Disclaimer: See the prologue.
Author's
Note:
OK, I'm sorry. I know I promised, but I couldn't help myself. Consider
me officially a songficaholic. And as a good addict, I must tell you what
happened to ease my guilt: I re-discovered the saddest song of all. "Champagne
High" by Sister Hazel. It's such a great, tear-jerking song! I had
to get it involved somehow.
Now,
if I recall well, Kellie had asked a question through her review. Well,
here's my answer: I believe Sara's exact words were "If I ever so much
as think about sleeping with any of my dates, you will be the first to
know (...) Because Nick, whenever that happens, *this* is over." Translation:
*this* will be over if and when Sara so much as thinks about sleeping with
any of her dates.
Spoilers
ahead, be warned (this might be some sort of post-ep for "Butterflied")
although this is getting kinda AU (I haven't watched the episode).
Anywho.
On with the show.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Chapter 10: Champagne High
Sara came home to anything but an empty apartment.
For a moment, she had forgotten she had told Nick long ago where was her spare key hidden, just in case. Most definitely, she had forgotten he was coming over at all.
He smiled to her and waved hello nonetheless, before turning his attention back to the TV.
"I got the movie, it's all set up." He informed her as she made her way to her bedroom. She emerged a couple of minutes later, wearing a pair of sweats too big for her.
She distractedly took her place beside him in the couch, earning a funny look from her friend.
"Sara?"
"Yes?"
"Aren't you forgetting something? As in the ice cream you were supposed to buy?"
She groaned.
"Damn! I knew I was forgetting something!" She got up as fast as she could, heading for the fridge. "Sorry, I'll see if there's any left."
He frowned slightly, that wasn't like her. Maybe she was just too tired. He had called to confirm the time of his arrival, and had heard about Debbie Marlin.
After all, he figured, having a victim that resembled her so much had taken its toll on the whole team, even if some of them showed it more than others.
"Hey, don't worry about it. You can make up for it on Friday night. We're still on, right?"
"Um, about that..." He turned at the tone of her voice to find her standing uneasily beside him. "I sort of have other plans."
He raised an eyebrow, and Sara considered - not for the first time that night - not telling him. It was better to get it all out right there and then though, she figured.
"I have a date with Grissom."
******** Plus, if my heart gets broken again you'll be here to pick up the pieces, right? Her words had an undesired effect on him, and he wondered if she was aware of that.
He honestly hadn't planned on spending his Friday night like that. He had vowed himself to stop thinking about it. She was just a friend, and she had wanted this to happen for so long that he felt compelled to be happy for her.
Of course, she was a friend he happened to be sleeping with.
Sara had told him how Grissom had blurted out his feelings during the interrogation, and how she had accidentally heard it. She had told him how Grissom had discovered she was there and they had had a long conversation, after which he had thrown most of his so-called credo out of the window and asked her out.
It had taken every bit of willpower in him not to comment on that.
One way or the other, he had figured he would be spending his night off at work, since their boss would need someone to cover for him. But Grissom had gotten someone from the day shift to do it, Nick had overheard his conversation with Catherine.
He had also happened to overhear the name of the place he was going to take her to. And there he was, sitting in his Denali like some sickly jealous forgotten ex-boyfriend, outside the restaurant.
The semi-rational part of his mind, that by some miracle wasn't telling him how psychotic that actually was, had figured out that like most of his coworkers, he just wanted to see if Grissom would go through with it.
They were running late already.
Perhaps Grissom had chickened out and they weren't going to make it. He would wait for five minutes and return home to find her sitting on the floor, her back leaning on the door. Heartbroken.
Perhaps they were never going to make it to the restaurant for a completely different reason. He dismissed the thought quickly, not allowing himself to dwell too much on it.
Sara wasn't like that, right?
Well, she was having a casual relationship with him. But that didn't mean anything, right? Plus, if my heart gets broken again you'll be here to pick up the pieces... Damned right he would.
He turned the radio on, but turned it back off just as quickly. He already knew how the song went.
I
wasn't looking for a lifetime with you
And
I never thought it would hurt just to hear
"I
do" and "I do"
And
I do a number on myself
And
all that I thought to be
And
you'll be the one
That
just left me undone
By
my own hesitation
The restaurant was a little too formal for a first date, he decided. Nothing like her.
But that was the moment they chose to make their appearance. And he would have let out a sigh of relief if his breath hadn't caught at her sight.
Sara Sidle was breathtaking. But it wasn't just her very becoming dress, or her hair, or the make up.
It was the bright smile gracing her face, and the sparkle in her eyes.
Somehow, Nick expected Grissom to traditionally offer her his arm, which he didn't.
Grissom just held his hand out and she took it, with an expression that had nothing playful to it. It expressed every feeling she had been forced to hide for the past years.
Nick thought he had never witnessed anything as meaningful.
He got home in record time, angry at the world, at them, maybe God; but most of all, angry at himself.
If he wanted something other than whatever he already had with her, why couldn't he just admit it?
And
for the million hours that we were
well
I'll smile and remember it all
then
I'll turn and go
While
your story's completed mine is a long way from done.
His house seemed too quiet, but that was OK. He headed straight for the fridge, barely bothering to lock the door behind him. He had saved a bottle of champagne someone had given him for his birthday a few months ago, thinking that he and Sara would make good use of it someday.
He smirked, finding the cool feeling of the bottle against his skin extremely soothing. He just wasn't ready for the serious commitment that she probably had in mind when she agreed to go out on a date with Grissom.
And on top of that, there was the fact that Nick was definitely not the man she was in love with.
Still, he had good memories. He could smile, and remember, and gloat about the fact that somehow she had been his, if only for a little while. Somewhere along the way she had become his best friend and he had become hers.
Besides, they shared a secret he doubted she would be telling anytime soon.
He could hold on to that until there was no further need for comfort. It wouldn't take long, he assumed, since he was only feeling slightly infatuated by the sight of her in that dark red dress.
Well
I'm on a champagne high
Where
will I be when I stop wondering why?
On
a champagne high, high
Yet there were still a thousand questions he could ask himself, questions that wouldn't allow him to get any sleep anytime soon.
Then again, that was what the champagne was for.
Spring
turned to summer
but
then winter turned mean
The
distance seemed right
At
the time it was best to leave
And
to leave behind
What
I once thought was fine and so real to me
And
while I'm still gone
on
the quest for my song
I'm
at your celebration
He wondered when had been the time something that had started as a simple arrangement between two adults with needs had become something so complicated.
The 'no strings attached' part had probably been the tricky one, he suspected. It had seemed not only right but necessary to avoid conflict in the beginning, and now it had screwed over the whole thing.
Because feelings always found a way to meddle. And as if on cue, the fourth glass of champagne put images to his fears.
In a couple of months they would announce their engagement. Why wait? They were soulmates after all. Everybody would celebrate their decision; they were so right for each other.
The marriage would take place as soon as they could organize everything with certain readiness, but not much since they both were a little freaky regarding control.
If lucky enough, Grissom would think about asking Brass to be the best man. But given his involvement with the bride, their once close relationship, Sara would convince Gil that Nick was the best for the job.
And
for the million hours that we were
well
I'll smile and remember it all
then
I'll turn and go
While
your story's completed mine is a long way from done.
They would come to visit him one afternoon. Sara and himself, he figured, would have drifted apart after a little while, considering how serious her relationship with their boss was.
He would ask them if they wanted something to drink and he would be surprised to see her decline a beer, wondering where had he been while she changed so much.
They would start making small conversation, but soon Grissom would leave because of an emergency at the crime lab. He would thank his lucky stars - the ones he would be distanced with - because the sight of the two together would still make him uncomfortable.
She would wonder about his life, and he would say that there's nothing new. She would ask oh-so-thoroughly about his last girlfriend, and he would say they broke up long ago.
He would feel, not for the first time in her presence, a little jaded.
She would try to trick him into accepting by casually reminding him of the times he cried in her arms, the times when he told her everything there was to know about him.
He would think then, that he hasn't changed at all. That his needs haven't changed. He would think that he still needs her.
But it wouldn't matter, because he would have vowed to reject her offer not matter what.
Of course, he wouldn't have counted on seeing her smile to him they way she used to.
Well
I'm on a champagne high
Where
will I be when I stop wondering why?
On
a champagne high
I'd
toast to the future but that'd be a lie
On
a champagne high, high
Somehow he would find himself at their wedding reception, trying to go through the lame speech he would have managed to put together at the last minute.
A couple of bad jokes would save him from public humiliation, but not from the knowing eye of Catherine.
After all, he had never been able to keep anything from the woman. Excepting for their relationship. But it was only a matter of time.
He would try to come up with a decent toast, but he would end up toasting for them separately.
Wondering if Sara knew what kind of hell she had just put him through.
Your
wagons been hitched to a star
Well
now he'll be your thing that's new
Yeah
what little I have you can borrow
'Cause
I'm old and I'm blue
But it would be OK, because after that, it would be over. That would be his final sacrifice for her. Then he would pick up what would be left of him to try and start over with his life.
He would wonder if he has any life left, feeling permanently jaded now.
And
for the million hours that we were
well
I'll smile and remember it all
then
I'll turn and go
While
your story's completed mine is a long way from done.
Nick shuddered at the thought, promising he wouldn't let that happen to him.
After all, he still didn't know what would happen with their relationship from that moment on. She hadn't said anything about how it would affect them. As far as they were concerned, everything was still in due place.
Besides, he could not possibly be seriously interested in Sara Sidle, the way Grissom probably was.
From her place in his memories, her smile begged to differ.
Well
I'm on a champagne high (so high)
Where
will I be when I stop wondering why?
On
a champagne high (so high)
Toast
to the future but that'd be a lie
On
a champagne high
Where
will I be when I stop wondering why?
On
a champagne high... high...
(So
high so high you left me undone)
(so
high, so high you left me undone)
His last semi coherent thought was dedicated to the empty bottle on the table, blaming it for the inner turmoil he had been feeling.
She would be there tomorrow soothing his fears. She would prove him how defective his reasoning was.
Minutes later he crawled his way to the couch, where he fell unconscious.
It was only 9 p.m.
********
The knock on the door could very well have been the pounding sound of his heartbeat, which had been contributing to his headache for a couple of hours.
He had a vague recollection of throwing up in the bathroom a couple of hours after falling asleep for the first time, but the rest was blurry, including how he had gotten to his bed.
The taste was still in his mouth though.
Whoever was behind the door knocked again, louder. He struggled to focus his sight on the clock. It read 3 a.m.
The knocks became more urgent, and he finally found the will to get up. He didn't even bother in asking who it was.
But he didn't expect to find Sara standing right there either.
Suddenly he felt more awake, not to mention sober. He rubbed his eyes.
"You look like hell." She commented as she walked past him. She was still wearing her dress but held the shoes in her right hand, he noticed. His mind was still too clouded to decide whether that was a good or a bad thing.
"Thanks. I take it your date went well." He countered back while heading for the bathroom to brush his teeth.
She didn't seem to hear the remark. She did seem to notice the empty bottle that somehow had been knocked down to the carpeted floor.
"What are we celebrating?" She asked, picking it up.
"Me getting rid of you, apparently." He said, coming back into the room. His attempt at sounding semi serious failed miserably. He wondered if he always sounded that lighthearted when he was hung over.
He never got a chance to ask his question though. Sara seemed to be lost in a world of her own.
Visiting hours: nine to five.
"Don't tell me this knocked you out!" She chuckled. He let his hand wander through his ruffled hair and shrugged.
"I hadn't had anything to eat." Nick explained.
"Oh."
His mind tried unsuccessfully to process the fact that Sara was staring at him, biting at her lower lip.
And a few seconds later it became even more so difficult to process the fact that she was kissing him; urgently at first, then sweetly.
Seeing how his brain was momentarily out of order, his body took over and responded instinctively at her. But just as she had initiated it, she was also the one to break it.
With her hands firmly etched to the sides of his face so that his eyes wouldn't escape the grip of hers, she sighed uncharacteristically.
"I can't do this anymore Nick"
- END
OF CHAPTER TEN.
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Written
by Mary S. Only a few more chapters to go.
HUGE
thanks to Michelle for putting up with me.
