm gonna take Crowdo to Ribbonbell." Glider says. He walks to Crowdo.
"NOOOO! I am NOT staying with the crying little kids!" Arwing screams.
"I'M NOT A KID!!!" Crowdo yells.
"I broke the Ribbenbell running record, so I'm gonna take him!" Arwing yells.
"Fine! See ya there," Glider says. Arwing runs off pushing, or more like rolling, Crowdo.
A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER…"Ugh… what did you eat? You know, I got a Tae-Bo tape you can borrow…" Arwing said.
"For the 1,000th time, I'M NOT FAT, I'M DYING!!!" said Crowdo.
"Awww…. that's like, so CUTE!!!! You're in denial!" Arwing said. Suddenly, the Pink Rider's theme song begins to play:
EVIL!!! THEY'RE EVIL!!!
WATCH OUT!!! THEY'RE EEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLL!!!!
"Uh oh." said Crowdo.
"Awww.... they're CUTE!" said Arwing.
"Didn't you just hear what the song said? WE'RE EVIL!" the leader of the Pink Riders said.
"BUT YOU'RE SO CUDDLY WUDDLY CUTE!!!!" cried Arwing.
"GET HER!!!" screamed the leader of the Pink Riders.
"Meep!" said Crowdo.
AFTER MANY HOURS OF CHASING (AND ROLLING)...
"Ugh... this makes my tummy hurt." said Crowdo. Now they are rolling faster than ever. And the Pink Riders are chasing them. Not good.
Soon, they get to a river. The Pink Riders draw out their straws.
"APPOLOGIZE, YOU SHE-PIG!" the leader of the Pink Riders said.
"NEVER!!!"
"Fine, can we have the hobbit?"
"If you want him, come and claim him!"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE JUST GONNA GIVE ME AWAY?" Crowdo cried.
"Yup! You're just too fat." Arwing replied simply.
"AGH!!! Hold on... what was that one thing that I saw on CNN? Oh yeah! Nee-mo-ni lee-do-di nee-mo-dee-liaf. Nee-mo-ni lee-do-di ne-mo-dee-liaf! NEE-MO-NI LEE-DO-DI NEE-MO-DEE-LIAF!! NEE-MO-NI LEE-DO-DI NEE-MO-DEE-LIAF!!!!" Crowdo chanted the spell over and over again. Suddenly, the river comes to life.
(K/N: Ok. I don't know elvish at all. The spell is just what it sounds like, since it won't show elvish on the TV captions.)
"Uh oh." Said the NAZGUL. The river leaped over the bank and swept them away. You could see them shaking their fists as they go down the river bend.
"Ugh. My tummy..." Crowdo said. His stomach starts to rumble, as if he was to explode.
"EWWW!!! Don't explode on me!" Arwing cried.
"I'm not supposed to explode! I need to get to RibbonBell. NOW!!!" said Crowdo bitterly.
"Fine, fine. Hold on." Arwing gives Crowdo a good solid kick. He goes rolling down a hill and straight into Ribbonbell.
When he gets there, he is unconscious. Eggplant stands over him in a doctor's uniform. "Well, you know what to do." he says.
"PUMP HIS STOMACH! YAY!!!!!" the other Elves yell like a TV studio audience.
"Let's get to work!" Eggplant says as all of the elves, including Eggplant, roll Crowdo into the building.
