COMMERCIAL BREAK
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA
BEGIN CHAPTER
3
INT. THE VILLA
OF THE TAYLORS – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
A lot of
party people are having a good time, except Daria, who is standing unemotional
with a juice at the buffet, waiting for the evening to pass. A boy with
red hair approaches her.
BOY:
Hello. It
happens to be, that we are visiting the same history class. The name is
Chuck.
DARIAN:
Huh? Yes I
remember you. They call you Upch… Chuck. My name is Esmerelda.
CAMERA PANS TO:
3 Girls (Sandi, Tiffany and a blonde girl called Blondie), who are making comments about people.
BLONDIE: (points
at various persons)
He is popular,
she used to be very popular, he is so absolutely ex-popular… And that one
behind the ceramic tiger? She was new and cute so she became, like, popular
overnight.
SANDI: (annoyed)
Yes, we all
know that, so don't point it out.
BLONDIE: (she
points at Daria and Upchuck)
Those 2 aren't
popular, why they are invited?
SANDI:
I happen to
know, that the geek was invited, because he dissected Brittany's Frog.
TIFFANY:
Poooooor Frog.
BLONDIE:
But what about
the girl?
ZANE: (appears
from nowhere, he cuts into their conversation)
She sew it
together again.
BLONDIE:
Gross.
ZANE:
She named
it Franken-Frog.
Blondie snickers and Tiffany giggles. They stop when Sandi scowls at them.
SANDI: (bitchy)
Excuse me.
But I happen to know, that you were not invited. How could you pass the
security?
ZANE:
I remember
what the guard did last summer with a banana, whip cream and…
BLONDIE AND
TIFFANY:
Ewwwwww. Stop
that.
SANDI:
Well, when
he is really that irresponsible to eat at work, why they didn't fire him?
TIFFANY:
Uhhhhhh. He
wasn't eating that.
SANDI:
What do you
mean Tiffany?
TIFFANY:
Uhh…..nothing.
ZANE:
Shall I tell
her?
BLONDIE AND
TIFFANY: (protesting)
NO!
ZANE:
Okay then…
Anyone care for a dance?
Blondie and Tiffany have mixed feelings. They look over to Sandi, who uses non-verbal-communication to make them decline his offer.
SANDI:
Whatever gave
you the impression we would want to dance with someone, who is not invited?
Sandi walks off and drags the 2 girls with her. Zane scowls behind them.
ZANE: (quite)
You know what?
I know a lot of others who are not invited too.
He goes to a phone and starts to dial. While dialling he notice that now 2 boys are talking/flirting with Daria.
ZANE: (mumbles
softly to himself)
Well, isn't
it "Bobby Bighead" and his "Sidekick". They seem to be interested in her…
Maybe I should beat them up.
CAMERA PANS
BACK TO:
Daria and
the two guys.
GUY #1:
Are you partying
hard or hardly partying?
DARIA:
Hardly interested.
GUY #2 ("Bobby
Bighead"):
And how could
the party be more interesting for you?
DARIA:
When I can
embarrass my sister.
GUY #1: (curious)
Really? How?
DARIA:
By saying
everybody, that she is my sister.
CUT TO:
EXT. GATED
COMMUNITY GUARD STATION – NIGHT
A car with
two boys approaches.
PARTY CRASHER
#1:
Wooo-hooo!
Party!
SECURITY GUARD:
Your names
please.
PARTY CRASHER
#2:
Yeah: Banana
split.
SECURITY GUARD:
(turns pale)
…what?
PARTY CRASHER
#1:
*Banana* *split*.
The security guard let them in.
PARTY CRASHER
#2:
That is a
strange codeword Zane phoned us.
PARTY CRASHER
#1:
Who cares?
So long there is a cool party.
CUT TO:
INT. THE VILLA
OF THE TAYLORS – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Daria is alone
again. The two guys from before are standing not far from her.
GUY #2 ("Bobby
Bighead"): (whispers)
Go on… She
likes you.
GUY #1:
She is freaky.
GUY #2 ("Bobby
Bighead"):
She is only
playing hard to get.
GUY #1: (walks
up to her again)
Is it still
boring?
DARIA:
Yes, still
boring.
(Daria
notice Quinn, who is hiding behind a ceramic tiger)
Not Boring.
(Daria
speaks out loud)
Yoo-hoo! My
little Sis! Yoo-hoo!
Suddenly
the background pop music (Tainted Love the 1980's version;-) gets turned
off. Hard rock is now played, while loads of party crashers with several
kegs storm into the party. Quinn uses the opportunity to flee.
CUT TO:
EXT. GATED
COMMUNITY GUARD STATION – NIGHT
An angry
neighbour walks up to the gate house.
NOSY NEIGHBOUR:
There is a
wild party going on! What do you plan to do about it?
SECURITY GUARD:
Well I err…
A car with more very loud party-crazed teenagers drives up.
TEENAGERS:
BANANA SPLIT!
The guard turns again pale and let them drive through.
NOSY NEIGHBOUR:
Banana split?
Is that a cryptogram? A coded message?
SECURITY GUARD:
(relieved)
YES! Yes!
It is only a codeword for the party.
NOSY NEIGHBOUR:
That party
is far too loud, I will call the *REAL* police.
The neighbour leaves. The guard begins to sob.
SECURITY GUARD:
Why? Oh why?
I have to pay for a once in a lifetime sin for the rest of my days???
CUT TO:
INT. THE VILLA
OF THE TAYLORS – CORRIDOR IN FRONT OF THE BATHROOMS – NIGHT
The party
is now turning wild. Loud fast music and smoke from illegal substances
fill the house. Daria is looking for Quinn. She stops, when she sees how
Zane drags the guy#2 (Bobby Bighead), into a bathroom. He closes the door
behind them.
BOBBY VOICE
OVER:
No, please…
mercy. I never wanted to compare your head with a lollipop… Do you expect
me to apologize, Zane?
ZANE VOICE
OVER:
No, Bobby.
I expect you to die.
BOBBY VOICE
OVER:
AHHHHHH!
Daria rolls annoyed her eyes. Then she notices the 3 J's, who are standing in front of an other door.
JOEY:
Quinn, come
out! I don't care, that you have a nerdy sister.
JEFFY:
Me too, I
have always ignored your sister. So please get out.
JAMIE:
Your sister
can be the biggest greatest brain of the world. I don't care Quinn.
QUINN VOICE
OVER: (behind the door)
Look guys,
you three are so sweet, but I feel that you are pressuring me to do things
I am not ready for…
Daria glares at them. Then she looks back at the closed door and notice that foam leaks out. Zane, with a fire extinguisher and a sock sticking on his back, exits. He is surprise to see Daria.
ZANE: (points
at the fire extinguisher)
Uhm, hello
Daria. This will come handy later.
DARIA: (snide)
Like the sock
on your shoulder?
ZANE: (he
takes the sock off)
You are wondering,
what two grown-up guys were doing alone in a laundry room? Hmm, well we
were controlling our eyelashes and made comments on each other's butt.
DARIA: (deadpan)
You really
have got no shame, do you?
ZANE: (impersonating
Austin Powers)
Just call
me Shameless-Zane, baby.
DARIA (she
sights and peers into the laundry room)
That must
be why you stick him into the washing machine… (annoyed) Why am
I not surprised? I am leaving.
ZANE:
No wait! The
fun is soon starting.
Zane nods at the 3 J's standing in front of the other door. They are pushing each other.
QUINN VOICE
OVER: (still behind the door)
Look guys…
let's just be friends. Okay?
JAMIE:
Only Friends?
(to
Jeffy) That is your fault.
JEFFY:
My fault?
No way. You both put pressure on her.
JOEY:
Hey! You are
the ones who haven't brushed the teeth.
The 3 J's begin to fight. While Zane and Daria watch.
DARIA:
*Men* are
always locked into some kind of preternatural courtship.
ZANE:
Hey! That
is only a partial overrated theory.
DARIA:
No, that is
a complete underrated fact.
Zane smiles at her. He has never met such an intelligent sharp-tongue girl before in his life. Meanwhile Daria feels intimidated.
ZANE:
You know what,
Daria? You may be right. Uhmm. Why don't we…well… both go to a quite place
in this house, sit down and talk this over on bottle of soda and a bag
of chips?
DARIA: (sarcastic)
Sure. And
after that, I think I will swallow glass.
DARIA VOICE
OVER: (in agony)
OHMIGAWD!
What have I done! Why did I say that?
Zane glares at Daria. Then he looks sad down to the fire extinguisher. A second later an evil smirk rises on Zane's face. Daria comprehends and consequently flee. Quinn opens the door to see the 3 J's fighting.
QUINN: (smiles)
Hey, they
are fighting over me.
(She gets
covered in foam)
EWWWWWW!
ZANE VOICE
OVER:
FOAM FIGHT!
The 3 J's
get covered in foam. They stop fighting to look at each other's foam, and
then start fighting again.
INT. THE VILLA
OF THE TAYLORS – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Hell breaks
loose, foam from several fire extinguisher flies around, while a huge high
school brawl makes its way through the house. Brittany gets on the table
and tries to stop the masses from misbehaving.
BRITTANY: (yelling)
STOP IT! Stop
it! STOP IT! Or I will call the cops! Yes, *the* "Cops" from TV.
The fighting crowd doesn't reacts.
BRITTANY:
RIGHT! You
have asked for it!
Brittany picks up a phone and presses 911. Suddenly the door opens and a bunch of policemen enter the house.
BRITTANY:
That went
fast.
(she makes
herself pretty and ask a police man)
Officer, where
is the camera?
LATER THAT NIGHT
EXT. THE VILLA
OF THE TAYLORS – ENTRANCE – NIGHT
The situation
has calmed down. The guests (all covered in foam) are leaving the house,
while Brittany says goodbye to them.
BRITTANY: (to
several guest)
Bye, bye,
bye, bye… Bye Jodie, bye Mack.
MACK:
Thanks for
the party, Brittany. I am sorry that "In-Zane" Lane did it again.
JODIE:
I hope the
foam will dry like carpet shampoo.
BRITTANY:
That is okay.
At least he has spared this time my Jacuzzi.
PARTY CRASHER
#2: (passing by with an evil smirk)
I won't be
so sure about that.
BOBBY: (passing
by with a desolated look)
Not to mention
what he did with your washing machine.
KEVIN: (passing
by, covered in foam and with a grin on his face)
Woo-hoo! Now
that was the coolest foam fight of my life.
(he notices
that Brittany glares at him)
Uhm… not cool,
cupcake?
BRITTANY: (angry)
Oooooh! Where
is that Zane?
EXT. GATED
COMMUNITY GUARD STATION – NIGHT
Daria stands
at the gate house, waiting an occasion to get a ride back home. Upchuck
drives up with a Volvo.
UPCHUCK:
Do you require
a knight in shining armour?
DARIA:
Can I just
ditch the knight and require the Volvo?
She is about to get in, when she sees how Zane is approaching her.
ZANE: (tries
to be cool)
Hey Daria…
You missed a hell of a fight…
DARIA: (calm)
Zane, I would
like to say how much I enjoyed your company this evening.
ZANE: (surprised
and humbled)
Really? Thank
you.
DARIA: (in
a defensive sarcastic tone)
But as we
both know, that would be an outright departure from the truth. Therefore
I will withdraw by simply saying: "Get lost!". And if I meet you again
on Monday in school, it will be 42 billion years too soon.
Daria climbs into the car.
Zane sees
how the Volvo disappears in the night.
He sights,
then he puts his hands into his pockets and walks down the road.
FADE OUT
THE END
MUSIC: "PARTY
HARD" BY "PULP"
CLOSING
CREDITS.
END NOTES:
There will be 12 Episodes, which will range from Season
1 to Season 5 of the original Daria series. All the other episodes are
skipped, since I have got no intention to rewrite 65 episodes and 2 TV-movies.
If you have any questions, corrections and/or comments,
then please E-Mail me under: ace_trax@yahoo.de
When you want to see the fanart then go to: www.geocities.com/ace_trax/AlternateHistory
DISCLAIMER:
The copyright owner of the TV-Series "Daria" is MTV.
I have no connection with the copyright owners and I
don't have the legal rights to use their material. This fanfiction story
was done without
authorization, permission or approval by their respective
copyright owners.
AUTHOR'S COPYRIGHT:
Please note that this fanfiction is a derivative work,
so it is protected by copyright law as long as the words and syntax are
novel. That means:
Me, as the author of this work do not own the pre-existing
copyrighted stuff, but I do own the whole rest. Those are all the novel
words and
syntax, which make the story.
This story is not for profit, it is a work of pure fandom,
without any financial interests.
Any financial or other uses of this document without
the specific permission of the authors (me and the other copyright owners)
are forbidden.
Text Copyright © 2004, Ace Trax. All rights reserved.
THANKS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
Thanks to the creative minds of MTV, who gave the world
the best TV-series of all time: "The Osbournes".
